*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[AndThePickles]

Ignore whatever I said. Just take what you can get.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's totally fine if you're one of the dullest and plainest looking dudes in the world. Confidence is being okay with that.

I'm perfectly boring and not particularly a looker, but I'm okay with that. That's confidence.

Well, I'd say you have to build yourself up a bit...even if it's purely focusing on your better qualities. I mean you can't approach someone and say "hey, I'm dull and boring, but I'm cool with that...wanna go out".

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

What's FWB?

And well my question - I don't need advice so much as ideas.

I'm in a situation now where I feel pretty confident that there is a mutual interest. My interest is clear, and while she hasn't blatantly expressed her's, I feel it's implied, and she hasn't rejected any of my advances, and she is encouraging my behavior and spending time with her, etc...

Problem is, I can't "date" her.

What I mean by that is, she's in a situation now where she's in a house full of kids (not her's - but she does have one child) that she is responsible for, so she can't just get out of the house to go on dates.

I'd have taken that as a built in excuse to "reject" me, except for the fact that her and I are spending time together on campus all the time, and she expresses that she wants me around, she just can't really get outside of the house save for school and work. So I'm trying to figure out how I'll be able to spend time with her outside of just about 20 minutes or so after our class gets out, and the occasional opportunity that I can meet her during her 2 hour break which typically I have a class during, but I was able to see her today when my class was canceled.

I've thought about inviting her to something that would be kid friendly that she could bring the kids to, but outside of that, I'm not so sure.

 

[BlackLantern]

stay out....the kids will resent you no matter how nice or good you are

 

[Prison Mike]

FWB is Friends With Benefits...I think.

 

[BlackLantern]

yes it is

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

stay out....the kids will resent you no matter how nice or good you are

They aren't her kids - she's got family situations going on that have led to her and her mom being responsible for her young cousins.

 

[Anubis]

Well then who cares?

Take em to Chucky Cheese or whatever the kids are into.

 

[BlackLantern]

still...she can't just pick up and go.....I couldn't date a girl like that

 

[Anubis]

Well, some people have patience like that. The fact that these brats aren't her spawn helps matters immensely.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Kids = no go. No exceptions.

 

[terry78]

Let me guess, when you guys were kids, you hated yourself. *rimshot*

 

[BlackLantern]

not really...but I was made to feel less than worthless on a daily basis by my stepfather

 

[terry78]

Goddamn it, you ****ers always gotta turn every thread into some darkness.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Let me guess, when you guys were kids, you hated yourself. *rimshot*

When I was a kid, I hated everyone else.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Kids = no go. No exceptions.

If everyone had that attitude, I wouldn't exist.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

If everyone had that attitude, I wouldn't exist.

Well thank goodness I can think for myself, and not like everyone else, eh, Nell?

 

[AndThePickles]

What's FWB?

And well my question - I don't need advice so much as ideas.

I'm in a situation now where I feel pretty confident that there is a mutual interest. My interest is clear, and while she hasn't blatantly expressed her's, I feel it's implied, and she hasn't rejected any of my advances, and she is encouraging my behavior and spending time with her, etc...

Problem is, I can't "date" her.

What I mean by that is, she's in a situation now where she's in a house full of kids (not her's - but she does have one child) that she is responsible for, so she can't just get out of the house to go on dates.

I'd have taken that as a built in excuse to "reject" me, except for the fact that her and I are spending time together on campus all the time, and she expresses that she wants me around, she just can't really get outside of the house save for school and work. So I'm trying to figure out how I'll be able to spend time with her outside of just about 20 minutes or so after our class gets out, and the occasional opportunity that I can meet her during her 2 hour break which typically I have a class during, but I was able to see her today when my class was canceled.

I've thought about inviting her to something that would be kid friendly that she could bring the kids to, but outside of that, I'm not so sure.

If you really want to date someone with kids, you've got to think whether you could see yourself with her and the situation long-term. It's difficult to think that way so soon, but don't get into anything that you aren't willing to stick with. Kids' feelings get involved, too, and it makes it a lot more difficult.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

If you really want to date someone with kids, you've got to think whether you could see yourself with her and the situation long-term. It's difficult to think that way so soon, but don't get into anything that you aren't willing to stick with. Kids' feelings get involved, too, and it makes it a lot more difficult.

That, and you will never be the +1 in her life. It will always be her kids. She'll choose her kids over you every single time. I mean, if that's okay with you, then awesome, go for it. But I couldn't settle for it.

 

[BlackLantern]

same here.....Henchy and I agree on something, therefore you should listen

 

[terry78]

same here.....Henchy and I agree on something, therefore you should listen

After the seas stop boiling and the sky ceases to be blood red.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

same here.....Henchy and I agree on something, therefore you should listen

I think some pork just flew past my window.

 

[Anita18]

That, and you will never be the +1 in her life. It will always be her kids. She'll choose her kids over you every single time. I mean, if that's okay with you, then awesome, go for it. But I couldn't settle for it.

I don't really get why it has to be either/or, though. If you and the kids get along, then there should be no need for emotional competition. I mean, with that thinking, single or divorced parents would never find love ever again.

If my parents or my sister were in trouble, you bet I'd drop everything to help them. That doesn't mean I don't care about my bf, it just means that they NEED my help and that takes priority over my bf feeling unloved because I can't see him that weekend or whatever.

As for Nell's situation, if you were really interested in this woman, you'd probably have to be really creative in how you'd spend time with her. My bf's mom was divorced when she met her current husband. He was her landlord.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

I don't really get why it has to be either/or, though. If you and the kids get along, then there should be no need for emotional competition. I mean, with that thinking, single or divorced parents would never find love ever again.

If my parents or my sister were in trouble, you bet I'd drop everything to help them. That doesn't mean I don't care about my bf, it just means that they NEED my help and that takes priority over my bf feeling unloved because I can't see him that weekend or whatever.

As for Nell's situation, if you were really interested in this woman, you'd probably have to be really creative in how you'd spend time with her. My bf's mom was divorced when she met her current husband. He was her landlord.

It's all in your perception and your priorities. My goal in a relationship is to give every bit of myself to my partner, for him to be the number one person in my life, and I expect the same.

If you have children, they've gotta be the most important thing in your life.

As for single or divorced parents never finding love... If their child doesn't like their potential "step" whatever, It's grounds for the parent to leave.

Nita, it's more than just not seeing someone on the weekend. It's a deep emotional connection, and I don't want to be number 2 in the life of the person who is my number 1. There's no even level there.

It's all in what you want.

 

[Anubis]

But they aren't her kids.