[SPOILERS] "More enjoyable than Transformers 2"? New Reviews!

[FCEEVIPER]

Here is a list of recent movies that weren't screened for critics. Now, I didn't see all of these films, but those that I did see were dogsh** on a paper plate....

The Collector
Obsessed
Crank: High Voltage
12 Rounds
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Madea Goes To Jail
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
The Haunting of Molly Hartley
SAW V
An American Carol
Fireproof
My Best Friend’s Girl
Tyler Perry’s The Family that Preys
Disaster Movie
Bangkok Dangerous
Mirrors

Ouch, that's what I'm afraid of.





Anyways, another review....

G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra Movie Review
screenstar.com
IanSpelling
August 4, 2009
4:59pm

Spoiler

Let's make one thing perfectly clear: no one will ever, ever, ever mistake G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra for a great movie, but damn it's great entertainment. Seriously, what's not to like? There's non-stop action, something resembling a plot, character development, utterly cool weapons, stuff blown up like there's no tomorrow, and unbelievably hot women and ridiculously hunky guys.

Now let me be honest here and say I never owned the action figures and only played with them occasionally as a kid, when I'd hang with my friend Billy at his house across the street. And I never watched the TV series or read a G.I. Joe comic book. Plus, I'd seen the lackluster trailer for G.I. Joe during the Super Bowl and heard all the bad buzz over the ensuing months. So, heading into the movie, I probably had lower-than-low expectations. Did that make me easy to please? Perhaps too easy to please? Maybe. But that doesn't diminish from the fact that for what it is, G.I. Joe is a rocking couple of hours of nonsense.

The plot, for those that care, finds pals and soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) hooking up with the secret military outfit called G.I. Joe. They're led by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid); the elite team includes Scarlett (Rachel Nichols), Snake Eyes (Ray Park), and Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agdaje). The group faces their greatest enemy yet in the form of COBRA, a sinister band of baddies that include weapons dealer James McCullen/Destro (Christopher Eccleston), Storm Shadow (Byung Hun Lee), the evil Doctor (Joseph Gordon Levitt), and Ana/the Baroness (Sienna Miller), who happens to be the former love of our hero, Duke. And the group is in possession of a super-charged creation called "nanomites," microscopic robots that can be used to, oh, let's say, control people and make them do the Doctor's bidding, or even to topple the Eiffel Tower.

Stephen Sommers, director of The Mummy and Van Helsing, is an old pro at action movies. And in helming G.I. Joe he doesn't waste much time before immersing the audience in the action, with the character background provided in well-rendered flashbacks and character/relationship development addressed within fights and in the rare quiet moments between set pieces. Sommers also doesn't get too bogged down in details, allowing the moviegoer to suspend his or her disbelief long enough to cruise fr om scene to scene without too much head scratching. The action is top-notch, especially the chase scenes and the hand-to-hand battles. And, wisest move of all, Sommers makes the most of his cast's charm and good looks. Clunky exposition scene? Cut to a close-up of Tatum or Wayans or Nichols or Miller and all is forgiven.

Now, again, we're not anywhere near Academy Award territory here. This is popcorn moviemaking, with the butter slathered on thick. Some of the dialogue is nothing more than gung-ho jingoism. Quaid hams it up more than Porky Pig. Some of the special effects are killer, particularly the Eiffel Tower sequence, but others are just deadly and look too much like videogame graphics. Case in point, when Duke and Ripcord first check out the G.I. Joe facility, they eye a bunch of boats in the water. The water is pretty photo-realistic (hell, it could be real), but the boats on it look fake and don't seem to shift in the water at all. And, I swear, I wasn't looking to nitpick the effects.

Quibbles aside, G.I. Joe is a blast. So, particularly the guys out there, unleash your inner ten-year-old and go have some fun.

 

[roach]

You're just in denial because you want this movie to be good.

or maybe you want this to be bad

 

[That-Guy]

or maybe you want this to be bad

Hey, I DID want this movie to be good back when it was first announced. But as time has progressed, I haven't liked anything I've seen from the film, and the plot details that I know aren't good (IMO).

At this point I'm just looking at what seems to be overwhelming evidence that it will be crap on a stick.

 

[Blade X]

Maybe the reason why this movie isn't being screened for critics is because the studio may be afraid of the possible negative backlash and bad publicity from critics and some people in the mainstream news media who will take Hasbro and Paramount to task for ditching the whole "A Real American Hero" aspect of the G.I. JOE mythos in order to appeal to an international audience.

 

[LostSon88]

But at the same time...Baroness DOES call them "Real American Heroes" at one point in the film.

 

[Asgard]

The reason why they aren't screening the movie to most critics is because theyre hedging their bets. Most likely they know that most critic reviews are going to be bad and that it might hurt their BO take. However, like Transformers 2 showed, despite horrible reviews for the movie, the general audience still ate it up and had generally good wom. That's why theyre opting to have early screenings of the movie in "America's heartland". Theyre betting that those people are going to really enjoy the movie and use their WOM to attract a wider audience. I agree with Devin though in that they should just let mainstream critics review the movie since I dont think their bad reviews will really make an impact on how the movie will be judged by the GA.

 

[CelticPredator]

Analize? Please tell me you meant analyze...

I mean what I mean. Now bend over!

 

[CelticPredator]

Here is a list of recent movies that weren't screened for critics. Now, I didn't see all of these films, but those that I did see were dogsh** on a paper plate. Maybe one or two of these movies wasn't screened because they "weren't for critics" but the chances that G.I. Joe is in that minority is a longshot. You're just in denial because you want this movie to be good.

The Collector
Obsessed
Crank: High Voltage
12 Rounds
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Madea Goes To Jail
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans
The Haunting of Molly Hartley
SAW V
An American Carol
Fireproof
My Best Friend’s Girl
Tyler Perry’s The Family that Preys
Disaster Movie
Bangkok Dangerous
Mirrors

Crank was good.

And no, i'm not in any denial. I'm going in with super low expectations. Aside from the reviews, I havent seen anything that makes this movie OMFG AWESUM. Theres a lot of things that have me feeling off about things...Snake Eyes mouth, Commander's mask, the costumes, the Robosuits, and the fact that Sommers' last flick was a total turd....so I can tell you, while I want this movie to be good...if its not, I couldnt care less.

 

[The Lizard]

I am amused by the current 91% positive Tomatometer for GI Joe.

But there have only been 11 reviews at this point, so I can't see that lasting.

 

[Fresh Prince]

Critics have to loosen up sometimes. I respect them, because (like the Oscars) they bring awareness to good and lesser known films. But really, nobody cares what they think, because TF2 is still making a killing.

Oscars mean nothing these days anyways. Back in the day it meant something now it means nothing.

 

[Doctor Jones]

I know that. But in general, the Oscars and it's buzz to give awareness to lesser known films by itself. I didn't mean by winning. Slumdog Millionaire was a hit because of the buzz, otherwise it would of went under the radar.

 

[roach]

ok here's the reason....TF2 came out and the critics hated the movie...HATED the movie...but the GA loved it and saw it numerous times.....Paramount, the same guys see this and decide why do we need critics???? All we got to do is screen this movie to the GA and WOM will make or break this film

 

[kane9321]

anything is better than Transformers 2

This has to be better..it cant get worse,right?

 

[laudanum09]

anything is better than Transformers 2

This has to be better..it cant get worse,right?

ROTF's robot battles were fun. The rest of it was utter garbage. GI JOE has C-grade action movie evenly spread throughout. Much easier to swallow than TF2. I'm not hater though by any means, I enjoyed TF2 for what it was, an incredibly stupid film with epic Robot fights. GI JOE is stupid but sparsely and the humor isn't aimed towards the mentally challenged and is actually kind of clever at times.

 

[DocHoliday]

I know that. But in general, the Oscars and it's buzz to give awareness to lesser known films by itself. I didn't mean by winning. Slumdog Millionaire was a hit because of the buzz, otherwise it would of went under the radar.

Agreed. A lot of the general audience perceive the Oscars as pretentious crap though. Of course I don't agree with that. My brother was arguing that Transformers (part 1) deserved a best picture nomination. I find that laughable but there are those that put more stock in the MTV Movie Awards than the Oscars. It's sad really.

 

[Jake Cassidy]

^ Come on. Nobody puts stock in the MTV awards. t:

I will not take the Oscars seriously until Gary Oldman is at least nominated for something. It's hard to believe he hasn't been yet.

 

[CelticPredator]

Well, once he plays a gay nazi politician, then he can win.

 

[Jake Cassidy]

Well, once he plays a gay nazi politician, then he can win.

You forgot mentally handicapped. t:

 

[roach]

or dead

 

[DocHoliday]

^ Come on. Nobody puts stock in the MTV awards. t:

I will not take the Oscars seriously until Gary Oldman is at least nominated for something. It's hard to believe he hasn't been yet.

I wish that was the case but sadly it isn;t .


Yeah Oldman is brilliant but I doubt he ever will get a nod. He's sort of working for money now. That's fine so does Kevin Spacey but chances of him getting one are slim.

 

[FCEEVIPER]

anything is better than Transformers 2

This has to be better..it cant get worse,right?

Ditto.

 

[UltimateJustin]

"This is my friend's car. He left to go find you a tighter shirt."
"There isn't one - we checked."

Um, that's comedy, young world.

 

[CelticPredator]

or dead

2 people won awards post humorusly (tired....sue me). So....

 

[Jake Cassidy]

2 people won awards post humorusly (tired....sue me). So....

Both Australians. We can beat everyone else when we're dead. t:

 

[FrostBite]

Agreed. A lot of the general audience perceive the Oscars as pretentious crap though. Of course I don't agree with that. My brother was arguing that Transformers (part 1) deserved a best picture nomination. I find that laughable but there are those that put more stock in the MTV Movie Awards than the Oscars. It's sad really.

I put as much stock in the Oscars as I do the MTV Movie Awards. I find them just as ridiculous, and equally pointless.