Roommate issues

[Schlosser85]

Ok, I need some outside perspective.

I say roommate, but I'm renting from him, as it's his house. I pay $100 a week except one week out of the month where I make my student loan payment. My phone is on his family plan, etc. I also pay for the food and litter of his dog and cat.

I feel like he is very domineering. Example, tonight he got mad at the cat for some petty reason, locked it in the basement overnight, I got irritated because while technically his cat, it's pretty much my cat for all intents and purposes. I asked what the cat did now, etc, our tones got heated, he said "because I said so, that's wht", and I said "okay, I'm not your son".

I was so pissed off (not solely about the cat thing, just the general fatherly attitude), I went passive aggressively slamming the door and driving around the block.

I soon realized he'd turned off my Internet on my phone and computer. To get it back, I had to sit down for this dressing down in his room about how he financially supports me, etc. I did some major tongue biting and took it to get my Internet back.

Is he a domineering control freak, or am I an entitled brat? Or both?

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Honestly... Little from column A. and a little from column B. But... Sorry, I have to side with the person giving you a SWEETHEART deal. I am not a student, I take care of my own self and I would kill to pay what you are in rent and have someone paying my phone and internet.

 

[Primal Slayer]

Mainly he is a total control freak. But this is just one of those situations where you have a good deal going on but you cant have your cake and eat it to, so either you have to put up with him to save some $$$$ or you have to move on.

 

[I Am The Knight]

I wouldn't want to put up with that crap, honestly, even if it was a good deal. But then again I have very little patience and can be quite the angry guy...So I guess it depends on the kind of person that you are and how much you actually need this guy's help.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Locking a cat in a basement because it did something bad is totally illogical. It's not going to learn some kind of lesson from that... it's a cat.

And refusing to discuss it with you does show that he considers himself in control of what happens under his roof.

But then... he IS in control. Because it's his home you're living in.

If you don't want to be under someone elses control, move out on your own, or at least living in a full house share where no one has more claim than anyone else.

I lived as a lodger in my friends house once. I paid £380 a month for my room but was paying for my own phone. It seemed like it benefited both of us, as it was a bit of extra money for them (the room was unused before) and I could be in a safe environment... something I really needed at the time as I was coming from a place where the landlord kept hitting on me and catching me when I got out of the shower and stuff.

I had zero privacy or quiet. They had a guard on the door to stop the pets getting in through the night, but they'd always remove it when they woke up and the pets would come running in and jump on me. The kids would often play football in the back yard... kicking the ball right against the thin wall of my room. At the time I was working two jobs, one of which would sometimes finish at 2am... so as you can imagine, I really wanted a lie in.

I would eat with them a lot because they made big family meals... and also because every time I tried to cook for myself, they'd complain that it 'stank the house out'... and I mean, even a bacon sandwich. Every time I took a shower, I tried to make sure that I didn't get water anywhere in the bathroom, but if I missed a spot, the next person who walked in would yell. I also several times found them in my room tidying or looking for dirty clothes to wash... which I found a massive invasion of my privacy. They weren't doing it out of kindness, but out of their ocd need for everything to be clean, even the space I paid for.

Their opposite schedule to me also made it impossible for me not to wake them up when I came home, even at 10pm. The dogs would bark every time. They accepted there was nothing I could do about that if I was working, but socialising is a choice. So it made things like celebrating someone's birthday with a few drinks and coming back late always turn into an arguement and accusations of me drinking too much (as they didn't drink at all).

Once, they tried to claim my downloading things from the internet was the reason their internet/phone bill was so high... I tried explaining this was impossible, but they were having none of it and demanding I owed them hundreds of pounds. Eventually I had to be sneaky, and I called the provider and pretended to be them, and got the answer - it was high because of their calls to france (one of them had family over there).

Needless to say... I was on edge ALL the time. I felt controlled, I felt like I was stuck and I felt miserable. And I hate controntation so much, I was constantly on egg shells trying to please them... even spending a lot of money on birthday and christmas presents to try and get in their good books for a while.

When I moved out after about a year and a half of this, it took me so much courage to even tell them. And they guilted me so much, trying to make out that their kids were going to suffer because of the lack of money if I moved out. But I knew if I stayed there any longer, I was going to fall into depression again, like I had from one of my last living situation (lived with a close friend who went from a happy fun loving guy to a drunk with no job who had people round doing drugs all day long).

I moved into a little studio flat for about the same price I was paying them, again bills all inclusive. I will never forget the feeling I had when I closed the door behind me for the first time and knew I was alone... it was the most free and relaxed I have ever felt.

Moral of the story... independence is the only way to not have to deal with other people's crazy ****!

 

[Marvolo]

Depending on where you live that rent price may not be worth that sort of trouble.