Whack Arnolds
Sidekick
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2005
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Lesson 1:
point of these rules and regulations is to get more _____ for less money, and to teach women how men think. These rules are not designed to get you a girlfriend or a wife, or to keep either. BUT, if that is your goal, there is still something to be learned from the following information. So pay attention class...
Dating:
- Three strikes, youre out.
This means that if a woman does not give up the _____inside of 3 dates, youre out. There are far too many women out there that do **** inside of three dates for you to waste your valuable time on the ones that dont.
- $40 limit.
No date should cost you more than $40 for everything (gas, parking, food, drinks, shows, tips, everything). This is to prevent you from falling into the trap of thinking that if you spend enough money on her, shell put out. Lets face it, if she wants to **** you, shell do it without you spending a cent. But if she doesnt want to **** you, no amount of money spent will change her mind. Keeping that in mind, $40 is your limit, less is better and if you can get her to pay, youre a pimp.
- Dates happen at night.
Do not accept lunch dates or coffee dates as they are designed to preclude the possibility of sex. If sex isnt an option, why the hell are you there?
- A round of drinks.
Women that dont drink are far less likely to put out. Society has taught women two things about sex.
1) Being easy is bad.
2) Saying I was drunk is an acceptable excuse for being easy.
Note: I do not recommend getting a woman drunk in order to **** her. I am simply saying that by insuring that she has a few drinks you have provided her the necessary excuse to ****.
- Be in touch with your inner A-hole. No, this does not read be an a$$hole. Being in touch with your inner A-hole is simply leveling the playing field. Refusing to do something for someone just because they dont have a ****. Examples: Dont open a door for her unless you get to it first, and you have the right to expect her to do the same. Dont offer to buy her a drink as a pick up line. (So Weak) Dont buy her things (flowers, candy, stuffed toys etc). Dont loan her your coat. And by all means, NEVER hold her purse.
- Sometimes dates go south on you, its just a fact of life. Once you realize that is what has happened, dont bother trying to recover the date, but theres no reason not to go for the gold. Just say to her; Look, I know tonight isnt going well. So what do you say we just go
, and then move on with our lives? Odds are low on this one but the risk is almost non-existent. Youre not gonna see her again anyway, so its totally cool if she hates you, and if you don't pull the trigger, theres zero chance youre gonna get laid. Think of it as a free shot on goal.
Tips for getting in touch with your inner A-hole:
- Eating a full meal before you go out allows you to order very little for dinner. Ill just have a side salad, thank you. Since women are so concerned about how they appear in public, its seriously unlikely that she will order more than you. This helps to keep the dinner bill down. Of course, youll need an excuse for only ordering a salad, try: Im trying to eat a bit more healthy so Ill look good for you.
- Coupons are great, use them. Due to the fact that women are generally gold diggers, if she sees you using a coupon, she will find you less attractive as it indicates you dont have the money that she is looking to siphon off of your wallet. So when you get the bill, you dont pay at the table, you take the bill and the coupon, to the register and pay there.
- Men and women are not friends unless one or more of the following conditions are met.
- He is gay.
- She is unattractive.
- Sex is a forgone conclusion.
To a woman, a male friend is a guy that provides the attention she desires, but has no right to expect anything in return. That being the case, under NO circumstances are you allow a woman think you are her friend. It is up to you to let her know that you have enough friends and that you are interested in her in a romantic sense only. If she insists that you are friends, then stop calling her.
- The bar is the most expensive place in the world to drink, and its a difficult place to actually
. So, try to keep your number of drinks in a bar to a minimum. Youre excuse for not drinking is that you want to get her home safe. Then you offer to take her back to your place for drinks. Remember, this requires that you have chick drinks at your place. Jagermeister, Goldschlager, Rumplemintz, Vodka, Canberry Juice and OJ should cover it, but keeping a bottle of white wine on hand is a good idea (most women cant drink red wine) but make sure you have wineglasses. Of course, youll need to have whatever you drink on had as well.
- Being a bit unreliable boosts your stock. Im not sure why this is, but I think women generally associate unreliability with the bad boy image and it makes them desire you. So, cancel a few dates, and cancel them as late as possible, like a few hours before the agreed upon meeting time. For the dates you show up for, show up 15 to 20 minutes late.
- If a woman begins to carry on a conversation on her cell phone while on a date with you, you can assume shes setting up another date for later in the night. In other words, youre footing the bill to provide her with a nice evening, and some other guy (probably me) is gonna get laid for your effort. So, if she begins to carry on a conversation on her phone, quietly excuse yourself and leave. When the two of you are out, you get to be number one, and if she cant give you that respect, you need to quite wasting your time and money. She can pay for dinners once she realizes youre gone.
- Women love to mark their territory. This is why women leave hair clips, earrings, underwear and tampons behind once they have spent the night. Gather all of these things up, and place them in a lost and found box. Whenever a woman asks if youve seen her "scrunchy" you simply tell her to check in the lost and found.
- Dont cuddle. Once you are done, one of you needs to leave. Cuddling leads to sleeping, sleeping leads to waking up with her, which leads to her thinking that you owe her brunch. Be very clear about this, and enforce it.
- Friday and Saturday nights are for women that you have a good chance for
. First dates should take place on other nights of the week.
- You are not available to help them. (move, re-arrange the house, program the VCR, fix their car, etc)
- Ask her what her preferred form of birth control is. If she doesnt use one (a condom doesnt count) then you must assume she wants to get pregnant. Time to bail.
- If youre under 25, you dont need a girlfriend, you need to go and date more women so that you know what kinds of women are out there, and what kind works best for you. Until that is done, youre not qualified to determine who is the right woman for you.
point of these rules and regulations is to get more _____ for less money, and to teach women how men think. These rules are not designed to get you a girlfriend or a wife, or to keep either. BUT, if that is your goal, there is still something to be learned from the following information. So pay attention class...
Dating:
- Three strikes, youre out.
This means that if a woman does not give up the _____inside of 3 dates, youre out. There are far too many women out there that do **** inside of three dates for you to waste your valuable time on the ones that dont.
- $40 limit.
No date should cost you more than $40 for everything (gas, parking, food, drinks, shows, tips, everything). This is to prevent you from falling into the trap of thinking that if you spend enough money on her, shell put out. Lets face it, if she wants to **** you, shell do it without you spending a cent. But if she doesnt want to **** you, no amount of money spent will change her mind. Keeping that in mind, $40 is your limit, less is better and if you can get her to pay, youre a pimp.
- Dates happen at night.
Do not accept lunch dates or coffee dates as they are designed to preclude the possibility of sex. If sex isnt an option, why the hell are you there?
- A round of drinks.
Women that dont drink are far less likely to put out. Society has taught women two things about sex.
1) Being easy is bad.
2) Saying I was drunk is an acceptable excuse for being easy.
Note: I do not recommend getting a woman drunk in order to **** her. I am simply saying that by insuring that she has a few drinks you have provided her the necessary excuse to ****.
- Be in touch with your inner A-hole. No, this does not read be an a$$hole. Being in touch with your inner A-hole is simply leveling the playing field. Refusing to do something for someone just because they dont have a ****. Examples: Dont open a door for her unless you get to it first, and you have the right to expect her to do the same. Dont offer to buy her a drink as a pick up line. (So Weak) Dont buy her things (flowers, candy, stuffed toys etc). Dont loan her your coat. And by all means, NEVER hold her purse.
- Sometimes dates go south on you, its just a fact of life. Once you realize that is what has happened, dont bother trying to recover the date, but theres no reason not to go for the gold. Just say to her; Look, I know tonight isnt going well. So what do you say we just go
Tips for getting in touch with your inner A-hole:
- Eating a full meal before you go out allows you to order very little for dinner. Ill just have a side salad, thank you. Since women are so concerned about how they appear in public, its seriously unlikely that she will order more than you. This helps to keep the dinner bill down. Of course, youll need an excuse for only ordering a salad, try: Im trying to eat a bit more healthy so Ill look good for you.
- Coupons are great, use them. Due to the fact that women are generally gold diggers, if she sees you using a coupon, she will find you less attractive as it indicates you dont have the money that she is looking to siphon off of your wallet. So when you get the bill, you dont pay at the table, you take the bill and the coupon, to the register and pay there.
- Men and women are not friends unless one or more of the following conditions are met.
- He is gay.
- She is unattractive.
- Sex is a forgone conclusion.
To a woman, a male friend is a guy that provides the attention she desires, but has no right to expect anything in return. That being the case, under NO circumstances are you allow a woman think you are her friend. It is up to you to let her know that you have enough friends and that you are interested in her in a romantic sense only. If she insists that you are friends, then stop calling her.
- The bar is the most expensive place in the world to drink, and its a difficult place to actually
- Being a bit unreliable boosts your stock. Im not sure why this is, but I think women generally associate unreliability with the bad boy image and it makes them desire you. So, cancel a few dates, and cancel them as late as possible, like a few hours before the agreed upon meeting time. For the dates you show up for, show up 15 to 20 minutes late.
- If a woman begins to carry on a conversation on her cell phone while on a date with you, you can assume shes setting up another date for later in the night. In other words, youre footing the bill to provide her with a nice evening, and some other guy (probably me) is gonna get laid for your effort. So, if she begins to carry on a conversation on her phone, quietly excuse yourself and leave. When the two of you are out, you get to be number one, and if she cant give you that respect, you need to quite wasting your time and money. She can pay for dinners once she realizes youre gone.
- Women love to mark their territory. This is why women leave hair clips, earrings, underwear and tampons behind once they have spent the night. Gather all of these things up, and place them in a lost and found box. Whenever a woman asks if youve seen her "scrunchy" you simply tell her to check in the lost and found.
- Dont cuddle. Once you are done, one of you needs to leave. Cuddling leads to sleeping, sleeping leads to waking up with her, which leads to her thinking that you owe her brunch. Be very clear about this, and enforce it.
- Friday and Saturday nights are for women that you have a good chance for
- You are not available to help them. (move, re-arrange the house, program the VCR, fix their car, etc)
- Ask her what her preferred form of birth control is. If she doesnt use one (a condom doesnt count) then you must assume she wants to get pregnant. Time to bail.
- If youre under 25, you dont need a girlfriend, you need to go and date more women so that you know what kinds of women are out there, and what kind works best for you. Until that is done, youre not qualified to determine who is the right woman for you.
