Andy C.
Repent, Harlequin!
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- Mar 1, 2006
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Well, so far my 'big debut' has been kind of a bust. I've been running around the streets for hours now, and haven't gotten so much as a purse-snatcher. If I had some kind of hotline to the police, or maybe a network of moles around the city, or something like that, I'd know exactly where and when all the action is. As it stands, the "run around and see what happens" approach isn't really cutting it.
On the plus side, I'm getting a lot of practice just moving around in my costume. The additions I made to the tights haven't really hindered my frankly-incredible agility, and I'm really getting the hang of flowing between movements, jumping from one rooftop to another, hurdling air conditioners and TV antennae (seriously? who still uses an antenna for their TV?), sticking to a wall so I can vault over a ledge. It's amazing just how much my Spider-Sense comes into play just in terms of determining distances, figuring trajectories, reducing complicated calculations to a fine-tuned 'gut' feeling.
Still, as fun as it is to jump around on roofs and be all Assassin's Creed, it's not exactly an integral part of my "one-man war against the criminal underworld" plan. If only there was--
*KRAAASSSSSSHHHHHHH*
Down the block, a window shatters, followed by the sounding of an alarm which gets cut off short.
Finally, some action.
I leap across the roofs, firing a line of webbing to pull myself across the street (note to self: explore further possibilities of using webbing as means of transportation), and land perched on the roof of a small jewelry store.
"C'mon, you mooks, move it!" I hear a man barking orders inside. "The boss wants this place cleaned out and torched before the cops get here!"
Looking over the ledge into the adjacent alleyway, I see a van parked by the back door, with five or six guys scurrying in and out of the jewelry store, loading up bags of what I can only assume are stolen diamonds.
The one calling the shots is a big muscle-bound goon with short-cropped hair, and a hideous green striped shirt. In one hand he's got a bag full of jewels, and in the other he's got an Uzi. That.....could be a problem.
Well, no point in trying the superhero thing if I'm going to wuss out at the first sign of danger. Time to meet the bad guys.
"Okay, fellas," I call out to them from the rooftop. "Let me guess....."

"...you're the night-shift staff, and you forgot the key?"
The thugs stop in their tracks and stare up at me in surprise and confusion. After a couple of seconds, the goon in the green striped shirt raises his machine gun.
"Get 'im!" he shouts before squeezing the trigger, spraying hot lead towards me.
As my Spider-Sense kicks in, the world slows to a crawl, my reaction time going into serious overdrive. I can see each bullet as they make their way towards me; I can even see the ripples in the air as they make little tiny sonic booms. I can make out every detail on the crooks' faces, the beads of sweat forming on their brows.
In fact, I'm so caught up in how cool my danger-sensing ability is, that I just about completely forget about the danger itself until a searing burning pain punches into my right thigh, and another grazes my left shoulder.
My senses reel, sight and sound and everything else drowned out by the intense pain, and I find myself spinning back down onto the rooftop.
......holy crap, I've been shot!
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, it hurts so bad! I'm gonna die, I know it! I knew this was a bad idea, I knew I shouldn't have tried to get involved with criminals, and now I'm bleeding on a rooftop in a set of ridiculous tights, with a pair of bullet holes in me! What was I thinking?!?!
Okay, calm down, Parker. Deep breaths. Just.....just breathe for a second.....
......
.....okay. Now time to assess the situation.
I look at the wound on my shoulder first. Just a graze, nothing serious. The one on my thigh, though, is a little worse. The bullet went straight through, from what I can tell. If what I learned in Anatomy class is right, then I don't think it didn't hit the artery, since it's leaking blood, but not squirting. I'm in an unbelievable amount of pain, but I don't think I'm in any real danger of dying.
"The hell was that, Marko?" I hear one of the crooks down below.
"I dunno," the leader shrugs, "some freak in tights. C'mon, let's get the rest of the ice loaded up. Cops are prob'bly on their way, an' Kingpin's waiting."
Kingpin. These guys work for the Kingpin. No way I'm letting them get away, not if they can lead me to him.
Pulling myself up, tears blurring my vision from the pain, I point my web-shooter at the goon with the Uzi, adjust the nozzle to a wider setting, and fire. A glob of webbing catches his gun hand with a wet SMACK, covering the weapon completely.
"Okay, let's try that again," I say through gritted teeth. "Me good guy, you bad guys. We fight."
While the head goon doesn't have the machine gun anymore, two of his other henchmen have pistols. They pop off shots at me, and this time I actually pay attention to what my Spider-Sense is telling me. Pushing off with my one good leg, I jump into the air in a high arc, easily avoiding the paths of their bullets, before landing on the ground, putting a little too much weight on my wounded leg.
"Aah!" I yelp, then duck under a baseball bat swung by one of the mooks. I catch myself with my right hand, doing an impromptu handstand as I send my left heel crashing into the man's jaw. He goes flying, and I roll to one side to avoid the gunfire.
"Jesus, I heard about this guy," one of them says. "It's gotta be the Batman!"
"Oh yeah," I say, cartwheeling away from the bullets, shoving off of my good leg into a butterfly kick that socks a knife-wielding thug, spinning around to web him up in the same motion, before landing on the same good leg. "I'm wearing a costume with a big spider logo on the front, covered in spider-web patterns, and shooting more spider-webs from my hands. If that doesn't just scream 'Batman,' I don't know what does."
Popping back up onto my feet, I fire a web-line at one of the gunmen, which catches him in the chest. I yank hard, sending him crashing into a fifth goon with a chain, then I reset the web-shooter to gob them both up in a wide net.
The second gunman continues firing, and I jump up onto the wall to get out of the way. I jump from wall to wall in the alleyway, dodging shot after shot, until I'm right on top of him.
"Jeez, who taught you to shoot? Imperial Stormtroopers?" I say, not getting any reaction from the snarling criminal as he fires his pistol wildly. "See, 'cause they're famous for not being able to hit the good guy, when it really should be an easy shot....and.....ah, never mind, I'm just gonna knock you out now."
I spring down from the roof, leveling the gunman with a big haymaker, but with one arm and one leg out of commission, I can't stick the landing. I roll awkwardly to the ground in a heap, putting too much pressure on the wounded shoulder.
"....okay, owww...." I mutter painfully to myself as I struggle to my feet, just in time to see the lead goon-- Marko, they said?--start the van and peel out.
"Oh, no you don't!" I say as I start to go after him, but I take a bad step on my wounded leg, and nearly fall on my face. I'm in no condition to chase down a speeding vehicle.
Fortunately, I don't have to.
Pulling up my shirt to reach my utility belt, I grab one of the small GPS trackers I made, and fling it as hard as I can towards the escaping van. The tracking bug sticks to the back bumper, and if I'm lucky, he'll never notice it.
I look around at the unconscious crooks, hearing sirens in the distance. New York's finest should be here any minute now, so I don't really have time to grill these guys for information. But I don't want any of them getting away, either, or for the cops to think that I was just beating up some random guys in an alley.
Between my webbing and my enhanced strength, it isn't too much effort to get the five mooks piled up in front of the store, tied up with webs to make sure they don't go anywhere. I pull a sticky-note and a marker from one of the back pockets of my utility belt, and stick it to one of the mooks' foreheads:
Dear NYPD,
These morons were in the middle of a smash-and-burn operation. I wasn't able to get all of them, but I'm working on it. In the meantime, tell them you know about the Kingpin, or their middle manager Marko, and I'm sure they'll cooperate.
Compliments of your friendly neighborhood SPIDER-MAN.
As the sirens get closer, I shoot a web line up to the rooftops and vanish into the night. It's almost 3 in the morning, and I really need to go to bed.
But first, I think I need to raid the first aid kit for some bandages.
And antiseptic.
And painkillers.
And while I'm at it, I should probably look up some tutorials on how to apply stitches to an open wound.
Then I'll let myself pass out.
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