*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Erzengel]

By seeing her, I'm not sure exactly how to show like I "don't care" (even though I do, lol). If I stay and talk to her, like we typically would always do, or walk with her to her car to say goodbye, it shows that I still care, and still want to be around her, but if I just ignore her and leave her be, it shows that her actions got to me and have hurt me.

Why would you care what she thinks?

Listen, it sucks when anyone turns you down, but while I do advocate not giving people the satisfaction, there's also leaving with what's left of your dignity. Hanging around anyone who doesn't return your feelings after you expressed how you felt, it kinda sad.

I don't think you should go out of your way to ignore her, but I wouldn't walk her to her car or anything like that anymore.

 

[Anita18]

I guess that's what I'm trying to figure out. A part of me expected (and hoped) that this was just gonna be the end, I wasn't gonna hear from her anymore, and I wasn't gonna see her anymore, and in the end, one of 2 things was going to happen: 1. She was truly done with me, and that was just gonna be it, and I could move on or 2. She just needed time to "figure herself out", and she'd eventually come around and we could pick up where we left off.

By seeing her, I'm not sure exactly how to show like I "don't care" (even though I do, lol). If I stay and talk to her, like we typically would always do, or walk with her to her car to say goodbye, it shows that I still care, and still want to be around her, but if I just ignore her and leave her be, it shows that her actions got to me and have hurt me.

So what if she thinks that? You could also be respecting her by giving her her space. She could just as easily read any deliberate contact with her as you tormenting her or something.

I guess my point is that it'll be awkward either way, so just do whatever YOU feel like doing. This girl needs to figure herself out, so just do what you need to do for yourself.

 

[LOBO3315a]

You show her you don't care by being too busy with your own stuff to take much notice of her.

You used to walk her to her car? You are too busy now, you have to stay after class to ask the instructor something. Or you are hungry and want to get something from the vending machine in the opposite direction she is parked in.

You don't ignore her. if she says hi, you say hi back. But you do so, with your nose in a book/with your I-pod in your ear/writing your paper on your laptop. You are busy; busy not being with her.

She'll either re-think her position, or be glad you aren't bugging her. You care the least, therefore you win.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

yea erz, i guess i really worded that wrong. im not going to put that effort into her, i mentioned those activities because thats what we do. we see each other and spend time together after class. if i did anything, itd merely be acknowledge her existence and not be rude. but in even doing that i still dont know what to say cuz i really have nothing left to say to her until she comes to her senses, which by the way im not waiting for or counting on. in the end, you're 100% correct anita, i can only do what i think is right. and honestly, i wont know what that is til i get there.

 

[BlackLantern]

yea erz, i guess i really worded that wrong. im not going to put that effort into her, i mentioned those activities because thats what we do. we see each other and spend time together after class. if i did anything, itd merely be acknowledge her existence and not be rude. but in even doing that i still dont know what to say cuz i really have nothing left to say to her until she comes to her senses, which by the way im not waiting for or counting on. in the end, you're 100% correct anita, i can only do what i think is right. and honestly, i wont know what that is til i get there.

so you're still hoping for something?? you need to drop this anchor, hoss

you got 99 problems, and a b**** ain't one

 

[Anita18]

so you're still hoping for something?? you need to drop this anchor, hoss

you got 99 problems, and a b**** ain't one

To be fair, he could have referring to "coming to her sense" in general, just not about him. But from the context, I don't think that's the case here.

And it really doesn't matter if you plan your actions ahead or not. I'm definitely the planner in my relationship, and it's amazing what my bf gets away with by not deciding what to do until he has to do it. Overthinking stuff doesn't always help. Actually it rarely does.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

lobo, thanks, i like that. lantern, yes, i still have a part of me that wants her to just be playing scared right now and that shes gonna come around and were gonna work this out. it is, however, a feeling that will quickly fade.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

anita, overthinking is what i do, lol, with everything, not just my dealings with girls. im an overthinker about pretty much anything.

 

[Anita18]

anita, overthinking is what i do, lol, with everything, not just my dealings with girls. im an overthinker about pretty much anything.

I guess the question is, is that actually helping you or making you happy?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

there are times when it benefits me and times when it doesnt.

 

[Erzengel]

Think you should let go of your conscious self and act on instinct instead.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Wait, are we teaching him about relationships, or how to use the Force?

 

[Erzengel]

If done right, both should be able to obey your commands.

 

[Eggyman]

Did you mean to sound like Yoda then, or have I had enough for the night?

 

[Erzengel]

Well I was going for the Obi-Wan vibe.

 

[Eggyman]

Ahh gotcha.

It bodes well for us that we're doing Star Wars impressions in the relationship thread

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

very much so eggy, very much so comparing relationships to the force makes me a happy nell.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

lobo, thanks, i like that. lantern, yes, i still have a part of me that wants her to just be playing scared right now and that shes gonna come around and were gonna work this out. it is, however, a feeling that will quickly fade.

This girl is crazy, the famous sorority Psi Chi Omega recruited her, just let her go entirely. If she talks to you respond, but don't initiate anything, that's how you deal with it. She's not going to come around though, not with you at least.

 

[Savage]

I feel really immature for this one but you can't help how you feel. What do you do when your girl likes your best friend and talks to him noticably more than you? Like even to the point where her mom notices and says "What's up with that? I thought you two were dating?". I mean he has no interest in her but she just keeps talking to him the way she'd talk to me and flat out told him if she wasn't dating me she'd date him to which he responded "oh" and changed the subject.

This was of course after I asked her over and over if she liked him and she denied it up and down. I am just finding out monday when we were fighting and I pressured it out of her. My best friend seemed to act shocked too...Now I don't trust either of them and if it's up to me I'm never leaving the two in the same room again.

Am I being immature? Am I overreacting?

 

[Astro13Zombie]

^
I don't think you're overreacting at all
How long have you two been together?
Maybe she's not ready to be in a relationship.
Don't let some girl that doesn't have her **** straight cause static between you and your best friend.
The whole.
"she just keeps talking to him the way she'd talk to me and flat out told him if she wasn't dating me she'd date him"
Thing is pretty ****ed up.

 

[Savage]

Exactly. That's really messed up. I've known the guy 9 years, known her for 7 and dated off and on for over 5 years. We've been "on" again for close to a year and a half. Just what do you do with a situation like that?

 

[AndThePickles]

I feel really immature for this one but you can't help how you feel. What do you do when your girl likes your best friend and talks to him noticably more than you? Like even to the point where her mom notices and says "What's up with that? I thought you two were dating?". I mean he has no interest in her but she just keeps talking to him the way she'd talk to me and flat out told him if she wasn't dating me she'd date him to which he responded "oh" and changed the subject.

This was of course after I asked her over and over if she liked him and she denied it up and down. I am just finding out monday when we were fighting and I pressured it out of her. My best friend seemed to act shocked too...Now I don't trust either of them and if it's up to me I'm never leaving the two in the same room again.

Am I being immature? Am I overreacting?

I am going to be blunt: I would dump her ass. Clearly, she is interested in your friend. It is incredibly inappropriate that she'd even tell him that if you two weren't dating that she would date him. That's a huge amount of disrespect for you. She has no respect for your relationship, and by her actions, doesn't even want to be in one with you.

 

[Hound55]

The good news is that at least your friend seems to want to do right by you by not wanting a bar of her telling him this kind of stuff, but yes... "Door. You. Other side of it, please." would seem the correct action in regards to her.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I've had a girl tell me once before if she wasn't involved she'd probably date me.

But then again, it was under a completely different context. A. I was the one who was playfully flirting with her (and by that I mean, I knew she was taken so I did it with absolutely zero intentions of changing it), and B. her context wasn't one of "I'm stuck with this guy but I want you", like this girl in question seems to be operating under.

I agree with everyone else. You're not over reacting at all. Dumping her wouldn't be out of line.

 

[JStorm]

"Walks like a duck."


For those that read my post about the ex several weeks back, **** just came real.

Little back story: I invited her to Thanksgiving, because my GMa is slipping and she needed to "say her goodbyes." I really didn't think she would come, yet she did. It boggled my ass for days, before ad during. Thanksgiving was in Alabama, about four hours south of Atlanta. Surely, I thought she would decline, because of the trip, so when she said she would go. . . was reality.

We did the back ad forth, just like the last posts I wrote. Hell. . we even slept in the same bed and talked a good hour before we went to bed. The entire time I kept my cool and didn't push any agenda. Obviously, nothing happened.

So yesterday, I dropped her off at her apartment and got a text forty minutes later: "thanks for the weekend getaway." My brother immediately said "she's a duck." I argued with myself for a bit, then text her when I got home. She text back: "you should have stayed and played video games with me." I lost it at that point. WHY THE PH*** DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY SO!!!

Right after the text, she said "you can come back, or I can come there." My brother started quacking.

Long story short, she came over and we outed everything. Like a ****ing planet off my chest. . . ****!!!! No sex; no games, we just talked, kissed a few times and then she fell asleep.

For those that want to know a bit more, she didn't come clean sooner, because she says "you can't be read." All hail Storm blood!!! But in this case. . . then then maybe ------------>