Should i tell my sister and her husband?

[The IronMan]

Hey Jag ,although I don't know you congrats and good luck with your new daughter thats great news. My brother in law and his wife adopted two children from Russia.Talk about a lengthy process. anyway congrats and all the best to your family.
Geo

 

[lazur]

if you let them know from the start, then they'll just go to their friend's house when they don't want you to see something... you're just helping them learn how to go behind your back more effectively

Not really. I know all of my daughter's friends' parents and we talk a lot about what our respective kids are up to. So when she visits friends (or they come over), the parents have a chit chat on the phone before hand, and if anything comes up that we think the other parent might find to be of interest, we dial the number. It's that simple.

All it takes is being (and remaining) actively involved in the lives of your kids.

Now sure, there WILL be times when she manages to pull a fast one and get away with something, but 80% of the time Dad's on the ball (and in the know), and what's important is that SHE knows it. More importantly, at some level, she appreciates it.

 

[jaguarr]

Hey Jag ,although I don't know you congrats and good luck with your new daughter thats great news. My brother in law and his wife adopted two children from Russia.Talk about a lengthy process. anyway congrats and all the best to your family.
Geo

Umm...thanks, but congratulate Bill.

jag

 

[rdh007]

Tell your sister, but demand to watch the confrontation. Tape it. Show it back to your niece to remind her why it's important not to get knocked up. Raising kids ain't all that fun.

 

[Kmack]

So anyways, over the weekend my sister asked me to look at my nieces computer since it wasnt working anymore and hadnt been for like a month.

After about 3 hours i got the computer back up and running and back on their broadband connection. Just as soon as her computer boots up her MSN pops up and someone on the other end says "what's goin on sweet thing? Cant wait to see you again."

Normally this wouldnt bother me cept that my neice is only 13. So i just check out this persons profile quick and see that it's a 19 year old college kid from town...

At this point i just shut her MSN down and walk away. I tell my sister that my neices computer is workin again and i go home.

Two days later this feeling like i have to tell my sister something is eating me up. Should i tell her and her husband?

As much as it sux. You should tell her. There are waaay too many bad things happening to these girls meeting guys (that's if its a guy) online. You would hold some amount of responsibility if something happens to her, God forbid. Don't tell the husband though, leave that for the mother to decide.

 

[jaguarr]

As much as it sux. You should tell her. There are waaay too many bad things happening to these girls meeting guys (that's if its a guy) online. You would hold some amount of responsibility if something happens to her, God forbid. Don't tell the husband though, leave that for the mother to decide.

I don't follow your logic. Why would he not tell both parents?

jag

 

[Socrates]

Not really. I know all of my daughter's friends' parents and we talk a lot about what our respective kids are up to. So when she visits friends (or they come over), the parents have a chit chat on the phone before hand, and if anything comes up that we think the other parent might find to be of interest, we dial the number. It's that simple.

All it takes is being (and remaining) actively involved in the lives of your kids.

Now sure, there WILL be times when she manages to pull a fast one and get away with something, but 80% of the time Dad's on the ball (and in the know), and what's important is that SHE knows it. More importantly, at some level, she appreciates it.

It'd be kinda funny if she didn't appreciate it. I had the "privilege" of privacy when I was 10; privacy your daughter won't even know of until she's 18 probably. Crazy.

 

[The IronMan]

Sorry jag congrats bill!(did I get it right this time?)

 

[Kmack]

I don't follow your logic. Why would he not tell both parents?

jag

Well, the father might go really overboard...a mother tends to be more willing to hear you out, to understand. I know this sounds border-edge sexist but men tend to be a bit more...rigid, especially when it comes to their daughters. Overprotective much?

Anyway, the mother is the one who asked for Zaed's help. She should be the one told, leave it up to her to take it any further.

 

[Master Chief]

That dad probably would turn into Jack Bauer or something.

 

[jaguarr]

Well, the father might go really overboard...a mother tends to be more willing to hear you out, to understand. I know this sounds border-edge sexist but men tend to be a bit more...rigid, especially when it comes to their daughters. Overprotective much?

Anyway, the mother is the one who asked for Zaed's help. She should be the one told, leave it up to her to take it any further.

Appreciate the explanation. I don't necessarily agree 100%, though. I feel both parents have a right to know, but it depends on what kind of a person the OP's brother-in-law is. He may be the kind of dad who would flip out and aggravate the situation, he might not. Sort of a judgement call on the part of the OP to decide whether to tell the both of them or just his sister.

jag

 

[lazur]

It'd be kinda funny if she didn't appreciate it. I had the "privilege" of privacy when I was 10; privacy your daughter won't even know of until she's 18 probably. Crazy.

Well, the times necessitate being very protective. Plus, you're a guy, right? Guys and gals, unfortunately, live by different rules (in terms of freedoms they're given) when they're kids.

Point being, the "inconvenience" she experiences and "doesn't appreciate" is nothing compared to the trauma available to her if I'm not here to keep her safe. When she's 18, she'll be an adult and able to make her own decisions. It's MY job in the meantime to make sure she actually reaches 18 alive and well.

 

[Arkady Rossovich]

So anyways, over the weekend my sister asked me to look at my nieces computer since it wasnt working anymore and hadnt been for like a month.

After about 3 hours i got the computer back up and running and back on their broadband connection. Just as soon as her computer boots up her MSN pops up and someone on the other end says "what's goin on sweet thing? Cant wait to see you again."

Normally this wouldnt bother me cept that my neice is only 13. So i just check out this persons profile quick and see that it's a 19 year old college kid from town...

At this point i just shut her MSN down and walk away. I tell my sister that my neices computer is workin again and i go home.

Two days later this feeling like i have to tell my sister something is eating me up. Should i tell her and her husband?

Personally,you should.There is no doubt something going on,from the remark you heard things might already be going on.In today`s world where women and young girls are the target of crimes,you should say something.If your close with your sister,then there should be no problem.It may not be your bussiness,but your family and that`s enough reason.You may save her life...

 

[Gotendbz-2]

Yes tell them! Thats messed up! If you dont we're all gonna hear it in the news! AND I'M TIRED OF ALL THESE SICK THINGS!!!!!!!!

 

[Gotendbz-2]

That dad probably would turn into Jack Bauer or something.

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you." t:




But seriously, it would wrong if you didnt tell them!

 

[sassycat]

So Zaed have you told them yet? I really think you should Her parents don't have to snoop on her after, just let her know that she should be caeful if the kid has a problem ground her for her own good for being a niave moron

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Wow, this thread seems very overractive. From one IM (that could have been taken out of context) the niece is going to get pregnant and/or killed and the dad is going to go out and kill the perverted pedophile talking to the niece. I'd like to present option d) talk to your niece yourself. Tell her everything in your first post, say it seemed a little weird and you care for her as your niece and want to make sure nothing bad happens to her.

 

[Danger Mouse]

Wow, this thread seems very overractive. From one IM (that could have been taken out of context) the niece is going to get pregnant and/or killed and the dad is going to go out and kill the perverted pedophile talking to the niece. I'd like to present option d) talk to your niece yourself. Tell her everything in your first post, say it seemed a little weird and you care for her as your niece and want to make sure nothing bad happens to her.

Most sensible idea so far.

If that fails, then go to the parents.

 

[Orko Is King]

13 and 19? That's a pretty big age gap, not to mention two completely different social circles. Definately tell them.

 

[jaguarr]

Wow, this thread seems very overractive. From one IM (that could have been taken out of context) the niece is going to get pregnant and/or killed and the dad is going to go out and kill the perverted pedophile talking to the niece. I'd like to present option d) talk to your niece yourself. Tell her everything in your first post, say it seemed a little weird and you care for her as your niece and want to make sure nothing bad happens to her.

I'll play devil's advocate, here. What if he follows your suggestion and she plays along and makes him think that she completely agrees with him and assures him that nothing's going on, etc? Then she goes right back to her beloved 19 year old "boyfriend", her parents none-the-wiser.

Her parents need to know.

jag

 

[Venom Drool]

ummm shes 13.. the fact that you think about this more than a minute is beyond me

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I'll play devil's advocate, here. What if he follows your suggestion and she plays along and makes him think that she completely agrees with him and assures him that nothing's going on, etc? Then she goes right back to her beloved 19 year old "boyfriend", her parents none-the-wiser.

Her parents need to know.

jag

Well, she'll do exactly the same thing to her parents. Only then she'll be pissed at everyone and trying extra hard to hide things.

 

[unknownuser]

the answer should be very obvious

 

[Holly Goodhead]

Do any of us really care? Honestly.

 

[Hades]

Not really. I know all of my daughter's friends' parents and we talk a lot about what our respective kids are up to. So when she visits friends (or they come over), the parents have a chit chat on the phone before hand, and if anything comes up that we think the other parent might find to be of interest, we dial the number. It's that simple.

All it takes is being (and remaining) actively involved in the lives of your kids.

Now sure, there WILL be times when she manages to pull a fast one and get away with something, but 80% of the time Dad's on the ball (and in the know), and what's important is that SHE knows it. More importantly, at some level, she appreciates it.

Jebus, you're 35? I always thought you were in your early 20s.