Comics Five-Minute Spider-Man: The Other

[Zev]

JMS: Alright guys, this is what we trained for.

HUDLIN: Wonder Twin powers, activate!

PETER DAVID: Go go Jet Jaguar!

THE OTHER: By your powers combined, I am... a crappy twelve-part crossover!

***

PETER: So I'm having this Foreboding Dream, right? In it, the Marvel editors are saying I've become stale and irrelevant. They say I need to change...

MARY-JANE: You think they're going to give you a new costume? Again?

PETER: No... speaking of which, I got my new costume in one issue, with zero build-up, while this crap takes twelve issues to get over with. Did decompressed storytelling just step out for a lunch break there?

MARY-JANE: No, you see, your new costume is only part of the Road to Civil War. Civil War: Whose side are you on?

PETER: I'm on the side I've always been on... my own.

MARY-JANE: Peter, you know only badasses like Wolverine and Nick Fury are allowed to say badass stuff. You're only the goofy comic relief.

PETER: Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, back to having sex.

MARY-JANE: Wait, we were discussing your Foreboding Dreams while having sex? Isn't that a little creepy?

PETER: It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

***

TRACER: Hello folks, I'm a new villain. I have nothing whatsoever to do with the story arc and will in short order disappear. So, just ignore me.

SPIDER-MAN: Creesus, a new superfoe! I better have a flashback to my mentor to guide me through the fight scene!

***

UNCLE BEN: Remember Peter, with great power comes...

PETER: Not that far back.

***

EZEKIAL: You have the power of the spider within you, Peter, all you have to do is...

PETER: JMS wankery can't save me now!

***

RAMIREZ: Careful, Highlander! If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!

PETER: Nope.

***

CAPTAIN AMERICA: TAI CHI!

PETER: Yeah, that's the ticket!

***

SPIDER-MAN: And now I will catch your bullets with the power of tai chi!

BULLETS: HIT!

SPIDER-MAN: Damn, I forgot I'm not the Flash.

***

SPIDER-MAN: Whoa, Night Nurse. Thanks for the help.

DOCTOR: I'm not Night Nurse. I'm a completely different doctor who helps superheroes when they're injured, although you've never heard of me before.

SPIDER-MAN: Should I be worried you're going to let me die to prove a point to Batman?

DOCTOR: Wrong continuity, dumbkopf.

SPIDER-MAN: Why'd you call me a dumbkopf?

DOCTOR: What's your name?

SPIDER-MAN: Peter.

DOCTOR: That's why.

***

MARY-JANE: Peter, I don't want you to be a superhero.

PETER: But Mary-Jane, I HAVE TO DO IT... wait, have we had this discussion before?

MARY-JANE: Only every single issue in the past twenty years.

PETER: How does it end?

MARY-JANE: Well, the series would end if you gave in, so you always win the argument.

PETER: A husband winning an argument... that's escapist fantasy for you.

***

JAMESON: Hey kids, remember me? I'm part of the supporting cast!

PETER: I have a supporting cast?

JAMESON: You do now!

PETER: Well then, looks like things are finally going my...

DOCTOR: Peter, we ran some tests. I think you'd better see this.

PETER: Am I pregnant?

DOCTOR: Men can't get pregnant, Peter.

PETER: THANK YOU! Now can you please tell that to Paul Jenkins?

***

MORLUN: Oh, by the way, I'm still alive. And for some reason I made a reference to Peter's Foreboding Dreams. Ain't I a...

HUSH: Hey, is this the line for would-be A-list villains who can't cut it?

DR. LIGHT: Raping people makes me a badass!

 

[WOLVERINE25TH]

Ha!

 

[Captivated]

ROTFL! Seriously!

Just a question... who is HUSH and DR. LIGHT? Kinda lost me on that one.

More please.

 

[Zev]

Hush is a wannabe Ra's Al Ghul/Joker level villain who came about in a year-long Jeph Loeb/Jim Lee collaboration. As of late, he's been overshadowed by Red Hood and Black Mask, who actually have personalities. Not helping matters is that A.J. Lieberman, DC's answer to Chuck Austen, started trying to cram him down the fans' throats like Michael Moore at an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Dr. Light is your standard joke villain for the Teen Titans, the guy who trips on his cape and knocks himself out. Then Identity Crisis revealed that he had raped a woman in the past. So, logically, now he's such a badass that he can take out all the Teen Titans and Green Arrow all by himself. This includes taking out Rav-daughter of the devil-en by HATING HER.

Both are alike in that they're supposed to be Next Big Thing villains, only nobody cares about them. Think the Gray Goblin in Spider-Man.

 

[Citizen_Kaine]

Awesome Zev, I've read most of your stuff before, it's real funny ****, you need to post here more often bud

"Five Minute" Mark Milliar is still my favorite though

 

[stillanerd]

So far so good. Love to see what you have in store for MJ and Aunt May in Iron Man armor, the eye-ripping scene, and the wolverine-esque stingers.

 

[Alexia Dark]

Your jokes are getting stale. Highlander references are far too cliche, and that was definitely misused.

 

[Captivated]

Your jokes are getting stale. Highlander references are far too cliche, and that was definitely misused.

You've got to be kidding me... LOL... who died and left you in charge?

 

[Symbiotica]

***

RAMIREZ: Careful, Highlander! If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!

PETER: Nope.

LOL.

Dr. Light is your standard joke villain for the Teen Titans, the guy who trips on his cape and knocks himself out. Then Identity Crisis revealed that he had raped a woman in the past. So, logically, now he's such a badass that he can take out all the Teen Titans and Green Arrow all by himself. This includes taking out Rav-daughter of the devil-en by HATING HER.

Isn't Light that guy who the Justice League [or whoever...] decided to "reform" by wiping his mind against his will or some such thing back in the day, Superman & Batman had Zatanna do something to him... and this secret has haunted the League ever since - or some such balderdash? Not everybody in the League knew about or approved the decision, which is causing serious rifts in the team to the present day? I admit I have not read an issue of "The Flash" since Geoff Johns bowed out.

 

[SuperFerret]

Isn't Light that guy who the Justice League [or whoever...] decided to "reform" by wiping his mind against his will or some such thing back in the day, Superman & Batman had Zatanna do something to him... and this secret has haunted the League ever since - or some such balderdash? Not everybody in the League knew about or approved the decision, which is causing serious rifts in the team to the present day? I admit I have not read an issue of "The Flash" since Geoff Johns bowed out.

Pretty much.

 

[Citizen_Kaine]

Everything, except Batman got mind wiped because he tried to stop them. The DC 3 (Supes, Bats, WW) had absolutly nothing to do with the wipes

 

[Zev]

MORLUN: Stalk-town racers sing this song, do dah, do dah...

MARY-JANE: Oh, please. I'm an A-list character. Even given comic book misogyncy, you can't touch me. *****, I'm so untouchable, I came back from the dead.

MORLUN: ...well, could you at least PRETEND I'm menacing?

MARY-JANE: Not likely.

MORLUN: Maybe I could give you something in exchange for acting menaced. What do you want?

MARY-JANE: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morlun?

***

MARY-JANE: Have you ever heard of "Man of La Mancha"?

STEVE ROGERS: No, I haven't.

MARY-JANE: It's a literary reference. Peter David likes to make literary references because they make him look smart for a guy who's primary method of writing is thinking up puns and then conjuring up stories to go with them.

STEVE: That's a little harsh.

MARY-JANE: So is this Pat Lee art. We all look like heroin chic!

PETER: Heya, Mary-Jane. I'm going to be a dick for no reason.

STEVE: So would that be spider-dickery?

***

STALKER FAN: Bravo! Bravo!

MARY-JANE: Whoa. Another obsessive fan. What is this, the fifth?

CO-STAR: Mary-Jane, look at this expository device!

MARY-JANE: Spider-Man fighting a villain? Something this unusual calls for drastic action!

***

SPIDER-MAN: Iron Man, thank God you're here to help me against the dread menace of... uh... hmm... what was your name again?

TRACER: Tracer.

SPIDER-MAN: Right, Tracer. Truly, a harrowing foe.

IRON MAN: I think I'd rather PUNCH YOUR FACE IN!

SPIDER-MAN: Taken to the drink again I see.

IRON MAN: No, Tracer's controlling my armor!

SPIDER-MAN: Tony, denial isn't helping anyone...

***

STALKER FAN: I've got a gun!

MARY-JANE: Big deal, I've got a pool cue and a dry witticism. Metafictionally, I'm invincible!

STALKER FAN: Wow, then this whole subplot has been quite pointless.

MARY-JANE: Really only useful to pad out an unnecessarily long story.

STALKER FAN: Yes, I've noticed that. So, how much more padding we have to do?

MARY-JANE: Lemme think... five-minute Spider-Man... about twenty seconds' worth.

STALKER FAN: Cool, wanna hear about how my psychosis started?

MARY-JANE: Let me guess, your father beat you when you were a child and now you're a jerk.

STALKER FAN: Wow, that was AMAZING!

***

MORLUN: I sent pointless stalker fan person after Mary-Jane, then helped her get a cab. I'm so shadowy, what could my true objective be!?

AUDIENCE: Dude, we already know you want to kill Spider-Man.

MORLUN: What?

AUDIENCE: You're the villain, it's what you do. And honestly, the shadowy, mysterious benefactor bit got old when Ezekial did it.

MORLUN: Could you at least PRETEND to wonder about what my true objective is?

AUDIENCE: No.

***

MARY-JANE: Peter, we need to talk.

PETER: What, because I fought a villain? Big deal, happens every issue.

MARY-JANE: It IS a big deal, Peter. This is a twelve-part crossover. It runs through every Spider-title. That means you need a character arc.

PETER: Oh God, please don't tell me I have to get over Gwen Stacy's death AGAIN. Because it's not like we haven't done that five billion times before...

MARY-JANE: No Peter, you have a death wish!

PETER: You're absolutely right! Why didn't I, or any of the fans or writers, ever notice that before?

MARY-JANE: I don't know. You know what else I don't know? What you're dying from.

PETER: Hon, nobody knows. For a twelve-part miniseries, we leave a lot of unanswered questions.

MORLUN: Like how I came back to life.

TRACER: And whatever happened to me?

THE OTHER: And why I'm supposed to be the "next great villain."

DOROTHY: And what about Scarecrow's brain!?

 

[Cullen]

Not bad at all.

 

[Angry Sentinel]

Laurel & Hardy's Razor... "the funniest solutions are usually the best ones"

PETER: Oh, right. Sorry. Anyway, back to having sex.

MARY-JANE: Wait, we were discussing your Foreboding Dreams while having sex? Isn't that a little creepy?

PETER: It puts the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose again.

as usual, Good job

Your jokes are getting stale. Highlander references are far too cliche, and that was definitely misused.

Feel free to ignore yourself, we all will.

 

[Doc Destruction]

Dude...you get 50 bonus points for even mentioning Jet Jaguar!

 

[stillanerd]

MORLUN: Maybe I could give you something in exchange for acting menaced. What do you want?

MARY-JANE: I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I want to look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this. Can you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morlun?

Ha! Should've known there be a Babylon 5 reference.

 

[Dyeathrose]

Hilarious, Zev, and for me your avatar makes it better. *laughs* Definately a good job.

 

[Zev]

FOREBODING DREAM: Foreboding, foreboding, foreboding.

AUDIENCE: Wow, not only did we find out about Spider-Man's foreboding dreams, we also learn about Aunt May's nightmares! THIS IS ALL GOLDEN STUFF! I can see why this crossover took twelve parts.

***

PETER: Snoooooore... wha-zuh? I almost slept through my own action scene!

MARY-JANE: I didn't want to wake you.

PETER: LOUD NOISES!

MARY-JANE: LOUDER NOISES!

MAY: My, Peter's being a dick.

GEOFF JOHNS: Character development is writing a character as a dick for a while, than having them realize it and not be such a dick.

***

MAY: Well, I'm just going to hallucinate Ben as a blue Force Ghost.

BEN: The Force will be with you, always.

MAY: And while Peter and the Avengers are out saving the city, I'll talk about my lovelife.

AUDIENCE: Truly, Peter David knows what the reader wants.

TRACER: Hey, have you ever seen one of those movies where the killer and the heroine are alone in the house and both of them suspects the other knows about the killer's killerness and...

MAY: Can you hurry this subtle threatening along? It's almost time for Matlock.

***

SPIDER-MAN: Powers... failing! Body... weakening! Ellipses... dramatic!

MORLUN: Hey, remember me?

SPIDER-MAN: You... you were one of JMS' brainchildren. The villain no one cared about.

MORLUN: That's right Spidey. And I'm going to be the one to kill you. Not Doc Ock or Green Goblin, me! I am teh best villain evars!

SPIDER-MAN: So you're telling me that if I go to Z'Ha'Dum, I will die?

MORLUN: No, I'm not... okay, so my name is a mix of Morden and Vorlon. Big deal! It doesn't make me any less menacing.

SPIDER-MAN: You're right. You can't subtract from zero. Well, actually you can. I think you're actually negative menacing now, which means you're... what's the word I'm looking for? Comforting?

WOLVERINE: Even I don't know what I'm doing in this scene, but I'm going to make a fairly obscure Marx Brothers reference. Because that's so in character for me.

***

TRACER: So, we still dancing around the fact that I'm a supervillain?

MAY: Yup.

TRACER: I guess it turns out that moving Peter's family into Avengers headquarters turned out to be a bad idea. Couldn't have seen that one coming.

MAY: Nope.

TRACER: I mean, it's not like the old Avengers headquarters was blown up.

MAY: It was.

TRACER: Oh. Well, it's not like it was invaded before that and the invaders tortured a harmless old person.

MAY: That happened too.

TRACER: Ah.

SPIDER-MAN: TRACER! YOU'VE DRIVEN ME TO THE BRINK WITH YOUR...

TRACER: Eating Aunt May's sandwiches?

SPIDER-MAN: YES! I'M GOING TO ALMOST KILL YOU! THAT SHOWS I'M REALLY MAD!

TRACER: Well, I'm pretty much going to take my toys and go home. My, this is an unsatisfying resolution even for me.

MAY: Peter, I think there's something you should tell me.

SPIDER-MAN: Alright... I indirectly killed Uncle Ben.

MAY: I already knew that.

SPIDER-MAN: The man you loved, Otto Octavius... is really evil!

MAY: Knew that.

SPIDER-MAN: You died but it was really a genetically-modified actress?

MAY: God, don't remind me.

SPIDER-MAN: Alright, fine. I'm suffering from as-yet-unnamed medical problems.

AUDIENCE: Wait, so this entire issue was Aunt May figuring how what everyone reading already knew?

SPIDER-MAN: Yup, this absolutely HAD to be a twelve-parter. This is all comic book gold, can't leave one word balloon out.

 

[Doc_OCK_4MUGEN]

Gah! keep it up Zev It is really hilarious Or like Sean Connery would say:
Keep up the good work Zhev. Thish ish sho hilarioush

 

[Zev]

AUNT MAY: You know what you should do? Ask some of your fellow superheroes for help with your problem.

PETER: Gee, I would never have thought of that on my own. Thank God they negated your death, you're having SUCH an important impact.

AUNT MAY: No need to get snippy.

***

LUKE CAGE: So, what are we doing here again?

SPIDER-WOMAN: Well, you're one of Bendis's pet characters and I'm Spider-Man, but with breasts. How could we NOT be in this scene?

***

REED RICHARDS: Alright Spider-Man, are you ready to find out what you're dying from?

SPIDER-MAN: Fourth part of a twelve-part crossover, I feel I'm entitled.

REED RICHARD: Okay, I'm just going to throw some buzzwords at you and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind.

SPIDER-MAN: Can't you just tell me outright?

YELLOWJACKET: Cellular degeneration.

SPIDER-MAN: Cancer?

YELLOWJACKET: Erk! Wrong answer, Spidey. Would you like to go to Double Jeopardy where the scores can really change?

SPIDER-MAN: Ummm... I guess so?

THOR: Radiation!

SPIDER-MAN: Wait a minute, why are both SCIENTIFIC and MEDICAL doctors consulting with me on this?

THOR: Verily, I doth not know. The Odinson repeats himself, radiation!

SPIDER-MAN: Ummm... radiation sickness?

REED RICHARDS: No, you're just sick from radiation! Anyway, only one man knows about radiation, and that's Bruce Banner.

SPIDER-MAN: Great, I'm going to get advice from the guy so smart that he turned himself into a big monster and accidentally killed his wife with radiation from said monster. Oh well, at least we'll have stuff to talk about... I was a clone, he was written by Bruce Jones... maybe we should form a support group.

***

HULK: HULK LIKE GRATUITOUS, POINTLESS ACTION SCENE!

SPIDER-MAN: Comic book gold, yup, that's what this is...

***

VERBOTEN DIALOGUE: "What do you think?" Spider-Man asked. "That you're standing a little close," Bruce Banner replied.

SLASHERS: Why do they tease us so?

***

BRUCE BANNER: I'm not smart enough to figure this out.

SPIDER-MAN: The problem isn't solved on the fourth issue of a twelve-part crossover? Color me surprised.

BRUCE BANNER: You're going to have to get some help, like from the Black Panther. He's so smart, he has the cure for cancer, he just doesn't want to share it with people because they smoke.

SPIDER-MAN: That's the most ******ed thing I've ever heard.

BRUCE BANNER: You see why people don't like Reginald Hudlin's writing?

***

BLACK PANTHER: All my people like you because they think you're a representative of Anansi, the Spider God, due to the symbol on your back.

SPIDER-MAN: I also have naked lady mudflaps on my car, think the Wiccans will be into me?

VERBOTEN DIALOGUE: "Figures I had to travel halfway around the globe to get some love," Spider-Man opined. "Yes, well, just don't remove the mask," Black Panther replied.

SPIDER-MAN: Why, because they don't like white people?

BLACK PANTHER: Yes.

SPIDER-MAN: Real superior culture you've got here, T'Challa.

BLACK PANTHER: You see why people don't like Reginald Hudlin's writing?

***

BLACK PANTHER: We mapped the human genome fifty years before Western scientists. Because we're black, you see.

SPIDER-MAN: For a cameo appearance, you're managing to stuff in a lot of soft racism.

BLACK PANTHER: I do what I can with the time I have. By the way, here is a salad that gives you superpowers. Dig in.

SPIDER-MAN: "Dig in"? Reginald Hudlin has no idea how you talk, does he?

BLACK PANTHER: You see why people... oh, the joke has run its course.

***

SPIDER-MAN: Well, all of those cameos were pointless. I'ma gonna die. Still, that was time well-spent. Not an ounce of fat on this twelve-part crossover!

***

PETER: I had my hair done up in braids! I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and gay...

SLASHERS: STOP TEASING US!

***

DR. STRANGE: Hey, guess what? You're gonna die.

SPIDER-MAN: Yes, I knew that.

DR. STRANGE: No, I mean it.

SPIDER-MAN: Doc? Let me tell you how this works, because you're not fooling anyone. I have a movie coming out with me in the starring role. There is no way in hell Marvel is going to kill its flagship character. Now why don't you go look like Rufus Sewell somewhere else?

DR. STRANGE: You're in my house.

SPIDER-MAN: ...so I am. Still not gonna die!

DR. STRANGE: Yes you are! And you're going to stay dead, just like Superman did when he died! Uhhh, I mean... like Hal Jordan when he died! No, wait... like Professor X... Cyclops... Magneto... okay, fine, you're going to live. But can you at least pretend that you're going to die so we can milk all the angst out of the situation?

SPIDER-MAN: Are you kidding? I'm Spider-Man. Milking angst is all I know how to do.

 

[Zev]

SPIDER-MAN: Alright, this is too ******ed to make fun of, so I'm just going to tell it to you straight. I put Aunt May and Mary-Jane into old Iron Man suits so we can break into Dr. Doom's castle to... BWAHAHAHAHA!

MARY-JANE: Ha, you couldn't even get through one line! Let me. We did it so Peter could use the time machine to go back to see his parents, but... wait and see, folks.

***

SPIDER-MAN: So in the story arc entirely about the Fantastic Four and later SHIELD rolling into Latveria and disarming all of Dr. Doom's armament, none of them did anything about all these traps I have to evade?

MARY-JANE: And in that VERY SAME STORY ARC, wasn't there a bit where the Fantastic Four had already captured Dr. Doom's time machine and had it back at the Baxter Building?

SPIDER-MAN: And Dr. Doom no longer rules Latveria, so I'm going to put the people I love most in the world, the people I've sworn to keep out of my life as Spider-Man, in danger so I can have a personal jaunt back to the good old days instead of just, I don't know, asking for permission. I've done some pretty stupid things in my time to justify pointless action sequences, but I think this takes the cake.

AUNT MAY: Wait, remember that one time...

***

FLASHBACK!

WOLVERINE: Hey, Spidey, you given me back my Wham CDs yet?

SPIDER-MAN: Sorry man, lost 'em.

WOLVERINE: You're about to see what I do best, bub... but what I do best ain't very nice!

SPIDER-MAN: Or grammatically correct for that matter.

***

SPIDER-MAN: It looks like we went... Back to the Future!

AUNT MAY: You mean "back to the past," right?

SPIDER-MAN: Listen old lady, it's my book, so my pop culture reference stands. Besides, it's gotta be somebody's future.

MARY-JANE: Not your parents, since they're about to die. My, I can see why you'd want to revisit this memory...

SPIDER-MAN: Now remember everyone, no one in this era can see or touch us.

AUNT MAY: Umm, Peter, that's not how Dr. Doom's time machine works...

SPIDER-MAN: Not in front of the readers, you old bat.

MR. PARKER: Bye everyone. We're off to not really be Peter Parker's parents (Ed's note: See Mark Millar's Trouble for the whole story! Better yet, don't! Excelsior!).

SPIDER-MAN: Remember, they can't see or... MOMMY! DADDY! DON'T LEAVE ME!

MARY-JANE: Well, at least he's maintained his quiet dignity in the face of death.

SPIDER-MAN: If you don't leave, I won't die! Which is totally what I would focus on when comtemplating the relative-future deaths of my parents and Uncle Ben!

***

ROBOT 1: So, why are we even still active? Wouldn't Reed Richards or SHIELD have deactivated us?

ROBOT 2: I know, it doesn't seem much like them to leave robots capable of lethal force lying around, waiting for someone to stumble onto them. Looks like Hudlin's OOC writing spreads to titles he isn't even writing like whoa.

SPIDER-MAN: Yay! Another pointless action sequence. Not an ounce of fat etc.

AUNT MAY: I'll just save the day in my Iron Man armor, since we didn't have enough stupidity in this comic yet.

***

TONY STARK: So, you want to go on a trip to Vegas? With blackjack? And hookers! Since it's not like I just had a story arc where people thought your wife was cheating on you with me.

PETER: Tony, do you really know me so poorly that you think I'd cheat on my wife?

TONY STARK: I'm not hearing a no to the blackjack and hookers.

PETER: Umm, yes on one, no on two.

TONY STARK: Which was yes, destroy Russia or number two?

PETER: Man, that was pretty obscure even for me. I feel like a Dennis Miller routine!

***

PETER: Hey, nerds, guess what I can use my spider-sense for? Cheating at cards.

AUDIENCE: Ummm...

PETER: Really people, if this hasn't made you stop ever trying to figure out a cohesive explanation of the extent of my spider-sense, what will? Huh?

AUDIENCE: Hmmm...

***

NORTHSTAR: Hello sailor!

PETER: My spider-sense tells me you're not actually gay, you're just faking it for attention.

NORTHSTAR: That is not true! I've dated tons of guys! Like... like... OH, IT'S TRUE! IT STARTED OUT AS JUST A LITTLE JOKE AND IT SNOWBALLED OUT OF CONTROL! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE BEING THE TOKEN GAY MUTANT ALL THE TIME!?

COLOSSUS: Only in the Ultimate universe.

PETER: My spider-sense also tells me that Ultimate me is rocking the Kitty Pryde casbah.

COLOSSUS: Oh, it is not!

PETER: Now my spider-sense is telling me that you should SHUT YOUR RUSSIAN FACE!

***

MARY-JANE: Wow, we went up to space. This is something.

PETER: Come to think of it, I probably would've preferred the hooker.

MARY-JANE: Peter, I know you wish that you could've married Gwen instead of me, but that's...

PETER: Forget it!

***

MORLUN: Hey, remember me? I still totally want to kill Spider-Man!

AUNT MAY: Hey, remember me? I'm all tore up because Peter's going to die, as shown by my single emo tear.

MORLUN: Write about it on Myspace why don't ya, granny?

AUNT MAY: MAYBE I WILL!

 

[The Hero]

This makes me glad I only picked up the last two issues.

 

[MaskedManJRK]

Too funny, my friend.

 

[KingOfDreams]

funny!

 

[onceasaint]

With the whole visiting T'Challa part of the storyline I was really hoping for a few Ace Ventura jokes, with Shikaka in place of Anansi the spider-god-thing-plotdevice-badidea-ism and the super mystical salad (it didnt even come with dressing!). Lack of Shikaka and salad dressing aside, I hope you keep this up Zev, its hilarious.