The "Ultimate DC Universe" RPG: Season 2.0

[Batman]

Peace. A rare finding in a city that rarely ever slept, but J'onn found himself quite humbled as he flew through the night's air, unseen to the naked eye. He had managed to grip a moment's control over his telepathy, and thus, he was unplagued by the surrounding thoughts of humankind. Realising that there were no injustices that called to his attention within the city, J'onn decided that perhaps it was time to depart for his nightly meditation; His version of a human being's good night sleep.

Flying low, J'onn headed for his own apartment building, phasing through the buildings that stood in his way. Finally reaching it, J'onn began to slow his flight's speed as he prepared to phase through his own wall. But midway through his phase, J'onn realised something: There was an uninvited prescence within his home. J'onn opened his eyes, as he looked around. ...And intrusion? Who could possibly-

Suddenly, the dark living room of J'onn's apartment was lit by his only lamp. What J'onn could only see as the light in the room brightened was numerous men, armed with highly technologically advanced weaponry pointed directly at him. J'onn resumed visibility, realising they could see him regardless. But he was not surprised, as he soon recongised his would-be attackers.

"Lovely evening, isn't it J'onn?"

J'onn turned, sharply, as their leader stepped out of the darkness. He had no prescence, nor did he have a readable mind, as J'onn had learned during their first encounter. But his shock of their capabilities had mellowed since that time.

"I sincerely hope there is meaning for this, Black.", J'onn stated, letting his anger show. "I do not take lightly to invasion of my privacy."

"Rest assured, J'onn, I've come here in a matter of urgency.", The man only known as Mr. Black responded.

Turning, J'onn watched as Black's agents lowered their weapons, slowly. It was only slightly comforting, as J'onn turned back to their leader.

"And what is this urgency?", J'onn asked.

"It's about Project: Justice.", Mr. Black responded. "I'm sure you remember it, despite the time that's passed since we last spoke."

"-I do indeed.", J'onn stated, absently. "And I have already completed the task you had assigned me for those months ago. Barry Allen... The Flash... accepted the offer to board the project."

"We know. And you're to be commended for that. Top notch work.", Black answered. "But that was only one task of an overall assignment we had hoped you would take on."

"There is... more?", J'onn asked.

"Much more. Infact, aside from Allen, you're the only true member of the proposed team thus far.", Black stated. "We want you to recruit the rest."

"The rest...", J'onn spoke, intrigue filling his voice.

"Oh yes. Very powerful beings still lurk in the shadows like you did. Beings almost more powerful than you.", Black continued, reaching into his dark overcoat, before pulling out a yellow envelope from it.

Throwing it to him, J'onn caught the envelope and immediatley scanned it's contents, without needing to open it.

"-I am afraid I do not understand.", J'onn eventually said. "Why am I needed for this task?"

"Because, J'onn, you of all people can relate to the man.", Black continued. "He too has taken up a life on our shores after being shunned from the chance at living with his own kind. At least, that's what we believe. We're not entirely sure of the full story, as of yet."

J'onn looked down at the envelope, taking all of the information in once more. The individual was very powerful, indeed. Capable of feats J'onn could mimmick, but others he could only dream of. J'onn looked back up at Black.

"And how am I to go about recruiting him? Is there another gala event I must be forced to attend?", J'onn asked, remembering his time spent in the guise of "Tommy Elliot" at Bruce Wayne's benefit in Gotham City.

"Oh, no. Not this one. He's much too shy. Gonna have to talk to him directly if we hope to get his attention at all."

J'onn considered it. He had been given time to think about all the potential good that this project could bring. But at the same time, he could not ease his own discomfort in being treated as nothing more than one of their mere 'agents', especially with them now barging in his home.

"And what of your half of our bargain, Black?", J'onn asked. "You promised me the possibility of survivors from my homeworld of Mars. That of which has yet to be fufilled."

"In due time, J'onn. In due time. I assure you, my people are working on finding yours. But time is what we're short on for this project. Which is why we need to recruit as fast as possible.", Black responded. "So I guess my question is-"

"Whether I would be willing to accept such a task?", J'onn cut off, not even needing to use his actual telepathy. "I am... intriguied by this individual. So I soley accept on the terms of meeting this 'Clark Kent' in person."

J'onn looked back at the armed agents behind him.

"And only those terms."

"You've made the right decision, J'onn.", Black stated, before looking down at the envelope he held. "In your mission, you're to pose as one of us. All of the data on the identity we've selected for you has been placed within the package, along with a full briefing on Kent's background and abilities. Read up, son, because I can guarantee that he's not going to respond to threats alone..."

Black passed J'onn, signaling for most of his agents to exit the apartment. But four remained, as Black turned back to J'onn, who displayed confusion at the other agents.

"You won't be going alone this time, either. These agents will meet you in your guise at the Metropolis national airport in the early morning. Once you rendevous with your team, you're to immediatley depart to Kent's home.", Black stated. "Is this understood, J'onn?"

J'onn was silent, for a moment. But each order stuck at the forefront of his mind with clarity. Eventually, J'onn spoke.

"I understand."

Black nodded, and turned, heading for the front door.

"Black.", J'onn stated, forcing the man to pause in his track. "I wish to have a final wording."

Black turned, eyebrow raised, but eventually nodded.

"I would appreciate it if I was not met with such hostility, the next time you decide to trespass within my home.", J'onn stated, with a tone of subtle anger.

Black paused, but nodded once more, before leaving. Making sure Black and his agents had completely left the area, J'onn assumed his true martian form, and began meditation, simultaneously reading over the encased files within the envelope Black had given him.

It seemed his moment of peace truly was short lived. But now, J'onn had another matter to attend to: Recruiting and meeting the one Metropolis called 'Superman'.

 

[twylight]

RIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGGG RIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG

"OH SNAP!" I sit bolt upright in bed as the sound of the phone loosens me from my sleep. The noon sun shine through the window as I reach for my phone and pull it off the hook.

"I am soooo sorry." I say into it.

"Well, I forgive you."

I flop back.

"Hey Uncle Ted. I thought you were someone else."
I rub my eyes and glance at the clock, I'm late for my lunch date with Jason..okay more than late I actually misssed it. Completely.

"Sorry to dissapoint, I was only callin' to let ya know I'm gonna be a tad late."

I raise my eyebrow, intrigued.

"and no, I won't tell ya."
I moan, knowing he was a step ahead of me.

"You know I have ways of finding out."

"I know you won't be usin' them after you see today's paper."

I blink.
"Something good?"

"It'll keep ya busy for a bit. I'll see ya tonight."

"Okay, love you." I say before hanging up. I sit up and tap my fingers on my bedside, before jumping up and racing downstairs.
I wonder what's on the newspaper..I screech to a halt in the kitchen and grab the paper eagerly skimming the front cover....Batman. I make a face and roll my eyes. Is there ever anything besides him on there?

I flip the paper open with a rustle and glance over the second page. There....first heading.

"Arson hit's Gotham."

I sink into the chair as I read the details. It was quite simply...horrible, but..I glance at the front page again and skim to see who Batman took down. It wasn't this guy. I lean on my chin. Should I even bother trying to catch him?

I shake myself, a few months ago I wouldn't have even asked myself that. I would have been the first one out there. But that was before 'Batman' was I so used to the mundane life that I'd been living the past few months?

I put my fist on the table. No! I am going to find this guy, I am going to break this case and Dinah Lance P.I. is going to take the cake.

RIIIINNNNNGGGG

I dive for the phone and pick it up.

RIIIIII-


"Hello?"

"Hey."

I sink into my chair.

"Jason I am so-"

"Don't be, I'm calling to cancel."

Okay..not at all like him.

"Cancel? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just it's been real busy today. You heard about the arsonist?"

I nod and look down at the paper in front of me.

"Who in Gotham hasn't?"

A sigh came from the other end.

"Sometimes, I hate the press."

I nod in understanding.
'Have you eaten anything?"

"Harv brought in some doughnuts-"

"BARD! I need you to-"
The phone went quiet before I heard Jason's voice again.

"I have to go."

"Okay, I'm going to bring you a sandwich."

"Sounds great, thanks Di."

"No problem *muah*"

I hang up and lean back over the chair.

Oooohhh....thanks Jason, now I have an 'in'.

 

[Apprentice]

Before The Batman: "Circus Freak, Part Two"

The trial of Doris Zeul, or Giganta, as she had dubbed herself, took place several months after the incident. Dick was seated amongst the crowd, perched on the wooden bench beside his solemn father, observing his second parent as she related the events of the day she had been kidnapped. Haly's Circus had wisely decided to move on, feeling that their time in Metropolis had publicized them enough, and after a steep decline in customers, they had told the Flying Graysons to meet them in Hub City when the proceedings were completed.

Dick felt a shiver strike down his spine, even considering their triumphant return to the circus. The city no longer enthralled him. Instead, the atmosphere of the entire place had been overtaken by that of the courtroom - dull, emotionless, and carrying a hint of danger. Although the streets outside the building were lively and buzzing with activity, the teen asserted that their visit to the City of Tomorrow had been outshined by the attack on his home. His parents had indulged his request to remain in the hotel; they had always made allowances for him, and although such a statement was unusual for the boy, it was understandable on such an occasion.

As his mother stepped down from the podium, Dick rose silently and turned to his father. "I'll be outside, 'kay? I need some fresh air."

A nod. A reassuring smile. And a wordless message: this damn place gives me the creeps too, son.

Dick exited the courthouse immediately, and slumped back against the structure's outer wall as he reached the street. Around him, taxis blared, basketballs bounced, children cried...the bustle of city life did not suit him. He was a gymnast, an athlete, and he needed periods of peace. Time to himself. If anyone interrupted him now --

"You wanna play?"

Dick glanced upwards. before him, a young, chocolate-skinned teenager clutched a battered orange ball in one hand. "Uh...I'm not really all that good at sport. Thanks, anyway."

"Come on, man! Play!" he insisted, a grin tugging at his lips. "I'm Vic. Vic Stone."

Dick paused, before hesitantly gripping the newcomer's hand. "I'm Dick Grayson. And hey, I might as well play."

Vic led him across the road and into a small playground, with hoops at each end. A small assemblage of kids, all roughly Dick's age, cheered as Vic appeared; their applause dimmed a little as I entered. "I got us a new boy, guys!"

"Cool," one muttered approvingly.

"Whatever," a second interjected. "Now come on, let's play."

Vic thrust the ball into a younger boy's hands, who promptly turned to Dick. "Yo newbie, what's ya name?" The ball spun free of his hand.

Dick caught it with ease, and grinned. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, after all... "My name's Dick. You'll remember me as the guy who thrashed you.."

"Ha!" Vic chuckled. "He's got some spirit, boys!"

Dick fell into a crouch. "I've got some o' that, all right..."

 

[Nightwing 52]

Downtown. The darker side of the city. Nothing but corruption and darkness surface the streets. The only light the people here are given is the predictable sunrise, and the hope they give themselves, in search of a better life than the one they're already given...Everytime I come here, I'm reminded of my days here. Of when I first started out in the city, and how I used to be just like them. Then given a chance to actually do something with my life.

No one comes here unless they have to. Not even the rich folks. Except that Roy Harper has made a few visits and donations. You've got to have a lot of heart to come down to these parts. And a damn good reason as to why. Whoever wrote me those instructions to come here, must probably have both those qualities. There's a huge chance I'm walking into a trap, I know...But I need answers as to who exactly keeps following me around Star. And what he, or she, wants with me. I'm still thinking over how my security was disabled. This mystery person must have some wicked skills to do that.

I drove on my bike, speed here for about 45 mintues. Traffic was crazy, but I made it. Turns out that the first thing I see is a ditched warehouse, which wasn't that far. Rather close to me. I'm about to race off, when a flash catches my eye. Something was going on in there, and looks like the warehouse wasn't so "ditched" after all.

I take a turn toward it, then get off my bike. I crouch down, and head for the front window of the building. I take a small peak inside, and this is one of the times when I hate being right. Someone was just shot. His head bleeding from the side, and two bullets to the chest. I look up and see four guys looking down at him, the one who pulled the trigger was standing over the body laughing, as if he accomplished something big.

"Damnit..." I say in a whisper.

If only I got here sooner, whoever the guy was, he might've lived. I was angry, and that's a bad way to fight. I needed a way in, so instead of usually entering from the roof, I was going to give them a head on attack. I stayed low, and looked up to see a higher window. To my luck, being right above where the four of them were standing. I grab the flash bang arrow, then pull back slowly. I steady my aim, for a nice fluid landing. I then release it, and watch as it lands on the tip, right in the middle of them. The end of the arrow lights up, and the bang goes off, sending a blinding light.

I quickly run toward the window I was looking through, and crash into it. I managed to quickly take out one of the goons, but the flash wore down, leaving the rest able to see again. The one holding the gun looks to see his friend on the ground, then at me. After, he shouts out to the remaining.

"What are ya standin' there for ya morons, waste 'em!"

Bullets start flying everywhere. I leap up, bow in hand, and a react with a flip. I could tell they were new to this, by their aim. It was lazy with every shot.

I move fast to the one on my left, his hand starts shaking when I come at him, and stops shooting. Usually, gunmen never stop firing in situations like this...Yep. Rookies. I fire an arrow, which lands straight through his elbow, forcing him to drop the gun. Then, I hit him across the back of the head with my bow. Knocking him out cold. The other one comes up from behind, trying to land a shot at me. I dodge his attempted blow, and bash my knee into his gut. I strike him in the jaw, leaving him with his mouth full of his own teeth. He yells in pain, but then shuts up, after I deliver another jab.

I look to the original gun holder running away. But he won't get far. I whip up a bola arrow, and shoot it at him. He trips immediately, and his legs are tied up. I walk to him slowly, then drag him to a near wall, pinning him there with one arrow on each shoulder.

"P--Please, don't hurt me! I was only doing what I was told!"

"Who hired you to kill that man?" I say pointing to the now dead body.

"I can't say! I--I can't! I ain't no snitch!"

My patience was going. I had one hell of a night so far, beginning all the way in that building earlier, and now here...The only way I'd get what I need was to put the pressure on him. And with that, I grab an arrow from my quiver, and put it near his ribs.

"I'm asking you again, who."

"Don't do it man, I'm beggin' you! I'm tellin' ya, I can't say squat! We--We're just supposed to be the puppets!"

I start forcing the arrow a little bit.

"What do you mean by "puppets?"

"H--He came to us a few nights ago, saying he needed guys like us to do a job for him, th--that we'd get payed huge! And all we had to do was get you here!"

I think to myself for a minute, after what he says. Was I meant to see the gun flash I saw, that brought me here in the first place? Was I being watched the entire time? This...this was a set-up.

"Tell me who it was. Who was it that orchestrated all of this?!"

"A--Alright! Just please, don't kill me! T--The guy said his name was M--ACK!"

He was so close to telling me, but, now my eyes widen at the sight of an arrow fired, and stuck right through his throat. He was dead in seconds. I looked at the arrow shot. It was black...the fletchings of it red. Then, that's when I hear a voice.

"Y'know, something told me I couldn't trust any of these cats. Then again, it's not like I was going to keep them around for long..."

I turn around to the voice, than see the actual person emerge from the shadows.

"...Because in the end, I've got to hand it to them, atleast they got the job done..."

I see him putting on a sort of grin, and look to see him holding a bow of his own. As well as two crossbows on each of his sides. I ready my bow with two arrows.

"And who the hell are you?"

He responds quick.

"Me? Ah, well, you...You can just call me Merlyn."

 

[Nightwing 52]

Edit.

 

[Cyrusbales]

CAPTAIN MARVEL

A face, an older face, a face too old to be a hero, looks to the stars. Dulled eyes that have seen so much still hold the ideals of justice to everything in sight. Much evil has come and gone, yet these eyes still watch. Watch and wait.

In a world where heroism has long since become myth, out of the public eye there is justice. Long ago a small boy made a promise, never since then has Billy stopped his fight against tyranny and evil.

With each year that passed, each enemy dispatched, Billy learned. Having grown into a man, Billy became Bill, a man whose life was governed by that promise. The greatest fighter for all that is good, never seeking fame, never seeking reward, only justice.

Whilst aging slower as Bill, Captain Marvel remained forever the permanent beacon of power, strength and courage, truly Earth’s mightiest mortal.
Distant screams echo through the cold night air, once again harmony has been disturbed, and Captain Marvel must restore the balance.

For every threat that is quelled, another has the chance to surface, and as long as there is injustice, as long as there is tyranny, as long as there is evil, there will always be the power of…

SHAZAM!!!!!

 

[Byrd Man]

By 2 p.m. I'm preping for surgery on Mr.Edward Stark, a 35 year old man with a tumor the size of a marble lodged in his brain. The fellas spunky, I'll give him that. Most people would take Kemo than go through this surgery. It's experimental at best, We open his head open and drill into his brain and laser out his tumor. It's the first time I've done this and I'm a little nervous.

"Terry? You ready? Nurse Tisdale and Doctor Keith will assit you in the surgery, listen to Keith. He's the Neurologist and he'll advise you on what to do."

I nod my head and pull my surgical mask over my face.

"Let's do it."

***************

boop.......boop........boop

Mr. Stark breathes slowly as the monitors keep track of his hear beat. I'm four hours in the surgery and almost at the center of the brain.

"Okay, Doctor Holt. Your almost there, a little more and you'll be in the Mesencephalon where the tumor is."

I gently pull the trigger of the micro drill and fell it dig in a little more.

"Woha, your there."

I look up and the camera planted on the drill and see a hunk of rotten tissue in Mr. Stark's brain.

"Alright. I'm activating the laser."

I press a red button on the drill and a small red laser shoots out the drill tip and starts to cut the edge of the tumor.

"Just a few more neurons and it'll be free of the brain."

The laser cuts through the brain tissue and the tumor breaks free from the brain. I press another button and the laser dissapears, replaced by a pair of tweezers. The tweezer grabs the tumor. I slowly pull the drill out of the opening in the brain and out of the opening in Mr. Stark's skull.

"Congraulations, Dr. Holt. It looks like a sucess."

I smile underneath my mask and let a sigh of relif escape my lips.

"This is the Fox 5 News at 11 with lead anchor, Elizabeth Holt."

The voice over and chessy music dissapear and the face of my mother appears on the television.

"Good evening, New York. Tonight's top story: Masked vigilante fever hits New York. Nearly six months after the Batman appeared in New York's sister city Gotham, a masked man has been seen in the vicinity of Brooklyn and Harlem. Eyewitness reports are sketchy, but they all seem to point to a young african-american male with a mask the shape of a T on his face and goes by the name of Mister Terrific."

I can see a small gleam in her eye and a soft smile, almost like she's in on a joke that no one knows about.

"The NYPD has no leads at this moment, moving on....scientist Irwin Schwab was placed in a mental hospital today after running naked through Times Square..."

My thoughts trail off after that, Grandpop turns off the T.V. and looks at me.

"Your mamma is damn good actor. You know, she could have went to hollywood if she wanted to, but the news buissness pays really well for actors."

"Yeah that's what they say. So why did you tell me to hold back before I head out."

"I needed to show you something. Tonight you'll actually be going on a mission. I learned that there's a meeting tonight between Vincet Monjoni and Rupert Thorne."

"The crime bosses?"

"Yes. There discussing who gets what since the untimely deaths of Carmine Falcone and Sal Maroni."

"Yeah, I remember that yellow skinned wacko killed them. Where are they meeting?"

"At the old Lobster Factory in Gotham. It's right after you get past the Caine Bridge."

"Alright. I'm gone."

I slap the T mask on my face and fell it start to intergrate and bond with my face. I get into the car and log into O.M.A.C.

"O.M.A.C. Set a route for the Finger lobster Plant in Gotham."

One Moment...Route planned

I speed of into the night. Heading south towards the city of Gotham.

 

[Batman]

The sounds of chittering and the gentle movement of wings provide the only comfort I feel as I use the Batcomputer to inspect a severed arm I found on the east end near the Gotham Sewage works. The Bats have grown accustomed to my prescence, and vice versa. Fitting, in a sense.

The wound was initially punctured near the lefthand side of the palm. That was the first. The other wound was made near the elbow before the entire arm itself was ripped from the bone. The punctures near that area are jagged, indicating a struggle. But this wasn't an accident. But upon further inspection, I don't think it was murder either. It was made by an animal of some sort. Though what animal is the key... The bite marks indicate something large, something fierce.

A croc, maybe? No, too big. It'd have to be a man-sized crocodile in order to-

"I do hope you didn't take that with the intention of playing doctor, Master Bruce."

I turn, giving Alfred a look. But given that I'm wearing the cowl, I doubt he notices.

"It was an attack in the sewage system.", I answer, before zooming in using the computer's scope I equipped. "Probably animalistic. Not a matter that calls my immediate attention. A zoo, maybe..."

"Well, we can all feel safe knowing that the Gotham wildlife fund will be getting a grant from Bruce Wayne in the future.", Alfred responds.

"You never miss a beat, do you?"

"With intention, Sir. Keeps you grounded in my own little way.", He answers. "But quips at the expense of the deceased animal victims aside, I assume the resume of your nightly work means that your date went rather unpleasant."

"You set me up with a sixteen year old."

"She's twenty one."

"And she had the maturity of a six year old, so that was a compromise."

I can hear the sigh I already predicted behind me.

"Perhaps if you'd go in with more of an open mind-"

"-That's what you told me the two times before that.", I respond.

"..."

"Very well, Sir. But I still attest that you're setting your standards far too high."

"It isn't important.", I answer, bagging up the arm. "Any headlines that should grab my attention?"

"Well, there was something about an arsonist. But I'm sure you've already heard about it."

"I have.", I answer, turning. "Dinah Lance and the police are already working on it."

"Ah. So I assume the new bugs are working."

"Like I had hoped.", I answer, walking past him. "Not that I'm going to be using it any further on her. There are laws against that."

"And we all know that's stopped you before."

I pause.

"...Alright. It's discomfort. I don't want them delving into my private life, so for me to do it to them seems... Hypocritical. Even wrong."

"At last. Morality rears it's ugly head."

I turn back around, heading towards the gargage portion of the cave.

"And where are you heading now?", Alfred asks.

"Gordon.", I respond. "The signal went up three minutes ago."

"And how do you know-"

I point towards the computer screen. He looks, seeing the active feeds from the cameras I have mounted outside the Manor, Wayne Enterprises, the Docks, and the one atop the Gotham Clocktower. The Clocktower being the feed that reveals the lit signal.

Alfred looks at the screen, then turns to me, then to the screen again.

"...Now I'm just beginning to worry about you."

"Good.", I respond, before finally departing to the garage. "Maybe now you'll be inspired to cease the sarcasm."

Something tells me I did the exact opposite... I may have added fuel to the fire. But for now, there's work to do. And I have just the vehichle I need to get started.

Stepping forward, I grasp the tarp and remove it, revealing the new, second Batmobile. Took two months of customisation from scratch, but eventually, the work managed to pay off. Titanium re-enforced tires... nitro-equipped thrusters... expandable battering shield... It even impresses me. And while it's not quite as powerful as the first model, it's sleeker. And faster, ontop of that... which is what I'll need.

Stepping into the cockpit, the window slides shut, and the controls immediately activate. Without even a moment's hesitation, I shift gears and press the gas, hearing the engine roar throughout the caverns behind me. By the time the car rockets forward and onto the track that leads to Gotham, a lone thought occurs: I think I'm going to like this new model.

But right now, that doesn't matter. Gotham is in potential danger. And she awaits me to answer her call.

 

[Byrd Man]

"This is the Fox 5 News at 11 with lead anchor, Elizabeth Holt."

The voice over and chessy music dissapear and the face of my mother appears on the television.

"Good evening, New York. Tonight's top story: Masked vigilante fever hits New York. Nearly six months after the Batman appeared in New York's sister city Gotham, a masked man has been seen in the vicinity of Brooklyn and Harlem. Eyewitness reports are sketchy, but they all seem to point to a young african-american male with a mask the shape of a T on his face and goes by the name of Mister Terrific."

I can see a small gleam in her eye and a soft smile, almost like she's in on a joke that no one knows about.

"The NYPD has no leads at this moment, moving on....scientist Irwin Schwab was placed in a mental hospital today after running naked through Times Square..."

My thoughts trail off after that, Grandpop turns off the T.V. and looks at me.

"Your mamma is damn good actor. You know, she could have went to hollywood if she wanted to, but the news buissness pays really well for actors."

"Yeah that's what they say. So why did you tell me to hold back before I head out."

"I needed to show you something. Tonight you'll actually be going on a mission. I learned that there's a meeting tonight between Vincet Monjoni and Rupert Thorne."

"The crime bosses?"

"Yes. There discussing who gets what since the untimely deaths of Carmine Falcone and Sal Maroni."

"Yeah, I remember that yellow skinned wacko killed them. Where are they meeting?"

"At the old Lobster Factory in Gotham. It's right after you get past the Caine Bridge."

"Alright. I'm gone."

I slap the T mask on my face and fell it start to intergrate and bond with my face. I get into the car and log into O.M.A.C.

"O.M.A.C. Set a route for the Finger lobster Plant in Gotham."

One Moment...Route planned

I speed of into the night. Heading south towards the city of Gotham.

The Lamborghini's engine is still warm and making pops as I put it in first gear and stomp on the parking break. The Finger Lobster Plant sits on the docks like an old rotten tooth.

"So, what should I do? Go in and take them all out?"

"No. Tonight's mission is for Reconnaissance. Get to know your enemies, you know the old saying. Keep you friends close...."

"...And your enimes closer. I got you, Terry out."

I step out of the car and shut the door behind me. I've got a few bugs and mics I can use, as well as some night vision binoculars. I quietly climb the fire escape and crouch on the roof as I get close to the skyline. I look into the skylight and see an empty factory full of rusty machines.

"I guess there not here yet. Well atleast I'll have the jump on them."

"Remember, patience is a virtue."

 

[guitarsingerguy]

With the coordinates locked Kyle heads to what he can only assume to be a training facility. There is a large obstacle course being run by candidates wishing to become Green Lanterns. There is a large creature barking orders to the recruits. Kyle walks up to someone holding a clipboard.

"Excuse me. I'm looking for a man named Kilowog."

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call him a man honey. See the big space pig running the candidates ragged?"

Kyle nods.

"That's him."

"Can you tell him I'm here."

"Let me buzz him on his ring."

The woman speaks into her ring like it's a microphone.

"Hey, Kilowog, you've got a visitor."

The ring also reacted just like a speaker with Kilowog's return message.

"Well, send 'em on down will ya?"

"You heard him."

Kyle ventures down to the obstacle course where the large...thing...is standing.

"Oh come on! Does this looks like preschool ladies?!"

"You're Kilowog?"

"Yeah, who are you?"

"I'm Ion."

"No, I didn't ask what are you. I'm fully aware of what you are. I said who are you? As in what's your name?"

"Sorry, Kyle Rayner."

"Nice to meet you Kyle, and don't apologize. You get started on that crap and you'll never stop. I had heard that the new big shot had finally been activated. To what do I owe the honor?"

"I just wanted to get to know the most decorated Green Lantern in the Corps."

"You heard that huh? That power battery is full of crap. You really want to get to know a man worth knowing, then get to know Hal Jordan."

"He's that good huh?"

"He's a pain in the ass, but yeah. He's that good. Come on you pansies! Not so damn easy without the rings is it?! Anyway, if I had to put my life in any one man's hands, it would be his."

"That's pretty impressive coming from the most well known trainer on Oa."

"If you want a run 'round the training course, then I'm your man. You want some real world know how? Talk to Jordan. Hell, that other Earthling Guy Gardner would even be better to talk to then me."

"Thanks for the information Kilowog. I appreciate it."

"Anything I can do for you bud, you just let me know. Hey, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Can you really talk to Alan in that thing?"

"Sort of."

"I don't envy you junior. You got big shoes to fill. Goddammit, one of you slackers is on the next ship outta here! Who's it gonna be? Tomar, if you don't stop taking it easy on those kids I'm gonna kick your ass! See you 'round kid."

Access requested to central power battery memory banks.

Retrieving energy pattern...Subject: Kyle Rayner...Position: Ion...Access Granted.

Request: All information regarding Corps member Harold Jordan.

 

[Byrd Man]

2 Months Ago
Oa

"If you join Division Y. You will learn alot more than you would as a regular Lantern. We can teach you how to take down a man without the use of your Power Ring....you see we use a diffrent type of power ring than the regular Corps. members. We can also teach you how to track down fugitives, interigation techniques, hand to hand combat, as well as how to shoot a blaster."

"So, when do we get started?"

"How about now...."

Now
Bolovax Vik

Now here I am, walking down the crowded streets of some godforsaken planet to meet a group of gun runners. I've got a blaster in my pocket and a knife strapped to my ankle. A yellow skinned woman with a pretty good body shoots me a smile and a come hither look. It doesn't matter what planet your from, cops can spot a hooker from a mile away. I might go visit her after all of this get's settled. I follow the directions Sinestro gave me all the way to a little back room in a seedy bar. A couple of men sit around a metallic table. One of them looks like a human, one's a space pig like Kilowog and one looks like a mix between a human and a hawk.

"You the human who wants to buy some arms."

The Space Pig speaks first. I guess he's the leader of the group.

"Yeah. I want to start a rebellion on my homeworld. They've never seen any of the **** you guys got here."

"Quin, pat him down. See what he's packing."

The half hawk/half human gets up and starts to pat on my arms and legs. He digs in my coat pockets and finds my blaster, then he moves down and pats down my jeans, he stops at my ankle and rolls up my pants leg. The knife emerges from my pants.

"I like the fact you came armed. Shows us that your a suspicous man and we don't do buisness with care-free people. What's up with that fanct ring you got on your hand? You a Lantern?"

I hold my hand up and show them my yellow ring.

"The ring is yellow, not green. See the diffrence."

"Alright, smartass. We'll give you 20,000 blaster rifles, 2,000 concussion grenades, and 250 Anti-Matter lauchers all for 2 million credits."

I let a smile escape my lips.

"Ring. Play all that back."

The space pig's voice comes out of my ring and echoes throughout the room.

"Alright, smartass. We'll give you 20,000 blaster rifles, 2,000 concussion grenades, and 250 Anti-Matter lauchers all for 2 million credits."

I point my ring at them and hope they don't realize I can't actually kill them with it.

"Green Lantern Coprs. Your under arrest. Get down on the ground now!"

The human and the hawkman oblige, but the space pig won't go down that peacefully. He pulls a blaster rifle out and starts to fire it. I'm lucky enough to get my shield up in time to watch the lasers bounce off of me and all around the room. One of the lasers hits a tank. The Hawkman let's a sqwak out and the space pig's eyes grow big.

"Oh ****."

BOOM!

The tank explodes and throws fire and smoke all through out the room. It knocks me down on the ground and I come close to having a chair leg go through my forehead. By the time I get up I see the human and the hawkman are burnt to a crips. The space pig's dead. A shard of the tank that blew up went across his throat and turned him into a pez dispenser.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit!"

I root around in the space pig's pocket and pull out my blaster and knife, I find a roll of twenty credits and stuff them in my pocket. There's something else on him. It's a ledger book full of names a payments. It could come in handy. I leave the smoky room and head out to the street. The same hooker's standin on the corner and she sees me again and shoots me the same look.

"Lookin for a good time, sweetheart?"

I smile and shrug my shoulders.

"Sure. Why not?"

I'm sitting at the edge of the bed, lacing my sneakers back up while she takes a long drag off some funny smelling cigarette.

"So tell me, how long have you been in the Corps.?"

"How the hell do you know I'm a Lantern?"

"I can tell easy, my father was a Lantern."

"I guess this line of work makes dear old dad proud. Anyway, I've been in the Corps. a few months. Although, I don't sling one of those pretty green rings. I can still get the job done."

I stand up and stretch my back, it makes a small pop.

"Gotta tell ya, that was pretty good. Compliments to your dad for making you. So how much?"


"Well normally, it's 200 hundred credits. But since I like you, it's on the house."

"Gee, that's awfully sweet. The name's Guy Gardner."

"I'm Arisia. Why don't you look me up next time your around these parts. Maybe we can do more than bump uglies."

"Sure."

*************

Oa

"Dammit, Gardner. Your first case.....your first case and what do you? You get all the suspects killed and leave us without a way to find there backers."

"But.."

"No buts. Get out of my sight, I don't want to see you until I have a new case. Just be lucky I don't take your ring and send you back to that cesspool you call Earth."

I stand up and head out of Sinestro's office. I make my way down the hallway and out into the crowded lobby of the Green Lantern Corps. Head Quarters.

I pass the front desk and walk all the way down to the cafeteria. Kilowog's munching down with a pickled headed alien with four arms.

"Wog, Salakk."

"How ya doing, Guy? How's Divison Y treating you?"

"You know I can't say nothing."

"Anything....You can't say anything. Please use proper grammar."

"ooookkkaaayyyy. Anal retentivness aside. I'm not at liberty to say anything."

"Forgot to tell you. The new Ion kid came by asking about you."

"Me? Why me?"

Kilowog just shrugs his shoulders.

"Beats the hell outta me. I think he's from Earth or something."

"Really? Earth's had only one Lantern in the whole history of the Corps. and three Earthmen join up within a year of each other. What are the odds?"

"I don't know. Astronomical? Care for a doughnut?"

"What kind of cop would I be if I didn't like doughnuts?"

 

[guitarsingerguy]

I'm sitting at the edge of the bed, lacing my sneakers back up while she takes a long drag off some funny smelling cigarette.

"So tell me, how long have you been in the Corps.?"

"How the hell do you know I'm a Lantern?"

"I can tell easy, my father was a Lantern."

"I guess this line of work makes dear old dad proud. Anyway, I've been in the Corps. a few months. Although, I don't sling one of those pretty green rings. I can still get the job done."

I stand up and stretch my back, it makes a small pop.

"Gotta tell ya, that was pretty good. Compliments to your dad for making you. So how much?"


"Well normally, it's 200 hundred credits. But since I like you, it's on the house."

"Gee, that's awfully sweet. The name's Guy Gardner."

"I'm Arisia. Why don't you look me up next time your around these parts. Maybe we can do more than bump uglies."

"Sure."

*************

Oa

"Dammit, Gardner. Your first case.....your first case and what do you? You get all the suspects killed and leave us without a way to find there backers."

"But.."

"No buts. Get out of my sight, I don't want to see you until I have a new case. Just be lucky I don't take your ring and send you back to that cesspool you call Earth."

I stand up and head out of Sinestro's office. I make my way down the hallway and out into the crowded lobby of the Green Lantern Corps. Head Quarters.

I pass the front desk and walk all the way down to the cafeteria. Kilowog's munching down with a pickled headed alien with four arms.

"Wog, Salakk."

"How ya doing, Guy? How's Divison Y treating you?"

"You know I can't say nothing."

"Anything....You can't say anything. Please use proper grammar."

"ooookkkaaayyyy. Anal retentivness aside. I'm not at liberty to say anything."

"Forgot to tell you. The new Ion kid came by asking about you."

"Me? Why me?"

Kilowog just shrugs his shoulders.

"Beats the hell outta me. I think he's from Earth or something."

"Really? Earth's had only one Lantern in the whole history of the Corps. and three Earthmen join up within a year of each other. What are the odds?"

"I don't know. Astronomical? Care for a doughnut?"

"What kind of cop would I be if I didn't like doughnuts?"

Kyle sits on a chair in the corner of the cafeteria. He watches Kilowog and some Earthling with a strange ring on his finger. With Ion's powers, he can hear the conversation perfectly.

"Division Y huh? I can't say that I'm familiar with it." yells Kyle.

Kilowog, Salaak, and the Earthling look over towards Kyle. Kilowog nudges the unknown man.

"Speakin' of the devil, that's him...the new Ion. He's directly under the Guardians Guy. You may wanna get on his good side."

 

[Byrd Man]

Kyle sits on a chair in the corner of the cafeteria. He watches Kilowog and some Earthling with a strange ring on his finger. With Ion's powers, he can hear the conversation perfectly.

"Division Y huh? I can't say that I'm familiar with it." yells Kyle.

Kilowog, Salaak, and the Earthling look over towards Kyle. Kilowog nudges the unknown man.

"Speakin' of the devil, that's him...the new Ion. He's directly under the Guardians Guy. You may wanna get on his good side."

"Don't worry Wog. Hey kid, you too good to sit with your own kind? I might even tell you about Division Y if ya come over here."

Salakk picks up his trey and walks off.

"That's it! All this unproper use of grammar is driving me crazy. I am leaving."

"Your lose. Hey kid, we got an opening. Come on over and tell us a little about yourself."

 

[guitarsingerguy]

"Don't worry Wog. Hey kid, you too good to sit with your own kind? I might even tell you about Division Y if ya come over here."

Salakk picks up his trey and walks off.

"That's it! All this unproper use of grammar is driving me crazy. I am leaving."

"Your lose. Hey kid, we got an opening. Come on over and tell us a little about yourself."

Kyle walks over to the table.

"Let me guess...Guy Gardner?"

Kyle holds out his hand to Guy for a handshake.

 

[Byrd Man]

Kyle walks over to the table.

"Let me guess...Guy Gardner?"

Kyle holds out his hand to Guy for a handshake.

I hold my hand out and shake his.

"That'd be me. Just don't tell my landlady where I'm at. So what's your story kid? How the hell did you end up here? I'm here thanks to that big, fat, space pig behind me."

"Keep talking. I may be fat, but I can dust your sorry ass any day of the week."

 

[guitarsingerguy]

I hold my hand out and shake his.

"That'd be me. Just don't tell my landlady where I'm at. So what's your story kid? How the hell did you end up here? I'm here thanks to that big, fat, space pig behind me."

"Keep talking. I may be fat, but I can dust your sorry ass any day of the week."

"Long story. Let's just say one night I was visited by the former me, enlisted without even truly explaining what my job was to be, and finally realizing that this is the strangest damn position on the entire Corps. That about sums that up."

 

[Byrd Man]

"Long story. Let's just say one night I was visited by the former me, enlisted without even truly explaining what my job was to be, and finally realizing that this is the strangest damn position on the entire Corps. That about sums that up."

"Cool. My story is the age old story 'boy gets job, boys gets crippled by mob boss, boy meets space pig and joins intergalactic police force, then boy joins up with the black-ops sector of the police force.' you know...the usual. So what the hell do you actually do? Your not on active duty, nor do you reside with the motley crew that is Division Y."

 

[guitarsingerguy]

"Cool. My story is the age old story 'boy gets job, boys gets crippled by mob boss, boy meets space pig and joins intergalactic police force, then boy joins up with the black-ops sector of the police force.' you know...the usual. So what the hell do you actually do? Your not on active duty, nor do you reside with the motley crew that is Division Y."

"I'm the Guardian's hands. When an audience with the Guardians is requested, I'm the one to go. I'm also the mediator for all things creepy. If God needs some help, I've got to give him a hand. When an angel has to be escorted to Heaven, it's my job. I told you I had the worst position on the Corps. I'm also the fail safe if the regular GL's come into something too difficult. So what exactly does Divison Y do?"

 

[batnkevlar]

I walk through the brightly lit corridors at the freaks of nature around me. The lights reflect off the white linoleum flooring, giving the facility a very "clean" feeling.

The Cube is in fact a clean place. It cleans the world of it's trash, and keeps it in this dumpster. It cleans it, and recycles it, and gives back to the world.

Or moreso, Metropolis.

A doctor walks up to me with a clipboard. Her blonde hair, clipped back into a bun, reflects the light, like El Dorado itself. Her glasses hide the sinful nature of her job. Mercy gets in her way, as she approaches.

"Yes, Doctor Meridian?" I ask, brushing Mercy aside.

"Mr. Luthor, Kelvin, Arkin, and Gaines are ready for deployment--"

"Doctor Meridian, what have I told you about using their names like that? They aren't human. They're names are inconsequential."

"Fine, Arachnid, Subzero, and TK are ready for deployment. Also, I might add, Randall and Summers- err, Reaper and Leech, are also proving more stable. Might we add them to lineup? It might give them more of a fighting chance."

"Against what I've seen? Highly unlikely. But yes, deploy Revenge Squad Alpha when I say and link me to the Cube. I want feedback about their progress. Got that?"

"Yes sir," she says, walking away quickly. I turn to Mercy.

"Let the games begin."

 

[The Question]

Lois Lane stares at the red and gold stylized S in complete shock.

"Oh my god."

Lois picks up one of the T-shirts, looking it over and feeling the material in her hands.

"I can't believe you're selling this peice of **** for fifteen bucks."

The vendor, a short man named Haroon, grabs the shirt out of her hands. He folds it up neatly and places it on his cart.

"If you're not going to buy anything, then I suggest that you go somewhere else."

Lois walks away. Just before she's out of earshot, she says "*******" just loudly enough for him to hear.

Watching all of this was Clark Kent, mild mannered reporter for the Daily Planet and secretly the "Superman" who has captured the imagination and wonder of Metropolis. Walking alongside Lois, he atempts something that has never been his strong suit: Conversation.

"Was that really necessairy?" He says.

"Not really." Lois responds.

"Just seems like a waste of energy, yelling at guy for selling overpriced crap when he always sells overpriced crap."

"This whole thing is just bothering me."

"What whole thing?"

Lois stops, and turns to Clark.

"Just look around you."

And he does. He turns around, looking at his surroundings. He sees people people in stores and at carts selling Superman T-Shirts, Superman action figures, Superman velvet paintings, and tickets to helecopter rides to go "Superman watching."

He looks at Lois.

"And?"

"Clark, none of these people are taking Superman seriously. They're cashing in on him and obsessed with him, but none of them are interested in who or what he really is. They just care about the novelty. Superman may be the biggest thing to happen to Metropolis in 50 years, and all they care about is stupid T-Shirts. Every lead into this thing has been a dead end. These idiots making a joke out of something I take seriously isn't helping my mood."

Lois looks down at her watch, rather impatient with time and space for not bending to her will.

"Listen, since we still have two hours before the interveiw, I'm going to head back to the planet and grab a few things. Meet me in the lobby in an hour and a half."

Lois hails a cab, and takes off to the Daily Planet Building. Clark watches her as she leaves.

"Hmmm."



Some time later, Lois walks into the newsroom, which is relatively empty at the moment. Struting over to her desk, she reaches for a file when she notices a note sitting on her desk. She picks it up and reads it.

"Lois.

Meat me on the roof of the DP.


S."


After thinking over the possible explanations and outcomes for this, Lois folds up the not and puts it in her pocket. She walks over to the elevator, takes it up to the top floor, and then walks up a small flight of stairs to the roof. She looks around.

"Listen." She says. "This better not be some kind of prank."

"Ahem"

Lois looks around, and then slowly, looks up. She sees a tall, muscular man in a blue body suit and a red cap floating in the air. With his back against the sun, his face is shrouded in shadow, but she can make out a pair of red, slightly glowing eyes and a somewhat familiar red and gold S on his chest.

"holy ****." She says in an understbandible amount of shock.

The man in blue tosses a rock down at Lois. She catches it, and notices that there's a note to it. She looks back up to say something, but he's gone, as if he'd never been there at all. She unties the note and reads it.

"Lois.

I just came here because I wanted to tell you something: I am real, I am here, I am not a nazi, and you don't have to worry about getting the big story on me. If people are going to find out more about me, they will in time. I'm not trying to hide. I'm just trying to lead a quiet life. And to do some good.


Also, if you're wondering what to call me, Superman seems to have caught on."


Lois looks down at the note, in a state of shock. Suddenly, there's a gust of wind and a flash of blue and red, and anothe note apears. After taking a moment to register what happened, she grabs it and starts reading.

"By the way. If you ever need to see me again, just come up here at night and wait. I'll be there."

Lois stands there for a few seconds. Then, as calmly as she can, she folds up the notes, tucks them in her pocket, and heats downstairs.

Moments later, she's in the lobby, and finds Clark there waiting for her.

"You alright?" He asks.

"Fine. Why?"

"You seem a little, I dunno, out of it."

She looks at him and smiles in a way that is so unusual for it it's mildly unsettling.

"Don't worry about me Kent. I'm fine. I was lost in though."

She grabs him by the arm.

"Now let's go. We need to meet Mayhew in 25 minutes."

They walk out into the street, and Lois hails a cab.

Damn it, Clark thinks to himself.

Lois gets into the cab, and Clark sits down next to her. Lois gives the driver the adress, and the car starts down the road.

I think I'm falling in love.

 

[Byrd Man]

"I'm the Guardian's hands. When an audience with the Guardians is requested, I'm the one to go. I'm also the mediator for all things creepy. If God needs some help, I've got to give him a hand. When an angel has to be escorted to Heaven, it's my job. I told you I had the worst position on the Corps. I'm also the fail safe if the regular GL's come into something too difficult. So what exactly does Divison Y do?"

I let a creepy laugh escape my lips.

"I could tell you......but then I'd have to kill you."

I pull the combat knife out of my ankle holster and wave it at the new guy.

"In Divison Y, were the Guardians nasty little secrets. We do stuff the regular ring slingers don't do. Black-Ops is our division."

 

[guitarsingerguy]

I let a creepy laugh escape my lips.

"I could tell you......but then I'd have to kill you."

I pull the combat knife out of my ankle holster and wave it at the new guy.

"In Divison Y, were the Guardians nasty little secrets. We do stuff the regular ring slingers don't do. Black-Ops is our division."

Kyle reaches out and puts his hand around the knife. He squeezes and his hand emits green energy. He crushes the blade like it's paper.

"You'd have to kill me huh?"

He then held out his hand and the knife reshaped itself to it's proper form.

"No offense, but you couldn't even if you tried."

Kyle smirked.

 

[Byrd Man]

Kyle reaches out and puts his hand around the knife. He squeezes and his hand emits green energy. He crushes the blade like it's paper.

"You'd have to kill me huh?"

He then held out his hand and the knife reshaped itself to it's proper form.

"No offense, but you couldn't even if you tried."

Kyle smirked.

"Alright...we get it. Your a bad mother****er. Shouldn't you run off to meet Buddha or whoever you chit chat with?"

 

[guitarsingerguy]

"Alright...we get it. Your a bad mother****er. Shouldn't you run off to meet Buddha or whoever you chit chat with?"

"Come on. This is the most fun I've had since I've been here."

 

[The Question]

I remember having a natural feeling of disbelief. Feeling that it was all some kind of dream. The reality of the situation sunk back in when it atacked. It landed from a jump with a massive thud, ripping a peice of the plane off and swinging it at Sur. It was about ten feet tall, covered head to toe in thick gold colored armor. Legion. Sur grabbed me in a bubble and high tailed both of us out of there. Good thing that metalic bastard couldn't fly, or we'd both be dead right now.

Abin took me to some cave he found, where he explained the situation. He was some kind of space cop, and Legion was a cop killer. He'd murdered Abin's partner, and now was probably going to kill me just to piss him off. I asked him if I could do anything to help, and he all but laughed. Said that I'd never be able to dent the bastard's armor.

Practically the next second, Legion showed up. Much faster than I expceted. He tackled Abin, and the two began to beat the crap out of each other. I'd never seen the likes of such a sight before, outside of movies. Abin reached for something in a pocket on his uniform, but Legion swatted it out of his hand. It landed on the ground near me. It was a ring, just like Abin's. The one on my finger right now. I reached to pick it up, and it started glowing. It hoveredn in the air, and then was suddenly on my hand. I had no idea how it worked or how to use it, but I knew one thing for sure: It was a weapon. I raised my hand and inleashed a very sloppy but very powerful blast at Legion. It took him off gaurd and knocked him flat on his ass. I kept blasting at him, keeping pinned to the ground. Soon, though, he got up and blasted at me with some cannon thing on his arm. Started walking towards me, but then stopped dead in his tracks. Abin had used the distraction I made to conjusr up a particularly sharp construct and stabbed Legion in the back with it. He then continued stabbing until that suit of his was scrap. Suddenlt, this grey ooze started coming out of the armor, and Abin trapped it in a bubble. He walked over to me, gave me a hand, and said "Welcome to the corps."

"What happened then."

Hal sat up a bit in his chair, having become rather lost in thought while telling his story.

"Abin brought me to Oa, I went through basic training, and became a corpsman."

"What about your life on Earth?"

"I went back home to set some affairs in order. Quit my job, sold my apartment, and then kind of dissapeared. When I said my planet was rather backwater, I meant it. Most people wouldn't believe that I became a space cop. The only person who knows is a friend of mind named Tom. I go back home whenever I can, and I usually stay at his place when I do."

"And where do stay when you're not planet side?"

"Sometimes at the barracks, sometimes at Abin's place. Where ever I can. Listen, is all of this really necessairy?"

"Just a standard evaluation. So, do you have any history of drug use?"

"What?"

"Just answer the question."

"I enjoy a fine alchoholic beverage. Besides that, no."

"Alright. Now, we're going to do a few tests."

Hal lies back in his chair and stares up at the ceiling.

"How exciting."




About twenty minutes later, amd Hal has begun to show suicidal tendencies brought on by extreme boredome.

"Alright. That should do it. You can go."

"Finally."

Hal levitates into the air and bursts out the dow with a green aura trailing behind him. He exits the building and rises into the air at break neck speeds.

"Time for a beer."

Mere minutes later, Hal finds himself in the GLC cafeteria. He goes over to one of the matter synthisizers and pours himself a cold one. He then heads over to a table seated by a familiar collection of green clad law officers with one new addition.

"Gentlemen. Guy. How's things? And who's the newbie?"