My girlfriend dumped me

[Maxwell Smart]

Welcome to reality. Once you realize that the best way to get a girl you're crazy about who will want to stay with you is to BE the kind of guy she'd be crazy about and want to stay with, you'll have a lot more success.

But everyone says to just be yourself.

 

[Darren Daring]

You're 19, you decide who you are and what you do. No excuses anymore.

 

[Erzengel]

well I am sorry but thats how I am, I can't help myself. I'm someone who needs to be with somebody.

And I wouldn't answer that way, in the first place. "Its because you blah, blah, blah" I'd come up with something.

Yeah you could come up with an answer, but it wouldn't be the truth. And a relation built on lies....well you can fill in the rest.

Quick question, how long while you were dating your ex before you decided you were bf/gf? After what the 2nd date?

 

[Darren Daring]

But everyone says to just be yourself.

Yourself won't attract girls. Or anyone else for that matter. Complete overhaul.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm sorry guys, I'm just ****ed up beyond all repair. Life has made me this way.

Oh get off your soapbox.

You are not that unique.

What has f'ed you up beyond repair in your short 19 years on this planet? What, some embarassing moments in high school? Yeah I'm sure THAT has made you a grizzled veteran at life.

Talk to me if you had abusive parents, if you had bad long term relationships, if you were homeless, if your wife left you, or if you had to make it on your own.

 

[maxwell's demon]

But everyone says to just be yourself.

so is "desperate" really yourself? In your day to day existence, aside form when you're thinkng about girls ( i know you'll say you're always thikng about girls, but seriously)...if you're jsut watching tv our hanging out with a friend, are you desperate even then?

i doubt it.


"you" do not equal "desparate". be yourself, and everythign will start falling into place.

 

[Maxwell Smart]

Quick question, how long while you were dating your ex before you decided you were bf/gf? After what the 2nd date?

We just hung out a couple of times before we went on a real date..it was after our second date that I asked her to be my g/f.

You're 19, you decide who you are and what you do. No excuses anymore.

No I don't.

 

[Darren Daring]

We just hung out a couple of times before we went on a real date..it was after our second date that I asked her to be my g/f.



No I don't.

howsthat?

 

[Maxwell Smart]

What has f'ed you up beyond repair in your short 19 years on this planet? What, some embarassing moments in high school? Yeah I'm sure THAT has made you a grizzled veteran at life.

It ****ed me up so bad I couldn't even ask a girl out for over 3 years.

Yourself won't attract girls. Or anyone else for that matter. Complete overhaul.

Thats bull****. If you can't stay true to yourself whats the point?

"you" does not equal "desparate". be yourself, and everythign will start falling into place.

Me=desperate when it comes to girls

 

[Maxwell Smart]

howsthat?

I can't control my history and what life has thrown at me.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

But everyone says to just be yourself.

I'm not talking about FAKING that you're an improved person. I'm talking about improving your REAL self, and THEN "being yourself".

For instance, if you're really fat, let's say....the admonition to "be yourself" does not mean, "Hell man, my breath doesn't smell bad to ME, so why bother flossing and brushing, I gotta be Me...and, I'm a lard-ass, so take it or leave it, sugar."

If you're so shy that you can't even look a girl in the eye when asking her out, that maxim doesn't mean, "Yeah, go ahead and never look girls in the eye, and just wait till you find a girl who gets off on guys who are too freaking timid to look them in the eye! 'Cause that's the REAL you!"

I think it's better to think of it as, "Be the real you with reagrds to your qualities", such as...there's nothing wrong with liking Depeche Mode, and hating Green Day.
So if there's a hot chick who likes Green Day, don't tell her you love 'em, 'cause it'll only put you both in Hell when 6 months down the road, she asks you to tour around watching every Green Day concert and the pressure of pretending to love it when it's really grueling for you will strain things.

It Doesn't mean, "Hey, I pick my nose, so does everyone, so, I'll be myself and casually pick my nose right in front of her on our first date. "

Be realistic.

 

[Darren Daring]

Thats bull****. If you can't stay true to yourself whats the point?

You just said you would lie to a girl about why you were dating her. How can you be so selfish?

The Answer: You're crazy: As crazy perosn, you shouldn't be inflicting your plight upon other girls until you can get your head out of your ass and learn to like them for them, not because they're someone who will listen to you ***** and complain or whatever it is you get out of being with them.

 

[Darren Daring]

I can't control my history and what life has thrown at me.

That was then, It's now now. If you can acknowledge that you're a crazy ****, then you can stop being a crazy ****.

 

[Erzengel]

It ****ed me up so bad I couldn't even ask a girl out for over 3 years.

So the girl who told the principal you were giving her too much attention and the girl who turned you down for prom f'ed you up for the gender?

Kid, I understand that problems are perspective but that's nothing. All of us have awkward tales from high school and most of us look back and just laugh at it.

 

[jaguarr]

No I don't.

Darren is dead on the money. YOU decide who and what you want to be, not your circumstances or your environment. You can be anything you want to be in this life if you put your mind to it and apply yourself. I have a suggestion, if you're willing to listen. I have two books I'm going to recommend to you that may help you with self-actualization in being the person you want to be. The first is "Illusions: The Adventures Of A Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach. You should be able to find a copy in paperback for cheap. Read it cover to cover a few times. Be prepared to stop and let the concepts put forth in the story sink in. The second book is "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. This book is a little more dry than the first one, but it's a great tool for anyone wanting to make changes in their life. You have goals of going to culinary school and doing something with your life, but first you need to get yourself on track and realize that you are your own person and you can exist as an individual perfectly fine. All kids your age go through this sort of angst that you are experiencing. It's how you decide to handle it that will set you apart. You can either wallow in self-pity and morose or you can do something about it. I've just given you two great tools for you to use to fight for yourself. The rest is up to you. Good luck.

jag

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

it was after our second date that I asked her to be my g/f.

 

[Maxwell Smart]

I'm not talking about FAKING that you're an improved person. I'm talking about improving your REAL self, and THEN "being yourself".

For instance, if you're really fat, let's say....the admonition to "be yourself" does not mean, "Hell man, my breath doesn't smell bad to ME, so why bother flossing and brushing, I gotta be Me...and, I'm a lard-ass, so take it or leave it, sugar."

If you're so shy that you can't even look a girl in the eye when asking her out, that maxim doesn't mean, "Yeah, go ahead and never look girls in the eye, and just wait till you find a girl who gets off on guys who are too freaking timid to look them in the eye! 'Cause that's the REAL you!"

I think it's better to think of it as, "Be the real you with reagrds to your qualities", such as...there's nothing wrong with liking Depeche Mode, and hating Green Day.
So if there's a hot chick who likes Green Day, don't tell her you love 'em, 'cause it'll only put you both in Hell when 6 months down the road, she asks you to tour around watching every Green Day concert and the pressure of pretending to love it when it's really grueling for you will strain things.

It Doesn't mean, "Hey, I pick my nose, so does everyone, so, I'll be myself and casually pick my nose right in front of her on our first date. "

Be realistic.

Hmm, I don't really have anything particularly wrong with me in that regard.

All I meant was I can't pretend to be some guy who doesn't care about chicks, thats not who I am. It would be fake. I can't be the "aloof guy".

 

[Darren Daring]

Darren is dead on the money.

jag

The rest of the post doesn't matter

 

[jaguarr]

I can't control my history and what life has thrown at me.

You CAN control how you react to those things and choose whether you learn and grow from them or let them beat you down. People who are winners in life always learn and grow from their adversities and use those lessons to move forward in life rather than taking on a defeatist attitude and giving up.

jag

 

[Maxwell Smart]

Kid, I understand that problems are perspective but that's nothing. All of us have awkward tales from high school and most of us look back and just laugh at it.

I don't.

The Answer: You're crazy: As crazy perosn, you shouldn't be inflicting your plight upon other girls until you can get your head out of your ass and learn to like them for them, not because they're someone who will listen to you ***** and complain or whatever it is you get out of being with them.

**** you.

Darren is dead on the money. YOU decide who and what you want to be, not your circumstances or your environment. You can be anything you want to be in this life if you put your mind to it and apply yourself. I have a suggestion, if you're willing to listen. I have two books I'm going to recommend to you that may help you with self-actualization in being the person you want to be. The first is "Illusions: The Adventures Of A Reluctant Messiah" by Richard Bach. You should be able to find a copy in paperback for cheap. Read it cover to cover a few times. Be prepared to stop and let the concepts put forth in the story sink in. The second book is "The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey. This book is a little more dry than the first one, but it's a great tool for anyone wanting to make changes in their life. You have goals of going to culinary school and doing something with your life, but first you need to get yourself on track and realize that you are your own person and you can exist as an individual perfectly fine. All kids your age go through this sort of angst that you are experiencing. It's how you decide to handle it that will set you apart. You can either wallow in self-pity and morose or you can do something about it. I've just given you two great tools for you to use to fight for yourself. The rest is up to you. Good luck.

How many times times do I have to say it? Wanting to be with a girl has nothing to do with how I view myself. I appreciate your attempt to help me out here but I just think you're looking at it the wrong way.

 

[maxwell's demon]

i can't believe how much good advice this guy's getting and throwing away.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Hmm, I don't really have anything particularly wrong with me in that regard.

All I meant was I can't pretend to be some guy who doesn't care about chicks, thats not who I am. It would be fake. I can't be the "aloof guy".

Exsqueeze me?

It ****ed me up so bad I couldn't even ask a girl out for over 3 years.
I'm sorry guys, I'm just ****ed up beyond all repair. Life has made me this way.

 

[jaguarr]

How many times times do I have to say it? Wanting to be with a girl has nothing to do with how I view myself. I appreciate your attempt to help me out here but I just think you're looking at it the wrong way.

That is where you are wrong and is what all these people have been trying to tell you, man. At any rate, my advice is still just as applicable given the other issues you've raised in this thread. You have to help yourself at some point.

jag

 

[Maxwell Smart]

i can't believe how much good advice this guy's getting and throwing away.

Throwing away? I just don't understand or agree with most of it, and some of it is slightly misplaced. Good intentions(I guess), so thanks anyway.

 

[Darren Daring]

**** you.

.

OKay then, why exactly do you need to be with someone? You clearly dont' give a **** who you date, so it's not like you actually have to like the girl. You cleary don't care what she looks like, so it's not like you have to enjoy the dirty parts. What is it that makes these relationships so importnat to you?