Best Excuses. EVER.

[Space Moose]

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what "really" happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn't "feelin' it" this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around... so I got out of the car.

Feel free to post your own.

 

[Matt]

Larry David has the best excuse to get out of something.

"My step father died."

His logic: Even if you don't have a step father, no one will think that you made up a lie about a step father.

 

[Lazlo Panaflex]

"I have to return some video tapes"

 

[Space Moose]

"My dog exploded"

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

My dog ate it.


But your mum said she loved it.

 

[Space Moose]

Your Mum hid my cothes.

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

Does your mum want her knickers back?

Actually thats more of a come back.

 

[Reptile]

It wasn't rape, it was surprise sex

 

[The-Dark-Knight]

It wasn't rape, it was surprise sex

see thats just wrong, yet i laughed.

 

[Space Moose]

It wasn't rape, it was surprise sex

Let's not turn this rape into a murder!

 

[Excel]

on skipping class or work

"my back hurts"

all adults can relate

 

[\S/JcDc\S/]

The butler made me do it

 

[BlackLantern]

You see my wallet was stolen, then it was placed in this cave......when I went to retrieve my wallet, the cave started to collapse and a giant boulder started rolling after me......that and I needed to put gas in the car.......sorry

 

[SuperFerret]

I've actually used "Sorry, Dr. Octopus had a busful of nuns hanging off of the bridge, and you know...".

 

[Master Chief]

"I only slept with her because I'm in love with you!!"

O yea, and it worked. The womans I love was just like, "omg, just tell me if you're going to do that next time, k?!" And it's awesome like that for awesome.

 

[Two-Face]

"I only slept with her because I'm in love with you!!"

O yea, and it worked. The womans I love was just like, "omg, just tell me if you're going to do that next time, k?!" And it's awesome like that for awesome.

what a lame excuse....

 

[Abaddon]

I had food poisoning.

 

[hammy]

I have pms.

 

[Docker2.0]

"I see gay people"

 

[jaguarr]

Macho Man Randy Savage made me do it.

jag

 

[NewYorkSpider]

Bonesaw McGraw made me do it.

 

[Motown Marvel]

sorry, i had to bury a hooker.

 

[Abaddon]

My boss told me to dump you.

 

[BRUTAL]

I have PMS.

 

[hammy]

I have PMS.

That one's mine.