So I happened to see the movie and I just had to post this.
For the love of all that is good and true in the world, do not see this movie.
That out of the way, let me preface what I'm about to say with some information. I originally read The Supergirl from Krypton storyline this movie is based one back when it came out. Issue by issue. Delay by massive delay. Despite that and my future disdain for the writings of one Jeph Loeb, I enjoyed the story.
Superman/Batman: Apocalypse is not this story. It is a travesty that no one should be forced to suffer through ever.
Where to start? The horrible character designs. I don't know who did them, but clearly their intent was to harm the eyeballs of anyone watching. From Superman's ridiculous eyebrows desparately crying out for kryptonite tweezers to a slimmer and somewhat trimmer, Barbera Bush-esque Granny Goodness, the design team had zero idea what they were doing. Big Barda isn't "big," but a costume and hair change of Wonder Woman. Harbinger and Supergirl are difficult to distinguish apart (this was a problem in the comic, but extremely moreso here). Darkseid's embarrassingly cylindrical head shape. The upper lips of Batman and Superman. The entire movie whenever the focus was on them, it's all I could see (whenever I didn't see Clark's eyebrows).
Next up, the story. In a mere 24 minute window, the episode "Little Girl Lost" made Kara Zor-El/Supergirl a more endearing character than however long this movie was (for those of us who have complained about movies being too short, this one will make you beg that it was). She goes from scared (and naked), alien crash landing on Earth (with no clothes and a flashback backing this up. What the heck was up with her dad?) to suddenly having a full powerset (despite having just landed in the dark of night to being a vapid, whiny teenager in the span of 20 minutes or so. This doesn't take into account the first ridiculous "kidnapping" of her nor the second one (for being pretty damn powerful, she sure gets captured easily). Without going into painful detail, the "ending" you'll be grateful for isn't and you're forced through another 20 minutes of crap at the end of the movie and it is not pleasant at all.
Basically the only thing semi-enjoyable in the movie is when Barbera Bush and the Young Republicans Ladies Club....I mean Granny Goodness and the Female Furies throw down with the good guys. It is maybe a cubic zirconium in the giant pile of crud this movie is, but by no means is any excuse to ever watch or buy it.
Writer Tab Murphy was tasked with making this movie and clearly was not up to the task. The next time I view My Best Friend is a Vampire, I'll have to wonder what sort of downward spiral he took that his skills dropped to that of a hack screenwriter taking up space in a Starbucks (yes, I stole that from Family guy, you gonna do something about it?).
I would rather read the disgustingly embarrassing Ultimates 3, also written by Jeph Loeb over watching this again. I would sit through 10 minutes of the musical horror that is Justin Beiber over this. I would rather be the doctor who got the short straw and had to give Lady Gaga her annual physical over ever seeing this again. This movie is so down on the crap scale that I can't even think of anything close to it (not even you, horrible Balto sequels). This movie is a new level of awfulness like none ever seen before and if you happen to make it through it without cuts where you clenched your fists so hard against your palm that you started to bleed, you deserve a medal.
I never expected an apology from Bruce Timm for any of the DCAU work (not even Brainiac Attacks), but this movie would make me want him to at least say "our bad" if nothing else.
Good luck and godspeed to you out there. Make the right choice (or don't). It's up to you.
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