*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Mac_Hine]

Some though love here aveit but with this quote "this feels like a stab in the back that I am totally undeserving of. I am not boasting but you couldnt meet a nicer guy than me, I totally didnt deserve this.
Of course she still wants to be friends, no wonder all of the money I spent on her!" you fit the classic definition of the "Nice Guy" that women run for the hills from. Just letting you know that so you can become self aware and maybe start changing your thinking. This kind of behavior is not attractive to women.

 

[Erzengel]

You're not a "nice guy" if you do things expecting compensation in return.

 

[BlackLantern]

yea....I went through that exact same thing, but then I realized that if I just went out to have a good time, things happen on their own

 

[AVEITWITHJAMON]

You're not a nice guy, throw that thought right out of your head now! A nice guy doesn't dwell on the money he spent. From what I remember you cancelled a couple dates with the girl, when she asked for a kiss, you went for the cheek, it sounded like you never actually went on one date with the girl. She owes you absolutely nothing! If it was an established girlfriend, then yes she acted wrong, but you f'ed up numerous chances, what you expect her to wait around until you got your head out of your @$$ and be a man?!?!



Are you talking about ordering drinks at the bar she worked at, while she was your waitress?!?! That's what it sounds like, you sir, have just become the new Ghostrider87 if that's what you mean.

EDIT: No point in talking about it further, lets just forget it now.

You're not a "nice guy" if you do things expecting compensation in return.

I wasnt expecting compensation or anything, but I personally couldnt accept drinks from someone I knew in my head I was leading on, i'd be honest with them first and foremost.

Anyway, it seems we are never going to agree on this so why not drop it, I have already moved on from it now so dont see the point in talking about it.

 

[BlackLantern]

your head won't explode if you just say you were wrong and ****ed up about it, Jamon

 

[amazingfantasy15]

EDIT: No point in talking about it further, lets just forget it now.

I wasnt expecting compensation or anything, but I personally couldnt accept drinks from someone I knew in my head I was leading on, i'd be honest with them first and foremost.

Anyway, it seems we are never going to agree on this so why not drop it, I have already moved on from it now so dont see the point in talking about it.

The bolded sentence is a complete contradiction, you were expecting compensation for the drink. Plus, from what you were saying earlier she tried to get something going with you, she accepted two dates, even asked you to kiss her, those aren't subtle body language things, that's putting it right out there. What more did she need to do? I know you want to let it go now because no one is agreeing with you, but we're just trying to help you out by telling you were you went wrong.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Just to play a bit of devil's advocate; it's not bad to expect something in return per say -- "compensation" as you said, just so long as you are honest about that. If you give anyone the impression your attention is free then you won't get anything for it.

 

[Erzengel]

It's not necessarily bad.

But, there are many and I'm not saying Jamon, but many guys out there who think, because I do X, Y, and Z for a woman, they expect that is enough to win over said girl. And when said girl chooses, someone else, it's the nice guy complex.

Most guys screaming about the nice guy complex, can be pushy, needy, and to in your face types which may turn off a lot of women.

Also, a lot of times, "You're a nice guy." = "I'm not attracted to you."

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Evaluate this situation for me (individuals to remain nameless for the time being): A girl starts hanging out with a single guy, coming over his house very regularly to smoke and drink (pitches in for the drinks and "other stuff"). Doesn't bring her boyfriend whom she lives with, and always stays late. Nothing serious has happened yet, but when she came over for a party when she was encouraged to bring friends he was not there again. In his shoes I'd be fairly skeptical about her behavior.

 

[BlackLantern]

yea...that's weird

 

[Erzengel]

When said girl hangs out over single guy's house is it just those 2 exclusively?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

yea...that's weird

I'm not sure if it's weird, or if she is looking to cheat, but she will continually initiate coming over.

 

[lixdexia]

i'd say she's stepping out on him

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

When said girl hangs out over single guy's house is it just those 2 exclusively?

Well, kind of. I live with other people, and they've been there most of the time she has...but she never asks to see them.

 

[Erzengel]

Does she talk about her boyfriend while she's over? Is there any intimacy between you and her? Head on your shoulder, cuddling, that sort of stuff?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Does she talk about her boyfriend while she's over? Is there any intimacy between you and her? Head on your shoulder, cuddling, that sort of stuff?

No, she doesn't say much about him. I know of him, and I know his first name, and I couldn't tell you anything else about him. I think my roommates know more about him than I do. Is their intimacy? Eh, I'd call it tension. Nothing has happened yet, but for such a big living room she sits awfully close. There has been some physical contact, but nothing I would consider cheating. She does flirt.

 

[Erzengel]

If she's spending that much time over your place when she has a bf at home, she's either lonely, or looking to explore other avenues. I'd tell you this, if I'm living with a woman and she's constantly going out to "friend's" houses, somethings up.

Are you contemplating putting the moves on her?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If she's spending that much time over your place when she has a bf at home, she's either lonely, or looking to explore other avenues. I'd tell you this, if I'm living with a woman and she's constantly going out to "friend's" houses, somethings up.

Are you contemplating putting the moves on her?

Yeah maybe. She told me she likes my butt, and she's pretty hot.

 

[Erzengel]

Just proceed with caution. If you're looking for a hook up, this girl seems like she's up for it. If you're looking for some sort of meaningful relationship, she doesn't sound like the one for you.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Just proceed with caution. If you're looking for a hook up, this girl seems like she's up for it. If you're looking for some sort of meaningful relationship, she doesn't sound like the one for you.

Yeah, definitely no meaningful relationship. She apparently isn't in a very meaningful one now.

 

[AndThePickles]

just because you're buying her drinks doesn't mean she owes you anything more than polite conversatin

how do people still not get this?

Because people are dense. I rarely accept drinks at the bar these days unless it's from a mutual friend of Spoons and I because a drink is not considered "just a drink" these days...there's this crazy set of expectations attached, which is absurd. I usually just let the DJ buy me drinks, if anyone.

You guys can't even imagine how crazy stalkerish some people at the bar are...and how offended some people get if you won't dance with them. I've had to grab a security guard before because a guy was harassing my friend and started yelling insults at her because she wouldn't dance with him (she had a boyfriend; he didn't care).

 

[ComicChick]

that's why i try my best to avoid the bar scene

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Because people are dense. I rarely accept drinks at the bar these days unless it's from a mutual friend of Spoons and I because a drink is not considered "just a drink" these days...there's this crazy set of expectations attached, which is absurd. I usually just let the DJ buy me drinks, if anyone.

You guys can't even imagine how crazy stalkerish some people at the bar are...and how offended some people get if you won't dance with them. I've had to grab a security guard before because a guy was harassing my friend and started yelling insults at her because she wouldn't dance with him (she had a boyfriend; he didn't care).

At least you have the sense to not accept the drink.

Certainly, buying a drink for a girl doesn't mean she has to go home with you, but if I'm buying you a drink, it's not just because I felt like being nice and blowing even MORE money for no good reason. It's because I'd like to spark up a conversation with you, and perhaps even dance with you.

If you're not interested in the dude, then don't accept his drink. For the most part, I've been rather lucky that if I buy a drink for a girl, I get a little bit of conversation and a dance. I can only really recall one time where I bought a drink for a girl at a bar and she just said "Thanks" and walked off.

 

[Anita18]

It's not necessarily bad.

But, there are many and I'm not saying Jamon, but many guys out there who think, because I do X, Y, and Z for a woman, they expect that is enough to win over said girl. And when said girl chooses someone else, it's the nice guy complex.

Most guys screaming about the nice guy complex, can be pushy, needy, and to in your face types which may turn off a lot of women.

Also, a lot of times, "You're a nice guy." = "I'm not attracted to you."

Yeah, you're being nice while expecting something in return. That can turn off people.

And nice guys don't usually talk about how nice they are. They just are because it's a right thing to do.

Because people are dense. I rarely accept drinks at the bar these days unless it's from a mutual friend of Spoons and I because a drink is not considered "just a drink" these days...there's this crazy set of expectations attached, which is absurd. I usually just let the DJ buy me drinks, if anyone.

Right, I'm usually very careful when it comes to sending mixed signals. I HATE drama, so I tend to avoid it at any costs. But not all women are like that, just like some guys can be dense too.

 

[terry78]

Basically, we as guys feel that if we spend money, that is akin to getting some ass. In other words, prostitution.