AnimeJune said:
It would have to be pretty damn awful to be a deal-breaker, don't you think? It's not all about sex, is it?
I never said it was all about sex, and yes, it sounds very cold, the possibility that sex is a deal-breaker. For many people, sex is a very important part of a romantic relationship. Anyone with any free will and curiosity would want to know what sex with their partner can be like before signing themselves into a legal contract like marriage. That's human nature. You know, the thing religion tries to get you to suppress, rather than sublimate?
Wouldn't he like me for me?
I'd hope so, darlin'. Still, a lot of guys like to actually know what they're getting into. It's the bare minimum a person can do to actually get a grasp of a life-long love relationship.
I also heard that couples that live together for a long time before getting married have a markedly higher rate of divorce than people who only start living together when they get married.
That statistic is true, but misleading. There is indeed a correlation between cohabitation before marriage and divorce. People who choose to live together before marriage are, from what I've studied, also more predisposed to divorce for the sole reason that they aren't slaves to "traditional values" and have the will to change their situation to fit their needs. They use their legal options and try to do what is right for them, not what is commanded by religious texts and speakers. They both "live in sin" and don't always "hold marriage sacred." People who "hold marriage sacred" don't get divorced, but rather stay in marriages that may have gone completely sour. Great way to live.
Bottom line: there is absolutely no causal relationship between unmarried cohabitation and divorce. Correlation does not equal causality. Don't try using that correlation as an argument in the future; plenty of other people know about what I just told you.
To me, marriage = committed, monogamous relationship. I don't see what the difference is. It's not slavish, or naive, or archaic.
Whatever you say, darlin'. I'm sure you're happy just as you are, and that's what's important.
If you need the permission of a clergyperson or justice of the peace, a piece of paper and fancy party to have sex with someone you claim to love, that sounds pretty slavish, naive and archaic to me. I realize that the whole virgin-until-marriage thing seems rebellious and unique in today's modern society and makes people feel special and moral and all that great stuff, but it's willful ignorance and self-imposed inexperience. There's nothing at all admirable about a person who refuses to learn when it's their obligation as a human with free will and a future to consider. You either value truth over fiction, or you don't.
If someone wants to get into a committed, monogamous relationship - why wouldn't they propose?
You really, really should ask some questions about what marriage actually is before even thinking about looking forward to it. You see, there's a legal aspect to it. No, wait, that's bull$hit... marriage is
nothing but a legal status. People can romanticize it and claim it has anything at all to do with God and all that good stuff, but in the real world, it's a legal arrangement that affords more financial and legal security for people who
stay within the arrangement. Important benefits include power of attorney and custody rights. If two people love each other and are committed to each other, the only thing that only marriage can bring to the table is the financial and legal benefits. Unless a person is a complete slave to tradition, all the purely emotional benefits of marriage can occur entirely without marriage. You don't need permission to be in love and have sex. Unless you do, which means you're beyond any kind of help that I've heard of, which makes me sadder than I can describe.
Either you can make your own decisions, or you can't, and relying on archaic texts and public speakers to tell you how to live your life can be as empowering as hell, but it's an automatic disqualification for self-reliance. You should have sex when your mind (as in your intellect, which cannot be taught through religion, ever), your emotions and your hormones all agree that it's time. Marriage has absolutely nothing to do with that, unless you're too insecure to make that step without permission.
