The Dirty Joke Thread

[rodhulk]

A young man went into a house of ill repute with $20. The Madam told him there was nothing available at the moment. So he started to leave but she stopped him and said for that amount she had something different he might be interested in. She said he could try it with a chicken. He said no way; but she talked him into trying it and if he didn't like it he wouldn't have to pay anything.

So he agreed to it and she took him into a little room with the chicken. After he finished, he told her that was the most disgusting thing he ever did and wanted his money back.

The next week he went back with $30. Again he was told that nothing was available for that amount. But as he turned to leave the madam told him she had something different that he might enjoy. He said no way, not the chicken. And she said no, there were two lesbians at work in a room and he could watch them through a one-way mirror.

He liked the idea and was led into a room with about 30 other people watching through a one way mirror. After about 20 minutes - he poked the guy next to him and said "This is pretty good." The guy said, "Yeah but it ain't nothing - you should have been here last week when a guy was in there with a chicken."

 

[Gamma Ray]

What do you call a woman with a penis?





















A man.

 

[C-$]

A young man went into a house of ill repute with $20. The Madam told him there was nothing available at the moment. So he started to leave but she stopped him and said for that amount she had something different he might be interested in. She said he could try it with a chicken. He said no way; but she talked him into trying it and if he didn't like it he wouldn't have to pay anything.

So he agreed to it and she took him into a little room with the chicken. After he finished, he told her that was the most disgusting thing he ever did and wanted his money back.

The next week he went back with $30. Again he was told that nothing was available for that amount. But as he turned to leave the madam told him she had something different that he might enjoy. He said no way, not the chicken. And she said no, there were two lesbians at work in a room and he could watch them through a one-way mirror.

He liked the idea and was led into a room with about 30 other people watching through a one way mirror. After about 20 minutes - he poked the guy next to him and said "This is pretty good." The guy said, "Yeah but it ain't nothing - you should have been here last week when a guy was in there with a chicken."

That's pretty funny!

 

[rodhulk]

That's pretty funny!

here's another one for ya:


A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said "lot's of other doctors have sex with their patients so it's not like you're the first..."

This made the doctor feel a little better until still another voice in his head said, "..... but they probably weren't veterinarians."

 

[Bat Attack]

I would tell the one about "Sandpaper Sally" but I'm to lazy to type it all.

 

[C-$]

here's another one for ya:


A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his patients.

However, a little voice in his head said "lot's of other doctors have sex with their patients so it's not like you're the first..."

This made the doctor feel a little better until still another voice in his head said, "..... but they probably weren't veterinarians."

Damn, that's even funnier!

 

[rodhulk]

I would tell the one about "Sandpaper Sally" but I'm to lazy to type it all.

Great, just bloody great! Now you got me all curious.

 

[Gamma Ray]

What do you call a woman with a vagina?















A normal woman.

 

[rodhulk]

Damn, that's even funnier!

And yet another:

This drunk staggeres into a bar, bumping into customers and spilling drinks as he makes his way to the bar. The bartender sees what is going on and is pissed at the drunk when he finally makes it to the bar.
"Get out of here!" says the bartender.
"I gotta go to the bathroom," slurs the drunk.
"I said get outta here or I'll throw you out!!" yells the bartender.
"I gotta go baffroom," says the drunk and starts to drop his drawers.
"Hold on, hold on" says the bartender. "Allright, you can go to the bathroom, but afterwards get the frig out of my bar!"
The drunk agrees and stumbles off to the bathroom. After about 5 minutes, everyone hears this loud scream. Dead silence in the bar. Another loud scream from the bathroom. The bartender and a few customers run to the bathroom. There's the drunk sitting down.
"What the heck is going on?" asks the bartender.
"I went and everytime I try to flush the toilet, it crushes my nuts!" says the drunk.
"Why, you stupid jerk!" said the bartender. "You're sitting on my mop bucket!!"

 

[Alexafades2blak]

A blond is pulled over for speeding

-Cop: can i see your drivers license please?
-Blonde: whats that?
-Cop: its that card with your picture on it
-Blonde: oh here it is

*said the blond after searchin in her purse

-Cop: and can i have your registration?
-Blond: whats that?
-Cop: its those papers saying that this is your car
-Blond: oh (searchin frantically again) here you go.

then the cop unzips his fly and takes his penis out of his pants

-blond: oh no! not another breathalyser test!

 

[Bat Attack]

^ Ahahahahaha!!!

 

[C-$]

And yet another:

This drunk staggeres into a bar, bumping into customers and spilling drinks as he makes his way to the bar. The bartender sees what is going on and is pissed at the drunk when he finally makes it to the bar.
"Get out of here!" says the bartender.
"I gotta go to the bathroom," slurs the drunk.
"I said get outta here or I'll throw you out!!" yells the bartender.
"I gotta go baffroom," says the drunk and starts to drop his drawers.
"Hold on, hold on" says the bartender. "Allright, you can go to the bathroom, but afterwards get the frig out of my bar!"
The drunk agrees and stumbles off to the bathroom. After about 5 minutes, everyone hears this loud scream. Dead silence in the bar. Another loud scream from the bathroom. The bartender and a few customers run to the bathroom. There's the drunk sitting down.
"What the heck is going on?" asks the bartender.
"I went and everytime I try to flush the toilet, it crushes my nuts!" says the drunk.
"Why, you stupid jerk!" said the bartender. "You're sitting on my mop bucket!!"

You're loaded!

 

[Alexia Dark]

Ok, ok, I've got one... I hate knowing it, but...

A kid and his parents were walking through a park one day, and the kid sees two dogs ****ing.

"Mommy," the kid asked,"What are the dogs doing?"

"Making cakes," the mother replied.

The next day, the kid goes to his mom.

"Mommy, did you and daddy make cakes on the sofa last night?"

Shocked, the mother replies, "Yes, we did."

The kid says," I thought so. I licked the icing off of the sofa ."

 

[Bat Attack]

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh man I have to tell my friends that one. Ahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[C-$]

Ok, ok, I've got one... I hate knowing it, but...

A kid and his parents were walking through a park one day, and the kid say two dogs ****ing.

"Mommy," the kid asked,"What are the dogs doing?"

"Making cakes," the mother replied.

The next day, the kid goes to his mom.

"Mommy, did you and daddy make cakes on the sofa last night?"

Shocked, the mother replies, "Yes, we did."

The kid says," I thought so. I licked the icing off of the sofa ."

THAT'S SICK & HILARIOUS!

 

[Bat Attack]

Heres one,

Little Miss Hubard went to the cupboard to get old rover a bone. When Little Miss Hubard bent over, Rover drove her, and soon she discoverd that Rover had a bone of his own!

 

[rodhulk]

Ok, ok, I've got one... I hate knowing it, but...

A kid and his parents were walking through a park one day, and the kid sees two dogs ****ing.

"Mommy," the kid asked,"What are the dogs doing?"

"Making cakes," the mother replied.

The next day, the kid goes to his mom.

"Mommy, did you and daddy make cakes on the sofa last night?"

Shocked, the mother replies, "Yes, we did."

The kid says," I thought so. I licked the icing off of the sofa ."

Here's another kid joke for you, you sick.....

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hands. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"

"Very good Sally,' the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students hold up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"

Billy holds up his hand and says "it's a zebra."

"Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!"

 

[C-$]

Here's another kid joke for you, you sick.....

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises their hands. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"

Sally holds up her hand and asks "is it a giraffe?"

"Very good Sally,' the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students hold up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"

Billy holds up his hand and says "it's a zebra."

"Very good Billy," the teacher replies. Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students recognized the animal.

"See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"

Still no one guesses. "Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."

Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard!"

Where did you get these jokes from ?

 

[Jolie_Desastre]

Johnny deeper


i don't remember how this goes but oh well


johnny deeper loved cookies. one day this annoying girl that had a crush on johhnny had a bag of cookies.
johnny-can i have a cookie?
girl-only if you give me a kiss on the cheek
johnny didn't want to but he loved cookies so he did
johnny-that was great can i have another
girl-only if you give me a kiss on the lips
again he didn't want to but he wanted the cookie

johnny- can i have another
girl-only if ya go upstairs to your room and get naked under the sheets with me

soe they go upstairs and johnny and the girl get naked under the sheets.

all of a sudden johnny's lil sis walks in "johhny deeper!" and she runs off to tell her mom, his mom walks in "johnny deeper" and she runs off to tell his dad, he walks in "johnny deeper!"

johnny- fo god's sakes this is as deep as i can go!

 

[Bat Attack]

Lol

 

[Bat Attack]

These jokes are great. Keep them coming!

 

[Jolie_Desastre]

ok ok here's is one that webby reminded me of

one day a little indian boy is sitting with his dad when he asks

"dad where do our names come from?"
dad- "well whenever a baby is born and we open up the tp the first thing we see is what we name it."
boy-" like my uncles walking deer, and growling bear?"
dad-yes ofcourse, why do you ask two dogs f***ing?

 

[Bat Attack]

Ahahaha!

 

[Gamma Ray]

These jokes are great. Keep them coming!

Thank you!


What do you call a man with a penis?














A normal man!

 

[Alexia Dark]

What do you call a man in my world who abuses a woman?








































Castrated!