The "From The Pages Of..." Comics Universe RPG

[Byrd Man]

"Now, gentlemen," Sarah says, putting on a pair of glasses, and a very, very...very sexy Australian accent, and getting into character, "shall we go introduce ourselves?"

"...oh wow..."

"Nice accent, lady. Top o' the morning to ya!"

"You dummy, she's doing a British accent."

"Face, how about you three head on out."

"You got it, Colonel. Let's move out."

I watch as Face and the two agents head out. I give it five minutes before calling them on the walkie talkie.

"You're coming in loud and clear."

"Alright, maintain radio silence until the coast is clear."

I change channels and hail the pilot.

"I can hear you, mate."

"That's amazing! Sounds like you're right next to us!"

"That's because I am, love."

"Let's head out and we'll try to test the communications when we're a click out."

Leading the way, the four of us head through the jungle. After a few minutes, the sound of Casey grumbling reaches my ears.

"Got something you want to say, Major?"

"Just wondering why I'm marching through the jungle with a band of criminal mercenaries."

"If you don't mind me asking...How exactly did you end up becoming a major?"

"Same way you became a colonel. I followed orders."

"Yeah. Orders is why I'm here, too. It was because of orders from General Morrison that we robbed that bank. We did our job."

"You betrayed your country."

"Not before they betrayed us first. Ask yourself this: If we actually stole any of that 2.4 billion dollars from the Iraqi government, then how come we're mercs? If I had any of that money, I sure as hell wouldn't be here. General Morrison, meanwhile, lives in a three-story house in suburban DC and owns three '09 BMWs. He may be a two-star general, but he's certainly living above his means."

"If you were innocent, then why did you run?"

"Because it was a black-op. Only five people knew about the mission, us and Morrison. It was our word against his, pure and simple. Who would the Army believe?"

"Alright, you may have a point. But I'm still not trusting you."

"I wouldn't respect you if you did trust us."

Casey nods curtly. It's about the closest he'll ever come to an actual smile.

"Alright," I say ten minutes later. "We'll wait right here until we hear word from Face and his team. When he gives the signal, we're on the move."

 

[Carnage27]

I hear the entrance of our domicile open, and Raphael and Michelangelo enter, dripping wet from the rain, "So what did you get from April?"

"A lot of stuff," Raph says, plopping himself down on the couch. "The broad who got kidnapped at the museum must have gotten seriously caught off guard. From everything April told us, she could handle herself."

"What's the name?"

"Lara Croft," Mikey replies, sliding files my way. "That's everything April could dig up on her, and the excavation. Which apparently was a compass on one of the shogun lords that supposedly pointed towards some great treasure. Of course nobody knows exactly what."

"I'm betting Shredder does," Donnie scoffs.

"What's the deal with Clu?"

"Clu checks out," I nod. "He says he'll be in contact in a few days. Until then, we continue patrols, and we need to synchronize and strategize with Darkman and Rorschach. We're going to hit hard for the next few days."
​

 

[wiegeabo]

"Alright," I say ten minutes later. "We'll wait right here until we hear word from Face and his team. When he gives the signal, we're on the move."

"Halt! Hands on your heads!" the guard shouts as he and his men train their weapons on us.

"We're halted, we're halted!" I shout.

"Smooth, kid," Face says with a false smile.

"We're the new physicists," Sarah says smoothly. "Here to oversee the smooth operation of the facility."

"We weren't expecting any new physicists."

"Well, you may not have been expecting us, but the Doctor certainly is."

"Let me see some identification."

Face smiles and laughs a little. "Identification," he says, looking over at Sarah. "Identification," he says again with a glance back at me. "You seriously expect us to carry around any identification? With our work here? Listen, friend, you can go around carrying an id, none of the police on the main island will care. But us? If they get word that three very famous, and very famously wanted physicists are around, what do you think will happen?"

The guards look at each other in confusion. "We'll have to call in to check."

"Well, sure. Go ahead and disturb the Doctor with your screw up. I'm sure he'll be glad for the interruption. Or you could just let us pass by, and we'll go check in with the Doctor himself. I mean, look at us," he says, indicating me more than himself or Sarah. "Do you think we're covered in vomit on purpose? Dr. Carmichael my be a brilliant scientist, but he's not much of a flyer. All we want to do now is go inside the facility, check in with the Doctor, and get cleaned up so we don't look any more foolish then we already do."

The guard looks over us, still unsure. Face just keeps smiling confidently, and Sarah stands there, all business. But I can't help but sweat like a guilty liar. And the guard notices it. I need to distract him, to cover my nerves. I need to...

Oh, great. Guess I don't have a choice.

"It's true," I speak up. "The flight was...was..." I think of greasy eggs. "BLLAAAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!"

The guards turn away and moan in disgust as I empty what little is in my stomach on the ground.

"Fine, fine. Go." the guard wave us past. "Just...get him out of here."

"Of course."

"Will do." Face puts my arm around his shoulder and walks me past the checkpoint.

Once we're far enough away, Sarah flips on her hidden mic. "Alpha to Beta. We've cleared Charlie. Going radio silent."

 

[Byrd Man]

Sam and I look at the Super Soaker, and I know we're thinking the same thing. That's the silliest thing we've ever seen.

And why didn't we think of it?

I rack a load into my shotgun. "Looks like we've got all the presents. How about we go crash a party?"

I stick my silver sword into my waistband and pump my Super Soaker.

"Let's do it to it."

With the two hunters on my heels, I rush into the dark Hollywood mansion. All the lights are out, save for a select few lanterns hung on the ceiling. The sound of footsteps catch my ear. I turn to the two men and toss Sam my Super Soaker.

"What are you doing," he whispers.

"Trust me."

The three of us hide in the shadows as the footsteps get louder and louder. A sentry with a lantern in his hand is slowly approaching.

I take a deep breath and step out to meet him, my mind going to work.

First point of attack, right ear.

My hands slams into the sentry's ear, dazing him and throwing off his balance.

Two, throat, to muffle his scream.

My left hand wraps around the guard's throat while my right hand grabs the lamp.

Three, cracked ribs.

Setting down the lamp, I deliver a powerful blow to the sternum.

Four, sweep under right knee.

The guard falls to the wooden floor with a dull thud.

Five, puncture the heart.

I pull out a wooden stake and drive it into the vampire's heart. He lets out a scream that's covered by my hand. His body slowly burns and wilts away.

In summary: neutralized.
Chance of recovery: none.

I stand up and look at the two hunters.

"Ones less to worry about. Let's get moving."

 

[Byrd Man]

Interlude

January 1st, 1939
London

Here I am again, at the secret annex of the British Museum.

"Welcome," the skinny Englishman says. Although not nowhere near as fat as his father, he still wears the cocky arrogance of the Bond family.

"I am Lord William Bond, Deputy Director of MI6 and head of His Majesty's Most-Secret Projects Division."

Besides Bond and myself, four other people are with me in the room. Orlando is here, a woman for right now. Along with her is a young man with dark hair and spectacles, a man in an expensive three-piece suit, and a middle-aged man in shabby clothing.

"You are all different people with a different variety of expertise. From Scotland we have Professor Trevor Bruttenholm, a world renowned expert in the occult."

The young man stirs slightly.

"From America is Lamont Cranston. Wealthy industrialists, former world traveler, and personal friend to the American President Franklin Roosevelt."

The man in the suit nods.

"A former flying ace in the Great War and current resident of Jamaica, we have Captain Nathan Sparrow."

"Happy to be aboard, lads," the shabby clothed man says with a bow.

"And, wrapping up our group are two veterans of the British Secret Service. Their real identities classified to me, they operate by the codenames S and Orlando."

Orlando and I nod at Bond and the rest of the group. I reach out and squeeze Orlando's hand with a light lover's touch.

"No matter where you are from and what your expertise is, you have all been gathered here to help protect the world."

Bond passes out photos of a bald-headed man wearing a thick winter coat. Accompanying him are German soldiers.

"This is a man believed to be Grigori Rasputin."

"Rasupitn?" Cranston asks.

"The Russian shaman? I was under the impression he died."

"So were we. On the 29th of December, 1916, Rasputin was poisoned, shot, badly beaten, and drowned in the Moyka River. His body was never recovered. Fast forward twenty years, a man matching Rasputin's description became a prominent member in the Thule Society, an occult organization based out of Munich.

Many high ranking Thule Society members are part of the inner circle of German Chancellor Adolf Hitler. According to many sources, Hitler and his followers are searching for items with occult interest throughout the globe. This, combined with Hitler's reclamation of German territories, are causes for great concern with the British Empire and its American allies.

Thus, the King and select members of Parliament have created this group to combat the Thule Society, in hopes that we can prevent them for amassing occult artifacts and weapons shortly before an inevitable war breaks out between Germany and the European powers."

Bond pauses, looking us all over.

"Welcome to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen."
​

 

[wiegeabo]

I stick my silver sword into my waistband and pump my Super Soaker.

"Let's do it to it."

With the two hunters on my heels, I rush into the dark Hollywood mansion. All the lights are out, save for a select few lanterns hung on the ceiling. The sound of footsteps catch my ear. I turn to the two men and toss Sam my Super Soaker.

"What are you doing," he whispers.

"Trust me."

The three of us hide in the shadows as the footsteps get louder and louder. A sentry with a lantern in his hand is slowly approaching.

I take a deep breath and step out to meet him, my mind going to work.

First point of attack, right ear.

My hands slams into the sentry's ear, dazing him and throwing off his balance.

Two, throat, to muffle his scream.

My left hand wraps around the guard's throat while my right hand grabs the lamp.

Three, cracked ribs.

Setting down the lamp, I deliver a powerful blow to the sternum.

Four, sweep under right knee.

The guard falls to the wooden floor with a dull thud.

Five, puncture the heart.

I pull out a wooden stake and drive it into the vampire's heart. He lets out a scream that's covered by my hand. His body slowly burns and wilts away.

In summary: neutralized.
Chance of recovery: none.

I stand up and look at the two hunters.

"Ones less to worry about. Let's get moving."

"Holy crap. Did you catch all that?"

Sammy shakes his head. "The guy's fast."

"Crazy fast." I toss him his Super Soaker back. "Dude, when we get done here, you've got to show us some of your moves."

A noise from a room down the hall snaps us back into action. I nod at Sammy who takes point. I follow up behind him with Crews bringing up the rear.

We get to a door, and inside I swear I can hear the sounds of eating and moaning. And I just pray to god that I'm wrong because that's the last thing I want to see right now.

I whisper to the others. "Once we kick this open, this whole place is gonna come down on us."

 

[Byrd Man]

A noise from a room down the hall snaps us back into action. I nod at Sammy who takes point. I follow up behind him with Crews bringing up the rear.

We get to a door, and inside I swear I can hear the sounds of eating and moaning. And I just pray to god that I'm wrong because that's the last thing I want to see right now.

I whisper to the others. "Once we kick this open, this whole place is gonna come down on us."

"Let's do it."

Sam knocks open the door and a sight familiar to me greets us: a naked corpse with a half dozen vampires around it.

I squeeze the trigger of my Super Soaker, bathing a few vampires in holy water. They let out a blood-curdling cry as the rest of their friends scatter into the darkness.

 

[wiegeabo]

We're right behind Crews, shotguns blasting away. I catch one vamp, putting him on the ground as he erupts into flame. Sam gets two more. I only get a moment to be thankful that these are the types of vampires we're going up against this time. Sammy and I usually have to tackle with an offshoot that's a hell of a lot harder to put down.

I run into a side room to make sure it's cleared out, and am greeted by a blow from behind that sends my shotgun flying. I spin with the attack, machete out as it lops the head off the next vamp.

Two more appear in the doorway. I throw my machete at one, hitting him right in the chest. He tries to pull it out, but slumps to the ground as the dead man's blood starts making him sick. He's friend snarls, his fangs at the ready as he leaps at me. But Sammy's shotgun knock him against the wall.

"There's more coming."

I grab my shotgun off the floor. "Bring 'em on."

 

[Byrd Man]

The guards turn away and moan in disgust as I empty what little is in my stomach on the ground.

"Fine, fine. Go." the guard wave us past. "Just...get him out of here."

"Of course."

"Will do." Face puts my arm around his shoulder and walks me past the checkpoint.

Once we're far enough away, Sarah flips on her hidden mic. "Alpha to Beta. We've cleared Charlie. Going radio silent."

A click South of Face and his group, I pick up my gun and motion forward.

"Alright, let's move out."

Leading our group, we come to guard checkpoint.

"We're the relief."

"Didn't think you guys were supposed to get here this early..."

"We ran into a pack of scientists on the way here. One of them puked all over us. We need to hit the head and clean up."

"Yeah, they came by a bit ago. Alright, head on in."

Casey leads the way followed by B.A., Murdock, and myself. I wait until I'm out of earshot from the guard before touching my hidden mic.

"Beta to Alpha: we're in the compound. Proceed to the rendezvous point."

I flip off the channel and smile. Turning a corner inside the compound, I pull out a cigar.

"I love it when a plan comes together..."

 

[Byrd Man]

We're right behind Crews, shotguns blasting away. I catch one vamp, putting him on the ground as he erupts into flame. Sam gets two more. I only get a moment to be thankful that these are the types of vampires we're going up against this time. Sammy and I usually have to tackle with an offshoot that's a hell of a lot harder to put down.

I run into a side room to make sure it's cleared out, and am greeted by a blow from behind that sends my shotgun flying. I spin with the attack, machete out as it lops the head off the next vamp.

Two more appear in the doorway. I throw my machete at one, hitting him right in the chest. He tries to pull it out, but slumps to the ground as the dead man's blood starts making him sick. He's friend snarls, his fangs at the ready as he leaps at me. But Sammy's shotgun knock him against the wall.

"There's more coming."

I grab my shotgun off the floor. "Bring 'em on."

I pull out a wooden stake out and toss it at the coming vampire. The stake lodges itself in the monster's chest. He falls to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Pulling out my silver coated blade, I go to work against the vampires. My blade cuts though the air, mowing down the approaching monsters. Silver won't kill them, but it makes them wish they were dead.

While they roll around on the floor, I hit the disabled vampires with shots of Holy Water from my water gun.

"We need to find the head vampire and take them out."

 

[Optikal]

.Kazakhstan.

.Mangghystau Desert.

.1500 Hours.​

Mattias kicked his feet up on the dashboard as Rammstein pounded out of the old in-car stereo. The Jeep was old and battered, it's flaking tan paint fighting a losing battle with the spreading rust. Still, Mattias didn't care, it was temporary transport anyway. So long as the old box could get him out of the god-forsaken desert he was currently sat in, it would do.

Suddenly, his ear-piece flared to life as the voice of Fiona cut in. "Mattias, you need to move out now, the package is en route to the target. The rendezvous is at an old disused military outpost three clicks to the north of your current location. Jacobs is also en route from the west. Grab the package, eliminate the target. Any means nescessary".

Mattias grinned and sat straight in the drivers seat, patting the rocket launcher propped against the passengers seat. "Those are my favorite three words darlin'!"

"Good luck" Fiona responded curtly before cutting the comm.

Mattias turned the key and after a bit of wheezing, the engine sputtered to life. He cranked up the music before setting out northwards.
​

 

[Byrd Man]

Here I am after school in Ms. Cape's class, my Biology teacher with breasts the size of artillery shells.

"So, you want extra credit, Mister Lizewski?"

"Yes, yes ma'm. I want to try to push my B up to an A."

She arches her eyebrow and nods.

"I'll give you your extra credit, but you gotta work for it."

"Whatever it takes."

Suddenly, my teacher rips her shirt off to reveal a black bra that's barely containing her breasts.

"**** me. Hard."

"Whatever it takes."

My hands move swiftly up her body to the snap of her bra.

"**** me, baby."

"Ohhh..."

Fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap

"Dave?"

I stop mid-stroke and look up. The fantasy of me and my teacher fades away to the sad reality. I'm in my bedroom, pants around my ankles with a bottle of lotion beside me.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"You alright, pal?

"Yeah...I'm just on the computer...playing solitaire."

"Okay. Dinner's ready. You can com get some."

"Yeah...I'm coming."

"Alright."

******

After dinner and my homework, I suit up. There's still dried blood on my costume for all those months ago.

I gingerly slip it on and then slip outside my bedroom window to hit the streets.

It takes me an hour to walk from my house to downtown Brooklyn. In the parking lot of the Burger Barn, four guys are jumping on an unarmed man. Time to shine.

"Hey!"

I pull out my sticks as the four guys turn towards me.

"Which one of you wants your ass kicked first?"

The laughs that follow I expect. They go back to pummeling on the man and I rush forward, my stick raised.

TOK!

I beam one of the men in the back of the head with a stick. His three friends finally take notice of me and pounce.

WHAM!

I take a jab to the jaw and fall to the ground. They start kicking on me and I swing blindly with my sticks. I strike two of them in the face. The other keeps on punching and I get a good shot in, a blow straight to the ball sack.

I scramble up on my feet and hit the three men as hard as I can with my sticks. Within a few moments, all four men are down on the ground and passed out. I'm breathing heavy, sweat pouring down my face.

"Oh, ****. That was ****ing awesome!"

I turn and see a guy with a camera phone in my face.

"Who are you?"

I swallow and take a deep breath. I need a name. Something to go with all this ass kicking....that's it.

"I'm Kick-Ass."
​

 

[Carnage27]

My brothers, Splinter, Rorschach, and Darkman all sit in out subterranean home, waiting for Flynn to check in. It's been a few days since our meeting, and he made contact with Donnie, claiming he picked up a lead.

A beep goes off on the computer screen, and an orange face, looking very much like Flynn appears on the screen, and Rorschach scoffs, "So this is Clu. Another person with a computer and too much time on his hands."

"Yes, nice to be working with a legend like you, man," Clu smiles back. "Now about my information. I've worked on some information I came across, and found an old wharehouse bought and refurbished by a dummy corporation a few weeks before the kidnappings. I followed the money back and from what I can tell, it came from Shadaloo."

"Figures," I say, standing and pacing. "Shredder would need financial resources, and getting it from someone like M. Byson makes sense."

"I couldn't get a layout of the place, but if you guys get in there, Donnie may be able to get me an access point, and I can guide you guys through. And even if you don't, I think the place is worth checking out, and is the best thing I've got."

"Well," I sigh, "we don't have time to wait around. Who knows what's going on with these people, and every day we sit around risks their safety. Go get ready, we move out in an hour."
​

 

[Optikal]

The old man stepped into the lobby like he owned the place. It was 2a.m, well after business hours. The security guards sat at the front desk looked up from their desk and made to rise, but two rapid shots from a Colt Single Action Army revolver sent their corpses slumping back into their seats. Not missing a step, the old man reloaded the two empty chambers as he marched with purpose. Brilliant blue eyes scanned the surroundings, taking in every minute detail as he made his way deeper into the building.

Taking the elevator to the fourth floor, he strode down a long hallway, ignoring the rooms to either side and marching for a long door at the end. Unsurprisingly it was locked.

"Hmpf" he grunted, pushing into the door with his shoulder. With it failing to give, he drew a revolver once more and shot the lock free. The door swung open to reveal rows upon rows of filing cabinets. The old man knew exactly where to look though and headed straight for his prize. Producing a key from inside the long leather duster jacket he was wearing, he slid it into cabinet 14F and began rifling through the files and folders within.

Gloved fingers came to rest on a manilla folder and slipped it out of its filing place, holding it up to faint moonlight streaming through the single window in the room.

-PROJECT: ROBOCOP-

With a half smile, he pocketed the folder and made for the exit. Greeting him in the hall, stood seven heavily armed men.

With their guns levelled, the ringleader stepped forward. "Alright Mister. I don't know who you are, but you've just broken into the wrong building! OCP doesn't take too kindly to thieves!"

The old man smiled and nodded. "Now boys, I'm in a pretty a good mood so I'll give you one chance to walk away with your lives".

The leader of the guards snorted a laugh and stepped forward. "Yeah, one geriatric thief against the seven of us. What're you going to do, gum us to dea-"

BLAM!

The guard fell dead as the bullet smashed through his eye and into his brain beyond.

BLAM!
BLAM!
BLAM!
BLAM!
BLAM!

Before he hit the ground, five of his comrades were also dead. The last guard, a young man with the faintest hint of beard stubble took an involuntary step backwards.

"That's why they call me Revolver" the old man stated flatly, calmly reloading his weapon.

The young man, despite having a live weapon in his hands and a full suit of body armour, just stood stock still. All he had seen was the swish of the old mans duster before the brief flash of bloody efficient violence was played out in front of his eyes. "Please don't kill me..." He asked, his voice quivering as he backed off.

The old gunslinger stepped forward, his spurs clacking on the marble floor. "You left me no choice". his voice was cold and efficient. As deadly as his aim was was true.

The young mans bladder emptied just seconds before the bullet left a small crimson hole in the center of his forehead. Revolver Ocelot didn't look back as he replaced his weapon in his holster and stepped over the bodies.

 

[Carnage27]

Five Years Ago

"James Darrell Edwards III," the drill sergeant calls out, and I get out of my seat and head up to the stage. He salutes me and hands me my diploma. I salute back and head to the other side of the stage. I turn and find my parents in the audience, my dad in his uniform, and my mom in a sun dress, and give them a big smile. My father salutes back, and I can't help but laugh.

Two Years Ago

The bag pipes echo in my ears as I carry my father's coffin down the church steps and towards the hearse below. Struck down by an unknown assailant leaving his office in downtown LA. The chief of police doesn't gain many friends in LA, but this attack was brutal. Four stab wounds to the chest.

It makes it harder knowing I lost mom only a few months before. But this won't go without justice. I'll get the bastard that did this, and I'll make him pay.

Now

“FREEZE!” I scream at the man running from me. I’ve been tracking him for months now, under the suspicion that he’s a runner for a gun smuggler bringing illegal firearms into LA. I hop over a fence that he springs over like it was a two foot hurdle. The guy must be flying high as a kite. He hasn’t tired, and I’ve been chasing him for almost four blocks.

He ducks into an unfinished apartment building, and I follow, chasing him up ten flights of stairs to the building’s roof. He pulls a weapon from underneath his coat, and I fire off a shot from my pistol, catching him in the shoulder, forcing him to drop the weapon, which smashes on the rooftop and disintegrates.

“What the hell was that man!? What the hell was that weapon!?” I yell at him, and then notice the blood that is dripping from his arm is a bright green color. “What is wrong with you?”

“Kill me,” he wheezes. “It’d be better now than wait for what’s coming to this planet.”

“What do you mean? You’ve been moving these weapons into the city, haven’t you?” I say, my gun still trained on him.

“Yes, but not for the reasons you think. It’s for the poor shmucks who can’t afford to get off this rock. It’s for the defense of every living being on Earth. Living death is on your door step and you humans aren’t ready for it,” he says smiling cruelly. And then something happens that freaks me out even more than the disintegrating gun. The guy blinks twice. Once like a normal person, and once like…nothing I’ve ever seen before.

“What-NO!” I scream as he turns and throws himself off the roof, landing with a splat on the ground below. “Damn…”

 

[Byrd Man]

"This is April O'Neil reporting live for Channel Six News. I'm here in Brooklyn where a masked vigilante has been caught on film. This is the first time since the late 80's, when the vigilante known as Rorschach was spotted walking away from the scene of a crime. Channel Six News has the exclusive footage, and before we show it, I want to talk to the person who recorder the action. Arnold Wu is a freshmen at NYU. Arnold, tell us what happened?"

"The **** was crazy! I-"

"Thank you, Arnold. We'll let the film speak for itself. Here it is....although it was recorded by a camera phone, you can clearly see the masked vigilante fighting...or attempting to fight four men. These men were attacking unarmed Jose Mendez. Mendez is at New York Memorial and is expected to be released. The four attackers have mild injuries, and are expected to be transferred to police custody sometime tomorrow morning. Arnold, did the masked man saying anything?"

"He said his name was Kick-Ass. He was ****ing-"

"And there you have. A new costume crime fighter is on the street with a very...unique name. Reporting in Brooklyn, this is April O-Neil, Channel Six News."

******

My face has a bruise on it, my chest feels like a taxi cab ran it over, and my back hurts like hell. But walking into school the next morning, I feel ten feet tall. Why is that, you may ask? It's because Kick-Ass is all that anyone is talking about. Local news, national news, world news. All of them picked up on the fight and it was broadcast around the globe. Nobody knows that lowly Dave Lizewski is actually Kick-Ass. Oh, the poor fools. I should-

"Hey Dave."

Katie Deauxma, the girl I've been in love with since 5th grade and long time resident of Dave's Spank Bank, actually said hello to me.

"H-...hey, Katie," I say as she walks by my locker.

"Dude, did you see the news? Marty, one of my few friends, says as he comes up to my locker.

"Yeah, that was pretty awesome. That costume guy seems to live up to his name."

"Kick-Ass? Yeah. Kinda lame, though."

"It...it wasn't that bad, was it?"

"I don't know, man. Sounds like a name a five year old could have come up with."

"Yeah, well you never know. The dude could have been trying really hard to come up with a name and that was the best he could do under short circumstances."

"....Whatever, dude. You feeling alright?"

"Yeah..I'm fine, just kinda in a funk. Katie said hello to me this morning, can't figure out why."

"She probably doesn't feel threatened by you."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, since you're...you know, gay and all?"

"What?!"

"Yeah. When you got ****ed up a few months back, the word around the school was that you were a gay prostitute. You didn't hear that?"

"Gay prostitute? I was mugged!"

"And they took your clothes, too?"

I stripped my clothes after the beating to hide the fact I was dressing up as a goddamn superhero. You try to help someone and they think you're a gay ****e....**** my life.

The bell rings and I slam my locker shut.

"I gotta go."

"Hey, what happened to your face?"

"Slipped and fell down the stairs."

"You sure? Maybe a john got rough with you last night," Marty says with a laugh.

"**** you, man. See you at lunch."

I start walking down the hallway towards Ms. Cape's Biology class. Her and her ample chest should get me through the day. More deposits for Dave's Spank Bank on the way."
​

 

[Carnage27]

I pack my belt full of shurikens, and slip a few throwing daggers in as well. Who knows what we'll run into at this place. It could be nothing, and it could be a full Foot garrison. I then hear Raph's voice from the other room, "Yo, Leo! Come check this out."

I head back to the common room, with my armaments completely packed, and see April on TV, commentating about some kid in a ridiculous costume fighting a group of thugs, and basically getting his ass kicked before getting a few lucky hits in.
​

"This is April O'Neil reporting live for Channel Six News. I'm here in Brooklyn where a masked vigilante has been caught on film. This is the first time since the late 80's, when the vigilante known as Rorschach was spotted walking away from the scene of a crime. Channel Six News has the exclusive footage, and before we show it, I want to talk to the person who recorder the action. Arnold Wu is a freshmen at NYU. Arnold, tell us what happened?"

"The **** was crazy! I-"

"Thank you, Arnold. We'll let the film speak for itself. Here it is....although it was recorded by a camera phone, you can clearly see the masked vigilante fighting...or attempting to fight four men. These men were attacking unarmed Jose Mendez. Mendez is at New York Memorial and is expected to be released. The four attackers have mild injuries, and are expected to be transferred to police custody sometime tomorrow morning. Arnold, did the masked man saying anything?"

"He said his name was Kick-Ass. He was ****ing-"

"And there you have. A new costume crime fighter is on the street with a very...unique name. Reporting in Brooklyn, this is April O-Neil, Channel Six News."

"That kid's got a death wish," Raph laughs. "He's gonna run across someone that isn't gonna laugh at him and he's gonna get shot."

"Hurm. Sounds like Darwin would enjoy that," Rorschach chuckles.

"We'll deal with the idiot at a later date," I say, switching off the TV. "Let's head out. We'll strategize when we get there."

"Leo," Donnie says, handing me a few tennis ball sized spheres, "take these. They emit an EMP shock. I'm hoping if our metal ninja friends show up again they'll at least disable them for a while. I've made some for everyone."

"Good idea, bro," I pat him on the shoulder. "Now, let's head out. We'll travel through the sewers. It'll be quicker, and we'll have less of a chance of being spotted before we get there."

 

[Carnage27]

Lewis Prothero paces in front of a big screen TV with his image and a recording of his show, repeating the words as they come, "I hope I can get a chance to look this...terrorist in the eye. I really do. That way I can tell him how much of a coward he is before snapping his neck. Because that's what anyone who hides behind a mask is, ladies and gentlemen. A coward. Britain prevails!"

Forty floors below, a man robed in black enters the deluxe apartment building and quickly dispatches the guards, slitting their throats with ease. Pulling one of their keycards off their belts, and heading towards the elevator, he heads for Prothero's room.

The former commander turns his shower on, and begins to disrobe. The years of being the "Voice of London" have turned the once trim an fit military commander into a blob of gluttony. He wraps a towel around himself and picks up the phone to call his agent, "Jonathan...you need to get me a better co-anchor. Jennifer looks like my grandmother. Yes I know she's under contract. Move her somewhere else. Hold on."

A knock at the door draws his attention. He opens the door and immediately receives a punch to the face. A dagger flies and knocks the phone out of his hand, shattering it. As Prothero regains his senses, the sight ofhis attacker paints a look of pure fear on his face, "You...how did you...?"

"Oh not how, Commander Prothero. But why. Why you first out of all of them. Why the voice? Because, Commander, if you take a tyrant's voice, you take it's greatest weapon. And the rest will fall in time."

"Commander...why are you calling me commander?" he rabbles as he slides away on his rear, like a dog with an itch.

"I think you know why, Commander," the man in the mask says, pulling a rose from his cape. "Bring back any memories?"

"You...it can't be you! There's no way you could have survived!" the propagandist blubbers.

"You cannot kill an idea, Prothero," V says, taking a syringe from his pocket. "Justice can never be killed. But you can."

V plunges the needle into his neck, and watches as the man seizes and vomits all over himself. He then places the rose on top of his chest, and exits the room, disappearing into the night.
​

 

[Byrd Man]

1941
Mongolia


Shambhala.

The mythical Buddhist holy land. This violent war, now dubbed World War Two, has visited this peaceful place. The forces of Nazi Germany prepare to invade this land, seeking the sap from the mythical tree of life. With this sap, the armies of Germany will be unstoppable.

That's where we come in.


The small group led by select members of Project Ragna Rok find themselves stopped at the gates into Shambhala, me and my team fighting them off with everything we have.

Orlando and Captain Sparrow trade sword blows fight against the Nazi assassin and killing machine General Klaus Werner von Krupt.

Lamont Cranston, in full Shadow mode, clouds the foot soldiers minds and terrorizes them.

Professor Bruttenholm issues protection charms and spells on the gate, doing his best to keep the Nazis from entering Shambhala if we fail. Leaving me to talk to an old enemy.

"James. You're looking refreshed and rejuvenated."

"Believe it or not, Holmes. You're not the only one who can figure out how to live forever."

I smile at the man. Last time we saw each other was in 1914. Even though he looks younger than ever, the man still holds a cane.

"Call me crazy, James, but you never struck me as the type to become a Nazi, or this Ragna Rok mess."

"You're right, Holmes. I don't believe in Nazism, Fascism, or any of this Ancient Ones mess Rasputin feeds us. I'm only doing it to serve my purpose. After you're dead, Rasputin and Hitler will be suffer at my hands, and I will rule the Thousand Year Reich."

"New body, same pompous attitude."
"I can say the same to you, old friend."

"I never expected you to make it out all those years ago."
"I did. You left me for dead, Holmes. I haven't forgot that."

"Seeing as how twenty years before that, you did the same to me, I considered us even."

He pulls a sword out from the top of his cane.

"How many duels will this mark?"

"This will be our third. That waterfall in Switzerland, the Belgium battlefield and now the gates of Shambhala."

"Are you ready, Holmes?"
I pull my sword out and move into a defensive stance.

"Ready when you are, Professor."

An animal howling escapes his lips as he rushes me with his blade swinging in the air.
​

 

[wiegeabo]

I pull out a wooden stake out and toss it at the coming vampire. The stake lodges itself in the monster's chest. He falls to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Pulling out my silver coated blade, I go to work against the vampires. My blade cuts though the air, mowing down the approaching monsters. Silver won't kill them, but it makes them wish they were dead.

While they roll around on the floor, I hit the disabled vampires with shots of Holy Water from my water gun.

"We need to find the head vampire and take them out."

"You ain't just whistling Dixie."

"Seriously, Dean. Just stop it."

"I'm funny, dammit!"

Two more shotgun blasts, and we're at the staircase. "Ok, upstairs or the basement...wanna flip for it?"

 

[Byrd Man]

"You ain't just whistling Dixie."

"Seriously, Dean. Just stop it."

"I'm funny, dammit!"

Two more shotgun blasts, and we're at the staircase. "Ok, upstairs or the basement...wanna flip for it?"

I pull a quarter from my pocket and flip it into the air.

"Call it..."

"Heads."

The coin smacks into my palm with George Washington's head staring back at me.

"Heads it is."

I pump my Super Soaker a few times to get the pressure built back up.

"Up the stairs we go. You gentlemen stick behind me, I'll walk point."

 

[wiegeabo]

"Beta to Alpha: we're in the compound. Proceed to the rendezvous point."

Sarah nods and we shut down our radios.

"So, how do we get to the guard's locker rooms?" Face whispers

I point up. "We could follow the signs."

Face looks up, then smiles at Sarah, and half smiles at me. "Right. Of course. I was just going to suggest that."

Sarah gives me smile. " Shall we?" she says, indicating the way.

"Please, ladies first." Sarah walks ahead. "Chuck."

I step ahead, and then turn back with a look on my face that realizes what Face just did right there. "...nice."

Face just smiles.

The signs lead us to a set of elevators, and it takes a minute to reach the level we need. During the trip, I shake my head and wonder where the badguys find the money and time to build these things without anyone catching on.

Then I remember that the CIA and NSA built Castle beneath the Buy More and Orange Orange.

The doors open and we turn a couple of corners. Luckily it must not be between shifts because there isn't a guard in sight. "Colonel, you here?" Face calls out.

 

[Byrd Man]

The signs lead us to a set of elevators, and it takes a minute to reach the level we need. During the trip, I shake my head and wonder where the badguys find the money and time to build these things without anyone catching on.

Then I remember that the CIA and NSA built Castle beneath the Buy More and Orange Orange.

The doors open and we turn a couple of corners. Luckily it must not be between shifts because there isn't a guard in sight. "Colonel, you here?" Face calls out.

"Keep your voices down."

Face and the two NSA agents turn the corner and I toss them new seats of disguises.

"To get rid of the puke."

Suddenly, the alarms inside the facility go off.

"Did the cameras catch us?"

"No. Listen to the alarm."

Warning! Escape detected in Sector 4! Warning! Escape detected in Sector 4!

"Sounds like we won't be needing those disguises after all."

I rip off my guard uniform, revealing my regular clothes underneath.

"Let's get to Sector 4 ASAP, people. Sounds like 007 started the party without us."

 

[Byrd Man]

So, after a long, hard day of dealing with trig and the rumor that I'm a gay prostitute, I feel like working off some pent-up anger the best way I know how...

Time to **** some criminals up. A little after nine is when I get my first taste. A drug dealer selling crack to a bunch of kids on a street corner. I stalk through the shadows silently. Damn, I'm getting better at this.

"Hey!"

He turns at the sound of my voice.

"You want some smack? Here!"

He crumples to the ground. I smile from underneath my mask. My smile it quickly erased by the gun in his hand.

"You stupid motherfu-"

BANG!

The drug dealer falls back on the ground, a bullet hole in his head.

"That was close," a voice says from behind. I wheel around, my sticks at the ready. What I see takes me off guard.

"Who the **** are you?"

"I'm the guy who just saved your sorry ass. You can call me Red Mist."

 

[Carnage27]

"Listen, Cap, I've told you the story. Do I really have to tell it again?" I sigh, sitting in Captain Andrews's office. I've explained the story of the guy on the roof almost twenty times now, and I'm tired.

"James, we didn't find a body. We didn't find blood. And we found no residue from this "disintegrating weapon". Now, I'm going to give you some mandatory, paid time off, James. You've been working too hard. Take a vacation or something," he says, not looking up from the file in his hands.

"Aww come on, Cap. I'm fine."

"I don't care what you say. You're off for two-Hey who the hell are you?"

I turn to see two men in sunglasses and suits enter the office. They have the air of feds about them...but there's something different. Something dangerous. Something almost otherworldly. They seem like spooks. Man...I hope they aren't spooks.

"Captain Anderson, we're with the FBI," the older of the two says. "My partner here will debrief you on tonight's events. I'll need to take your detective here and have a chat with him."

"Yea sure whatever," Andrews says. "Remember, Edwards, two weeks off!"

I exit the room with the FBI agent as he walks towards the exit to the precinct, "Your captain's a bit of a ball buster there isn't he, slick? How are you holding up?"

"Not bad, tired. But not too bad. You wanna here about my crazy delusions too?" I sigh as we head outside. There a cars waiting for us, and the agent ushers me inside.

He closes the door and takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes with one hand. He sighs and gives me a knowing smirk, "I already know what you saw tonight, James. Yes I know your name. I know your father was murdered and the case remains unsolved. I know your mother passed away two months before him. I know you've thrown away basically all of your personal life for duty. And I know that at precisely 1:23AM this morning you ran down a perpetrator on foot with green blood and a highly advanced weapon."

"Yea...that about covers it," I stammer. "Who are you, man?"

"My name's Agent K, Mr. Edwards. And I'm here to offer you the chance of a lifetime," he smiles as the car starts to roll away.

"Yea what's that? To be an FBI agent?" I scoff.

"No, no, nothing like that," K chuckles. "Something much bigger, and much more important than that."

"And what would that be?"

"You'll see soon enough. Let's take a ride first."