Dealing with Depression

[XtremelyBaneful]

If you wanna talk you can PM me, or share your feelings here up to you.

I've been considering it man. Maybe one day when I decide to write a superpost.

 

[SuperSanchez]

Here's the thing... Do you really think there is all this "judging" of you because you like super heroes?

This is a common thing with a lot of genre fans these days and it's really a holdover from a previous time for fans. These films are being watched and enjoyed by enough people that the expectations for some are in the billions of dollars of BO. We currently have quite a few super hero based shows as a well as world wide hits like The Walking Dead or venerable franchises like DOCTOR WHO... Sorry to burst all the "me against the world" type fanboys and girls out there but... We're mainstream now. The rest of the world has caught up to us. There is far less real stigma out there in social circles than some would care to admit.

I know that's not the only thing but I was just using that as an example, its funny actually, I was in class and one of the "popular" kids was asking me about the flash and telling me how cool he thinks it is. Either way i'm not as vein anymore if you get what I mean.

 

[Warhammer]

thanks, I know I seem like I care what others think of me as I say it alot on the forums, but I try my hardest not to. I mean for christs sakes all my clothing consists of marvel t-shirts and I love wearing this snapback that has on it in huge-font "Ant-Man" I don't worry too much any more about what others think but yeh as you said develop other skills, I am trying to record my first album so that's pretty fun, and of course my youtube channel so yeh, idk, I feel things will get easier soon.

We all conform to various degrees. That's human nature and a part of belonging to modern society. Get in where you fit in. However, it's so important to stay true to yourself. Never settle for less. Do you. Make sure you have some "f*** it" in your system.

And like Krypton said, it's prime time to be a geek. Long gone are the days where it's embarassing to be apart of a fandom. DC, Marvel, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Halo, The Walking Dead, etc.

 

[Warhammer]

I've been considering it man. Maybe one day when I decide to write a superpost.

It'll come out eventually. It's your choice whether it will be on your terms or manifest in a way beyond your control.

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

It'll come out eventually. It's your choice whether it will be on your terms or manifest in a way beyond your control.

i'm sorry you lost me, what specifically are you talking about?

 

[Warhammer]

i'm sorry you lost me, what specifically are you talking about?

You said you weren't sure if you wanted to talk about your depression but that you were dealing with it for a long time. I was saying it's a good idea to try and discuss it which helps tremendously (and it's an output on your own terms) or keep it bottled up and have it affect your body physically and mentally.

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

You said you weren't sure if you wanted to talk about your depression but that you were dealing with it for a long time. I was saying it's a good idea to try and discuss it which helps tremendously (and it's an output on your own terms) or keep it bottled up and have it affect your body physically and mentally.

oh, word.

yeah dude I totally agree. I've been wanting to write this megapost for at least a month now. Still to this day I'm just not sure when's the right time when I have time.

 

[Captain Bryan]

Responsible drinking has helped me cope with depression.

Just make sure that it stays responsible. I've seen that coping method go from good to bad very quickly.
Hell, it almost happened to me several years back.

 

[Warhammer]

oh, word.

yeah dude I totally agree. I've been wanting to write this megapost for at least a month now. Still to this day I'm just not sure when's the right time when I have time.

Hopefully you do. Hell, even if everyone in the thread ignores your post, you getting it out of your system is therapeutic.

 

[Sundancer]

Well, after a crappy, chronically painful day at work I thought I'd join in for a bit.

I got a pretty sneaking feeling I'm older than most people here, and have been dealing with depression since the mid 90's. Here's one thing I learned:

Professional people are not always professional. I swallowed a bunch of pills once because I was tired of thinking about it. I called 911 on myself and just thought "whatever happens, happens." Most of the medics and nurses treated me like any other patient (pills take a long time to work) and I cooperated completely.

Two people I did not like: One nurse just gave me her condescending opinion: "We all have problems, but we don't all try to kill ourselves you need help." that pissed me off

The social worker that showed up seemd so bored and tired I hated talking to him.

Some people in that business get so used to the problems that they come across as cold and uncaring.


When I lots my job and thought I'd have to move back in with my dysfunctional family I started taking taking myself off my pills because I didn't think I could afford them. I needed up handcuffed and in the waiting room of a psychiatric ward where I spent three days in the same room. That sucked. Thankfully, most of the staff were cool except the one lady in charge of my dismissal. No smile, treated me like I was a fast-food customer.


Right now I am on low does of Celexa and Klonopin. They can help.

 

[spiderman2]

Depression is a hard thing had a lot of trouble with it for a while now. I am 26 so I have been out of high school for 8 years and really I fell like I have not enjoyed my life ever sinces I got out of high school. Around 4-5 years ago it got a lot worse for sever reason.

1. I had a girl I liked who I creeped out just because I like her and she didn't fell the same way. Has a result of that and the fact that I have always had social anxiety and have no expenice with girls has I have never went out on a date and only have a few friends and they are all boys this experience with creeping her out did not help. I have always been afraid that I will creep woman out because of how shy I am and how it is worse around girls and my lack of self confidence but this was just made those felling's worse. Has a result I find that not only do I fell nervours around woman and don't know what to say but I am even more worried about creeping woman out. I fell like it is something I am always going to have to fear in till I meat some one and get into a relationship.

2. I hate my job and trying to find a new job fells hopeless. I have worked at the same place for around 8 years and I am just burned out. I have a lot of coworkers who don't do there job witch makes me not want to work because I have to catch up on what they miss. I cant stand my boss at all. I am a person that gets annoyed easy but it takes a lot to make me get steemed and to like yell at some one. Yet sever times it has taken all I have to not yell at my boss and couse them out and I almost never couse. In my time there they have made sever changes that are just stupid and pointless and that make things worse. I have made the same amount of money for a long time has I am maxed out for what I can make and I don't make enough money.

3. This kind of goes back to 1 about how I fell lonely and want a gf. I hear now days that more and more people get married latter. But yet it fells like ever one at or around my age say ever one like 24-28 is either married getting married or engaged. Out of the ones that are not it fells like they all have BF or GF. Has a result of that I tend to get jealous and it makes me fell old because I thought I was supost to have a few more years before I got to that age where ever one around my age is getting married yet it has been like this for like the last 3 years. I also wish I had more friends. It just gets old when almost ever time I am doing something no matter if it is going to dinner, watching tv, going to the movies ect that I have to do it by my self. Has a result of the job stuff and also having to normally do something by my self even stuff I like to do I don't enjoy that much any more.

4. Goes back to number 2 I have put in a lot of work to try to find work and nothing yet I see people who put in like 1/10th of the work to try to find a new job and yet they get it. Just doesn't fell fair when I bust my butt to get a new job and nothing happens yet some one else hardly tries and gets a new job. Because of how I have tried to find a new job with no results it is very hard to keep motivated. I fell like all my life is now is work and looking for work. Has a result I fell lazy and don't fell like putting in applications any more because it just fells like I am wasting a hour or so of time putting in a application for no reason when I am not going to get the job any way and when I could be doing something I like to do instead like watching sports or playing video games. Also when I first started working where I work it felt like we got a lot of 20-24 year olds coming there. Now it fells like we keep getting more young and young people who are like 16-18 and that makes me fell old and also they don't stay has long has they used to for some reason.

5. So last about this I am going to start going to school come jan. I really don't now what to go for but with the little of luck I have had trying to find a better job and with still living at home has I don't make enough money I fell like this is my only chanes to be able to ever find a new job that I don't hate so much and that makes more money. I hate my job to the point where I think I would rather work any where. Because of the job stuff and the money stuff I am afraid that some day I will end up homeless or something and that really scares me a lot. Because of all of these things life just fells hopeless and pointless and I fell like time just keeps going and I keep getting older and older and nothing changes. Its like what am I going to be 30 and still at home and still single? Maybe even 40,50? Is life ever going to get better?

 

[spiderman2]

I tried suffocating myself to death by putting tape over my nose and mouth last night, does that count?

Go get some help that is pretty bad and I think you need to go talk to some one. Just talking to some one can help to fell better and I find the more you try to hide or keep felling's in the harder it gets to hold in and the worse you fell.

 

[spiderman2]

Sometimes there is no root to the problem though. One of the big myths is that all depression has a reason, but a great deal of people are severely depressed for no reason at all.

I know that people say that but I have always felt like depression is caused by something. Depression is felling really sad and you don't just fell sad for no reason something causes you to fell sad. Something you don't like and wish was different. I can tell you right now if I didn't have to worry about money my depression would be down by like 80% and If I had more friends and a gf I would have like zero depression. Out side of those things the only thing that could cause me depression really is health problems.

 

[Rocketman]

If I can offer some advice (these things help me)...

- Do stuff you normally wouldn't do. Stuff that would make you panic with anxiety in most circumstances. I've taken to karaoke, believe it or not. Anything that gives you a positive rush of adrenaline, do that. Anything that gets you out of your shell is positive.

- Laugh. Constantly laugh or expose yourself to funny things. Watch comedies, watch funny videos on YouTube. Be in an environment where funny things are happening, like a stand-up club. Believe me, laughter is the best medicine.

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

tl;dr at the bottom

So I've been meaning to make this thread for a really long time. Maybe at least two months. But I've been delaying it for a while because of how long it may turn out to be, so I just never got around to doing it. But I think now's the right time to do it.

I was raised to be religious. And I was, for a very long time in my life. And here's reference to another thread I made talking about it. Up to this point, I don't know if I should state that I am one because I don't know if I am, or if I'm not one. I don't know what I am.

I think I believe that there is a god. I'm of the opinion that anyone who believes in one, it's the same one of any Abrahamic faith. The same 1 god. And that everyone just has a different interpretation of it.

I practiced Ramadan this year, participated a lot in the OT, and I thought it would strengthen my faith going forward. But this year, I have never been more strayed from my religion. Probably for more reasons that I will get into later. Part of the reason may be because my parents practice the religion very dogmatically and when that's pressed upon me it makes me not want to do it. For instance, if it is prayer time and my father tells me to pray, it makes me not want to pray. I don't want to worship God because someone is telling me to. I want to worship God because I find it in my heart to do so.

That's part of it, but another part stems from the criticisms of the religion itself. For instance, while I know for sure that Jews and Christians are referred to as people of the book, I have simultaneously heard that very violent passages in the Qur'an still exist to those who oppose belief. And I never really see a good counterargument to it.

Or the whole "72 virgins" thing. The same thing with the prophet marrying a young girl. I don't ever hear a good explanation for any of these things.

Last year, when I was still in college, a classmate of mine passed away. I wasn't close with her but towards the end of the spring semester I interacted with her a lot because we were direct partners in a project of 5 or 6 people. I wanted a prayer for her to be included one Friday so I texted the president or vice president of the MSA. His first question was: "Was she Muslim?"

I don't think that should've mattered, but the answer was no. His response was, he's sorry to hear about her loss but he can't announce the request to do dua for her. That still, to this day, pisses me off.

And speaking of the profit, there's something else that bothers me - I feel like sometimes he's put on too high of a pedestal. Here's an example. This is a picture from inside my local masjid.

I know it's difficult to see, but to the right is a frame that reads "Allah" and to the left reads one that says "Muhammad"

That to me, on I guess a decorative scale, is putting the prophet on too high a pedestal. He's the exemplar for what a Muslim should be but he's still just a man.

----------

But here's the thing, the reason why I'm making so much of a fuss out of it, things going to get really personal...

I've struggled a very long time with depression. And I've been depressed for a long time this year. I feel like I need some sort of religious guidance to help me, but it's not. It could be that I need to put forth a better effort, but with everything happening in the world it's just depressing me even more. Like, on Facebook all I see is people with different agendas, and almost an indoctrinated way of thinking. No matter what side they are on they'll go into an event with preconception and preconceived notions that's been formed from their own ingrained bias. And it's depressing. It makes me want to just deactivate Facebook and not be on it but it sometimes comes as a vital part of communication.

And, here's a thing with that...I don't want to make it seem like my life is all that bad. I'm loved by family members and I know there are people in the world who are far worse off than I am in living conditions. But, that doesn't really help. And I recognize even here on the hype people go through worse things in life.

I'm an only child, and I hate it. I guess you can say I grew up spoiled and sheltered and it has damaged me. Very often I think about the times I misbehaved so badly with my mother and the look on her face she had with disappointment. I just can't get that out of my head. Being such a spoiled effing brat and yelling at my mother because I didn't get something the way I wanted it.

I grew up around a lot of cousins. I could end the thread here but one cousin in particular who has been around me since I was born who's basically a brother.

I've also struggled a long time with marijuana. He knows the struggles I've had and he's thoroughly convinced I'm an addict. But he's wrong, and no, I'm not in denial. Yes, there have been points in my life where I've gotten high every single day and it has become costly for me. But I have learned to stay sober for long periods of time, even be around marijuana, have it presented and offered to me and say no.

This week when I was squatting at his place, and he came home to smell and see that I've gotten high. He says I have a problem. The next day he texts a whole bunch of **** to me saying things like,

Yes I wanted to be able to trust you. But you showed classic signs of addiction.
And so there no making a mistake twice.
If you have a desperation to smoke that's further proof that you have a problem
So I don't think a second chance is an option
Addicts should touch it at all. And I suggest you treat it like that.
If you feel that you need to smoke, you need to re evaluate **** in your life. But you will be cut off from any and all support from me
Sorry it has to be this way but this is addiction. It's not a joke
As far as I'm concerned, your smoking is over
PERIOD.
Sorry that there needs to be such a hard line but you brought this on yourself by your actions yesterday
I WILL NOT sit around and enable this behavior. I am pissed at myself for even bringing weed back into the convo in the first place.

and that was seriously putting me on edge, at a workplace that I already was depressed being at. He does not realize the effect his words are having on me and I don't know how to break it to him. There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't wish I'd wake up one day and it's June 2010 again, so I could get another crack at college (that would be summer going into sophomore year for me). I was never a business/finance type of guy. I was always a science type of guy. I should have stuck with my original plan of going to optometry school but I gave up on that very quickly and sophomore year is when spiraled down into an addiction to marijuana.

Seriously, every day, no matter what I am doing, I always have the thoughts of going back to 2010. I am obsessed with it. But like Jay Z said, time does not go back, it goes forward. But it's becoming impossible for me to live like this.

I feel like my mental state is deteriorating. I have a lot of student loans to pay back which I barely begun to do and on top of that, a whole bunch of parent plus loans under my father's name which nelnet simply can't consolidate into mine which puts me and my family in a sticky situation because there's absolutely no way my father will be able to pay back those loans.

I'm a 90s person. I'm going to be 25 next month, but I don't want to live to be that long. But here's the thing...I know that thought process is wrong, but if someone is so miserable with life no matter how positive it may be, if their mentality is a living hell, is it really wrong for them to want out? To let go? I'm not looking for a way out but my mind is unhinged enough that I really don't want to go any further. Because nothing will bring me true happiness. I won't get a second chance to go back, and I cannot get out of this depression.

Everybody's got their own lives to live. Most people probably don't want to sit on hype reading a thread about someone not happy with theirs. And I totally understand that. When I see other personal threads like this I try to sympathize with the OP but at the end of the day on this forum how much do we care for each other? I don't know any of the people here that I've interacted with personally but I hope everyone is in good health and wishes well on everyone else around them. But the world will continue to spin.

tl;dr

OP is long enough as it is but I may come back to update things later if I feel like I missed something.

I've been a Muslim all my life but now more than ever I feel very disconnected with the faith. I think I still believe in a god, but the things about organized religions, and the motivations and agendas people have, I'm not sure if at this point of my life I can acclimate with them. What does that make me? Agnostic?

The lack of faith may be one things that's been an attributing factor to my depression. For a better part of this year I've been very depressed and I don't think there's any getting out of it. I love my mother and father and my family and they love me, and I have a lot of debts to pay so there is much to live for. But, mentally I feel like it is impossible for me to live this. My mental state is constantly going down the rails. When I interact with people I often have to just put a mask on and pretend nothing's going on in the back (though I understand everybody's got a dark side and are going through hard times in their lives one way or another).

So if someone really feels like mentally they cannot survive, that they are on mental life support, is it really wrong to want to pull the cord? I'm not actively looking for a way out (not gonna drop the s word in this thread), but I don't want to see 25. I think my time on this earth has been enough. And it's too late to write a story for me that goes further without me being in an imprisoned mind.

There are drug related issues as well but I don't want to write about that in a tl;dr. All I am asking for is feedback, honest feedback.

What do you think?

 

[Anita18]

tl;dr

OP is long enough as it is but I may come back to update things later if I feel like I missed something.

I've been a Muslim all my life but now more than ever I feel very disconnected with the faith. I think I still believe in a god, but the things about organized religions, and the motivations and agendas people have, I'm not sure if at this point of my life I can acclimate with them. What does that make me? Agnostic?

The lack of faith may be one things that's been an attributing factor to my depression. For a better part of this year I've been very depressed and I don't think there's any getting out of it. I love my mother and father and my family and they love me, and I have a lot of debts to pay so there is much to live for. But, mentally I feel like it is impossible for me to live this. My mental state is constantly going down the rails. When I interact with people I often have to just put a mask on and pretend nothing's going on in the back (though I understand everybody's got a dark side and are going through hard times in their lives one way or another).

So if someone really feels like mentally they cannot survive, that they are on mental life support, is it really wrong to want to pull the cord? I'm not actively looking for a way out (not gonna drop the s word in this thread), but I don't want to see 25. I think my time on this earth has been enough. And it's too late to write a story for me that goes further without me being in an imprisoned mind.

There are drug related issues as well but I don't want to write about that in a tl;dr. All I am asking for is feedback, honest feedback.

What do you think?

My friend is a lot like you, although she doesn't have a drug addiction, AFAIK. (She does smoke when she's stressed, but it's not a daily thing.) She's been diagnosed by therapists (although not doctors, FWIW) with borderline personality disorder, and being on the autism spectrum.

She grew up in a religious family with a pastor father, with religious friends. They all believe that being Christian gave them direction and meaning. And she desperately, DESPERATELY wants it to work for her too, but it simply isn't. Being religious isn't solving her problems in life, and that's mostly it, in a nutshell. She's looking for something to just solve all her problems. She's tried all sorts of things - more religion, different religions, meditation, yoga, new jobs, but when they don't fix her depression in one fell swoop, she gets even more depressed.

She regrets a lot of things, and fixates on them obsessively. One of the things she keeps going back to is her decision to go to the grad school she did. If only she had gone somewhere else, her life would automatically be better. If only she had taken a different job out of grad school, her life would automatically be better. If only, if only, if only. And it's exactly as you say, you can't turn back time. There's always the possibility of going back to school for something else, but additional student loans can make it difficult. (Although, I switched careers using nothing but professional certificates from state and community colleges.) She thinks it's too late to switch her life path, at any rate, since she's in her mid-30s. (I think one always has second chances, especially in the US, but her upbringing was strict and there's no other options besides forging ahead. Asian parents, of course.)

So we gotta work with what we have. I don't know you that well so I can't tell you what will help with you, but this is what I've been telling her that seems to help. She says things just "make sense" when she talks with me, and it's one of the greatest compliments I've ever gotten.

No, I don't believe suicide is wrong, but it is tragic. It's tragic in that the person in pain doesn't even see how much people care about them, and how much pain they'd leave behind if they're gone. It's tragic that they simply are unable to see that life can get better, and that they're denying their future selves any sort of happiness, or even the chance to find out.

Mental health isn't something you just flip a switch and it's all good. Even for mentally healthy folks, it takes maintenance. I'm an extremely optimistic, happy-go-lucky person, but even I know my limits. I remove myself from situations or people that will do nothing but upset me. Life is too short to purposely be miserable. Yes, life can be hard, but you always have options. So why choose an option that will bring you zero joy?

I always also have some sort of project. Having even a little project, where you finish something and feel accomplished, does wonders for the psyche. My friend seems happiest when I ask her for help on something. Helping people can certainly give one's life meaning. I'm not religious at all, but helping others is my religion.

I'm okay with the fact that I'm not the smartest person, nor the most attractive, nor the most hard-working. (Or even anywhere close.) I'm me, and that's enough.

People can be awkward around depressed folks not because they hate you or want to ostracize you, but simply because they don't know what to do with you. Or they can't handle the mental strain of caring for someone like that. I think your cousin does care, very much, but he's got this mental model of who you are and it doesn't jive with your own mental model of who you are. And because those two things are drastically different, he thinks you're harming yourself and he emotionally is unable to watch you do it. If you want him to continue being in your life, you're going to have to explain to him how much he means to you and what steps you'll be taking to help yourself.

There are also certain things he could have done better, not like judged you straight off the bat, or assumed that he knows exactly what will help you. I don't know exactly what will help my friend - I ask her and she tells me. When she is in a rut and forgets, I remind her of what helps. Having that sort of autonomy is super-important for anyone. You're not a child, and you should be treated that way.

My friend is doing better. (Not out of the woods 100%, but I used to have to talk her down from really bad depression almost every day, and now I can go two weeks now without having to do it.) She's going to a therapist who she jives with. She's recently diagnosed herself with being on the autism spectrum and her current therapist agrees with the assessment. For some reason, shifting that mental model of herself seems to have helped a lot. (At least way more than the borderline diagnosis.) There's an explanation for her way of thinking, and a sample models for success, since a lot of people on the spectrum are doing just fine. (Whereas reading the prognoses for borderline patients is not exactly encouraging.) It's not a hopeless mental illness, she's just neuro-atypical, and needs to adjust.

She's been like this for a long time, but I think she's honestly improving in the past year. She's more ready to remove herself from situations and people that are harmful. She's less fixated on playing a part, what she's been raised to believe "success" must look like. She's pursuing her own interests more, what makes her happy instead of what will make her "successful." She's gotten a kitten that gives her something to laugh about when she's down.

It sounds like perhaps you need to shift your mental model of yourself too. I can't tell you what that is. But it sounds like you know what isn't helping, so start with that. You don't have to define yourself by what other people say you are, or even what your past/current self says you are.

It's exactly as you say - everyone's living their own life. But people have to let their own selves do the same too. Unhappiness comes when the reality of ourselves don't match up with our own expectations. Shifting that can make a HUGE difference.

 

[Napoleon]

Time I throw my hat in the ring.

I have dealt with depression my entire life. It has manifested mainly in me acting out at family and friends and has damaged my relationships with both. My depression is seasonal; it's at its worst in the spring. I believe this may have to do with me being anxious to get out of school after spending six or more months of studying and sticking to a rigorous academic schedule takes its toll on my psyche; at that point I've had enough and just want a break. Through elementary and middle school it was the worst, as I had a hard time fitting in with others and it fed into my feelings of isolation. In high school and now college it's been much better because I've not felt like such an outcast. I also take depression medication, Escitalopram and Lexipro to be specific. These work for me but I can never skip a dose as it will cause my depression to come back with a vengeance. Sometimes I'm just taken aback by the fact that if I don't take two little pills, my entire mental wellbeing will collapse, which is depressing in and of itself.
As for how I deal with it, I used to gain much catharsis from *****ing and moaning about it to my friends, until I realized it was counterproductive and only drove them away. These days I rarely, if ever talk about it and mostly manage to keep it repressed thanks to my meds. If there's any advice I could offer people, it would be that change starts with you; you have to make a commitment to fighting it yourself, and you can't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself all the time. Get outside, find some friends and hobbies to distract you, and try to squeeze as much joy out of life that you can.

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

My friend is a lot like you, although she doesn't have a drug addiction, AFAIK. (She does smoke when she's stressed, but it's not a daily thing.) She's been diagnosed by therapists (although not doctors, FWIW) with borderline personality disorder, and being on the autism spectrum.

She grew up in a religious family with a pastor father, with religious friends. They all believe that being Christian gave them direction and meaning. And she desperately, DESPERATELY wants it to work for her too, but it simply isn't. Being religious isn't solving her problems in life, and that's mostly it, in a nutshell. She's looking for something to just solve all her problems. She's tried all sorts of things - more religion, different religions, meditation, yoga, new jobs, but when they don't fix her depression in one fell swoop, she gets even more depressed.

She regrets a lot of things, and fixates on them obsessively. One of the things she keeps going back to is her decision to go to the grad school she did. If only she had gone somewhere else, her life would automatically be better. If only she had taken a different job out of grad school, her life would automatically be better. If only, if only, if only. And it's exactly as you say, you can't turn back time. There's always the possibility of going back to school for something else, but additional student loans can make it difficult. (Although, I switched careers using nothing but professional certificates from state and community colleges.) She thinks it's too late to switch her life path, at any rate, since she's in her mid-30s. (I think one always has second chances, especially in the US, but her upbringing was strict and there's no other options besides forging ahead. Asian parents, of course.)

So we gotta work with what we have. I don't know you that well so I can't tell you what will help with you, but this is what I've been telling her that seems to help. She says things just "make sense" when she talks with me, and it's one of the greatest compliments I've ever gotten.

No, I don't believe suicide is wrong, but it is tragic. It's tragic in that the person in pain doesn't even see how much people care about them, and how much pain they'd leave behind if they're gone. It's tragic that they simply are unable to see that life can get better, and that they're denying their future selves any sort of happiness, or even the chance to find out.

Mental health isn't something you just flip a switch and it's all good. Even for mentally healthy folks, it takes maintenance. I'm an extremely optimistic, happy-go-lucky person, but even I know my limits. I remove myself from situations or people that will do nothing but upset me. Life is too short to purposely be miserable. Yes, life can be hard, but you always have options. So why choose an option that will bring you zero joy?

I always also have some sort of project. Having even a little project, where you finish something and feel accomplished, does wonders for the psyche. My friend seems happiest when I ask her for help on something. Helping people can certainly give one's life meaning. I'm not religious at all, but helping others is my religion.

I'm okay with the fact that I'm not the smartest person, nor the most attractive, nor the most hard-working. (Or even anywhere close.) I'm me, and that's enough.

People can be awkward around depressed folks not because they hate you or want to ostracize you, but simply because they don't know what to do with you. Or they can't handle the mental strain of caring for someone like that. I think your cousin does care, very much, but he's got this mental model of who you are and it doesn't jive with your own mental model of who you are. And because those two things are drastically different, he thinks you're harming yourself and he emotionally is unable to watch you do it. If you want him to continue being in your life, you're going to have to explain to him how much he means to you and what steps you'll be taking to help yourself.

There are also certain things he could have done better, not like judged you straight off the bat, or assumed that he knows exactly what will help you. I don't know exactly what will help my friend - I ask her and she tells me. When she is in a rut and forgets, I remind her of what helps. Having that sort of autonomy is super-important for anyone. You're not a child, and you should be treated that way.

My friend is doing better. (Not out of the woods 100%, but I used to have to talk her down from really bad depression almost every day, and now I can go two weeks now without having to do it.) She's going to a therapist who she jives with. She's recently diagnosed herself with being on the autism spectrum and her current therapist agrees with the assessment. For some reason, shifting that mental model of herself seems to have helped a lot. (At least way more than the borderline diagnosis.) There's an explanation for her way of thinking, and a sample models for success, since a lot of people on the spectrum are doing just fine. (Whereas reading the prognoses for borderline patients is not exactly encouraging.) It's not a hopeless mental illness, she's just neuro-atypical, and needs to adjust.

She's been like this for a long time, but I think she's honestly improving in the past year. She's more ready to remove herself from situations and people that are harmful. She's less fixated on playing a part, what she's been raised to believe "success" must look like. She's pursuing her own interests more, what makes her happy instead of what will make her "successful." She's gotten a kitten that gives her something to laugh about when she's down.

It sounds like perhaps you need to shift your mental model of yourself too. I can't tell you what that is. But it sounds like you know what isn't helping, so start with that. You don't have to define yourself by what other people say you are, or even what your past/current self says you are.

It's exactly as you say - everyone's living their own life. But people have to let their own selves do the same too. Unhappiness comes when the reality of ourselves don't match up with our own expectations. Shifting that can make a HUGE difference.

wow, it does sound like your friend has gone through some stuff a lot similar to me. hell I would love a kitten too haha. and yeah, my cousin cares for me very much and my wellbeing but he just doesn't know what the effect he's having on me is and it is destroying me. this mental model thing you're describing makes sense, but I don't think I can shift mine.

the only thing I can do is just continue doing what I'm already doing. I am loved by my family and I have a lot of debts to pay (student loans) so game over isn't an option. But every day that passes by I feel like my mental state is more deteriorated.

Thank you for the response though. It was long and thoughtful.

Time I throw my hat in the ring.

I have dealt with depression my entire life. It has manifested mainly in me acting out at family and friends and has damaged my relationships with both. My depression is seasonal; it's at its worst in the spring. I believe this may have to do with me being anxious to get out of school after spending six or more months of studying and sticking to a rigorous academic schedule takes its toll on my psyche; at that point I've had enough and just want a break. Through elementary and middle school it was the worst, as I had a hard time fitting in with others and it fed into my feelings of isolation. In high school and now college it's been much better because I've not felt like such an outcast. I also take depression medication, Escitalopram and Lexipro to be specific. These work for me but I can never skip a dose as it will cause my depression to come back with a vengeance. Sometimes I'm just taken aback by the fact that if I don't take two little pills, my entire mental wellbeing will collapse, which is depressing in and of itself.
As for how I deal with it, I used to gain much catharsis from *****ing and moaning about it to my friends, until I realized it was counterproductive and only drove them away. These days I rarely, if ever talk about it and mostly manage to keep it repressed thanks to my meds. If there's any advice I could offer people, it would be that change starts with you; you have to make a commitment to fighting it yourself, and you can't just sit around feeling sorry for yourself all the time. Get outside, find some friends and hobbies to distract you, and try to squeeze as much joy out of life that you can.

Maybe I'm misinterpreting your post but it sounds like despite the depression you've had and have been though, you're starting to see the bright side. Venting to your friends is the first step maybe although you're saying it was a waste, but in any case it still takes a lot of courage to pucker up and write about it. Right on, pal.

 

[Anita18]

wow, it does sound like your friend has gone through some stuff a lot similar to me. hell I would love a kitten too haha. and yeah, my cousin cares for me very much and my wellbeing but he just doesn't know what the effect he's having on me is and it is destroying me. this mental model thing you're describing makes sense, but I don't think I can shift mine.

the only thing I can do is just continue doing what I'm already doing. I am loved by my family and I have a lot of debts to pay (student loans) so game over isn't an option. But every day that passes by I feel like my mental state is more deteriorated.

Thank you for the response though. It was long and thoughtful.

I think people change their own mental model all the time. At least when you're out there trying out new things, especially things you're not sure you can do.

I give myself a challenge (let's say it's "X"), and struggle to accomplish it. But when I DO accomplish it, I'm now a person who can do X. It's a subtle shift, but I've learned in the past 6 months (where I tripped and flailed at a job I wasn't 100% prepared to do), that lots of subtle shifts equal one big shift from where you started. I'm far, FAR capable more at a lot of things than just a year ago, and that makes a difference.

What's something you always wanted to try? Doesn't have to be big, start small first!

 

[XtremelyBaneful]

I think people change their own mental model all the time. At least when you're out there trying out new things, especially things you're not sure you can do.

I give myself a challenge (let's say it's "X"), and struggle to accomplish it. But when I DO accomplish it, I'm now a person who can do X. It's a subtle shift, but I've learned in the past 6 months (where I tripped and flailed at a job I wasn't 100% prepared to do), that lots of subtle shifts equal one big shift from where you started. I'm far, FAR capable more at a lot of things than just a year ago, and that makes a difference.

What's something you always wanted to try? Doesn't have to be big, start small first!

That's a very proactive approach to a day in the life man but I think I'm too lazy to to ever make myself want to do something new. In fact, things that I've always enjoyed doing have significantly become less enjoyable to me, ever since I've had to start doing my new job (a job that my cousin set me up with that I never wanted to get into).

But it's not a bad idea, what you're suggesting. I will keep it in mind.

 

[Napoleon]

Maybe I'm misinterpreting your post but it sounds like despite the depression you've had and have been though, you're starting to see the bright side. Venting to your friends is the first step maybe although you're saying it was a waste, but in any case it still takes a lot of courage to pucker up and write about it. Right on, pal.

Your interpretation is accurate. I very much started to overcome it my freshman year of high school. Like I said, making friends and finally feeling like I fit in helped a lot. Heck I didn't even experience my usual spring mood-swing this year. Also I've never had trouble talking or writing about it, as I've always felt comfortable expressing my fears and doubts to others. Looking back it feels so good to have overcome this struggle, because there were times where I was at rock bottom and didn't feel like I could even function anymore.

 

[Galactus10]

The BONA FIDE depressive mindset, the condition not the emotion, is really pathetic.
It's sad and maddening that our species can even get to that point, let alone in the numbers we do domestically and worldwide.

The even more infuriating thing is the flakiness of the systems in place to correct this problem.

Also, the legit people with depression or mental health issues will deal with it for the rest of their life, having to wade through the waters of relying on an industry that is undermanned and still don't have a full grasp on what to do long term but rather just to get people out of an 'episode' after usually months of trial and error med prescriptions (which also take about a month to even be able to tell if it is affective).

The whole concept of getting treatment professionally works but on a larger macro level, it's just a joke. It's a cycle of nonsense all too often. A cycle that costs resources that mentally ill people often do not have at times of need- money, patience, faith.

Not to mention having to resign to the fact that your lifestyle becomes spending a whole lot of time trying to find what works and often being disappointed when you find out that starting from square one or a mental Ground Zero is almost assuredly in the cards throughout the course of an existence without much sense to it.

I don't blame the people that see the nonsensical effort involved in that and take their own life. Those people shouldn't be looked at as quitters. There's a degree of commendable objectivity and pragmatism in taking such a bold step.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So I'm in the beginning stages of depression again.

I was just wondering - does anyone else ever wonder that the reason it happens to you is that there is a part of you that sort of 'likes it in the gutter'? Kind of like an addiction?

There's something almost seductive about depresssion at first for me. It's like a sort of protective padding. That feeling of giving up and not caring can be really relieving when what came before the depression was stress/anxiety/confusion - like relaxing against a wall when your exhausted.

Just giving in to emotionlessness, sitting there, arms slumped, not trying to be happy anymore.

The trouble is when it starts to eat at you (which is what is happening now).

That padding starts to feel like a wall between you and life. You can still see the other side of the wall... you can still remember how you used to be, that things in your life used to be fun, what enthusiasm felt like, what excitement felt like, what happiness felt like... but it's like looking at them through someone elses eyes.

I have a lot of problems with addiction in my life that I try and manage. I'm basically just open to being addicted to anything (other than excersize or anything good for me). Alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, work etc

I was wondering if it's possible to be addicted to depression?

It's not like it feels good... it really doesn't. It's like feeling sick or nauseous constantly... but in your brain rather than your stomach - you feel it all the time other than brief moments of distraction, but then the minute your reminded again it feels just as bad. You want to feel better so you try different treatments

But it's sort of familiar I guess. It calls to me like maleficent calling to aurora to prick her finger on the spinning wheel in Sleeping Beauty. Like this voice in the back of my head telling me it'd all be so much easier if I just stopped fighting it.

 

[DA_Champion]

Hopefuldreamer,

I often worry that depression and the associated symptoms are like some gravitational well I'm attracted to. I always need to work to not fall in, and if I fall in it will be impossible to get out.

 

[DA_Champion]

I'm addicted to internet surfing. I post on way too many forums. I probably have over 50,000 posts on various forums accumulatd over the past 15 years or so.

In graduate school, I did extremely well, partly because I (deliberately) did not own a smart phone and i blocked all garbage on my windows desktop.

A few years ago I installed "wastenotime" or something like that on my mac. It's an extension for safari, it limits how much time I can waste on various sites. It worked very well for me.

At a later time, a few months back, I discovered how easy it is to disable extensions. It's like two steps, and I'm now wasting a lot of time and it's spiraling out of control.