Found this Last night, thought i'd share
Hell hath no fury like a fanboy scorned
t:
totally agree
http://www.cracked.com/blog/fox-can-eat-several-*****/
Dear Fox,
Eat all the *****.
Love,
-DOB
PS
(Okay, let me clarify a little bit for anyone who might be reading this letter that isnt either a)obsessed with
The Watchmen or b) the head of the Fox Corporation.) Back in the 80s, Fox purchased the rights to a
Watchmen movie and celebrated by not making it for 20 years. Now, Warner Brothers respected their decision but, oddly enough, felt that a
Watchmen movie would look better if it was actually, you know, made. So, Warner Brothers decided to make it. They announced their plans well over a year ago and
Watchmen is now one of the most anticipated movies of the year. If you saw
The Dark Knight and, statistically speaking, you probably did, then you already saw the trailer.
If youre me and, statistically speaking, youre probably not, then you went back to your apartment and watched the trailer on Youtube over and over again and experienced an odd yet not totally unexpected sense of profound sexual arousal that you could really only describe as
spiritual.
If youre Fox, you patiently waited until the excitement over the movie reached a *****-inducing fever pitch, and then you decided to sue Warner Brothers and, according to the
New York Times, you won. On Christmas Eve, a judge ruled that Fox has the right to, at the very least, distribute
The Watchmen. Will they try to stop the release of the movie? Probably not, (though they certainly could). Will they try to change it? Again, no. Will they make some fat cash off of it? Certainly. Should they eat all the *****? Without a doubt.
Now, Fox, I know that you didnt
technically do anything illegal. In terms of the way the American justice system works, you are completely within your rights to do exactly what you did. You owned the movie rights to
The Watchmen, and Warner Brothers made the movie anyway. Without having a real firm grasp on the law, I can certainly understand the concept of someone taking somebody elses thing. Like, if I bought bacon with the intention of cooking it, chopping it up and throwing it into one of my famous omelettes, Id be real pissed if some jerk showed up, took all my bacon and made their
own breakfast with it. Even if that jerk was Warner Brothers, and even if their breakfast looked
****ing awesome.
But heres the thing: You
werent going to make that movie. You had the movie rights to the most important graphic novel of all time, and you just sat on it for a couple of decades while you focused on making other hit movies, (though I cant for some reason think of a single one). The difference is that, when I buy bacon, I cook it almost immediately. I never just sit on it. (Thats the worst thing you can do with bacon.) And if you
did want to make it, you shouldve spoken up when the movie was first announced. Hey, Warner Brothers, dont make that movie. We own it, and we will make it, were just very slow. That wouldve been fine. But you decided to wait. You waited for Warner Brothers to buy some cheese, fry up some eggs, toast some English muffins cook its bacon, (Im assuming here that Warner Brothers is making a bacon egg and cheese sandwich), and just when Warner Brothers was about to take a bite, you jumped out of the shadows and said Hey, thats
mine! Which is why Ive popped out, from even darker shadows, shouting Hey, eat all the *****!
You know what bothers me the most, you stupid, ****** bastards?
You dont want to crush this movie or stop its release. Its not like youre morally opposed to the subject matter, and its not like youre artistically offended by the vision and interpretation of the source material by Warner Brothers or director Zack Snyder and as a result want to stop the movie from seeing the light of day. Its not like there are a bunch of Fox employees who worked diligently on this movie;
theyre not being screwed by Warner Brothers production. And it isnt like youre lashing out because
you were going to make the movie and Snyder beat you to it; you had over twenty years and did nothing.
This is about money. You saw the chance to make a ridiculous sum of money,
for no reason, and youre going to take it.
And, when the law is on your side, its easy for you to argue that I dont have a leg to stand on and, at the end of the day, youre right. Youre a business, and you made what is perhaps the smartest move a business could make. You struck at the last second, thereby forcing Warner Brothers hand. Theyll
have to settle with you, and theyll
have to pay whatever exorbitant sums you want, or else they can just refuse to distribute the film, which, given the anticipation, will screw Warner Brothers pretty hard.
But I dont give a **** about the law right now, (or, hey, while were at it, ever). When it comes down to it, Zack Snyder worked hard on this movie. All of the actors and all of the crew members worked hard on it. The producers took a risk by giving Snyder complete creative control and a buttload of money. This is a movie that fans have been praying and begging for for
decades. We want this movie and, more importantly, we want it done right. We want it to be visually stunning. We want to see the books complex themes brought to life.
We want to see Dr. Manhattans glorious, blue genitals majestically flopping on the big screen.
A lot of people worked hard to make this movie what the fans want it to be and, based on the trailer, the behind the scenes video clips, most of the early reviews, this is as close as anyone will come.
You, Fox, did
not do any of the work to get this movie to where it is, but youre still going to make money off of it. And thats a concept that I dont quite understand, and I never will understand it. I cant imagine that Warner Brothers has money tucked away specifically to pay to you, Fox, so I have to assume that whatever money goes to you was originally intended for someone else, someone who probably actually deserves it. You havent been able to make a decent hit blockbuster, so youre pulling this crap. And that, Fox, you shameless, opportunistic, greedy, jealous, petty ****-parade, brings me back to my original thesis:
Eat all the *****. Open your bitter, miserable mouth and eat all the *****. Stop using that mouth of yours to whine, and get started on all these ***** you need to be eating. Keep eating *****, even at night, even on weekends. Intuition will tell you that youve had enough *****, but you will be wrong:
You will never have eaten enough *****.
You may complain that what youre doing is perfectly legal, but Id argue that Ive never read a law that specifically prohibits force-feeding a lethal amount of ***** down someones throat, (though, Ill admit, Im almost positive there is one). You may say I dont care what you think, DOB, to which Id respond, Thats some tough talk for someone with an acre of ***** in their mouth.
And even when you meekly protest that they dont measure ***** in acres, I wont be able to hear you.
Because of all the *****
I would gladly wait for the movie to come out on dvd and not watch it in theatres if it meant that man loses his job
