The "From The Pages Of..." Comics Universe RPG

I toss Dean the keys to my car and smile.

"What happened to all the stuff Buddha said?" Sam asks.

"The best part about rules is breaking them."

"Heh. This guy's not bad after all."

*******


With the two brothers behind me in the Maserati, I take a corner in the Hollywood hills at over a 100MPH with the lights flashing and the portable police light on the Impala's dashboard.

God, I love being a cop.

"Zen 1 to Twiddledee and Twiddledum," I say into the walkie talkie.​


"Did he just-?"

"Yep," Sam says with a smirk.

"Based on the map we found, the ritual site is just up the road. When we come to it, get ready to fight. I got my gun and a few other tricks ready for them, hope you got the same."

I pause for a second and then put the walkie talkie back to my mouth.

"Sweet ride, by the way. The gauge says the radiator is running hot. Is that a problem?"

"You sonovabi-" the radio goes dead.

I slam my foot down on the accelerator. The Maserati jumps forward, plowing us back into the seats. "I'll show him running hot."

We tear past my baby. But not too fast that I can't give Crews a gesture of how I think he's treating the Impala.

We come to a sliding stop a couple of hundred yards away from the spot on the map. Sam and I get out and wait for Crews to catch up so we can get our gear out of the trunk.

"My baby better not be hurtin'."

"Dean, it's a car."

"It's my car. And she's a classic." Sam gives me the wide-eyed look, but I just ignore him. I'm already dreading the work I'm gonna have to put in on the engine...
 
We come to a sliding stop a couple of hundred yards away from the spot on the map. Sam and I get out and wait for Crews to catch up so we can get our gear out of the trunk.

"My baby better not be hurtin'."

"Dean, it's a car."

"It's my car. And she's a classic." Sam gives me the wide-eyed look, but I just ignore him. I'm already dreading the work I'm gonna have to put in on the engine...

I slide the Impala next to the brothers and toss Dean the keys.

"Radiator's fine. It could use an oil change and maybe some more transmission fluid."

Checking to make sure everything is good to go with my gun, I turn back to my car and pull a bag out the car's backseat. I grab an apple out the glove compartment box while I'm at it.

"My own little goodie bag. You show me yours, I'll show you mine," I say after taking a bite out of the apple.
 
ateamk.jpg


With the intel and the transportation secured, all that's left is to meet the NSA group who's coming in to assist us.

"Hannibal, to B.A. Are you in position?"

"Got my scope trained on the location, Hannibal."

"Just stay frosty."

With Murdock and Face behind me, I walk up to the meeting spot and light up a cigar.

"Hi there," I say to the three people in front of me. Two guys and a girl.

Hannibal.jpg


"We're the professionals."
 
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The next day, I wake up before my brothers, and find Master Splinter waiting for me in the common room, "What happened last night, my son?"

I tell the story of our adventures from last night, leaving nothing out of the retelling. He sits, closing his eyes as I inform him that the Purple Dragons are in league with the Foot. They don't open until I tell him how we reunited with our past allies, "Good, Leonardo. Friends are always needed in a time like this. Now, how will you find your target?"

"I think I can help with that, Master," Donatello says, taking a seat at the breakfast table next to me. "Someone I met through hacking."

"Good, my son! Good!" Splinter smiles.

"You mentioned that last night," I nod leaning back in my seat. "Who is he? And can he be trusted?"

"I don't know his real name. He goes by Clu," he responds rubbing his chin. "But I can set up a meeting. We've worked together on a few hacks. He seems to be interested in the same stuff we are."

"Set it up," I stand, heading for Michelangelo and Raphael's rooms. "I'm sending the other two to April to find out whatever she knows."

*******

Rain falls hard on the New York Streets as Donatello and I race towards our meeting with the man known as Clu. The rooftops are slick, but we slide over them like penguins on ice, using our feet to glide.

We reach the alley where Clu told us he'd be, and slide down a drainpipe into the shadows. Donatello looks at his wrist, "We're a few minutes early."

I pace in the darkness, until a voice from the other side of the alley announces its presence, "Hello?"

The man approaches us, "Stay where you are. We need to know if we can trust you."

"Yea, no problem, man," Clu replies. "What's with all the secrecy though. I'm here in the light. You can see me. Why can't I see you?"

"Well," Donnie speaks up, "we're wanted."

"So am I. Not by the police, but wanted none the less. Why do you think I haven't told you my real name?" he chuckles over the rain drops.

I look over to Donnie and whisper, "You sure about this guy?"

"Yea," he nods. "He's the only chance we've got. I can't find the info we need by myself."

I put my arm around my brother and walk us into the dim moonlight. Once we're illuminated, even in the dim light I can see his face contort in surprise. Our appearance will always have that affect on those that are unprepared, yet it's something I still haven't gotten used to. "I'm Leonardo, and this is my brother, Donatello."

"You're...you're the turtle men," he stammers.

"Yes. We are. And you don't have to be afraid. Most of the stuff that's been said about us is false. We didn't kill Sterns, and we aren't dangerous. Except for people who harm innocents," I assure Clu. "I'm sure Donnie's told you all about it, but we need your help to find some information."

"Yea...yea he told me," he nods. "Why don't you dome with me to my place. We can talk somewhere dry."

"I wouldn't mind knowing your real name first."

"Yea...I get it," he nods. "And since you trusted me with your secret, I guess I can trust you with mine. The name's Flynn. Kevin Flynn."

"Get out," Donatello whispers. "The Flynn!? You're like a god, man!"

"Yea, I've gotten that before," he laughs. "Follow me. We can talk."

*******

I sit down on Flynn's couch, something that even to this day is awkward for a giant turtle. I look up and get my first good look at our host. He doesn't strike me as the hacker type. More like an old beaten down country singer than a hacker. But his disposition. Man, he's like an older Mikey.

"So Flynn," Donnie says, his eyes looking like he's looking at an idol, "what happened to you? You've been missing for over twenty years."

"Yea," he says, taking the first sip out of a beer bottle, "I've been running basically the whole time. In the early eighties, while trying to retrieve my property from Encom, I helped destroy a rogue AI that Encom developed that threatened to take over all programs on the flourishing net. Well, we couldn't have that, could we? Well needless to say after that I become the CEO of the company. Imagine that! Someone like me, a CEO."

I chuckle. The guy has so much passion, and seems like the exact kind of person we can use as a teammate. An ally on the highest order. I look around the small apartment, and one of the walls catches my eye. A board with scraps of papers, maps, and pictures with the words "What is The Ring?" headlining the top.

Flynn takes another sip of beer, "But after a while, the company started to move into areas that I wasn't comfortable with. Gone were video games and light software, and in came government contracts for defense. I tried to stop it from going that way, but the board overruled me all the time. So eventually I stepped down, and the company was bought out by some foreign corporation named Shadaloo. Well, I poked around their systems, and they were in some deep, heavy stuff. Illegal stuff."

He chugs the rest of the beer down, and reclines in the seat, "Well, they found me out. And right around the time of the craziness with the heroes and villains and the Keene Act, they came after me. So I went underground, and have been running ever since."

"I'm confused...I've never heard of Encom," I say puzzled. "What happened to it?"

"Oh, well you'd know the good company as Cyberdine Systems nowadays."

"My god...that's terrible," Donnie says. "What have you been doing all this time?"

"Trying to unravel a mystery that goes deeper than I ever could have imagined..." he says trailing off, his eyes burning a hole in his lap. He shakes out of it and nods his head at the wall that I was looking at, "I found mention of something called The Ring when I was digging into Shadaloo. From everything I've gathered, they're bad. Bad to the highest degree, guys. But every trail I pick up goes cold almost immediately. It's maddening."

I rub my chin and look over at him, "Sounds serious. And something that we'd be interested in."

"Yea, you guys seem like the intrepid crime fighters we all need," he laughs. "Donnie, I'll be in touch. We'll make our moves in two days."

We say our good-byes and Donatello and I head back into the rain, and make our way back home.

"We've really got the makings of one hell of a team, Leo," Donnie remarks as we trudge through the sewers. "Four mutants, a scarred scientist, an insane vigilante, and a hacker on the run. We're like the dysfunctional Justice League."

I laugh, "Yea. And I expected a comment like that from Mikey, not you Don."
 
With the intel and the transportation secured, all that's left is to meet the NSA group who's coming in to assist us.

"Hannibal, to B.A. Are you in position?"

"Got my scope trained on the location, Hannibal."

"Just stay frosty."

With Murdock and Face behind me, I walk up to the meeting spot and light up a cigar.

"Hi there," I say to the three people in front of me. Two guys and a girl.

Hannibal.jpg


"We're the professionals."


Casey virtually growls...actually, he does growl at the sight of the gray haired man. Even Sarah seems a bit standoffish.

I extend my hand. "Hi, I'm Chu..." my eyes cross...

ubfxy.jpg

And suddenly, I understand Sarah and Casey's reactions. Hannibal Smith and the A-Team are traitors. Fugitives running from the law. And all the evidence says they did it. The US government has been hunting them for years. And they've apparently been causing chaos all around the world.

But Hannibal doesn't look like a criminal. Heck, he seems like a friendly enough guy.

"Uh...Charles. Charles Carmichael." No need to be too friendly, I guess. I nod towards the others. "Agent Walker, and the bulldog is Major Casey."
 
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Casey virtually growls...actually, he does growl at the sight of the gray haired man. Even Sarah seems a bit standoffish.

I extend my hand. "Hi, I'm Chu..." my eyes cross...

And suddenly, I understand Sarah and Casey's reactions. Hannibal Smith and the A-Team are traitors. Fugitives running from the law. And all the evidence says they did it. The US government has been hunting them for years. And they've apparently been causing chaos all around the world.

But Hannibal doesn't look like a criminal. Heck, he seems like a friendly enough guy.

"Uh...Charles. Charles Carmichael." No need to be too friendly, I guess. I nod towards the others. "Agent Walker, and the bulldog is Major Casey."

"I'm guessing I don't need to tell you who I am. Call me Hannibal. The wild-eyed man to my right you can call Murdock, and Face is to my left."

I take a drag off my cigar.

"B.A. currently has his sniper rifle pointed at Major Casey's head."

Casey shoots me a foul look and I shrug.

"You don't survive as long as we do and not learn to be careful...I suppose it wouldn't do any good to tell you folks that me and my team were under orders to steal that money."
 
"I'm guessing I don't need to tell you who I am. Call me Hannibal. The wild-eyed man to my right you can call Murdock, and Face is to my left."

I take a drag off my cigar.

"B.A. currently has his sniper rifle pointed at Major Casey's head."

Casey shoots me a foul look and I shrug.

"You don't survive as long as we do and not learn to be careful...I suppose it wouldn't do any good to tell you folks that me and my team were under orders to steal that money."


"Yeah. That's why they didn't find any evidence of those orders."

"Hey man. All those order got blown skyyy hiiigh. Little bits of paper floating on their own stairway to heaven." Murdock starts twirling around, his fingers dancing in the air. "Along with poor Colonel Morrison." Murdock bows his head, and takes his cape off, placing over his heart.

"...Riiight" I glance at Sarah with my eyebrows raised. She just shrugs, her own eyes large too.

"Oh great. The stories were true. He really is a nut job."

"Yeah, he's nuts. But we love him anyway," Face says. He walks up to Sarah, taking her hand. "May I just say, by the way, that it's been a long time since we've worked with anyone as lovely as you, Agent Walker."

Face kisses her hand, and she pulls it away in disgust. And yet she still blushes and looks to the side slightly embarrassed, trying to cover a smile.

"Don't let him get to you, Bartowski," Casey whisper as he walks past.

"No problem,"
I say with a smile, vaguely wondering if I can get away with punching Hannibal's guy...without breaking my hand. Or getting beat up. Or shot.

But Sarah instantly composes herself, and steps right past Face, and up Smith. "I think it's best if we go to your base of operations now and start putting a plan together."
 

"No problem,"
I say with a smile, vaguely wondering if I can get away with punching Hannibal's guy...without breaking my hand. Or getting beat up. Or shot.

But Sarah instantly composes herself, and steps right past Face, and up Smith. "I think it's best if we go to your base of operations now and start putting a plan together."

B.A. comes down from his hiding spot and we lead the NSA team to our base of operations to run over the plan.


"This is our temporary plan," I announce to the room. Behind me is a map of the island Crab Key.

"From what we've gathered over the past few days, Crab Key is owned by one doctor Julius No, a German-Chinese scientists born in Hong Kong but raised abroad. Every intelligence organization in the world seems to have a file on No. In all the files - whether CIA, NSA, MI6, G.I. Joe, Mossad, or CONTROL - all of them are very thin. What we do know is that No studied nuclear physics at MIT in the late 70's and has ties to Chinese Tongs and Triads through his mother's side. In late 2007, No was spotted in Switzerland meeting with Emilo Largo, who is widely reputed to be involved with the organization known as SPECTRE."

"For a bunch of mercs, you folks smell pretty well informed," Casey spits out.

"Credit it with Face. He's more than just a....face. He's handy with computers."

"Thanks, Colonel. Oh, by the way, props on those NSA firewalls. Actually managed to break out a sweat cracking them,"
Face says with a wink.

"The island of Crab Key was purchased by No in early 2008 with funds from a Swiss bank account. With No's background as a nuclear physicist and the meeting with Largo in Switzerland shortly before the purchase of Crab Key, MI6 became concerned. Last week an MI6 agent codenamed 007 began collecting information on No and his island. London was in constant contact with 007 until four days ago, when all communications ceased. Given the cause for concern, the head of MI6 has hired me and my group to find out where 007 is on Crab Key and to rescue him. With the way things are in Britain, she's doing this behind the backs of the Norsefire bastards who run the country. The NSA was brought in only because if No is apprehended, America will get the first crack at debriefing No and find out what he knows."

I pause and turn to the map of the island.

"As for the assault, we have hired a pilot, under the table and no questions asked, to fly us over Crab Key. We will jump out and parachute to the island. We're not entirely sure what's waiting for us on the island, but we'll be bringing enough ordnance to blow the ass off of Godzilla."

"Hell yeah!"
Murdock jumps up and mimes like he's shooting a machine gun.

"Sit down, fool!" B.A. shots as he grabs Murdock by the collar and slams him down on the chair.

"Thank you. Now, once we find 007 and apprehend No, we'll radio out pilot and he'll arrive in a seaplane and extract all of us back to the mainland....any questions?"
 
They might be traitors, but...they're pretty damn cool. Well, Hannibal and Face are cool. Murdock and B.A. are just...scary. Especially B.A. He's Casey scary.

In fact, Casey's been beyond Casey scary ever since we got this mission. And I'm not surprised. The only thing Casey loves more than guns and scotch is America. And he's been ordered to work with traitors? The way he keeps grinding his teeth, I bet he could chew through solid steel.

"So that's the plan, huh? Go in there with guns blazing? No recon, no idea what to expect. You trying to get us killed?"

Wait, wait, wait...wait. Casey. John Casey, wants to go in slow? I mean, sure, it makes sense. But this is Casey. Give him a big gun and something to aim at, and he's a happy guy.

"Doesn't sound much like the Hannibal Smith: tactical genius I've heard so much about."

Ah, now it makes a little more sense. He's goading him. Still, I've got to agree with the big guy on this one. "As much as I like a good gunfight, um...it does seems a bit risky to go in this way. Doesn't it?"

"What choice do we have, Chuck?" Sarah's question surprises both Casey and I. Sarah wants to go in guns blazing, and Casey wants to be cautious. When did I step onto Bizarro Earth?

"Oh great, Walker. Siding with the traitors now?"

"Hey, fool! The Colonel already told you we didn't do it."

Casey stands right up to B.A. "And I'm supposed to take his word for it? You're nothing but a bunch of criminals on the run from justice who betrayed their country."

If this was a cartoon, B.A. would have smoke coming out his ears. He takes another step towards Casey. "Say that again."

"Dun dun duunnnnnn..."

Casey doesn't even flinch and pokes B.A. in the chest with every word. "You. Are. A. Traitor."

And with speed neither of them should rightfully have, they go after each other.
 
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"Hey, fool! The Colonel already told you we didn't do it."

Casey stands right up to B.A. "And I'm supposed to take his word for it? You're nothing but a bunch of criminals on the run from justice who betrayed their country."

If this was a cartoon, B.A. would have smoke coming out his ears. He takes another step towards Casey. "Say that again."

"Dun dun duunnnnnn..."

Casey doesn't even flinch and pokes B.A. in the chest with every word. "You. Are. A. Traitor."

And with speed neither of them should rightfully have, they go after each other.

Face and Murdock pull B.A. away from Casey as I come between the two of them.

"Stop this right now, damn you!"

"He started it!"

"You started it first when you turned betrayed your country!"

"Either you two stop it or, as leader of this mission I will personally make sure both of you sit on the sidelines."

Both of them think I'm bluffing, and I am...but they're not a hundred percent sure.

"Fine. I'll clam down, as long as Casey can keep his trap shut."

"Major?"

"I'll calm down...Colonel," he says with a sarcastic edge. "But I'll be keeping my eye on you."

"I look forward to it," is my dry reply.

"Now before we were interupted, I was going to state that while we will indeed be packed with enough guns to take over Belgium, we will first reconnoiter the island and the surrounding area. Now, Face is good at infiltration. He, along with another agent, will proceed to infiltrate the base of No located right here..."

I point towards the rectangular object on the map of Crab Key.

"Now, who would like to assist Face in this mission?"

"I would like to reccomend Agent Walker," my lieutenant says with a smile towards the girl.

"Big surpirse there. Agent?"

"I have no problem with it...as long as I get to carry a gun going inside."

"Fair enough. Okay, so Face and Agent Walker will be our scouts. Once they've had a chance to survey the surroundings of No's base, then we'll go in guns blazing. Does that sound fine to you, Agent Carmichael? Or do you have any more holes to poke into the plan, Major Casey?"
 
I put my hands up in front of me. "I'm good. Sounds like a plan."

Casey just grumbles and growls, never taking his eyes off B.A. Who pretty much does the same thing while staring Casey down.

"We'll need a solid cover. And we'll need to find a way to sneak a camera in there so Agent Carmichael can get eyes on who and what are inside."

"Agent...Carmichael?" Face looks at me like he's trying to figure me out. "What can he do?"

"I'm the analyst." I get nothing but blank stares. "I...know things. Might be able to see someone I...recognize."

Murdock slowly walks over to me and leans in, freaking me out a little. "How would you do that?"

"Um...do what?"

"Recognize people." He taps my head. "You got a computer in there or something?"

My eyes go wide. "Uhhh...." I look to Sarah and Casey for help.

"Hey, Hannibal. I think this kid's got a computer in his brain."

"Heh...heh...that's funny, that is. Computer...in my...brain. Heh."
 
"Um...do what?"

"Recognize people." He taps my head. "You got a computer in there or something?"

My eyes go wide. "Uhhh...." I look to Sarah and Casey for help.

"Hey, Hannibal. I think this kid's got a computer in his brain."

"Heh...heh...that's funny, that is. Computer...in my...brain. Heh."

"You'll have to excuse Murdock. He's crashed one too many plane."

"It's not the falling that hurts, it's the sudden stop!"

"Face," I say with cigar smoke clouding my face.

"Is there any way we can have a three member scout team approach the compound?"

"Three might be too much, but if the kid stays in the back, we can do it."

"I'd prefer it if Chuck goes with the forward advance team. Not that I don't trust your man, Face....it's just that I don't trust him."

"I can take care of myself, Casey."

"Never said you couldn't. I just want as many eyes on these jokers as possible."

"What do you think, Carmichael? If Face and Walker stay in front with you in the rear, will you be able to do.....whatever it is that you do?"
 
"You'll have to excuse Murdock. He's crashed one too many plane."

"It's not the falling that hurts, it's the sudden stop!"

"Face," I say with cigar smoke clouding my face.

"Is there any way we can have a three member scout team approach the compound?"

"Three might be too much, but if the kid stays in the back, we can do it."

"I'd prefer it if Chuck goes with the forward advance team. Not that I don't trust your man, Face....it's just that I don't trust him."

"I can take care of myself, Casey."

"Never said you couldn't. I just want as many eyes on these jokers as possible."

"What do you think, Carmichael? If Face and Walker stay in front with you in the rear, will you be able to do.....whatever it is that you do?"

I look at Casey and Sarah. Casey gives me a quick head shake. I know it's dangerous. But I doubt they could sneak a camera into No's place. And even if they could, they'd detect any signal.

"Sure," I say. Casey rolls his eyes, but I ignore him. "I-I can do it."

"This guy isn't filling me with much confidence, Colonel."

"Hey," I say, standing up to Face. "I've been on dozens of missions. I can handle myself."

"Oh you can?" Face steps closer to me and, even though the smile doesn't change, the look in his eyes lets me know that any threat he makes isn't going to be empty.

I slowly nod. "Yes...I can. If we go in, I'll spot anyone suspicious and give you both a heads up. Sound good?"

"Sounds good to me. Do you run PC or Mac?"

"So, have you worked out a cover?"
Sarah asks Hannibal.
 
I look at Casey and Sarah. Casey gives me a quick head shake. I know it's dangerous. But I doubt they could sneak a camera into No's place. And even if they could, they'd detect any signal.

"Sure," I say. Casey rolls his eyes, but I ignore him. "I-I can do it."

"This guy isn't filling me with much confidence, Colonel."

"Hey," I say, standing up to Face. "I've been on dozens of missions. I can handle myself."

"Oh you can?" Face steps closer to me and, even though the smile doesn't change, the look in his eyes lets me know that any threat he makes isn't going to be empty.

I slowly nod. "Yes...I can. If we go in, I'll spot anyone suspicious and give you both a heads up. Sound good?"

"Sounds good to me. Do you run PC or Mac?"

"So, have you worked out a cover?" Sarah asks Hannibal.

"Yes we have," Face says, laying the charm on thick for the lady. "You, me...and Agent Carmichael will pose as scientists. From what we can tell, No has over two dozen employed. I can take all our pictures and create phony ID badges that'll pass as the real thing."

"As for the rest of us, we'll disguse ourselves as guards and hang back until the scout team gives us the all clear sign."

"Dressing up as guards again? Damn, that polyester rubs me raw."

"I love the way it feels on my skin. I personally like a good chaffing every now and then."

"I suppose we all do, Murdock. Now, if anybody has any further questions, we'll break and prepare for the mission tonight. We're supposed to meet our pilot at 2200 hours for the flight out to Crab Key."
 
"Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah, just peachy."

"What they said."

"We'll go to the hotel and meet up with you tonight."

I whisper to Sarah and Casey as they grab their things. "I don't know anything about nuclear physics."

Casey grunts. His form of laughter. "You've got internet access in your room, genius." He picks up my bag and tosses it to me. "Google it."

Sarah looks at the others, who don't have expressions of confidence on their faces. Well, except Hannibal. I don't think they guy ever stops smiling. "We'll be ready."
 
I slide the Impala next to the brothers and toss Dean the keys.

"Radiator's fine. It could use an oil change and maybe some more transmission fluid."

Checking to make sure everything is good to go with my gun, I turn back to my car and pull a bag out the car's backseat. I grab an apple out the glove compartment box while I'm at it.

"My own little goodie bag. You show me yours, I'll show you mine," I say after taking a bite out of the apple.

I pop open the trunk and lift the panel hiding all our equipment. "Mine's bigger," I say with a smirk.

Sam and I start digging through all the gear for the stuff that works best on vamps. Blades, big and small, guns, big and small, even a couple of high-power UV lamps. Doesn't work on all vamps. Some burst into flame, others just get really annoyed. But they also double as nice heavy weights to bash a vamps head in, just in case they're the really annoyed type.

And, finally, the most important piece of equipment. I pick up the vile and pop it open, pouring it over Sammy's blade. "Dead man's blood. Guaranteed to put a bloodsucker on the ground with the mother of all hangovers." I hand the vile over to Sam, and hold my blades out for him to pour it over.
 
"Sounds like a plan."

"Yeah, just peachy."

"What they said."

"We'll go to the hotel and meet up with you tonight."

I whisper to Sarah and Casey as they grab their things. "I don't know anything about nuclear physics."

Casey grunts. His form of laughter. "You've got internet access in your room, genius." He picks up my bag and tosses it to me. "Google it."

Sarah looks at the others, who don't have expressions of confidence on their faces. Well, except Hannibal. I don't think they guy ever stops smiling. "We'll be ready."

"Meet us at the airfield on the edge of town. 2100 hours."



**********


With the seven of us cramped in the plane, Face and the two NSA agents in lab coats and smocks while the rest of us are clothed in guard outfits, the pilot lifts off and climbs into the Caribbean night.

"And we are in the air," Captain Sparrow says jovially.

He pulls a bottle out beneath his seat, takes a swig on it and holds it out.

"Anyone care for some rum?"
 
"That better be a boat pilot you hired, Hannibal. I ain't getting on no plane!"

***

B.A. snores loudly as we bump along through the air.

"Anyone care for some rum?"

"Ooo, I'll have some!"
Murdock says cheerily. "Remember, always drink and fly."

"Hear, hear!" the pilot shouts.

Murdock goes to take a sip - "You put that bottle to your lips, and I'll shove it down your throat." Murdock looks at Casey over the end of the bottle. He just looks right back, daring Murdock to test him. "Try it."

"...Maybe it's never drink and fly."

"Hear, hea-what?!"

Murdock crosses his arms, pouting, giving Casey an angry look. "Might as well be flying with B.A."

The plane bumps and dips sharply. "Guys...I don't feel so good."

Face leans forward and looks at me. "Uh-oh, Colonel. The kid's looking mighty green."

"Don't you spies fllllyyy on your spy missions? Statistically speaking, it's the safest way to travel. Superman wouldn't lie."

"We fly all the time, Murdock." Sarah rubs my back in sympathy. Any other time I'd by the happiest guy in the world.

"Just...not like...this."

"Uh-oh, Colonel. I think he's gonna lose it."

"No one is allowed to regurgitate on my plane except for the pilot," Captain Jack says. I just groan.

"Suck it up, Bartowski. The last thing we need is to be smelling your puke all the way there and back."

"Chuck, come on. This is the last thing we need."
 
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"That better be a boat pilot you hired, Hannibal. I ain't getting on no plane!"

***

B.A. snores loudly as we bump along through the air.

"Anyone care for some rum?"

"Ooo, I'll have some!"
Murdock says cheerily. "Remember, always drink and fly."

"Hear, hear!" the pilot shouts.

Murdock goes to take a sip - "You put that bottle to your lips, and I'll shove it down your throat." Murdock looks at Casey over the end of the bottle. He just looks right back, daring Murdock to test him. "Try it."

"...Maybe it's never drink and fly."

"Hear, hea-what?!"

Murdock crosses his arms, pouting, giving Casey an angry look. "Might as well be flying with B.A."

The plane bumps and dips sharply. "Guys...I don't feel so good."

Face leans forward and looks at me. "Uh-oh, Colonel. The kid's looking mighty green."

"Don't you spies fllllyyy on your spy missions? Statistically speaking, it's the safest way to travel. Superman wouldn't lie."

"We fly all the time, Murdock." Sarah rubs my back in sympathy. Any other time I'd by the happiest guy in the world.

"Just...not like...this."

"Uh-oh, Colonel. I think he's gonna lose it."

"No one is allowed to regurgitate on my plane except for the pilot," Captain Jack says. I just groan.

"Suck it up, Bartowski. The last thing we need is to be smelling your puke all the way there and back."

"Chuck, come on. This is the last thing we need."

"Maybe....," a smile comes to my face.

"Puke covered henchmen are the last thing they'd be expecting a secret agent to do....Chuck, I think it's exactly what we need! Captain Sparrow, hits some turbulence."

Everyone on the plane looks at me like I'm crazy....except the pilot.

"Good thinking. Remind me of myself, Hannibal. We're very much alike, you and I, I and you......us."

"Just do it."

"Aye, sir."

Sparrow pulls on the yoke and the plane begins to sway left to right in big arcs. The look on the young NSA agent's face goes from pale to flat out green.
 
I pop open the trunk and lift the panel hiding all our equipment. "Mine's bigger," I say with a smirk.

Sam and I start digging through all the gear for the stuff that works best on vamps. Blades, big and small, guns, big and small, even a couple of high-power UV lamps. Doesn't work on all vamps. Some burst into flame, others just get really annoyed. But they also double as nice heavy weights to bash a vamps head in, just in case they're the really annoyed type.

And, finally, the most important piece of equipment. I pick up the vile and pop it open, pouring it over Sammy's blade. "Dead man's blood. Guaranteed to put a bloodsucker on the ground with the mother of all hangovers." I hand the vile over to Sam, and hold my blades out for him to pour it over.

"That's nice. I've got some old school stuff."

I pull stakes, cloves of garlic, and a Super Soaker filled with Holy Water. Last, but not least in my book, I pull out the black cane that's been in my possession for many years.

"I've got a blade, too," I say as I pull off the cane's head, revealing the blade inside.

"It's coated with silver. I used it once...had a run in with a mean hound."

"I thought silver was for Werewolves?"

"Yeah. It won't kill vampires, but it can stun them something fierce."
 
The plane bucks and twists, and I start to think my stomach is still somewhere on the island. "Guys...s-stop...we d-d-don't need" I have to force everything down.

Murdock takes this opportunity to turn around. "Hey man, don't sweat it. Gettin' sick on a plane is natural. The whole trick is to put it out of your mind."

"Y-yeah?" I say, feeling a little better?

"Suuure. Just imagine it's a calm, sunny day and you're a million miles away. I mean, as long as you didn't eat..."

"E-eat?" My stomach twists.

"Yeah. You know, if you eat greasy, heavy foods like eggs. Especially eggs. Oh man, I know this one place, you remember that diner in Chicago, Hannibal?" Hannibal smiles knowingly, chewing on his cigar. "Oh yeah, the best, runniest eggs you've ever tasted. Poke the yolk and the juices just drizzled all over the plate...and they'd slide right down your throat-"


***


Everyone pretty much jumps out of the plane after we land. Except B.A., who's still sleeping away. "Dammit, it's everywhere!"

"It's not everywhere,"
Sarah argues.

"He didn't puke on you!"

"S-sorry," I say weekly. Casey's glare melts the paint of the plane.

"We all took some for the team, big guy. I think it's perfect." Casey sneers at Face, who just puts his hands up in self defense. "Hey, think about it. No guard's are gonna stop us now. They're going to pass us right through so they don't have to deal with it, and they'll send you guys straight to the guard's locker room to change."

"Oh goodie, I've always wanted to see the inside of a guard's locker room! But I've got another question...who's gonna wake up B.A.?"
 
Everyone pretty much jumps out of the plane after we land. Except B.A., who's still sleeping away. "Dammit, it's everywhere!"

"It's not everywhere," Sarah argues.

"He didn't puke on you!"

"S-sorry," I say weekly. Casey's glare melts the paint of the plane.

"We all took some for the team, big guy. I think it's perfect." Casey sneers at Face, who just puts his hands up in self defense. "Hey, think about it. No guard's are gonna stop us now. They're going to pass us right through so they don't have to deal with it, and they'll send you guys straight to the guard's locker room to change."

"Oh goodie, I've always wanted to see the inside of a guard's locker room! But I've got another question...who's gonna wake up B.A.?"

"I can handle that," I say as I stand over B.A. unconscious body. I place my hands near his ears.

"B.A. Baracus. When I snap my fingers, you'll come to."

"No, I don't hate Balboa. I pity the fool, and I will destroy any man who tries to take what I got!"

I look around the group and shrug.

"He has real vivid dreams..."

I snap my fingers and BA's eyes snap open.

"You put me on a plane, didn't you?"

"Hypnosis lessons. Best two hundred bucks I ever spent. Face, take your team and head up to the base. It's about two clicks to the north. Radio when you've reached the base and the coast is clear."

"Yes, sir. Chuck, shake a leg. Walking is the best thing to cure air sickness. Miss Walker....stick close to me, no telling what's out in the jungle."
 
"What the-?! Who the hell puked everywhere?!!"

"It's Hannibal's fault!" I say quickly, hoping to avoid a large angry fist to my face.

Face pats B.A. on the shoulder. Then looks at his hand, and promptly wipes it off on the back of B.A.'s uniform. "Look at it this way. It's our free ticket inside."

"I didn't want to get on no plane. And I sure as hell didn't want no kid barfing on me."

"Well who does, big guy? But the plane was a bobbin' and a weavin', and I was just talkin' about these greasy eggs, you remember those eggs in Chicago-?"

"Oh god." I hurl again, although this time no one's around to be a target. "I'll never be able to eat eggs again."

"Enough talk. If the base didn't see us come in, it won't take long for them to spot the plane."

Captain Jack staggers towards us, rum in hand. "And can be off the ground in three minutes." He takes a swig. "Make that five."

"We need you to stay here in case we need to make a quick escape."


"Quick escape? No one said this would be dangerous. At least for me. Perhaps I shall leave now."

"You won't be going anywhere if I break you legs."

"Go ahead, Mr. Casey. I can fly that thing, anyway."

"That's Major."

"Right, Mr. Major."

"Then I insist on an increase of my fee." Both Casey and B.A. growl. "A small increase."

"We'll buy you a case of rum."

"Deal!"

"Now, gentlemen," Sarah says, putting on a pair of glasses, and a very, very...very sexy Australian accent, and getting into character, "shall we go introduce ourselves?"

"...oh wow..."
 
"That's nice. I've got some old school stuff."

I pull stakes, cloves of garlic, and a Super Soaker filled with Holy Water. Last, but not least in my book, I pull out the black cane that's been in my possession for many years.

"I've got a blade, too," I say as I pull off the cane's head, revealing the blade inside.

"It's coated with silver. I used it once...had a run in with a mean hound."

"I thought silver was for Werewolves?"

"Yeah. It won't kill vampires, but it can stun them something fierce."

Sam and I look at the Super Soaker, and I know we're thinking the same thing. That's the silliest thing we've ever seen.

And why didn't we think of it?

I rack a load into my shotgun. "Looks like we've got all the presents. How about we go crash a party?"
 

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