The "From The Pages Of..." Comics Universe RPG

[Carnage27]

"Inspector Finch, I presume?" a voice rouses the leader of "The Eye" from his computer screen. He looks up to find a man with a sword strapped across his back, and a black and white mask over his face. Finch could tell the man was dangerous. More dangerous than anyone he had ever come across. His hands had caused the death of plenty of men, Finch was sure.

"Indeed," the Inspector nods. "And to whom am I speaking?"

"You may call me Grendel, inspector. And," he says as he motions behind him, and a black clad ninja appears in a puff of smoke and nods, "my friend here is just called Smoke. Mr. Creedy sent us to tell you that we're going to solve your terrorist problem for you."

Finch merely nods and the two men leave. His attention turns back to the computer as his phone rings, "Hello? What? You're kidding me. I'll be there soon."

Lewis Prothero, the Voice of London, had been found dead in his apartment.
​

 

[Carnage27]

I push the manhole above me open, and the team and I head into the rainy New York night. In front of us is what seems to be a fairly tall wharehouse building on the New York waterfront. But it's the most fishy building I've ever seen. There are cameras at basically every door, and guards patrol the perimeter fence.

I motion to Raph, and he pulls two shuriken from his belt. He tosses one at the nearest camera, and the second strikes the closest guard across his neck, slitting his throat and killing him before he can radio for help. I unsheath one of my swords and slice away at the fence, giving us a path into the wharehouse grounds.

The team moves quickly up against the building, and Darkman hides the body in a dumpster to the left of the door. I nod as he returns, "Okay, we split into teams of two from here. Rorschach and Raph, you're our diversion. We're going to need as many of them as possible to be going after you, which will give the other two teams enough time to complete their missions. Mike and Darkman, you guys find Ms. Croft, and get her out of here. Don, you're with me."

"What are we going to do?" he asks while hacking open the door, giving us entry.

"We're going to find a server room in this place, plug Clu in, and get as much info about The Foot, Shredder, Shadaloo, and anything else they're doing as we can."
​

 

[Carnage27]

After what seems like eons of silence, I can't take it anymore. I shift a little bit in my seat and look at "Agent K" and ask, "Where we going, man? I feel like I've been in this car for days."

"Relax, James, it shouldn't be too much longer now..." K smiles and looks out the window. "Actually, we're here."

The car pulls off the highway, onto a dirt road in the the middle of nowhere. I begin to bounce slightly off of the seat as the tires go over the uneven road. I give K a questioning look, but he doesn't look away from the window. He stares intently into the dusty air swirling around the vehicle.

And then, as suddenly as we turned onto the dirt road, the car speeds down a steep hill, and into what seems like a tunnel. Lights whiz by the car like shooting stars coming too close to Earth. I grab the seat and the arm rest on the door firmly, my nails digging into the materials. I hear K chuckle next to me, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing, really. Just that I had that same reaction when I was first brought out here. It's quite a lot to handle, being taken somewhere when you have no idea where your headed, or who's taking you there," as he finishes, the car comes to a screeching halt. K exits, and motions for me to follow.

I exit into a big, white room, with no doors or windows. Agent K heads towards one of the walls, and presses his thumb to it. Part of the white panel slides back, and reveals a room with three chairs, and a table. The two of us enter and sit at two of the chairs.

"Slick, I'm gonna tell you what's going on here. I know you've been kept in the dark up until now, and I apologize for that. But our...organization requires a great deal of secrecy."

"What organization is that, exactly?" I roll my eyes.

"The Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, Men in Black division," a new, commanding voice echoes from behind me. I turn to find a stocky, serious man standing there with a file in his hands. He nods to K, and takes a seat on the opposite side of the table as me. "James, it's nice to meet you. My name's Zed. And I'm the head of the MIB."

"Wait...the BPRD MIB division? Never heard of it."

"And you never will," Zed replies curtly. "We're the agents of shadows. We deal with more...delicate matters than the Bureau proper."

"And what would be more delicate than vampires, werewolves, and ghosts?" I laugh.

"Those of an extraterrestrial nature, slick," K smiles.

"Yea," I laugh harder, "sure. Is ET here? I've always wanted a flying bike."

"This isn't a joke, James. Extraterrestrials have been visiting Earth for centuries. We're here to make sure this stays secret from the general public. To keep the lid on panic and catastrophe," Zed says, opening the file and tossing me a few pictures. "Is this the weapon you saw earlier tonight? The one that you say 'disintegrated'?"

I pick up the picture. A quick glance is all it takes to realize that this is indeed the same weapon that was pointed at me a few hours ago. The size and curvature, along with the ridiculous looking green lights bring me back to the roof, "Yea, this is it. But when the guy dropped it, it disintegrated. And when I shot him...he had green blood. And then he blinked...twice, with two sets of eye lids. You're telling me that guy was a..."

Zed and K exchange glances before the latter address me, "The weapon was a knock-off Triceraton assassination weapon. It's designed to disintegrate after use in order to erase forensic data. It was a cheap knock-off, and probably misfired. You lucked out there. Now, you're perp was what we call a Seliopod. They're fast, and tend to be grunts for criminal organizations across the galaxy, making it even more impressive that you ran him down."

After he finishes, K gives the other MIB agent a look. I can tell what he wants. He wants me to join up with this crazy organization. He wants me to be one of these...MIBs.

"James, K has told me of your impressive skills in the law enforcement field, and of your fairly daring chase tonight. We've been looking for new recruits here, and we brought you here to offer you a position. You'd be working under K as his partner and his trainee. You're life as you know it will cease to exist. You will become a shadow. You're very existence will become the thing of legend, and your work will be some of the most important on the planet."

"Well...I don't-"

"Before you answer," K says standing, "let me show you the office."

 

[Byrd Man]

[YT]0UjsXo9l6I8[/YT]
​

"Yeah! This is my ****!"

Red Mist punches the gas to his crimson sports car and we take a corner at over a hundred miles an hour.

I've known Red Mist for two days now and he's a bit of a dick....but he's a pretty cool dick.

"Where are we going?" I yell over the thumping beats.

"We're going to stop crime and injustice, all that good ****."

Red Mist hits his windshield wipers as the rain pours down. He heads down towards the waterfront and something in the rain catches my eye.

"Check it out. There's a manhole cover open."

Red Mist pulls to the side of the road and looks at the manhole from the driver's side window.

"Yeah. That doesn't look right. You wanna go in and see what's going on?"

"Let's wait out here and see what's going on. Like a stakeout."

"Dude, we're not cops. Let's go."

He pulls out a pistol and slams a clip home.

"Let's go **** somebody up."
​

 

[wiegeabo]

"Keep your voices down."

Face and the two NSA agents turn the corner and I toss them new seats of disguises.

"To get rid of the puke."

Suddenly, the alarms inside the facility go off.

"Did the cameras catch us?"

"No. Listen to the alarm."

Warning! Escape detected in Sector 4! Warning! Escape detected in Sector 4!

"Sounds like we won't be needing those disguises after all."

I rip off my guard uniform, revealing my regular clothes underneath.

"Let's get to Sector 4 ASAP, people. Sounds like 007 started the party without us."

Face, Sarah, and I start putting on our guard uniforms. And I couldn't be `more grateful. Walking around soaked with my own vomit is not very glamorous. Something they don't tell you about the spy business.

And then all hell breaks loose and Hannibal's team start stripping off their disguises. Looks like there's not going to be much of a chance to dig around and figure out what's going on after all.

I look back at the stained and smelling clothes, and my heart sinks. "Um...wouldn't it be safer to keep pretending to be one of the guards?"

 

[Carnage27]

Alarms blare in my head as Donnie and I race down a hallway of the Foot wharehouse. The inside of the facility is much more advanced than I ever could have imagined. White pristine hallways lined with doors. I see some marked biological research, and others that are obvious prisons, or cages.

A group of Foot soldiers scramble into position in front of us. I spring off my heels, spinning and somersaulting out of the way of their shurikens. I kick of the wall and spin my heel into one of their heads. I can hear his skull crack under the heavy force, and his body crumples to the ground. Two others come at me with katanas, and I easily parry with mine. Shredder obviously didn't expect this facility to come under fire so soon, or he would have left a better security force.

I feel the whir of Don's bow staff twirling through the air behind me. I slice at one of my foes with both swords, slashing deep into his chest. Blood squirts across my face and my shell, warm against my amphibian skin.

His partner comes at me with ferocity. He's more skilled than his friend. His slices and sweeps come as precise movements, and one catches me on the shoulder. The pain is acute and intense, but it doesn't last long. I repay him for the gash by driving a katana through his stomach. He spits blood over my arms through his mask.

I drop his lifeless body, and turn to see Donatello choking out the last of his opponents, "Let's go. We're close. The resistance is getting roughter. I think we're close to hitting the mother load."

"I agree," he says, dropping the Foot ninja. we take off further down the hallway, until it dead ends in a set of double doors. Donnie kicks them open, and we stand in front of rows upon rows of computers. Donnie smiles at me, and opens a comm channel to Flynn, "Clu, this is Donnie. I'm about to plug you into the places mainframe. Find as much as you can."

"Sounds like a plan, man," Kevin Flynn's voice comes across my communicator as well.

Don goes to work on one of the computers, and when he says he's done, all the computers spring to life, and a countdown clock appears. I shout into my earpiece, "Clu! What's going on!?"

"I don't know! I don't...ahhhh crap," he panics. "That place is rigged to blow in case of something like this. We've only got five minutes. You guys get out of there, and I'll get as much as I can."

I turn to my brother, and the two of us rush out, back into the hallways, and we run into Rorschach and Raph. The two are bloody and battered, but obviously ready for more. Raph sees the panic in our faces, "What the hell is goin on?"

"The place is rigged to blow, we need to get-" I'm cut off by a gun shot that whizzes by my head, and strikes a Foot ninja that none of us noticed. He drops his dagger as he crumples to the floor. I look up to see a beautiful woman with two pistols in her hands, "Lara Croft, I presume?"

"Indeed," she replies in a British accent. "Now I believe we have an escape to finish?"

The seven of us race outside, running as fast as we can. I smash through a pair of windows, and roll through a puddle. The rain drops hit my bare head and shoulders one at a time. At times like these I feel my senses heighten, and I can feel every drop, hear every drip, and taste every particle of water as it hits my tongue.

And then a flash illuminates the darkness of the night, and the wharehouse behind us explodes in a plume of fire. The shock wave sends us all sprawling to the ground. I scramble to my feet and motion to the others, "Back into the sewers. The cops will be here soon."

We climb down, and replace the manhole, but as I head down, I notice a car sitting near the entrance to the sewers, signaling we aren't alone. I drop down into the water below, and motion to my allies, "We aren't alone down here. Stay sharp."

It doesn't take long for us to run into the two trespassers. They couldn't make more noise if they tried. I unsheath one of my swords, and sneak up behind the one in the red. I press the blade against his throat and hiss, "No sudden movements. Unless you'd like to lose your head, that is."

Raph comes up behind the other and puts him in a choke hold. He looks down at the boy, and laughs, "Holy crap, Leo! It's the idiot kid from the news! He really is a dumb ***!"

 

[Byrd Man]

Face, Sarah, and I start putting on our guard uniforms. And I couldn't be `more grateful. Walking around soaked with my own vomit is not very glamorous. Something they don't tell you about the spy business.

And then all hell breaks loose and Hannibal's team start stripping off their disguises. Looks like there's not going to be much of a chance to dig around and figure out what's going on after all.

I look back at the stained and smelling clothes, and my heart sinks. "Um...wouldn't it be safer to keep pretending to be one of the guards?"

"Probably not."

Face tosses me a grenade. I catch it and cradle it in my hands.

"With a red alert, all the guards are dispatched to certain points inside the compound based on their IDs. To go where we need to go, requires different sets of identification."

While I talk, Murdock hops on to BA's shoulders and pulls down a grate that leads into the air conditioning duct.

"We're going through the air ducts."

Before anyone can say anything, I pull the pin on the grenade and toss it on the far end of the wall.

"Fire in the hole..."

BOOM!

The explosion rocks the room and blows a small hole into the wall.

"That'll provide a good distraction. Everyone up into the air duct, the guards should be along in about a minute and a half."

 

[Byrd Man]

And then a flash illuminates the darkness of the night, and the wharehouse behind us explodes in a plume of fire. The shock wave sends us all sprawling to the ground. I scramble to my feet and motion to the others, "Back into the sewers. The cops will be here soon."

We climb down, and replace the manhole, but as I head down, I notice a car sitting near the entrance to the sewers, signaling we aren't alone. I drop down into the water below, and motion to my allies, "We aren't alone down here. Stay sharp."

It doesn't take long for us to run into the two trespassers. They couldn't make more noise if they tried. I unsheath one of my swords, and sneak up behind the one in the red. I press the blade against his throat and hiss, "No sudden movements. Unless you'd like to lose your head, that is."

Raph comes up behind the other and puts him in a choke hold. He looks down at the boy, and laughs, "Holy crap, Leo! It's the idiot kid from the news! He really is a dumb ***!"

"Dude....you're....hurting..."

The attackers let Red Mist and I go, pushing us forward.

"Alright, who wants some?" I ask, pulling out my sticks. I spin on my heels and see....

"Holy ****!"

"Ahh," Red Mist's high-pitched squeal echoes through the night. His knees buckle.

"What the **** are you?!"

 

[Carnage27]

​

"Ahh," Red Mist's high-pitched squeal echoes through the night. His knees buckle.

"What the **** are you?!"

"He's got a mouth on him," Donnie says coming up from behind us.

"Yea," Mikey chuckles, "and the red one screams like he doesn't have any balls."

I look at the two boys standing in front of me. The two of them are no older than sixteen or seventeen. Younger than us by not by much. But they're sloppy. They're untrained, and they're going to get killed doing this like they are.

"We're the Ninja Turtles," I say, crossing my arms. "Who the hell do you guys think you are?"

 

[wiegeabo]

I pull a quarter from my pocket and flip it into the air.

"Call it..."

"Heads."

The coin smacks into my palm with George Washington's head staring back at me.

"Heads it is."

I pump my Super Soaker a few times to get the pressure built back up.

"Up the stairs we go. You gentlemen stick behind me, I'll walk point."

"No argument here." Sammy and I bring up the rear. I keep watch on the cop's back while Sam keeps an eye on the bottom of the stairs for any surprises as the three of us make our way up.

At the top, all we see is a bunch of closed doors. "Just great," I whisper. Picking the closest one, I take one side and tilt my head for Crews to take the other.

"Sammy. Keep sharp. Any bloodsuckers decide to come out of the woodwork-"

He racks a round into his shotgun. "You'll know."

I look at Crews, ready to kick in the door. "You know they can probably hear everything we're saying."

 

[Byrd Man]

​

"He's got a mouth on him," Donnie says coming up from behind us.

"Yea," Mikey chuckles, "and the red one screams like he doesn't have any balls."

I look at the two boys standing in front of me. The two of them are no older than sixteen or seventeen. Younger than us by not by much. But they're sloppy. They're untrained, and they're going to get killed doing this like they are.

"We're the Ninja Turtles," I say, crossing my arms. "Who the hell do you guys think you are?"

Ninja Turtles?! Holy ****! Nevermind that they're walking, talking, human-sized turtles with weapons...but they're ****ing ninjas on top of it!

"I...I'm Kick-Ass.....he's Red Mist."

It's not just the turtles, but two dudes wearing overcoats and a woman....is that Rorschach?....Goddamn Rorschach?! Oh my God...I'm so dead.

 

[Byrd Man]

"No argument here." Sammy and I bring up the rear. I keep watch on the cop's back while Sam keeps an eye on the bottom of the stairs for any surprises as the three of us make our way up.

At the top, all we see is a bunch of closed doors. "Just great," I whisper. Picking the closest one, I take one side and tilt my head for Crews to take the other.

"Sammy. Keep sharp. Any bloodsuckers decide to come out of the woodwork-"

He racks a round into his shotgun. "You'll know."

I look at Crews, ready to kick in the door. "You know they can probably hear everything we're saying."

"Well, we all gotta die sometime!"

I kick in a door. Nothing.

"Clear in here."

The two hunters go into another room and the door slams shut.

"Guys?!"

"I wouldn't worry about them."

I spin on my heels and see a figure floating in the air.

"My friend, Edward, is taking care of them. You and your friends have done quite a number on my followers. It's time to refill my ranks, and I believe I'll start with the three of you."

"Right. Got a name, pal? I always like to know the monsters I kill."

"I go by Barlow, but you can call me master."

 

[wiegeabo]

The first room is bust. Going back out, Sammy and I surround another door. I kick it open, and we rush inside. From the hall, I hear another door kick open. Damned idiot, going it alone instead of covering us.

We turn around to run and help Crews when his door slams shut, as does ours. Behind the door stands...well...in all honesty, this guy has to be the most depressingly gay vampire I have ever seen.

"Why did you come here?! You ruined everything!" God, is he gonna start crying?

Sam and I have our shotguns trained on him in a second. I whisper over to Sam, "Is he sparkling?"

"I...I think he's wearing glitter."

I raise an eyebrow. "Only in LA. Waste him!" We both fire, and miss by a mile. He may an emo vamp, but the bastard is damned fast. We're both on the ground before we know it, guns skittering across the room.

The bastard has Sam pinned down. I pull out a knife from my boot and fling it at the vamp's back. The guy turns around and grabs it from the air. I barely have time to look surprised before Sam lands a hay-maker on the vampire's chin. It barely even phases him.

I jump on the vamp's back. Stupid, I know, but desperate times and all that. The three of us struggle, and suddenly the vamp has pushed himself off the floor and we go flying backwards. He drives me through the wall and into the next room.

The whole room feels like it's spinning, and my back is on fire. The vamp sits up, looks back at me, and shows me his fangs with a loud hiss.

"Must take an hour to floss those things," I cough out. The vamp launches himself back towards the other room. "SAMMY!"

BANG

The vamp hits the ground. He looks back up and hisses again, leaping at Sammy.

BANG

He hits the ground again, his chest more a gaping wound then actual torso.

"Why couldn't you just leave us alone," it whines, spitting up blood all over his face.

"Shut the hell up, Twilight." The last thing he sees is my boot stomp down on his face.

I run back into the first room and grab my gun. Sam does the same. "C'mon, we've gotta help Crews."

"Twilight?" He looks back in the other room. I do too, then back at Sammy.

"Nah."

 

[wiegeabo]

"Probably not."

Face tosses me a grenade. I catch it and cradle it in my hands.

"With a red alert, all the guards are dispatched to certain points inside the compound based on their IDs. To go where we need to go, requires different sets of identification."

While I talk, Murdock hops on to BA's shoulders and pulls down a grate that leads into the air conditioning duct.

"We're going through the air ducts."

Before anyone can say anything, I pull the pin on the grenade and toss it on the far end of the wall.

"Fire in the hole..."

BOOM!

The explosion rocks the room and blows a small hole into the wall.

"That'll provide a good distraction. Everyone up into the air duct, the guards should be along in about a minute and a half."

"Oh, well. If we're going that way..." With a sigh, I slip the shirt and coat back on, and hold my breath.

The A-Team get up the duct first, and then pull Casey up. "Come on, Bartowski." Casey reaches down for me.

"You should take Sarah first."

"For the love of-we don't have time for this."

"That's sweet, Chuck. But go. You're more valuable."

"But-" before I can argue, Sarah grabs both my hands and lifts my arms into the air. Casey grabs them and yanks me right up into the duct.

"Okay, ooouch!" I say, rubbing my shoulders.

"Suck it up."

"And be quiet, fool! You're gonna bring the whole place down on us."

Casey pulls Sarah up, and they put the cover back in place. "Lead the way, Colonel."

 

[Byrd Man]

"Oh, well. If we're going that way..." With a sigh, I slip the shirt and coat back on, and hold my breath.

The A-Team get up the duct first, and then pull Casey up. "Come on, Bartowski." Casey reaches down for me.

"You should take Sarah first."

"For the love of-we don't have time for this."

"That's sweet, Chuck. But go. You're more valuable."

"But-" before I can argue, Sarah grabs both my hands and lifts my arms into the air. Casey grabs them and yanks me right up into the duct.

"Okay, ooouch!" I say, rubbing my shoulders.

"Suck it up."

"And be quiet, fool! You're gonna bring the whole place down on us."

Casey pulls Sarah up, and they put the cover back in place. "Lead the way, Colonel."

With my gun strapped on to my back, I begin to crawl through the air duct with the rest of the team behind me.

"This, uhhh, may be a bad time...but I gotta fart."

"For the love of God hold it in!"

"I don't know if I can! Shouldn't have had beans!"

"Murdock, I swear I'm gonna!"

The scuffle of everyone trying to move way from Murdock causes the duct to buckle and slam into the corridor with a loud thud.

"What in bloody hell is this?" A voice from outside the duct asks. British...this may be our man.

"007?" I ask as I pull myself from the ruined air duct. A blonde man packing a large pistol looks down at me.

"Don't tell me, you're here to save me?"

I nod as I pull myself up. The rest of our group begin sliding out of the duct.

"M sent us. We're the A-Team....the three in the back are NSA."

"We have to get to the control room. No is planning to launch biological weapons on the United States."

"Well, let's move out. Lead the way...Mister?"

"Bond. James Bond."

 

[Carnage27]

​

Ninja Turtles?! Holy ****! Nevermind that they're walking, talking, human-sized turtles with weapons...but they're ****ing ninjas on top of it!

"I...I'm Kick-Ass.....he's Red Mist."

It's not just the turtles, but two dudes wearing overcoats and a woman....is that Rorschach?....Goddamn Rorschach?! Oh my God...I'm so dead.

"Hmmmm, worse than I thought. Kids are cowards," Rorschach say coming up from behind me. And he's right. These kids are even more nervous than I could have ever imagined. And what's worse is the red one is carrying a gun.

"I agree, Rorschach," I say nodding. "Because you know what I see when I look at these two? Two dead teenagers. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but sometime soon. The two of you are incredibly nervous, untrained, and sloppy. You would have thought there was a carnival down here the way you were slopping around. And we easily snuck up on you. What happens when someone who actually wants to kill you does?"

I start pacing in front of the two, looking at Red Mist, "And you. Carrying a gun? Are you freaking ******ed? What happens when you panic and shoot an innocent person? What happens when you become the bad guy? Are you even licensed for that?"

"Well...I..."

"It doesn't matter," I say cutting him off. "The two of you need to rethink this. If you truly want to do this, get training. All the training you can get. Combat, stealth, crime scene investigation. Everything. Do you understand me?"

 

[Byrd Man]

​

"Hmmmm, worse than I thought. Kids are cowards," Rorschach say coming up from behind me. And he's right. These kids are even more nervous than I could have ever imagined. And what's worse is the red one is carrying a gun.

"I agree, Rorschach," I say nodding. "Because you know what I see when I look at these two? Two dead teenagers. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but sometime soon. The two of you are incredibly nervous, untrained, and sloppy. You would have thought there was a carnival down here the way you were slopping around. And we easily snuck up on you. What happens when someone who actually wants to kill you does?"

I start pacing in front of the two, looking at Red Mist, "And you. Carrying a gun? Are you freaking ******ed? What happens when you panic and shoot an innocent person? What happens when you become the bad guy? Are you even licensed for that?"

"Well...I..."

"It doesn't matter," I say cutting him off. "The two of you need to rethink this. If you truly want to do this, get training. All the training you can get. Combat, stealth, crime scene investigation. Everything. Do you understand me?"

"I'm not gonna be ****ing lectured by a goddamn science experiment gone bad!"

"Whoa. Calm down."

I put a hand on Red Mist's shoulder and turn to the group assembled.

"I understand where you're coming from, I do. I'm serious about this. I want to help people, and I do have some selfish reasons. Do you know what it's like, to live day by day and be seen as a a nobody? Everyone around you hardly knows you exists. You're a bug, no, you're less than a bug. The only thing that gets you through the day is beating it to you biology teacher's gigantic bazooms. That's what my life was before Kick-Ass. I'm saying '**** it' to those that tell me how to live my life. I'm the master of my own destiny, I'm in control. If I get to help people along the way, that's fine. But I'm out here for a reason and I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon."

 

[Carnage27]

"I'm not gonna be ****ing lectured by a goddamn science experiment gone bad!"

"Whoa. Calm down."

I put a hand on Red Mist's shoulder and turn to the group assembled.

Raph growls as Red Mist goes for his fire arm. If Kick-Ass didn't calm the boy down, he most likely would have lost his hand, "You're lucky, kid. We ain't no science project. And next time you go for your gun, you better realize we're ninjas. We don't **** around."

"Calm down, Raphael," I say, motioning for Raph to calm down.

"I understand where you're coming from, I do. I'm serious about this. I want to help people, and I do have some selfish reasons. Do you know what it's like, to live day by day and be seen as a a nobody? Everyone around you hardly knows you exists. You're a bug, no, you're less than a bug. The only thing that gets you through the day is beating it to you biology teacher's gigantic bazooms. That's what my life was before Kick-Ass. I'm saying '**** it' to those that tell me how to live my life. I'm the master of my own destiny, I'm in control. If I get to help people along the way, that's fine. But I'm out here for a reason and I don't plan on giving that up anytime soon."

I understand where the kid is coming from. I really do. But that doesn't make him ready for this. It doesn't make him a hero. It makes him a dedicated, driven kid, but drive and dedication doesn't mean you can't be killed. It doesn't give you the ability to dodge bullets or take on twenty men single-handedly. It doesn't give you super powers.

But I know how he feels. My brothers and I are seen as freaks above. Shunned by the people we are serving. It's hard to be an outcast, but it does help in our line of work.

"I get it kid. Look at us. We're mutants. We're never going to be accepted by those we seek to protect. But we do it anyway. I get it," I sigh and look away. "But you have to realize your limitations. And don't give me that Christian Bale bull **** that you, 'Don't have limitations.' We have advantages. We've had over a decade of ninja training, on top of superhuman strength, agility, and speed. Rorschach has had decades of experience. Darkman as well. You don't. Do whatever you want to do, but keep it small kid. Don't get over your head. Start small. Don't go for the big fish."

I turn and motion of the group to follow me further into the sewers. Mikey heads the group that way, and I turn back to the two kids, "I'm serious. I don't want to see a story on the news about your deaths. Understand? And get some combat training, because from everything I saw on that news video, you suck."

I chuckle, and begin to walk away, "See ya around Kick-Ass. Do us a favor and leave the sewers. We wouldn't want to knock you out for trying to find where we live."

Raph gets in Red Mist's face, "And if I hear you shot some innocent kid, or some woman because you got careless with your little toy there, I will come after you. And you'll have no idea what hit you. You got me, McLovin?"

We don't wait to hear a response. We fade into the darkness, leaving the two in a creepily quiet sewer.

 

[Carnage27]

K and Zed lead me to yet another elevator, and we shot down even further. I look at the two of them, "What, are you people mole-people? How far underground do we have to go?"

"Relax, Junior. It's all for secrecy's sake," Zed sighs. "We don't want anyone accidentally finding this place."

The elevator stops, and the doors open, revealing to me one of the most incredible sights I've ever seen. Hundreds of men and women in suits shuffle back and forth across an immense room. But not just men and women. I see creatures, one more fantastical than the rest, walking, talking, and existing next to them. At one end is a giant view screen, with two identical aliens sitting at a command console and typing away.

I walk out of the elevator in a stupor, almost bumping into countless people and aliens. I'm drawn to four tubes along the wall closest to me. They seem to hold three different specimens. K notices and puts his hand on my back, "So you've noticed the scourges of the galaxy gallery, eh?"

"So what...these are the bad guys?" I ask, still perplexed.

"Some of them, yea. This beast right here," he says motioning to the first tube, containing an alien that looks like a deformed Jamaican, dreads and all, "is what we call a Predator. They're intergalactic big-game hunters. You don't wanna come across one of them. And if you do, you'll probably be dead before you realize it."

"The second, is a Bugg," he says tapping the second. "They're planetary parasites. They move in, suck a planet dry, and move on. Luckily, they don't head this far into the galaxy too often, or we'd be in trouble."

"And this is-"

"It looks like a freaking dinosaur," I chuckle.

"Exactly. And they call themselves the Triceratons. They're war mongers and a violent race. They're constantly looking to expand their holdings. Again, we're lucky. They haven't gotten to us yet. But we are cooperating with other planets and species to formulate a defense against them, and the tide may be turning in the galaxy."

"So what's the last one?" I ask, examining it closely. It looks so simliar to a human being, but it almost eminates power. It's limbs look lithe and powerful, even when dead. And it's missing genitalia. "It looks almost human."

"Well...odd story. We really have no idea what it is. We've taken samples of it, and it's gene patterns and DNA are all over the place. It's almost as if it's made up of every species we've ever come across's DNA. It's unheard of," K says staring at the specimen.

"So it's-"

"Some culture in the Galaxy speak of a race of super-beings. They say they came to their planet and assimilated their strongest warriors and brightest minds into them, gaining their powers. It's also said that afterwards, these beings brought great destruction to the galaxy, and were only repelled by the combined efforts of every race in the Galaxy."

"Damn..." I whisper.

"K, the Utrom story again? Seriously?" Zed puts his hands over his face. "It's nothing but a legend."

"We still can't say what this thing is, Zed. Who says it isn't an Utrom?"

"Whatever."

"So what do you say, kid?" K asks, turning back to me. "Now that you know what kind of danger the Earth is in, and that we're for real, are you up for joining us?"

"I don't think I have a choice, K," I smile. "Sign me up."

"Then let's get you in it," he says, returning the smirk.

"What's it?"

"The last suit you'll ever wear," Zed says, patting me on the back.

 

[Optikal]

.Kazakhstan.

.Mangghystau Desert.

.1500 Hours.​

Mattias kicked his feet up on the dashboard as Rammstein pounded out of the old in-car stereo. The Jeep was old and battered, it's flaking tan paint fighting a losing battle with the spreading rust. Still, Mattias didn't care, it was temporary transport anyway. So long as the old box could get him out of the god-forsaken desert he was currently sat in, it would do.

Suddenly, his ear-piece flared to life as the voice of Fiona cut in. "Mattias, you need to move out now, the package is en route to the target. The rendezvous is at an old disused military outpost three clicks to the north of your current location. Jacobs is also en route from the west. Grab the package, eliminate the target. Any means necessary".

Mattias grinned and sat straight in the drivers seat, patting the rocket launcher propped against the passengers seat. "Those are my favorite three words darlin'!"

"Good luck" Fiona responded curtly before cutting the comm.

Mattias turned the key and after a bit of wheezing, the engine sputtered to life. He cranked up the music before setting out northwards.
​

The old Jeep surged forward, kicking up dust and sand in a swirling cloud as it barrelled towards the compound. With a grin, he jammed a block on the accelerator pedal and pointed the Jeep towards the large wrought iron gates that were rapidly growing in his vision. Leaping into the back of the vehicle, Mattias casually shouldered a rocket launcher and fired, watching as the rocket ploughed home into the only watchtower on the compound.

As the explosion rocked the old building, Mattias grabbed his assault weapons and bailed from the Jeep seconds before it punched it's way through the gates in a ball of molten steel fire.

Inside, he could hear the terrorists whooping and calling, panicked by the sudden attack. Mattias set of at a run, following the outside line of the wall of the compound until he came across an old rusted door set in the stonework.

WHACK!

WHACK!

WHACK!

Mattias smashed at the hinges with the butt of his rifle and forced the door loose of its sandy holdings, before slipping into the base itself.
​

 

[Carnage27]

"Christ," Inspector Finch mutters, looking over the body of Lewis Prothero. The Voice' of London lies naked on the floor of his bathroom, vomit covering his chest, and a large red rose lying in it. "Haven't seen anything this gruesome in ages."

The Inspector paces back and forth over the body staring at it intently. the vomit is a ridiculous amount of colors, leading him to believe it was pharmaceutically induced. "Have you gotten a tox-screen yet?"

"Yea, Prothero had more drugs in him than I've ever seen. But still, we couldn't find anything over-dose worthy, nor any poisons. Dead ends all around."

"What about the security cameras?" Finch asks, not moving his eyes from the body. "Show anything?"

"They were off when we got here."

"Off?" Finch replies rubbing his chin. "I've got a feeling Guy Fawkes is involved here. I'm going back to the station for research."
​

 

[Byrd Man]

I run back into the first room and grab my gun. Sam does the same. "C'mon, we've gotta help Crews."

"Twilight?" He looks back in the other room. I do too, then back at Sammy.

"Nah."

The two brothers fight vampires in the other room while Barlow and I circle each other.

"You're like me, you know."

"Sorry, I don't like to dine on people's necks."

"You're an immortal. I can smell it on you. The smell of age and other lives. Although, to judge by the smell, you're still a child. Not even two hundred yet."

"One hundred and fifty-five years, ten months, and thirteen days."

"And you believe you can defeat me? Foolish boy, I'm as old as civilization itself. I was with Alexander at Gaugamela. I watched Rome burn to the ground, I-"

"Yeah, yeah. You stuck around at St. Petersburg when you saw it was a-time for a change. Killed the czar and his ministers, Anastasia
screamed in vain. I like the Stones too, buddy."

Barlow hisses like a cat and pounces on me. I block his strike with my sword. The force from his leap sends us on the ground. The vampire stands over me, pinning me to the ground. Barlow eyes the silver blade and chuckles.

"This toy won't work on me, boy."

I struggle against him and grab one of the vials of holy water from my pocket.

"But this will!"

I toss the water in his face. He screams and runs away. A big baddie like him, it won't kill him, but it certainly pissed him off.

"Sam, Dean...anytime you guys are ready to help out," I yell out into the other room as I pull out a pair of stakes. Although, when seeking self-assistance, you must first seek assistance from yourself."

 

[wiegeabo]

The two brothers fight vampires in the other room while Barlow and I circle each other.

"You're like me, you know."

"Sorry, I don't like to dine on people's necks."

"You're an immortal. I can smell it on you. The smell of age and other lives. Although, to judge by the smell, you're still a child. Not even two hundred yet."

"One hundred and fifty-five years, ten months, and thirteen days."

"And you believe you can defeat me? Foolish boy, I'm as old as civilization itself. I was with Alexander at Gaugamela. I watched Rome burn to the ground, I-"

"Yeah, yeah. You stuck around at St. Petersburg when you saw it was a-time for a change. Killed the czar and his ministers, Anastasia
screamed in vain. I like the Stones too, buddy."

Barlow hisses like a cat and pounces on me. I block his strike with my sword. The force from his leap sends us on the ground. The vampire stands over me, pinning me to the ground. Barlow eyes the silver blade and chuckles.

"This toy won't work on me, boy."

I struggle against him and grab one of the vials of holy water from my pocket.

"But this will!"

I toss the water in his face. He screams and runs away. A big baddie like him, it won't kill him, but it certainly pissed him off.

"Sam, Dean...anytime you guys are ready to help out," I yell out into the other room as I pull out a pair of stakes. Although, when seeking self-assistance, you must first seek assistance from yourself."

BANG BANG

We blow the lock off the door and kick it in. "We got ours. Where's you-OOOF!!!"

Something heavy slams into me and we go tumbling over the railing, and down the staircase. And when we hit the bottom, do we stop? Of course not. The floor gives out, and we drop right through it into the basement.

The heavy that slammed into me rolls away and I try to catch my breath. My back's killing me, but nothing's screaming out as being broken or ruptured. but when I hear the hissing coming from all around me, I realize I've got bigger problems.

"Come on." The hissing gets closer. "COME ON! Do it!" The vamps start rushing at me.

I close my eyes, reaching into a pocket, and slam the butt end of the magnesium flare on the ground. The blinding light sends the fangbangers scampering off.

"A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!"

 

[Byrd Man]

BANG BANG

We blow the lock off the door and kick it in. "We got ours. Where's you-OOOF!!!"

Something heavy slams into me and we go tumbling over the railing, and down the staircase. And when we hit the bottom, do we stop? Of course not. The floor gives out, and we drop right through it into the basement.

The heavy that slammed into me rolls away and I try to catch my breath. My back's killing me, but nothing's screaming out as being broken or ruptured. but when I hear the hissing coming from all around me, I realize I've got bigger problems.

"Come on." The hissing gets closer. "COME ON! Do it!" The vamps start rushing at me.

I close my eyes, reaching into a pocket, and slam the butt end of the magnesium flare on the ground. The blinding light sends the fangbangers scampering off.

"A LITTLE HELP HERE!!!"

I bat Barlow away and leap down into the hole where Dean disappeared.

"Before you can help others, you must first help yourself," I say as I land. "But on this occasion, I'll lend a hand."

I pump my Super Soaker and douse the vamps with holy water. They hiss and begin to melt.

"Not thirsty?"

 

[Carnage27]

We return to our home, and Mast Splinter puts a big plate of fried rice and sushi in front of Ms. Croft, "Here you go ma'am. You must be hungry."

She nods happily and begins digging into the food, a smile creeping across her face. I sit next to her at the table, and look into her eyes, "I'm sorry I can't give you too much time to rest, Ms. Croft, but we need to know why the Foot took you hostage."

She swallows what's in her mouth and nods, "Yes, I understand. And please, call me Lara. The piece I uncovered in Japan was the ring of a powerful shogun warrior from Japan, and it was said to be the last key to unlocking the place where the great sword Kusanagi is kept. The other keys were also taken by the Foot in earlier kidnappings."

Splinter shifts uneasily on his cane at the sound of the sword. I know it's tale well. It was said to have the power to control the winds, but was lost many ages ago during a great battle. Apparently, others knew where it was and hid it, and now Shredder was going to find it, "Well...that can't be good."

"No, it's not. That's why I plan to go to the authorities right away. A power like that cannot fall into the hands of people like Shadaloo or the Foot."

I nod, "I would go to the authorities. But I wouldn't mention Shadaloo. A friend of ours is currently on the run from them, I wouldn't want the same for you. The Foot have what they wanted from you, and I doubt they'll be back. They've got enough to deal with with us."

*******

Lara finished her meal and I took her back to the surface, and I now sit with my brothers, Master Splinter, Darkman, and Rorschach in our living room, bouncing ideas off of each other.

"So the Shred head is headed to Japan?" Mikey asks.

"Most likely, my son," Master Splinter nods somberly. "But we cannot be sure. It is possible that the sword is magically sealed on another plane of existence, and the three artifacts are used to open a portal."

"Either way we're **** outta luck," Raph grunts. "We have no idea where the Shredder is. We have no idea where the Foot are, and we have no idea what their plan is."

"Stuck in the mud," Rorschach nods. It amazes me how well these two are getting along. It must be all the broken legs and blood they've been spilling together.

"I agree," I sigh. "We're lost for the moment. I say we go our separate ways until someone figures out what to do. Or Shredder shows himself. Either way, I'll be in contact."
​