Black actors and writers of the 1999 television season:
I have one piece of advice for you.
No matter what the networks tell you,
There are no blacks on the TV screen.
None.
Oh, there are color TV's, and black people who've got 'em! But you don't want a TV! You want a JOB.
And there are NO BLACKS ON THE TV SCREEN.
If a network tells you your show needs to be more diverse, that means they're hiring more white people.
"Friends" is a fantasy. They live in a world where you can go around New York City for five years, and not run into a single black person. Way to go, Guiliani!
STOP EATING FRIED CHICKEN!
If you're a black midget actor, be prepared to call your white co-stars "mommy" and "daddy".
Now some of the shows this season may offend you,
And most of the shows may not apply to you.
But no matter what the networks tell you,
There are no blacks on the TV screen.
If a show with one black character hires you for "flavor", you are not a writer! Oh, you'll get paid! But your opinion doesn't count unless it's a question of slang.
Will Smith is NOT hip-hop. Eminem is, though!
If your agent doesn't call after two weeks, Chris Tucker got the job.
WHY DO THEY PUT ALL THE "BLACK" SHOWS ON THE SAME NIGHT?!!! Like black folks are only home on Thursdays!
Prime Time. Ain't nothing wrong with that!
White agents, just because you have a black client doesn't mean you have to complicate the handshake!
And now, a network breakdown for everybody:
ABC:
Anything
But
Color
NBC:
Nothing
But
Caucasians.
CBS:
Colorless
Broadcast
System.
UPN:
Under
Paid
Negroes.
WB:
Where 'da
Brothers?
Now FOX got a lotta black people---
Except they're all on COPS!
Now some of the shows this season may offend you.
But no matter what the networks tell you:
There are no blacks on the TV screen