A Goodbye Thread? I'm Not So Sure... Those're lame, after all.

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by Matt Murdock, Jan 22, 2008.

  1. Matt Murdock Registered

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    Hello Hype! message board readers -

    For those of you who didn't bother reading who started this thread... or those two little words next to the thread title... my username is Matt Murdock. Formerly Spidey's Super-Fan; and before that, spideyssuperfan.

    In actuality, my name is Edward Devin Lewis. Edward's a bit too fancy, so I just like Devin. It's short, rare, and weird. Like me... just I'm not short. In fact, I'm a stocky kid, who's 6"1' and a junior in high school. I play on the football team, and enjoy listening to music.

    However, I fear that I may be leaving the Hype!. I'm not sure if it will be for good; but my reasoning will be explained below.

    Before I delve into my thought process concerning my departure, I'd first like to share some more about myself and where I'm coming from.

    I was born in New York City, but now I live in New Hampshire. I like to think of myself as a tough, strong-willed, and opinionated kid. I'm a fan of Will Ferrell and I don't take **** from anybody. My grades used to be excellent; honor roll every quarter. Now I'm lucky if I hand all of my assignments in through a given semester.

    What caused this drop in my enthusiasm for school? Well, it's a selection of things, really. First: Private high school. Wow. There's something my "let-them-hand-stuff-in-when-they're-ready" middle school didn't prepare me for. Secondly, my own teenage angst. I'm not unwilling to heave some of the burden upon myself. On the contrary; I'm much to blame for my lackluster attitude of the past two and a half years. After all, it's JUST high school, right? ...Right? ;):(:p

    Now, however, we come to the greatest reason of all. You. My fellow posters, and this big, crazy place we call SuperHeroHype!. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming that the Hype! is so fantastic that it ruined my self control.

    Nope.

    I'm, in fact, saying that you're, essentially, the closest thing to a family I've got.

    This is where we get to the rough stuff.

    Through the football season, I play center. I'm a lineman, basically. I move people out of the way so the quarterback can throw the ball and score some points. I have a line coach, name Mark Phillips who is incredibly crude and vulgar. He smokes, drinks, and curses like a sailor. Yet this is a man I both profoundly admire and adore. The man is a mentor to me. He was a lawyer before coming to NH and argued against Johnny Cochran... and won. As an eager Lawyer-wannabe, this fact astounds me. I'm also aware that Coach Phillip's vulgarity is part of his football-persona. I've always held true to the idea that he is two different men: one who is with his family, and one who coaches his linesmen. But, no matter what, I have always been of the opinion that he loves "each and every one of his boys." Whether they're his at home, or his on the field.

    Now, this particular season I had pneumatic mono for the first 10 weeks... out of 12... and before THAT I wasn't very good at all, anyway. To be perfectly honest, I suck. I'm slow, clumsy, and Phillips can't stop yelling at me during practice! I digress, however. At the end of the 2007 football season, my father and I wandered down to the local banquet hall in southern Nashua and decided to enjoy the awards ceremony. Each year, Coach Phillips gives an award to the lineman he feels is most deserving of it. This year, his speech started as follows.

    "The guy I give this award to each year isn't always the best. He isn't always the guy who I pat most on the back. Sometimes it's the guy who makes me take of my hat and step on it. Sometimes it's the young man who I yell at the most."

    I figured that this could be anyone... after all, Coach is NOT a quiet man.

    He then said something I will never forget.

    "This year, the guy who I'm giving this award to... has had to face more tragedy in his life at 17 than I will ever have to... than any of us will have to. We're adults. He's a kid. And he shouldn't have to bear this."

    At that instant, I knew I was receiving the award.

    Let me tell you why.

    My sign-up date on the boards was June of 2005. Four months prior to that, my mother had died of a long bout with ovarian cancer. I was in eighth grade.

    It wasn't fair. And I didn't like it.

    I still don't.

    So, one night while looking through the Pre-Spider-Man 2 Hype on the net, I found this little pot of gold.

    SuperHeroHype.

    Sure, I'd seen the site once or twice before, when looking up Spidey 1 (which, might I add, my mom, dad, and I saw as a family) but I had never signed up... until that summer night.

    Four months after my mother dies, I'm signed up here... and posting furiously.

    But, here's the crazy part. I'm grateful. I'm grateful to every single poster; banned, here, gone, gay, straight, black, white... whatever. I'm grateful to everyone because, even though you're all just names on a screen, you're all also someone to talk to. Unlike most people, I don't have cousins. I don't have aunts. I don't have uncles. I only have one pair of grandparents and they live in Europe.

    Here, in this country, in this state, in this house, there is only me and my father. We are the only people we have in our entire family. This is it. We are all of the Lewises.

    But, sometimes those're the breaks, right? I mean, cancer is SAD and all, but it's common.

    And to an extent that's true.

    Unfortunately, my family must have ****ty luck, because three weeks ago, my father, too, was diagnosed with inoperable, stage two, metasticised lung cancer. It only has a 20% chance of responding to treatment. Within six months, there's an 80% my father will be dead.

    I could be an orphan at 17.

    I hate to sound self-serving, but Coach is right.

    That's tragedy.

    Now, people can whine and complain about the batsuit all they like, or people can argue over whether or not Storm could electrocute Magneto, but in the end, I've got to be honest.

    I just don't care anymore.

    I've found that posting on the site has become tiresome... almost a burden... something I have to do.

    I don't like feeling this way. I'm ALWAYS on. And I'm hurting my father in the process.

    I can't keep doing this to myself or my family.

    I'm not going to leave permanently; I'll probably return quite often. And if there's something anyone needs, I'll be online as well (my various usernames are listed in my profile.)

    I suppose that I'd just like to close with a thank you. Thank you to all the friends I've made and the people who I've met on this incredible, interactive playthingy known as the 'net.

    I'm not interested in this thread becoming a flame-war thread, so please don't allow that to happen (mods or posters! :oldrazz:)

    With that, I'd like to wish you all an enjoyable spring, a happy valentine's day, and an enjoyable january.

    In case I don't see you:

    Good morning, good afternoon, and goodnight.

    -Devin . MM . S S-F. SSF

    :yay:
     
  2. ShadowBoxing Registered

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    I'm sorry for your lose(s), but I think you sound like a level headed kid, and I think you're making the right decisions in life. Ya'know it's rough you're losing your family, but to me it sounds like you're very motivated and very mature for your age. Those are two traits that will serve you well in this awful time of your life. My condolescences, and may your God be with in your life from here on out.
     
  3. ComicChick I Work Too Much

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    i'm sorry to hear about what you are going through Devin and I wish I could say something inspirational or uplifting, but sometimes in situations like that, I know that's the one thing I didn't want people to say to me.

    I hope you do keep checking in every now and then, if only to keep us posted on how your Dad is doing. And as you likened the Hype to family, you know where to find us.
     
  4. AlteredEgo Hello...

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    not much i can add here that hasnt already been stated so eloquently by shadow and comicchick. i half expected this to end with a "fresh prince of bel air" prank ha, alas, youre serious :csad: anyways, best of luck mon fraire. and the hype'll be here whenever you need it brotha'. :)
     
  5. SoulManX The Inspector!

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    I don't really know much about you I have seen your posts...but man I feel for you. Life sure is not fair but from what I read you will make it. Damn dude Im sorry to hear that may God by with you.
     
  6. Spade Seeking new challengers

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    I wish the best of luck to you and your father in the coming days. There are always priorities that come first, and SHH's community will be here waiting whenever you come back.
     
  7. Showtime Your Friend In Time

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    Thanks for sharing. Good luck and stay strong.
     
  8. Harlekin Business

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    Wow. Best of luck to ya Devin.
     
  9. Dew k. Mosi Hype Award Winner

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    Good Luck, Devin, and Hype will be here whenever you need us.
     
  10. spideyboy_1111 Young Avenger

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    I never knew you matt murdock.. but you seem like a great guy, and glad we were able to give you some piece and be your family when you need it. I hope all goes well and wish you the best. sincerely.
     
  11. Silverstein Registered

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    Hey man. Sorry for your loss. There's nothing I can say to make everything better, though I honestly wish I could. If it were just a joke or a funny picture or something, but life is far too serious for that and there aren't any. The answers to the questions you ask yourself are all in you.

    I lost my father at a young age. It's hard being alone. But I still had my mom. So I wasn't really alone, but she's distant. I hope that 20% turns out to be something like 100% and the treatment works.

    I don't know you and I don't want to over step my bounds, but your father probably wants you to be happy and live your life strong and well. It's easier said then done, but even if worse comes to worse, you have to keep going and stand up tall. He doesn't want you to feel like an orphan, even if that's what happens. Your parents' love will always be with you.

    Believe in yourself, be strong and live your life by what you think is right.
     
  12. knowsbleed Registered

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    I didn't know football players could express their feelings so eloquently. Stay strong DevinDude.
     
  13. November Rain Single Mother

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    I know this may sound a lil harsh but what is the point of this thread?

    You're saying you are going to leave but then come back.

    Are you saying that you've been using the hype as a form of escapism and it's now time to pick up the slacks.

    Or are you telling us that you've given up hope on your father surviving and you need to come to terms to being the sole member of your family wherever you reside

    Or that you're happy to win a football award? Or just to get some stuff off your chest.

    I'm just asking because i don't know what type of response would best suit you.
     
  14. Ahura Mazda Registered

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    Best of luck to you. I don't know what you are going through but I wish you and your father all the best in the future.
     
  15. Danny No-Shame King Of Grangetown

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    I know just how you feel, Kid.
    Sometimes there isn't a smiley or abbreviated phrase to express how you feel. I hope you don't give up posting. You have to keep an interest in something and it seems you're one of the only intelligent American kids on here!
    There isn't anything we can say to make you feel better and no amount of pseudo pop psychology can change what's going on in your life. If I was a Christian or Muslim or a Jew I'd tell you that God has a plan for you and that this is all part of His divine wisdom. But I'm not. I am a Jedi, like my father before me. Ho, Ho,Ho.

    Humans endure the worst because it makes us the best. Cliches like "There's light at the end of the tunnel" are cliches because they're true. One day when you're older you're going to look back and smile because you learned so much.
    Your post really touched me and I hope for nothing but the best for you. Do what you have to do to get through this. Your father needs you now more than ever and You need this time to connect like never before.
    By the way, go visit your Grand-Parents in Europe. You may be suprised at the reception you recieve.

    Love and Happiness to you all.

    Dan Hegarty
     
  16. Gallagher Shaman of Sexy

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    Wow...

    I never really know what to say in these situations. Best of luck to you and your father. I know what its like to lose parents, (dont worry, I'll stop that speech there to avoid patronizing you.) You will be sorely missed, especially in the RPG boards.

    Miss you already Bro. Take care.

    Signed: The Eternal Noob.

    Lewis Hodgson
     
  17. Super_Ludacris Registered

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    Stay up and hold it down, you'll be good

    Godspeed. One
     
  18. Eggyman The Oval Avenger

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    You're a good guy Matt. Don't thank us, we'll thank you -- it's always a pleasure to speak to you, bud :)

    You ever need a gab, we'll be here ;)
     
  19. Darthphere Kneel before 'Drox!

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    Stay strong.
     
  20. Symbiotic Registered

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    It's been fun, Matt(Devin). Stay strong. We'll see ya around.
     
  21. X-Chick Super.

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    Jesus kid, that was a hell of a story. Life sure is a *****. Keep your chin up, be there for your dad, and somehow, you'll get through it. Even if it doesn't seem like it for a long time. Hopefully one day we'll see you around here again.
     
  22. Mee 2 E's are better than 1

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    Good luck, God Bless, and may the Force be with you.
     
  23. Joined:
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    So sorry to hear about all that. We'll be here when you get back. :daredevil :heart:
     
  24. oakzap425 Registered

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    I feel like a horrible person, because reading all the other posts makes me believe there's something in important in there...





























    But this is a message board after all, and that **** is too long to read, but, taking into account the thread title. Good Luck.
     
  25. Sensi Me

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    Devin, I am sorry you are having to face so much in your life. Please stay strong and do what is best for you and your Dad. You will always have friends here if or when you need them.
     

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