War Lord
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Herr Logan said:And what about when they aren't willing to do what pleases their partner? That's the kind of thing you find out when you're actually in a sexual relationship. If you're ignorant enough to wait until your wedding night to figure out that your partner isn't willing to make it work, then you pretty much deserve the lack of satisfaction and emotional tension that will come with it.
Something one of my professors told me (I forget whether it was Couple Relationships or Psychology of Interpersonal Relationships):
If a couple has good or even great sex, it doesn't mean the relationship is good, but if a couple has bad sex, it always means there's something seriously wrong in the relationship.
If you don't begin and begin to hone a sexual relationship before you're legally locked in, how are you going to get a fix on the baseline? Sex lives go up and down in intensity, frequency and other specifics, but you should get in a rhythm and understand what's going on so you know all the factors and signs in a long-term relationship.
Again, yes, I'm suggesting that you be in a long-term, committed relationship before having any kind of sex, but I'm not makiing decrees or whatever. As long as you're protected, safe in all other ways (Jonty knows what I'm talking about...) and not cheating on anyone, it's not immoral. Still, there's "not immoral," and then there's smart. Safe sex before marriage = smart.
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That's why you're supposed to be getting to know the person for a while before you marry them because it takes at least 6 months for their "real" selves to become revealed. Beforehand, just about everybody is on their best behaviour and aren't all that real.
I've heard it best advised to get to know a person for a good two years before getting really serious about the relationship. In that two years or so, you'll know how that person handles difficult situations and you'll get an idea as to willing that person is when it comes to working things out and also how willing that person is when it comes to caring for another person.
Odds are, if the person shows great qualities outside the bedroom, he'll probably carry those qualities into the bedroom.