Do You Think The "Friend Zone" Exists?

[Travesty]

It really is crazy to me, to know that some people really think that no woman has ever pursued a man.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

The friendzone concept is [a section of] man's inability to handle rejection. They're not into you; move on. One of the best pieces on the myth I have found is here: http://www.mattloveswriting.com/friendzoned-perhaps-your-actual-problem-is-this/

Not *always*, but probably 80 to 90% of the time. People do get misled, but much more often people read signals that aren't there or feel entitled to the girl of their dreams, even if she isn't into that person. In extreme case, it's the kind of thing that leads to stalkers.

 

[Lencho01]

Of course it exists. Some people may not like it. Some people may have no experience of it. But it exists, it also goes by the name of 'unrequited love'.

Yeah, I just viewed it as a modern slang term.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

It's a dumb slang-term that reduces it to some silly hipster-sounding concept and seems to imply blame on the person doing the rejecting, and ignores the core emotional aspects behind the rejection.

 

[Boy Scout]

Of course it does. If you have friends you would never date (regardless of whether or not they want to date you), you have a "friend zone" and they are in it.

 

[Lencho01]

It's a dumb slang-term that reduces it to some silly hipster-sounding concept and seems to imply blame on the person doing the rejecting, and ignores the core emotional aspects behind the rejection.

My exposure to the term never put blame on anyone. Just another another way of stating that someone said they only want to remain platonic friends.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

My exposure to the term never put blame on anyone. Just another another way of stating that someone said they only want to remain platonic friends.

It's a negative term and applied purely from the perspective of the rejected. No girl or guy is boasting "HA! I totally friend-zoned that person who had a crush on me."

'Unrequited love' is more accurate, fair and less goofy.

 

[Lencho01]

It's a negative term and applied purely from the perspective of the rejected. No girl or guy is boasting "HA! I totally friend-zoned that person who had a crush on me."

'Unrequited love' is more accurate, fair and less goofy.

I don't see how it's any more negative than "unrequited love". I've never heard anyone boast about doing it to someone too.

 

[Travesty]

I don't see how it's more negative than just saying "rejected"?

 

[jonathancrane]

It's a dumb slang-term that reduces it to some silly hipster-sounding concept and seems to imply blame on the person doing the rejecting, and ignores the core emotional aspects behind the rejection.

It's a negative term and applied purely from the perspective of the rejected. No girl or guy is boasting "HA! I totally friend-zoned that person who had a crush on me."

'Unrequited love' is more accurate, fair and less goofy.

Yup.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

It's a negative term and applied purely from the perspective of the rejected. No girl or guy is boasting "HA! I totally friend-zoned that person who had a crush on me."

'Unrequited love' is more accurate, fair and less goofy.

I don't see how it's more negative than just saying "rejected"?

I hope you guys never use any forms of slang terminology, and only speak entirely perfect fresh out of the dictionary English.

 

[Travesty]

 

[Doctor Evo]

Travesty, meet Nell.

 

[Travesty]

Yeah, but I was saying that I don't find the phrase negative, hence, why I don't see how it's more negative than saying something so simple as "rejected". If you're fine with saying "rejected", you should be fine with saying "friend zone".

 

[Tempest]

Yeah, but I was saying that I don't find the phrase negative, hence, why I don't see how it's more negative than saying something so simple as "rejected". If you're fine with saying "rejected", you should be fine with saying "friend zone".

The 'friend zone' tends to be more about someone who is secretly interested in another person, and they put a lot of time and energy into getting that person's attention, only to watch them date other people.

I'm not saying that there can't be other, more obvious forms of pursuing and rejection. It's just that the people who talk the most about friend-zoning tend to be guys complaining that they are just so nice to girls, and they just don't get anything (sex) in return.

You should read the article jonathancrane posted. It explains things very well.

 

[Travesty]

.....and I think I'm done with this thread. Nobody is making sense now.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

The idea that women can put a man into a category where they view them as friends but would not date or have sex with them is enough of a controversial topic that this thread's lasted for 8 pages? OF COURSE THE FRIEND ZONE EXISTS. Women may not use the term to describe what they are doing themselves but they have used it to describe OTHER women and their interaction with men in their lives all the time. How is any of this argument worthy? I don't get it.

 

[Tempest]

The idea that women can put a man into a category where they view them as friends but would not date or have sex with them is enough of a controversial topic that this thread's lasted for 8 pages? OF COURSE THE FRIEND ZONE EXISTS. Women may not use the term to describe what they are doing themselves but they have used it to describe OTHER women and their interaction with men in their lives all the time. How is any of this argument worthy? I don't get it.

Ah, but see, do guys use this term with girls? Is it ok for guys to be angry over the zone? Are women just not into nice guys? Is the term misogynistic? Does misogyny even exist? And so on.

See? Lots to talk about.

 

[E-Man]

.....and I think I'm done with this thread. Nobody is making sense now.

No need to leave. I have lots of popcorn, and I can't eat it all by myself.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Yeah, but I was saying that I don't find the phrase negative, hence, why I don't see how it's more negative than saying something so simple as "rejected". If you're fine with saying "rejected", you should be fine with saying "friend zone".

Then I may have misunderstood your post, and for that, apologies.

 

[jmc]

My position is basically: there's a girl that likes hanging around with me, that's good enough for now.

 

[The End]

The friendzone concept is [a section of] man's inability to handle rejection. They're not into you; move on. One of the best pieces on the myth I have found is here: http://www.mattloveswriting.com/friendzoned-perhaps-your-actual-problem-is-this/

I've watched the video in the article before, and I find it disturbing... but only disturbing for the guy doing that poetry reading. He has a very unhealthy outlook - AND he gets applauded for it.

The implication of his reading is that believes that he had the potential to be a rapist

Through a series of stereotypes and clichés through his reading, he's bought into this idea that men have a rape switch.

Feeling bitter because your first girlfriend had sex with her next boyfriend and not you is an emotional reaction, and you get over it and you move on. It doesn't make you a potential rapist.

If he's really saying that he was only nice to women because he had the expectation of being rewarded sex, that's on him. Even if that is the case, it doesn't make him a potential monster. But I'd suspect (though I can't test this suspicion) that this isn't even the case, that he was nice because he just is nice, and it was only later on that he started buying into clichés like "Being accepted as a friend shouldn't be some consolation prize".

These stereotypes described in the article, of a guy feeling entitled, feeling he was owed something, getting angry at the girl because she doesn't want anything more than friendship, this DOES exist, sure, I'd say particularly for younger people who have yet to learn and mature. But it is not what articles like that make it out to be.

Relationships are complex, emotions are complex, and there are many variations of what can be called the 'friend zone'. It isn't exclusively men that use the term, it isn't even exclusively heterosexuals that use the term. But somehow, the stereotype has become the be all and end all for what has become known as the internet social justice warriors. Like, if you use the term, its problematic, its misogynistic, etc, without any other considerations.

The friend zone doesn't make someone a powerless victim. There is a way out. You can decide to not be friends with the object of your affection. You can break off the friendship. And I think the SJWs would have a problem with that too. The whole, 'oh so you only saw the friendship as a consolation prize' thing. And its like, no, it can actually be emotionally painful and draining, to spend time with someone that you have feelings for when you know they don't feel the same towards you. And just in the same way that she doesn't owe you a relationship, you don't owe her friendship, either. It works both ways. It isn't anyone's fault; it's just the way it is, that's emotions for ya. We can't be emotionless Vulcans.

I think the SJW point of view presented in the article is too simplistic, quite immature, and presents actually very harmful and untrue view points, like, the friend zone is somehow a precursor to rape??

Notice how towards the end of the article, when addressing situations in which the object of affection KNOWS the other person likes them and uses that to take advantage, the writer acknowledges this exists, but believes that it is twisting the original idea of "friendzone", and "we don't know how common it is". We also don't know how common the stereotype of the man that just wants sex is. Ye see how writers like this are consciously selective of whatever reasoning that supports their position while rejecting other interpretations?

The writer quotes this

Wow. I never realized that this is what the “friend zone” was. As a guy, I understood that, when you express interest in a friend who is a girl, and she doesn’t reciprocate that attraction, but wants to remain friends, that that is the friend zone. I have had that happen, and I not only respected her choice, but we became better friends as a result. It never occurred to me to be nice to a girl or become her friend for sex or a relationship. It *****ing pisses me off that guys would feel so entitled, and to be so manipulative.

And the ironic thing is that I think THIS is the most common 'friend zone' from the view of men (although there's no immediate way to test this). A man that thinks "it never occurred to me to be nice to a girl or become her friend for sex or a relationship". I don't think most people intend this when the 'friend zone' happens.

The problem with the writer, and the guy in the video, is that the assume they worst about the term. They assume the worst about men in general (just wants sex, putting nice coins into a machine hoping for sex in return), they even assume there's a monster hidden inside of men. The guy in the video thinks there's a monster hidden inside of himself! He literally believes that he could have been a rapist, and he gets applauded for it. This sort of self-shaming, guilt, and assuming the worst, is not conducive towards progressing understanding of these complex relationships and emotions.

 

[KevanG]

I really don't understand the point of this thread. No matter who you are there is going to be a point when you're attracted to someone and they aren't responsive to you in the same way. It goes both ways for both genders. I've known women whom I've had no interest in but they were interested in me and if you think of it that way I put them in the 'friend zone'. I've had the same done to me. It happens and call it what you will but the people you get attracted to won't always reciprocate your feelings and prefer to have you as a non-romantic acquaintance.

 

[giveyourself12%]

I don't know where all the gender-specific, hateful connotations are coming from regarding this slang term. To my understanding, it simply describes a situation in which one isn't attracted romantically or sexually to a particular person but still genuinely likes them and wants them around as a friend.

This happens daily no matter the gender or orientation of the parties involved.

 

[Erzengel]

Since this is a mostly male oriented messageboard:

If you're friends with someone and your feelings deepen and she responds with I see you just as a friend, either stop being friends with them or find someone else so you can be a friend to them without the unrequited love/jealousy interfering.

If you like someone and are at best acquaintance of them and they say they just want to be friends, just move on to the next person.

Whether or not you agree with the existence of a friend zone, I think the best way to avoid it is not to be friends with them after they turn you down.