Starting over..

[Silverstein]

It's so hard to do something for 4 years, only to have to end it. And you're supposed to feel better when you end it yourself, but it doesn't feel any better.


Who has had a long term relationship here?

How many years?

Do you still think about them?

How long did it take you to move on, if at all?

The question of if there's life after love finally makes sense...If you were in love and things were working almost close to perfectly but stupid **** got in the way and caused you to have to end it, what would your next move be?

 

[Majic Walrus]

I've been in a long term relationship. If you're lucky you never "move on" and you get to hold on to the good times and you get to learn from the bad times.

Being in love is a process it takes time and energy and effort. So if you're looking to find someone else... you should do that.

 

[Lightning Strykez!]

I've been in a 13 year long relationship with my partner--and it just recently came to an end. I'm still figuring out how to cope with it.

 

[KenK]

I've been in a 13 year long relationship with my partner--and it just recently came to an end. I'm still figuring out how to cope with it.

That's definitely gotta be tough.

 

[[A]]

4 years is long enough.

 

[SLVRSR4]

I was in a seven month relationship. I know that doesn't seem like a lot but it was to me. I'd say starting over shouldn't take longer than however the relationship was. It took me about 5 months to get over it.

 

[Erzengel]

I think this part from Swingers really explains it best in terms of getting over someone.

MIKE: And what if I don't want to give up on her?

ROB: You don't call.

MIKE: But you said I shouldn't call if I wanted to give up on her.

ROB: Right.

MIKE: So I don't call either way.

ROB: Right.

MIKE: So what's the difference?

ROB: The only difference between giving up and not giving up is if you take her back when she wants to come back. See, you can't do anything to make her want to come back. You can only do things to make her not want to come back.

MIKE: So the only difference is if I forget about her or pretend to forget about her.

ROB: Right.

MIKE: Well that sucks.

ROB: It sucks.

MIKE: So it's almost a retroactive decision. So I could, like, let's say, forget about her and when she comes back make like I just pretended to forget about her.

ROB: Right...or more likely the opposite.

MIKE: Right... Wait, what do you mean?

ROB: I mean first you'll pretend not to care not call - whatever, and then, eventually, you really won't care.

MIKE: Unless she comes back first.

ROB: Ah, see, that's the thing. Somehow they don't come back until you really don't care anymore.

MIKE: There's the rub.

ROB: There's the rub.

 

[Lightning Strykez!]

Bump: I think this deserves more discussion.

 

[Lunar_Wolf]

7 months was mine. My ex was crazy as a bag of bats, so I felt better afterwards. Another relationship of mine lasted 6 months, which sucked for a long while because I dug this girl quite a bit. I still kinda miss that relationship because she was really cute.

Now that I'm single again, I'm happy. I'm doing what I want with my time and there's plenty of time to jump back into the dating pool any time. Being single is important, I think to a certain degree for moments in your life. Someday day you won't have that freedom, so enjoy it while you can.

 

[Mee]

It's so hard to do something for 4 years, only to have to end it. And you're supposed to feel better when you end it yourself, but it doesn't feel any better.


Who has had a long term relationship here?

How many years?

Do you still think about them?

How long did it take you to move on, if at all?

The question of if there's life after love finally makes sense...If you were in love and things were working almost close to perfectly but stupid **** got in the way and caused you to have to end it, what would your next move be?

Are you trying to tell us you're...breaking up with the Hype?

 

[Silverstein]

No I had to break up with my gf. I learned my lesson. Women are evil by nature, evil in the sense that a spider or a lion are evil for their methods. If you call it "nature", then mental ******** is their defensive/offensive mechanism.

An attack of the mind is one of the most dangerous attacks to you.

I did not always believe in love. I thought that it was a notion that people created down the line to give reason to natural urges or instincts. There is nothing keeping people bonded other than their own personal interest, and if that fades or falters, then you simply have two people.

I was so stupid to allow myself to feel anything. I was ****ing out of my mind to actually allow someone to get close to me. At the end of the day, relationships equate to the best case scenario: You only mildly suffer.

Way too many thoughts and explanations to continue this post...I hope this is clear enough for now.

 

[AndThePickles]

No I had to break up with my gf. I learned my lesson. Women are evil by nature, evil in the sense that a spider or a lion are evil for their methods. If you call it "nature", then mental ******** is their defensive/offensive mechanism.

An attack of the mind is one of the most dangerous attacks to you.

I did not always believe in love. I thought that it was a notion that people created down the line to give reason to natural urges or instincts. There is nothing keeping people bonded other than their own personal interest, and if that fades or falters, then you simply have two people.

I was so stupid to allow myself to feel anything. I was ****ing out of my mind to actually allow someone to get close to me. At the end of the day, relationships equate to the best case scenario: You only mildly suffer.

Way too many thoughts and explanations to continue this post...I hope this is clear enough for now.

This post right here is exactly what you need to NOT do.

Don't blame the female gender for one relationship. You aren't stupid for allowing someone to get close to you...to be blunt, what is stupid is to regret it.

It's going to hurt for a while, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to NOT throw a personal pity party. Seek comfort in friends, but also in yourself by understanding that everything in life teaches you something. What positive things can you take from this experience? Blaming yourself and others does nothing for you.

 

[LiveWire777]

I get where your coming from man, i broke up with my gf of three and a half years about 2 months ago. To answer one of your questions i still think of her just about everyday, when ur with someone that long its pretty impossible not too. I'd be lying if i said i didn't think i made the biggest mistake of my life, but sometimes its just not meant to be..

 

[Spider-Who?]

i was a month away from getting married before we broke up. it was a kinda of mutual thing in a weird way and unhealthy way. She pretty much used me (unintentionally or not) throughout the entire friendship leading up the the relationship, and even for a period after wards. It was a painful, yet strangely beautiful relationship, something you'd see in a movie that wasn't sure if it was a psychological thriller, a sweet chick flick or a porn. It was one of the most grueling things i've ever been through and it took me a long time to be able to go thorugh one day without thinking of her and feeling my heart give way. i held on to hope and then resentment for quite a while and to this day (just over a year ago) i still think of her and what could have been. But looking at the relationship rationally, it never would have worked, never should have been. But at this point now, I can look at the good and be happy and thankful for those moments with a twinge of sadness. But with all that I learned in what i want/need from the opposite sex, how to handle serious relationships and their problems, I am (somewhat begrudgingly - i wont lie) thankful for what i went through and will look forward to trying again with someone else in the future.

There's no magically pill or action that will make the pain go away. its frustrating to be aware of that, and a silver bullet to those so desperately needing help. Its so cliche, but time heals all wounds. But that doesnt mean you sit around moping and waiting for Time's prescription; you need to be the catalyst for that change. Seek therapy, be around friends, lose yourself in activities you love, go out on a date; the point is do SOMETHING. I know that a part of me will always be sad at loosing someone so close, will always be a little angry at the betrayals, but i know that it is now, and will always be manageable.

 

[Matt]

My advice to you Silverstein, if you care about this girl, and I think from your posts you do, don't end it over some tough guy bull ****. She did something frustrating? People do. If you love them, you move past it. If you care about her, fight for it. That's what you oughta do. You should never give something like that up by choice, because one day it will be taken from you. And you don't recover from that. So cherish what you have for now.

 

[Mee]

Women are evil by nature

Oooh so you're coming out of the closet then.

 

[The Guard]

I'm not sure what she did (care to elaborate?), but I know this much:

Women are not evil by nature. They are human. Like men.

You hear women say "Guys are such jerks". So are women.

There is no fairy tale relationship out there. People are going to fail you. People are going to hurt you. That is the nature of close relationships. We hurt the ones we love. The measure of a good relationship is not whether someone never hurts you...but if they allow you to remain hurt, or if they make overtures, an attempt to apologize, make things right, etc.

Whatever you do...learn from this, but don't learn to close yourself off. Too many people make the mistake of not learning, and isolating themselves, or worse, pretending to do so while crying for attention and companionship.

 

[The Guard]

I'm not sure what she did (care to elaborate?), but I know this much:

Women are not evil by nature. They are human. Like men.

You know how women always say "Guys are such jerks" when they get hurt? Women can be jerks too.

There is no fairy tale relationship out there. People you care about, even love, are going to fail you at some point. The same people are likely going to hurt you. That is unfortunately the nature of close relationships. We hurt the ones we love, sometimes intentionally, sometimes by accident. The measure of a good relationship is not whether someone never hurts you...but if they allow you to remain hurt, or if they make overtures, an attempt to apologize, make things right, etc.

Whatever you do...learn from this, but don't learn to close yourself off. Too many people make the mistake of not learning, and isolating themselves, or worse, pretending to do so while crying for attention and companionship.

 

[Erzengel]

Ah, to be young and think, this is what I get for opening up my heart to anyone. I'm just going to form a wall around myself so nobody gets in anymore. So overdramatic. LOL

Relationships are hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise has never been in a long or serious one. You run the risk of getting hurt but in the end you just hoping to find someone worth wile.

Silverstein is just going through the "hurt" stage. I'm surprised he didn't finish the post with, I'm just going to use women now, eff relationships.

 

[Silverstein]

This post right here is exactly what you need to NOT do.

Don't blame the female gender for one relationship. You aren't stupid for allowing someone to get close to you...to be blunt, what is stupid is to regret it.

It's going to hurt for a while, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to NOT throw a personal pity party. Seek comfort in friends, but also in yourself by understanding that everything in life teaches you something. What positive things can you take from this experience? Blaming yourself and others does nothing for you.

ATP, it's so hard.

I did EVERYTHING to be the best boyfriend ever. I did EVERYTHING to even explain to her how to be a better gf. I carried our weight, and she acts like I'm the one who failed. Everyday I think about her, and she does mental gymnastics to pretend that she's just awesome.

Emotionally: I was there for her if she neeeded to call me any time of the day. I always tried to think of her first.

Physically: TMI for SHH

Cash-ically: I've spent probably like $20,000 net on her.

I was always aces on everything that she wanted. And it ends because of some stupid fear of commitment ********. Damnit.

It's my fault. I was stupid. She's younger than me, I should have known. She's been 19 for a few months and I just 22 in September. I should never have gotten with someone so close to three years younger than me.. I should have been trying for like 25 or something..

My advice to you Silverstein, if you care about this girl, and I think from your posts you do, don't end it over some tough guy bull ****. She did something frustrating? People do. If you love them, you move past it. If you care about her, fight for it. That's what you oughta do. You should never give something like that up by choice, because one day it will be taken from you. And you don't recover from that. So cherish what you have for now.

I've tried talking to her, but part of why I broke up with her is that she has some kind of condition that makes her basically try to retroactively change our past. So things that I've done she'll sa never happened or happened differently.And she always tries to make me the badguy. I love her, but if she won't love me somebody else will...There are plenty of other factors, but it's that stupid ******** and then she'll, at the end of the day act like she still loves me, if only as a friend.

So I'm like **** that noise.

I've never had a problem getting numbers or talking to chicks. So what I want from her is unobtainable from someone unwilling to grow the **** up. So I'm moving on.

I don't know what to do, drinking doesn't even help anymore, because I'm not even sad anymore. I'm actually kind of happy. But it's winter and I miss the cuddling and the movies and everything. Yeah, paint me a jerk, I'd rather be a jerk and a *****e than heartbroken and alone.

 

[BlackLantern]

do what makes you happy....if ending it seems and moving on is the right feeling, then do that....we all mourn our past relationships, but you can't mourn forever

 

[Erzengel]

You're young and you were looking to settle down with a girl who's not even legal to drink?

I'm not trying to play down your emotions or your relationship but given time you'll get over her and be onto the next girl.

Just the next few months will take some adjustment.

 

[Silverstein]

Yeah. You ever have that feeling when you know what's right and the correct answer, but being human and emotional you choose the stupid paths on purpose? Or maybe that you can't help but feel them...it's kinda like that.

Like you're right, and I should be over it. But it's just...Agh!! I keep getting mad everytime I think about it...but then I can't stop thinking about it, and I want to ****ing break something..

 

[Silverstein]

Okay I have work at 4, I'm going to go drink so I'll be sober by then..

 

[BlackLantern]

Yeah. You ever have that feeling when you know what's right and the correct answer, but being human and emotional you choose the stupid paths on purpose? Or maybe that you can't help but feel them...it's kinda like that.

reactions are controllable....you just have to tell yourself that....too many people are slave to societal conditions...like we're supposed to be mad when someone does this, or be happy when someone does that....