Suicide was on my mind this week...

[CashforStash]

Let me share my story.

On Monday this week, I was snow trailing on my off road BMX in a near by trail with many rocks and hills. I ended up crashing the bike into a tree and the pedal of my bike (which has extremely sharp pointed metal edges) stabed the back of my ankle and tore thru most of the flesh, almost coming close to my nerve I believe. Right when the crash happened I was about a foot away from a drop that was aprox 35 feet down, my first thought was to just hurl my self over the ledge because of the pain, but I didn't because I remembered my family. I instantly called my dad and I was saved in about 15 minutes.

Has the hype had any other experiences, I am resting for the rest of the month in my bed, and I kind of don't regret the experience because it gave me a different look at how much I appreciate my life.

 

[Shemtov]

The way I understand what you wrote is that you were not depressed, you just wanted to spare yourself from physical pain.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I thought that you were going for the really generic reason to use as an excuse to go in the I want to commit suicide mode. Oops.

 

[CashforStash]

Yeah I'm not depressed or anything, but when the accident happened I wanted to hurl my self of the ledge for a couple of seconds just so i could be spared from the pain. I just wanted to know if anyone here has been in a similar situation just to see if it's normal to have thought that.

 

[Figs]

I think most people have felt that before. That amount of physical pain that makes you think "****, I wish I were dead right now!!". Like being barefoot and stubbing your toe on something really hard.

I know your problem was a lot more painful, but it shouldn't be something to kill yourself over.

 

[Master Chief]

I recommend you seek out psychiatric help immediately!

 

[Marvolo]

Can't say that I can relate to the OP's sentiments, but I can relate to the pain. In June of this past year my left arm was trapped in a conveyor belt. The two steel rollars that the belt went around snapped my Radius clean in two and pinned my arm in a space of less than an inch. The belt itself (which has teeth like protrusions on it) continued to grind against my arm grinding all the meat and most of the nerves out of the bottom of my arm in an area the size of a large pear. I also had rubber and bits of wood from the belt burnt to my arm from the friction. The incompetent nurses at the ER wrapped this wound in salve and gauze. Now, a wound like this doesnt bleed, but instead drains and oozes. This ooz and gauze dried and became like glue. When I went to have my arm set they had to remove this gauze. When they did this it removed the top layer of skin where the gauze was. After all this they put me on Vicodin. Little did I know that Vicodin is next to useless on me. The next few days I began to regain feeling in the demaged and regrowing nerves. It is like having a red hot poker stuck to you repeatedly in waves. It is excrutiating pain. I had to go back to the ER and I was put on Percoset which helped. Things get better trust me. I was left in a splint, because they were afraid a closed cast would cut off air to the wound. About a month after th initial injury however, my wound became infected. The doctor had to peel the scab and infected flesh from the wound. This is like being skinned if you don't know. After this I had to remain in a splint, and I had to open the splint daily and clean the wound with peroxide which own open nerves is like battery acid. After 4 months and lots of pain peels and many hours of physical therapy I was back at work. I still have a large scar and nerve damage in my arm. I also have early arthritis in my left wrist as a result of the injury. You could say I had an eventful summer.

 

[bullets]

Right when the crash happened I was about a foot away from a drop that was aprox 35 feet down, my first thought was to just hurl my self over the ledge because of the pain, but I didn't because I remembered my family. I instantly called my dad and I was saved in about 15 minutes.

I've been in a situation where I was really hurt and the thought briefly entered my mind where I almost would of preferred death. I didn't linger on it but you always want something to take the pain away. Hurling yourself would of been really extreme though. I'm glad I can trust myself not to do something like that.

 

[Figs]

First, how did you get your arm stuck in the first place?

Second, I'm curious to see those pics.

 

[Marvolo]

First, how did you get your arm stuck in the first place?

Second, I'm curious to see those pics.

I work with lumber. The belt itself carries sticks we use to seperate the layers of lumber out to a bucket. The person running the plainner occassionally has to go empty the bucket. I myself run a rip saw, but earlier that night the plainer opperator was fired so I was running both the rip saw and plainer. The belt had become worn and was suppossed to be replaced but the maintenance worker had forgot to replace it that day, and the bucket its self had one side open that allowed the damaged belt to snag on the sticks and pull them out of the bucket and under the belt. It was at my last break of the night that I realized the bucket had become a mess so I decided to go down and fix it before I took my break. When I got to the bucket I saw that some sticks had become lodged under the belt so doing like I had done many times I wreached down to get them and the cuff of my work glove caught on the belt and pulled me down and my arm up between the two steel rollers. Now since the Plainer operator was fired, I was the only one over there and no one else saw me get pulled into the machine. I began to scream and throw anything I could grab. The emergency shut off switch was on the other side of the machine about 4 feet away. After about a minute I realized I couldn't get anyone's attention and that I needed to focus on getting my arm out before it was either broke or ripped off. That is when i heard my arm break. At that point, I kind of surrendered and just went numb to everything. That is when one of my fellow workers literally jumped over me and the machine and was hit the emrgency shut off switch. It was like somethong out of a movie. He came out of nowehere. He then got my knife and cut the belt. The lucky thing is that one man working on the glue reel saw me and motioned to my dad (who is also my supervisor) and got his attention. The glue reel is sometimes shut down. If it had been shut down that night it would have been at least fifteen minutes or more before someone would have gotten to me at which point my arm would have been gone. Dad motioned the whole crew to run my direction and between everyone involved they got me out. Out of all the events though, I was the most scared when I heard my dad's voice crack when he got to me. I asked him how he was going to get me out, and he replied "I don't know," and his voice just broke. He didn't know how bad I was injured or how he was going to get me out of the machine. My dad is a very tough person, but for a child to hear that fear in their parent when they know their child is injured and they can't help them, well, its a heartbreaking thing.

 

[Wolfwood]

Man, what would you have done if you did hurl yourself over the cliff, somehow survived and then wound up in worse pain? That would've been most bogus.

 

[Shedhut]

A scorpion surrounded by fire will sting itself to avoid a painful death. Apparently its a natural reflex

 

[Spider-Who?]

damn, Marvolo, thats insane. I'm really surprised you didn't loose your arm. Glad you're in one piece.

Has anyone heard of, or (hopefully not) had suicide headaches? They make migraines feel like nothing. They're called suicide headaches, because, well, those who get them tend to try to commit suicide (and often do) because the pain is that intense and unrelenting.

As Shedhut said, it is a natural reaction to do whatever you can to end pain. In some instances, the pain is so intense suicide really does seem like the only option.