G8: Still Just As Action-Packed!

[Schlosser85]

I confess I am told I am relatively "straight-acting", but that I feel, and have always felt, more effeminate on the inside than I am outwardly, if that makes sense.

Not in the sense that I want to be or think of myself as a girl.

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

I confess I am told I am relatively "straight-acting", but that I feel, and have always felt, more effeminate on the inside than I am outwardly, if that makes sense.

Not in the sense that I want to be or think of myself as a girl.

I'd be the same way...

The way I would describe it is, I'm definitely a guy, but I'm not jack-the-lad with my hands down my pants every five minutes.

I suppose there is nothing wrong with being somewhat in touch with your feminine side.

 

[spideyboy_1111]

Its funny because i think many gay guys think they're "straight acting" because it often comforts them that they "blend in so well" but very rarely are we as inditectable as we think we are lol. .

I think its best to not worry about that. Its unhealthy to assume you bled in and people get caught up in it. (also nothing annoys a gay guy more than when someone tells us, "yeah weve known for a while") it makes you question yourself a bit...

Its best just to be yourself and not care how you blend in or how "straight you act" just be yourself

 

[spideyboy_1111]

Try to give him another chance, sparks might not fly on the first date for a number of reasons. Things might change the second time now that you've met in person.

This is true. Life isn't a Disney movie fairy tale. If he's enjoyable to hang around give it another try. Sometimes people place too much pressure an expectations on things that no date can live up to there expectations. But if you keep feeling the same way just tell him you enjoy his company but i think the friend route is a better way to go

 

[Ultimatehero]

I confess I am told I am relatively "straight-acting", but that I feel, and have always felt, more effeminate on the inside than I am outwardly, if that makes sense.

Not in the sense that I want to be or think of myself as a girl.

I can relate to that.

And while yeah I'd agree that while some LGBT guys say they're masculine-acting while you can still really easily tell - I used to have that assumption when LGBT guys said that - I later met an LGBT guy who I thought was a player with the girls because he just seemed like the alpha male type only to later discover he's full on gay.

Personally no one was able to pinpoint me, yet. Masculine acting, although not the alpha-male material. I flirt with waitresses, check out girls, the whole nine yards. So when I do similarly blush around a guy I like everyone just thinks its being shy rather than the same mechanisms. I think me being bisexual makes it hard for anyone to tell.

 

[Pink Ranger]

My mother is trying to fix me up with a girl she knows.

It's silly really; I came out to her back in 2003, and she's supportive, but sometimes I think she's cleanly forgotten. She vacillates between being a PFLAG parent on steroids to telling me that "you're not really gay, remember." I'm not mad, it's just weird.

 

[Ultimatehero]

Did you tell her that you like guys or that you're gay? If you just told her that you like guys, she could think that you're bisexual. Or if you told her you're gay, yet had girlfriends in the past while hiding- perhaps you should mention that you never had feelings for those girls.

It just seems like she might think you're bi from what you've posted which could explain some of those oddities.

 

[Pink Ranger]

Lol, I actually am bisexual, and have told her that much (although I identify closer to the gay community than the straight community). Except for some reason she seems to think it appropriate for her to try to match me with friends' daughters, when it is clearly not a good fit. The only people she knows are sheltered Asian fundamentalist Christians with sheltered Asian fundamentalist Christian children. Her expectation is that I should lie to women I date (or lie by omission).

 

[Ultimatehero]

Well, then she doesn't sound like she's forgotten that you are LGBT. She just sounds like an average mother who wants to help her bi son in also finding a nice girl. All mothers seem to do this for their sons who like girls. My own mother has done it a couple of times, and one of these girls- wow, if it worked out I'd of hit the jack pot.

If your problem is your mom treating you more like a guy who likes girls than a guy who likes guys, perhaps explain that to her. She might think you lean more towards girls or like both equally. If it's the girls she finds, you could explain that you're uncomfortable because their beliefs don't match up with your own.

As said it's a common mom practice. And although the notion is she might not have any idea. As I once thought. One of these girls my mom hooked me up with was really really hot and bohemian which was awesome!

As said it might just be lack of communication then. If you want her to see you more as leaning gay, explain your leanings. If you don't like these girls, explain why.

 

[Pink Ranger]

Yeah, I have it pretty good I guess. Frankly, I don't want her trying to pair me up with anyone, anywhere. She has ridiculously poor judgement on those matters.

 

[Ultimatehero]

As said, it's typical Mom practice. Used to think that too about my Mom, but as said I found out like Pete did - that one time in a million - Moms can be right. She found MJ, but she was in a stage where she wasn't looking for a bf sadly. That said, it was one in a million so far.

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

I was with my therapist today who suggested that my bisexuality is a significant cause for my personal problems...

The idea that I will always consider myself as Bi, yet in order to move forward I need to make a CHOICE... straight or gay. And that's a choice I'm just not ready to make.

I mean, if i'm in a relationship with a man, I'm gay and thats the way people will perceive me. No if's ands or buts...

I'm not sure I agree.

 

[Pink Ranger]

I was with my therapist today who suggested that my bisexuality is a significant cause for my personal problems...

The idea that I will always consider myself as Bi, yet in order to move forward I need to make a CHOICE... straight or gay. And that's a choice I'm just not ready to make.

I mean, if i'm in a relationship with a man, I'm gay and thats the way people will perceive me. No if's ands or buts...

I'm not sure I agree.

That's really strange. Is it because this therapist does not believe bisexuality exists in actuality?

 

[Ultimatehero]

People who say bisexuals need to make a choice don't understand bisexuality. You'll always be bi no matter who you marry. And society never knows you're bi unless you tell them. When I'm with a girl, people think I'm straight. When I'm with a guy, people think I'm gay and if they ask me - I'll tell them the truth. I've found it's best to forget what society thinks and to just think for and about yourself. You can't change how society thinks about it, but you can change how society's views can effect you.

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

That's really strange. Is it because this therapist does not believe bisexuality exists in actuality?

While he has never clarified his opinion on it... I don't think he does.

He keeps nudging me to make a choice, claiming that any relations I've had with girls is a sub-conscious need to make my family happy.

 

[Pink Ranger]

People who say bisexuals need to make a choice don't understand bisexuality. You'll always be bi no matter who you marry. And society never knows you're bi unless you tell them. When I'm with a girl, people think I'm straight. When I'm with a guy, people think I'm gay and if they ask me - I'll tell them the truth. I've found it's best to forget what society thinks and to just think for and about yourself.

People who believe that are not much better than people who think homosexuality is a choice and can be cured by prayer.

 

[spideyboy_1111]

I was with my therapist today who suggested that my bisexuality is a significant cause for my personal problems...

The idea that I will always consider myself as Bi, yet in order to move forward I need to make a CHOICE... straight or gay. And that's a choice I'm just not ready to make.

I mean, if i'm in a relationship with a man, I'm gay and thats the way people will perceive me. No if's ands or buts...

I'm not sure I agree.

you need to go to a new therapist. plain and simple. Bisexuality is a real thing regardless of if someone can wrap there brains around the idea. obviously he/she cant

 

[Ultimatehero]

If he thinks you're with girls to make your parents happy, then yeah - he doesn't believe. I'd say find a different psychiatrist. This could all do with leanings though. If you lean more towards guys and seem uncertain about girls he could be right. Some gay guys like that end up marrying women only to later realize. So, without knowing any of the particulars and if you said anything that could put doubt into it, it could go either way. But it sounds more like he doesn't believe.

Well, the thing is - we blend in. People don't jump to thinking about bisexuality. They see two guys together, they assume both are gay. While I hate that, it doesn't effect me as much as it used to because- as said- I've reach a point of saying "screw society, the only one that matters is me." It's easier to choose how society effects you than to effect society.

 

[Pink Ranger]

At very least, you should clarify with the therapist whether he fundamentally believes bisexuality can or cannot exist as a natural human condition. None of us here should be going to a therapist who, for example, believes homosexuality is a choice and can be cured.

Something that basic needs to be gotten out of the way before an honest exchange with your therapist can continue.

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

you need to go to a new therapist. plain and simple. Bisexuality is a real thing regardless of if someone can wrap there brains around the idea. obviously he/she cant

He's really wonderful, except for this one issue...

He himself has a gay son and is very understanding (Then again I suppose it's his job to understand). However, in terms of my sexuality, he keeps referreing to me as a ''gay man'' which really rubs me the wrong way... If I was a gay man, I wouldn't freely have sex with women and enjoy it.

In fact, I don't even think sex has anything to do with it. The way I see it your sexuality is about personal connections. I could be in an emotional relationship with a man or a woman. It's not the gender... it's the person.

But he does have me questioning things a bit...

 

[Ultimatehero]

You actually sound really sure of yourself from that. I'm pretty sure now that he doesn't believe in bisexuality. And from what you described, look into pansexuality. Although I'll admit I don't quite know the differences between the two and which I am more.

 

[spideyboy_1111]

He's really wonderful, except for this one issue...

He himself has a gay son and is very understanding (Then again I suppose it's his job to understand). However, in terms of my sexuality, he keeps referreing to me as a ''gay man'' which really rubs me the wrong way... If I was a gay man, I wouldn't freely have sex with women and enjoy it.

In fact, I don't even think sex has anything to do with it. The way I see it your sexuality is about personal connections. I could be in an emotional relationship with a man or a woman. It's not the gender... it's the person.

But he does have me questioning things a bit...

but this "one" issue is a pretty big one. it's actually why one of my friends only see's gay therapists. because they at least understand. It's kinda hard when he can't grasp who you are.

a true bisexual just loves people. the sexual organs and appearance have no significants. they see the heart and fall for "the person", they're attracted to simply just anyone there attracted to. he needs to understand that

 

[spideyboy_1111]

You actually sound really sure of yourself from that. I'm pretty sure now that he doesn't believe in bisexuality. And from what you described, look into pansexuality. Although I'll admit I don't quite know the differences between the two and which I am more.

from my understanding.. Pan sexual is a step further, and welcoming of people with sex changes as well.. i could be wrong though

 

[Ultimatehero]

That'd by polysexual. Pansexual is defined as "being attracted to people rather than the gender itself." Kinda why it confuses me what the difference is if there even is one...

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

but this "one" issue is a pretty big one. it's actually why one of my friends only see's gay therapists. because they at least understand. It's kinda hard when he can't grasp who you are.

a true bisexual just loves people. the sexual organs and appearance have no significants. they see the heart and fall for "the person", they're attracted to simply just anyone there attracted to. he needs to understand that

That's true... I'll think I'll have to do some questioning of my own at the next session.

And, yeah, I don't think i'm pan-sexual. I'm actually pretty conservative and picky when comes to who I'm attracted too. I might be alone in this but I generally avoid overly effeminate guys (Not as friends, just in terms of attraction).