BOUGHT/THOUGHT Dec. 20th Edition

[Kevin]

Why'd they beat her? at least, why did OUR carol beat her?

 

[Red Mask]

Why'd they beat her? at least, why did OUR carol beat her?

Spoiler

The Warbird-Carol attacked her because she revealed she's been killing Rogues in every Earth she ends up at. For some reason, 1 hour after killing a Rogue, Warbird-Carol is transported to another parallel Earth. However, she also confessed to killing the Carols of those worlds too because she was angry at how they had forgiven Rogue.

616 Carol/Ms. Marvel beat Rogue because she got angry at her interference in the fight against Warbird-Carol. Rogue was getting her ass handed to her - and to 616 Carol, making it harder for 616 Carol to handle Warbird-Carol. Since Rogue doesn't have the Ms. Marvel powers anymore, a kick to the ribs would be near fatal.

t:

 

[Kevin]

thanx. still sux though.

 

[Red Mask]

I liked it. I liked it a lot. Phyla-vell, a female counterpart of Captain Marvel, was last seen on Titan. If Rogue wants those powers back so badly, she could get a spaceship from Tony Stark and give Phyla a nice long smooch!

 

[WildChild]

New Avengers was amazing.

Spoiler

HawkEye is back,I hope he dosent get killed again.

 

[samurai black]

New Avengers was amazing.

Spoiler

HawkEye is back,I hope he dosent get killed again.

I didn't quite understand the issue, was this

Spoiler

suppossed to be the return of the scarlet witch. Was that woman clint slept with her? I thought there was going to be a confrontation or something

it confused me and was sort of disappointment.

 

[Kevin]

WHAT ABOUT WANDA!!?!

 

[Darthphere]

I think you need to read it again knowing what you know about Wanda.

 

[GNR]

Hurmmm...only thing I'm picking up is Teen Titans #42.Not going to the shop until next week though since it's pretty far from where I'm visiting and not worth the trip for one book.

I can't find myself to get excited about alot of Marvel's CW projects.New Avengers,Casualites and Illuminati all sound interesting but not enough to get me to buy them.

Darth,how was Titans?

 

[Darthphere]

I haven't read it, but apparently, people hated the art.

 

[Marcdachamp]

WHAT ABOUT WANDA!!?!

That was her. She's not all there. Clint came seeking answers and possibly revenge, but instead he found someone with no memory of her past mistakes.

 

[hippie_hunter]

An excellent summary of the whole thing, which was a really good issue. Of course Cap's alliance with Kingpin while definitely a grey area is still nowhere near as bad as letting Norman Osborne out into the general populace again. And I'm 100% certain that Cap didn't give up Cloak and Dagger. Whatever other moral compromises Steve might make he doesn't betray his friends-unlike some Avengers. Not to mention it's not in his best tactical interests anyway to give up skilled resistance fighters when they're on such shaky ground to begin with.

I highly doubt that Captain America gave up Cloak and Dagger to Iron Man. Kingpin was working with Iron Man then, and then he switched sides seeing Captain America as more beneficial to him.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

That was her. She's not all there. Clint came seeking answers and possibly revenge, but instead he found someone with no memory of her past mistakes.

Don't worry, Wolverine'll still kill that broad

 

[Kevin]

I'll read New Avergers later(Been tired for the last few days, been sleeping alot) But i've heard that clint comes off as a sleezebag.

On another note, At least Bendis didn't do anything TOO bad with Wanda, that way, Heinberg *sigh* Can work with the whole Billy/Tommy/Wanda thing whenever he comes back... IF ever he comes back... whenever that is... Sometime in the near future, I hear.

 

[Dread]

A rather large week to head off that dreaded X-Mas holiday (I am a bit of a grouch, you see), with me spending more than $30 on comics, and it's not even the "end of the month" wallet-buster. It also is a "Bendis Trifecta" as he had 3 comics come out, as well as yet more "CW ONE-SHOTS" that originally Marvel figured weren't worth our time and dollars, least 'till CW got delayed months beyond original expectations and now they have more time to kill and more dollars to earn on it. But at least the one-shots are good reads. A DC mini ends and even Image gets a look! So let's get cracking.

Delivered in time for Christmas are a stocking full of 100% spoilers and 110% ranting. Enjoy yourselves.

DREAD'S BOUGHT/THOUGHT for 12/20/06:

52 WEEK #33: Cool cover and naturally the theme is Christmas in the DCU, but I am rather sure this was probably better (and cheaper) than the INFINITE CRISIS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL (who says only Marvel can milk an event beyond death, into UNDEATH?). This issue seems to do what a majority of 52 issues seem to do; it has no huge surprises or thrills, and spreads it's focus out amung many characters, moving all of their arcs forward about an inch of a step, or at least reminding us that they exist. However, there is some characterization and it is good enough to be readable and enjoyable, and bring you back next month. Oh, and I never noticed that the tops of Batwoman's red boots are suppused to look like bats. Wacky. Anyway, Nightwing sort of "unofficially" welcomes her to the family, or tries to "tap" some Bat-rear, by offering her a genuine suped up Batarang for X-Mas. Pity for him that she's not only lesbian, but already in a relationship. Sure, maybe Grayson's just being "friendly", but he does have a rep with the ladies. Ralph Dibney gets drunk at his own museum wing, taking an "artifact" for some later spell. Animal-Man's wife misses him, as he and the trio are still in space; duh. Luthor gets a sizeable, and twisted segment, awarding his Infinity Inc. stooges cars and then wishing for a "miracle" to allow him hope of one day being able to get an "everyman" treatment himself, and he gets it when a seemingly "terminal" recipient pulls through, making Lex order his immediate dissection and organ harvesting. Oh, you're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. I did like how the writers come very close to making you almost have some sympathy for Lex, only for him to remain a total scuzzball. Once again, the Black Marvel Family get some airtime, exposing their "frail human" forms to the media to try to convince them that they've changed, all the while, Amanda Waller & Atom-Smasher have seemingly assembled a new Suicide Squad with the mission to take them all out. Honestly, I don't see how ANY team short of the JLA Big Seven could have a prayer of beating the Black Marvel Family, but whatever. No Bane, but he did pick Vertigo, Capt. Boomerang II, Electrocutioner (?), that axe guy from the Fatal Five (WTF) and some lady in spandex. Yeah, it sucks not being a DCU junkie sometimes. I still don't see how they have a prayer. It's like sending a competent Sinister Six against Thor & the Warriors Three. But maybe I just don't know DCU power levels or something. Oh, and Renee is depressed because Question's delirious and dying, and because she's relied on depression for 33 issues now in some form or other, and she makes out with Kathy. And J'onn gets an origin and I get to see his new "more alien" design from his mini, and it doesn't look too bad. So, another enjoyable issue, nothing groundbreaking like the Skeets reveal or something, but a decent read. It's still meandering at times, but an enjoyable meander.

SECRET SIX #6: Apparently 3 weeks late, at least going by the last page that claims 52 WEEK #30 is "Out this Week". I really hadn't noticed because while it's readable and enjoyable, it doesn't rock my socks off, and with it ending, I likely won't give a third stab another go. VILLIANS UNITED had some real urgency, and better art, during IC, but after it's just been a bit more of a typical "team of anti-heroes" book with worse art and a few pointless fistcuffs scenes. One gets the feeling that Simone could have shaved off an issue or so if she really wanted out of the story. The Six have their showdown with Vandal Savage, or rather Scandal does, as Catman spars with Chesire and the rest fight nameless goons (or "mooks", which was the Marvel adjective of the week). Simone's dialogue is amusing as usual and Mad Hatter is easily the character of the book, seeming to get every good line, in fact, that is what makes Ragdoll's betrayal all the more tragic, and I felt sorry for the little guy. However, the best thing about mini's is that by the time you tire of them, they usually are over. I'm tired of SECRET SIX. Amusing for a lark but was underwhelming compared to it's prior title, and I probably won't give a 3rd series a go unless I was just feeling very motivated.

FRESHMEN II #2: Also about 2 weeks late, it's first issue debuted past the Top 100, which is way down from it's first volume. However, it still is amusing and at least Seth Green's name is no larger in size than series writer Hugh Sterbakov. Will Conrad has filled in nicely for Leonard Kirk (doing better things on AGENTS OF ATLAS for Marvel), and the Kirkster even gets a nod as a missing college student that the Freshmen go off to search for; a lad who apparently is insane and could be the source of that weird Mr. Fiddlesticks hallucination that is plaguing Wannabe (or "Scarlet Knight" as he insists on calling himself). And The male Drama Twin is making the moves on Puppetteer, earning the susipicion of his ex (and power partner). Quaker again questions his future as a superhero vs. his strict Amish oaths. But the issue is owned by Green Thumb, the "mulatto Jew" who can't eat anything but tofu because he's a vegan who can talk to plants, and now can't eat THEM either. Much like some of the past issues that focused on Quaker or the other characters, it takes a dude who has been a punchline for a while and really cements a bit of a dark, sympathetic tale. He comes off as a less aggressive Poison Ivy, who can "feel" the plants' anger at mankind for "atrocities" (although haven't animals been eating plants even longer? Of course they don't deforest and whatnot, but still). He decides to kill himself, but a jump off the roof fails to kill him, for some odd reason. FRESHMEN II's not dramatically better than the first, and it's not Eisner material, but it still has a mix of amusement and darkness, as well as enough twists on the genre and some wacky characters, that it's very entertaining. A movie version would probably stink, though, so I hope it simply remains a comic; back in the beginning Seth Green hinted that half the reason he did the comic was because "you can't do a comic book movie before publishing an actual comic", which sounds a bit shallow. Granted, this IS Seth Green, but we'll see. FRESHMEN is a series that ranges from juvenile humor to touching dramatic darkness and manages not to make that jarring, and usually has good art, so I'm aboard.

FANTASTIC FOUR #541: The first of several CW tie-ins and one-shots this week, this issue almost seems like a lost issue of THE THING, as he is the only member of the Four who shows up. Granted, Mr. Fantastic shows up in FRONTLINE and ILLUMINATI, amung others, so he's not terribly missed I guess. JMS takes a bit of a break from the angst and simply tells the story of Thing going to France to dodge the war. He meets up with obligatory federal obstructionists who put him on a "no fly list" and freeze his bank account. For a Marvel that claims to be in continuity, it is unforgiveable to me that JMS seems to have omitted THE THING #7, which clearly had Alicia and Ben become an item again, which means it'd have made sense for her to go with him (France is a haven for artists, after all). It could have been a nice way for Thing to avoid the war AND get in some quality, quiet time with his lady. But alas, apparently THE THING isn't supposed to count I guess. Instead the Thing ends up meeting "The Heroes of France", who are essentially a combo of French stereotypes and JLA knockoffs. The Night Count = Batman, Blue Light = Green Lantern, Anais = Black Canary, The Wind = The Flash, and Phantom Detective = The Question, alongside the generic "armored guy" Doctor Q, a Cowboy, and Adamantine, the generic leader. There is a rehash of the "who's on first" routine and Thing attempting to survive a taxi cabbie's cell convo and coach seating. However, at first annoyed at being roped into a French super-team, Thing is genuinely touched that France (and Europe for that matter) isn't embroiled in the sort of "civil war", infighting and conspiracies that the U.S. is in. They simply want his help to fight "The Emperor of the Underground World" and his rock-monsters. The fact that "old school" superheroics got Thing to almost choke up was a scene I more than relate too. Of course, to gaze into politics, it IS rather par for the choice for a writer that leans Left, like most in comics, to simeltanously poke some good humored (and cliched) fun at France while at the same time all but making the nation out to be superior to the United States. However, Thing and Phantom at least have a bit of a good humored agruement over "capitilism vs. socialism", with the latter claiming that it's okay to be lazy if you're undead. There are probably more "fan enjoyable"places for Thing to be (like on a new Champions roster), but it was an amusing issue and a rare break from random deaths, endless conspiracies, and a mire of darkness. Probably my favorite FF tie in issue so far. And naturally, McKone's art is solid. But with European heroes getting a nod here and in last month's FRONTLINE, is a return of Shamrock inevitable? Hey, you can't knock cute Irish women. The story is nothing you haven't seen before, but it works because JMS gets Thing's character right, and that alone is usually enough for a good read. Plus, I miss the old school too.

FRONTLINE #9: Sure, it's not the main CW title and it's hardly flawless, but I still get a kick out of FRONTLINE because you get 3 ongoing story chapters and most of the spoilers are rarely ruined via cover leaks or solicts, unlike in CIVIL WAR, where leaked varient covers usually ruin the surprises (will anyone be surprised to see Invisible Woman likelt seek sanctuary with Namor in Atlantis in #6? Yeah, I doubt that. We've known that stuff since before Halloween). However, a lot of this issue seemed to merely act as set-up for #10, so it wasn't as fast paced and exciting as the last. Sally's interview with Capt. America becomes anti-climatic when she realizes that he's saying nothing that hasn't already been said about the anti-SHRA side and simply sounds like her a few months ago when she believed it was all a Right Wing Conspiracy (after she was owned by a politician who actually wasn't evil, she's having second thoughts). It was one of two comics this week that laid down some groundwork that Capt. America is wrong on this one, or at least wrong in the sense that he is not going to win. In the Accused, a host of villians from the Raft (Razorfist, Crimson Cowl, and I think Diamondhead, who is supposed to be dead, right?) try using Speedball as a hostage to break out, but he unleashes his new kinetic powers to defeat them all, and now seems ready to sign that dotted line and register. Considering he was almost dead last issue, it also seemed a little anti-climatic, and again, another sign about a theory I and others have been kicking around the boards, that after CW, the act may still be in play and the Secret Avengers will likely not be totally victorious. In the most thrilling segments, Mr. Fantastic is trying to narrow down the traitor in their midst who tampered with Norman Osborn's nanobots to have him attack the Atlantians, possibly causing war with that nation; Iron Man pulls him aside. Peter and Urich do some hacking and realize that Stark did some "insider trading", using the war to heap him major profits; the "war profiteer" story would be a little more rivetting had WOLVERINE not just spent 6 issues doing that. Granted, Wolverine basically did a crude WWE version, but it still seems repetitive. Plus, well, from a capitalistic standpoint, why is this a surprise? Anything that happens in life brings proft to someone. WW2 was a major boom for the economy that pretty much put the kibosh on the Great Depression (no, the New Deal didn't end it completely by itself, it just brought relief through the worst of it), does that mean WW2 should never have been fought? At least the WOLVERINE angle had a lone expendable CEO as the big bad, whereas FRONTLINE is trying to paint either Stark or another longtime "Hero" as a cold, war mongering greed fiend, and that just reaks worse. In the final relevent segment, Norman Osborn hints to cops interrogating him about his attacks to flush out rogue Atlantian agents to basically flush them into a flurry that he was acting under the control of another, of whom he cannot say; the "traitor". The fingers are pointing to Mr. Fantastic or Yellowjacket here; what're your bets? I am getting personally weary of more heroes going through the mud to act as villians. Why is Marvel so F'ing scared of supervillians? They don't think fans really believe in stories and events where they are the big bads because Marvel thinks it's too "old school", but I disagree. Let's see a villian hit A-List, like Zemo after THUNDERBOLTS #1 or something. There is a minor continuity quibble in that Spider-Man is still in his "iron spider" suit when ASM made it very clear that he switched back to classic red & blue after going rogue. Or maybe this occured somewhere before the last ASM issue and CW #5? Ugh.

IRON MAN/CAPTAIN AMERICA: CASUALTIES OF WAR: One of two CW one-shots this week, although this was the better and argueably the best thing I read from Marvel this week. And the irony is that it's a great story that if you get too critical, doesn't make sense. The gist of it is that sometime after CW #5, Iron Man radios Cap on some handy "super secret Avenger line" that went unused for years, just to lure him to the old, destroyed Mansion so they can hash out where they stand, both in terms of the war, their philosophies, and above all their friendship, which until now most CW writers pretended was a convience at best. Tactically and logically, this makes no bloody sense. There is no way you can seriously buy that in the midst of the civil war after issue #5 and some of the last tie-in's that Cap & Iron Man would just stop, meet & talk, and not set a trap for the other. IM could have simply brought a few allies and ended the war in an hour. And Cap was just foolish not to bring back-up, considering how quickly IM and the fed heroes usually were to cut off escape avenues. One could have bought it had they chatted up a few months ago, but it seems hard to swallow now. HOWEVER, and this is a big "however", what saves the story is the fact that we really haven't seen these two talk like HUMAN BEINGS for ages now, nor seen a story that acknowledges that they once were honest-to-goodness FRIENDS (hell, read some issues of Millar's CW and you get the impression that Steve & Tony always hated each other deep down). The level of continuity is incredible, having both characters bring up arguements and flashbacks from way back into the 60's to now, with a checklist in the back in place of footnotes. Perhaps unsurprisingly, such a powerful dialogue between the two leaders of the CW is written by NONE of the core CW writers (Millar, Bendis, JMS, or Jenkins) and instead by Christos N. Gage, who I have never heard from before. True, the story rehashes some of the debates about both sides of CW that we have heard before, but both Cap & Iron Man do it well, using logical "life" evidence to back themselves, so it doesn't seem the same. Plus, neither character is simply played crudely; Iron Man isn't depicted as evil & manipulative, and Capt. America isn't glaringly stubborn or thuggish. They come off as what Marvel has tried to make them be; former friends who find themselves at a philosophical crossroads and now are begrudging enemies. They explore both of their demons, the lives of other heroes, and so on. It really is a conversation that in the hands of some writers would come off as boring and repetitive, but Gage gets it right. Haun's art is also top notch, and amazingly none of the creators are creditted on the cover, usually a sign of being small fish. Cheung's covers rock, and I got the Cap one. The finale has them fighting in a way that parallels an old sparing match, and yes, it doesn't make logical sense for IM to just let Cap go, and for both of them to just sigh, walk off, and go off to trying to kill each other's pawns. But y'know what? This story gives "realism" the finger in the name of actual characterization, and it's about damned time some Marvel books did that again. We're not here for realism. We're here because we love the characters. It may be a one-shot, but it is essential CW reading; admittedly, it probably would have made sense had it come out sooner, although Bill Foster's death from CW #4 was a major plot point. And there is a minor quibble where Iron Man claims the act doesn't require the registered heroes to "go public", when I believe BLACK PANTHER made it seem like that is precisely what the law now says. Of course, Hudlin maybe missed some memo's for all I know. Gage even acknowledges how stories have changed since the 60's as Cap & Iron Man note how a past altercation cleared up after a single cheesy exchange; other writers might have been pompus about it, but Gage avoids it. A solid read for me. And Marvel didn't even overprice it!

To Be continued...

 

[Dread]

Bought/Thought for Dec. 20th Part II: The Bendis Trifecta (amung others):

CW: WAR CRIMES #1: Another one-shot, which answers the question, "What do Kingpin and some of the villians do during CW?" The answer is very much of nothing; Marvel may have better characterized villians, but my GOD were the DCU baddies more competant when it came to mobilizing in the wake of IC. Basically, Kingpin rots in jail using Turk as a "buffer" (and narrator) with the Enforcers, well, Enforcing, while Hammerhead gets out of jail on a technicality and plots to organize the villians who aren't dead, in jail or fed stormtroopers into a new empire. It is funny that Hammerhead considers himself a sort of metahuman even though he basically just has a metal plate in his head and butts stuff. This naturally pisses Kingpin off, so he tries to cut a deal with Iron Man to one up him; naturally this builds on the fact that Fisk and Stark were associates back when his identity as the Kingpin was a secret and he had a legit "spice" empire. Fisk offers to give up locations of rogue heroes in exchange for a full pardon; after his info helps bring in Blackhawk, Rage, Cloak & Dagger (D-Man escapes, of all people), Maria Hill is ready to cut him a deal when he offers Capt. America's stronghouse. Of course she is. Has Hill EVER met a supervillian she didn't like? Half their Thunderbolts are remourseless killers, but she gave the New Avengers more guff. She screams at Reed for DARING to show a mortally wounded Speedball any mercy, but naturally trusts Kingpin for his word (Stark at least was more skeptical). Unbelievable. Slyde also seems to die for the second time in a year, and Underworld makes a cameo appearence; I never read his debut series so he was just a "new guy in a trench" to me, but at least he didn't suck. Villians I recognized as joining Hammerhead's racket were Trapster, Spot (who also should be dead), Answer, Clown, Ringmaster, Kangaroo, some Ani-Men, and the biggest name, Electro; along with others I didn't recognize. However, apparently Fisk deal with Cap and either warned him or did something that I missed, but Iron Man only ended up being suckered into getting Fisk's revenge on Hammerhead. However, Underworld backstabbed him, shooting him down in the warehouse and later executing him in his hospital bed (although Hammerhead's come back from death before). It is kind of a shame that Electro is apparently no tougher than chumps like Kangaroo and Trapster. I mean they lost to just Iron Man and SHIELD nobodies. The Enforcers also get some good play here, as the Kingpin once again just surveys the CW from the inside. But why can't bigger name villians mobilize? Oh, right, they're all Thunderbolt stooges now. Still, a readable super-crime story, albeit not one that was as essential as the last one shot.

NEW AVENGERS #26: An issue that basically acts as an epilogue to HOUSE OF M #8, maybe a full year after it would have mattered. Seriously. It has been about a year since Hawkeye vanished again with Scarlet Witch and with all the CW business going on, who gives a fig about Clint and Magneto's now-nutty daughter with more pressing matters? I know I don't. The glaring thing is that NOTHING in this issue is relating to current stuff and it easily could have been told before COLLECTIVE, when it would have been more relavent. Still, it's another "moody" sort of story from Bendis and Maleev, who has a artsey way of indulging Bendis' talent of having very little happen in a single issue (why he worked on DAREDEVIL, where most issues consisted of one coversation and then a 2 page cliffhanger). Clint basically finds himself alive, leaves his message, and checks with Dr. Strange to make sure he is really "alive" again. He seeks out Wanda for closure, something Strange warns he may not get. Amazingly, NO ONE ELSE BUT CLINT has the brains to try looking at Wundagore Mountain, where he literally bumps into her after walking on the street for 5 seconds. He passes out after beaning a kid with an apple, and some of the lines were cryptic. He is in Wanda's presense, but she seems to have amnesia and doesn't recall her past life, although maintains a fondness for Clint. She urges him to let go (i.e. "forget") his pain, and he seemingly sleeps with her, although he leaves without his closure. I know some writers who could have done all that in maybe 10 pages of MARVEL COMICS PRESENTS, but go figure. Better than most of Bendis' multi-part NA arcs, but probably the post-Collective one-shot I have disliked the most (I actually liked all the last ones, although #25 was a bit mediocre). It had more Mood than story to me, and seemed months too late. At first I was angry that Bendis was having Wanda return before Heinberg could on a YA vol. 2 (whenever it begins), but after reading this, Heinberg can have his shot, and likely will be more relevent and exciting. So, all that mess with HOM and reducing Scarlet Witch, one of Marvel's longest running heroines into at first an emo maniac and now an amnesatic ****e, just seems like a waste. Bendis should just abandon all comics that lead into HOM, because they all stink. HOM underwhelmed, THE COLLECTIVE was a big disappointment with some rare entertaining moments, and this story is just too late in coming and slow to matter to me. Let it go, Bendis. For once in your damned career, let go of one of your storylines that you have mishandled and bungled at every single god damned turn, and try something else. At the very least, Hawkeye is back in circulation for someone else to use him to better effect now. I wonder what he'd make of what is going on with the Thunderbolts, a team he used to lead. It's not bad, but methinks this may be another Bendis story that is "so good", it needs to be explained via Newsarama interviews and is incapable of standing for itself.

NEW AVENGERS: THE ILLUMINATI #1: The last one-shot that Bendis did in a prelude to CW was actually decent, albeit trying to shove a massive retcon down our necks (that a secret cabal of figures from just about every major Marvel force, meet in a secret league to shape events, and don't tell their allies & families about it despite how doing so would just enamble a sharing of info to make stuff RUN SMOOTHER). It sold well so now, in Marvel "cash in" form, it returns in a 5 part mini to retcon, erm, "chronicle" their exploits across Marvel history, from the Kree-Skrull war about 30 years ago to now. This brings in a bit of a hassle, though. Their main purpose was to prevent disasters like the Kree-Skrull War from happening on Earth, but as many incidents have happened since, that obviously means you have a team whose goal they have seemingly always failed to achieve. However, if you want a story about heroes consistantly failing, then Bendis is your man; I can't count how many arcs of NEW AVENGERS or ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN basically did that. For once, Bendis seemed to accomodate his artist a bit; Cheung is at his best with fast-paced action and that is what Bendis delivers here. The Illuminati gather to tell the Skrull overload to back off on Earth after Rick Jones just schooled them; but, their diplomacy mission backfires and they end up just delivering a sneak attack and trying to flee, before getting captured. Stark manages to escape sans armor when dumb Skrulls attempt to trick him into surrendering data by impersonating the Avengers, and he outfights them to free Professor X and then the others. They escape back to Earth, but the Skrulls seemingly have gotten data for something. If this at least explains how the Skrulls have managed to create other "super soldiers" since Kr'lt, then it may make some sense (Paibok's powers have nothing to do with his, for instance). This will probably be overrated, but it was a rarity from Bendis; an over-the-top superhero action story with a lot of pretty explosions, all in one issue. I'm not sold on the retcon, but so long as the art is pretty and it tells solid superhero stories, it'll do. I just wonder why the hell he couldn't write New Avengers like this. No, instead he writes meandering wastes with ninjas, mutates and Silver Samurai.

ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN #103: Bendis' 3rd comic out in one week, and if any storyline is the definition of a dead horse being beaten, and then shat on, and then set on fire, this is it. Issue #102 got such a negative review from me that some people reading it were surprised. At first optimistic about this storyline, it has gone downhill into oblivion at the midway point, and it audaciously seems set to clock in at a staggering NINE chapters (8 issues and an epilogue). For chrissakes, does Bendis think this drivel is some work of art? Granted, few franchises seem to last that many chapters except horror movies, which usually by then are far past the point of being decent, so I guess it fits. Bagley's art also looks rushed in some panels, saved only by the colorist; I could understand him, a survivor of the 90's Clone Saga that STRANGLED the life out of the Spider-Franchise for maybe a half dozen years, losing all hope and energy at this point. He and Bendis want to beat the Stan & Kirby record on FANTASTIC FOUR and do with this issue, but my god for all the wrong reasons. I am just so tired of this storyline that every issue is almost a chore to read; there is some faint possibility of a spectatular finish, but that is improbable. The good? No MJ-Sasquatch-Demon Gerbil action. And Dr. Octopus goading Peter Parker by going, "Is Spider-Man going to cry?" got me to laugh out loud, because that is all he's done for some time now. Cry, lose, cry, lose, cry, lose, like some D-list actress who always get nominated but never wins the award. And Nick Fury stops being a complete *****ebag, although his role in the story still is confusing and awkward. There also is a last minute twist revelation about Dr. Octopus' powers that is sort of clever and works because, this is the Ultimate universe after all where you don't have to slavishly stick to canon (even if it basically makes him a poor man's Magneto, able to control metal but using it mostly to make & control his tentacles). Kitty Pryde and the Fan 4 guest star and all are written competantly, and serve to distract the reader from the main, fecal-matter laden plot.

The Bad? Well, if you enjoy all these clones, then you're one of the few. Six-Armed was the coolest one, so of course he dies a quick death. So does Half-Face. Richard Parker is revealed to simply be an age-enhanced clone who was made to believe he was Peter's father, so the overpriced issue #100 is now offically worthless. Come to think of it, this is the UPTEENTH story from Bendis that basically climaxes with "after a series of random crap where the hero runs around being confused and screaming lines with 2-3 exclamation points, some figure emerges from out of nowhere and spends at least 15 pages carefully explaining the plot as everyone stands around, as if he's Hamlet's dead father or something". DISASSEMBLED ended this way. SECRET WAR ended this way. THE COLLECTIVE ended this way. This is seriously getting old and repetitive, and I won't even bother mentioning the USM stories that ended that way, especially in the last few arcs where Spidey has been in a helpless streak. And Doc Ock does a big explaination about how he cut a deal with the FBI to make them spider-soldiers from Rielly's stolen DNA that Peter gave to Conners (that created Carnage, and the death kneel of USM) because many in the gov't dislike that Fury is the one with access to the nation's mostly unstable metahumans. BUT, he fails to mention how Gwenage tied into this, or Richard Parker. The rest of the clones all had powers, but how and why did they clone Gwen and splice her into a Carnage? And what purpose did Richard Parker have aside for a red herring? Ock didn't even claim to have thrown some loops on purpose so it just comes off as pointless baloney. And if Fury was so in the dark about all this, why did he attack Peter Parker when he at least seemed to know that he wasn't responsible for the clones? "I'm arresting you because someone else has cloned your DNA and even though your arrest does nothing to stop or kill these clones, just to make your life miserable". Worst of all, the story shatters the comfortable and relatable status quo that basically updated the Spidey mythos for a new generation, which was why I came to like and read USM. Now it has deevloved into a conveluted mess sooner than ASM, and for what!? Bendis' ego trip on trying to succeed in a storyline that fans overwhelmingly hated and even the writers said went wrong? I mean he all but dared us by going, "Oh, sure, 616 was crap but I'm going to do it better" and he just doesn't. He's burried the book in B.S. convelution. Fans don't like clones. They rarely did before and don't now. Anywhere in comics. It never works. Ever. And with the finale looming, I SO see where it is going; Spider-Woman, the perfect hunk of Parker genetic arse, will PWN. She will save Peter, and likely land some sort of the finishing blow or some sort of victory, because she is awesomeness with boobs. While Peter can get schooled by the damned RINGER, Jessica will kick arse so she comes off as bad-arse. What gets my goat is how Bendis obviously seems to have a love fixation-fetish for Jessica Drew, much like Claremont and Storm, and much like Claremont's recent work, it has meant he's bungled her. Sure, in 616 he put her on the map and wrote her a mini...after getting her powers wrong, taking a year to explain it, and then pretty much wasting her ever since on NA. In USM, he did her one worse by dooming her to X-23 syndrome; a clone of an official character to "justify" her existance, she now stands as a detail to the hero, and nothing more. At least X-23 was originally spawned due to network demands for teenage characters on Kid's WB; Bendis has no such excuse. It seems when he doesn't care about a character, he kills them or ignores key stuff, and when he loves them...he totally mishandles them, or makes their life into a cynical, dark, endless nightmare where even THE POPE would have committed suicide by then. It just seems like such a waste to utterly shatter USM's status quo for such an abysmal waste of a storyline. So, either Drew will save Peter, Kitty will save him, or the X-Men, the Four, or all of them will save him. I have no faith he will be of any use aside for scream a lot, cry, and maybe cry while screaming a lot. And taking a beating. He's more emo than 100 tween girl bands in a row. I bet he even cuts himself next storyline.

And the absolute WORST thing!? The next arc, a 3 part arc with the Daredevil and Kingpin that is a sequal to WARRIORS, the ANNUAL #2 and some of the last GOOD USM stories, is one I want to read. Which means I am on board after this saga ends. Which makes it even more painful to sit through the last two issues. It's like counting down the days before a hot blind date, but beforehand, you have to rub your genitals over broken glass to appease a mafia debt. So, no, it's not as bad as #102, but that's like saying Castro didn't kill as many people as Hitler or Mao; true but not comforting. I'd quit, but I'm a continuity hound and surely the arc from #106 will start off with some references to the end of this putrid exercise in comic baloney. At this point I even miss the Jackel. I miss Judas Traveller. Hell, I'd take Spidercide, if only to laugh at. I used to defend USM to avid Ultimate haters, but now this book is unworthy of any defense. Bash it all you want, as half arsed rehashes with ipods and earrings. I just hope to whatever being out there there is that the 3-part arc after this, which looks great in solicts, isn't crap. I don't mean decent, I mean GOOD. In the meanwhile, I'll have to close my eyes and sniff the buffalo barf for two issues. 9 chapters. Even Hell only had 7 circles. Have some mercy, Bendis.

X-MEN: FIRST CLASS #4 An old school fun superhero book, starring the X-Men to boot. How refreshing. The sales for this book are rather poor (it sells at about the mid 80's, which is better than RUNAWAYS I guess), further proving that books just can't sell by virtue of an X on the cover anymore (they haven't for about the last 3 years). In fact it is a book that sells poorly enough that it has an ad right on the cover, pimping CASHING IN SHAMELESSLY ON RAIMI (otherwise called "Back in Black") for Feb. 2007 (but won't that be later due to CW delays?). In principle, there was no great crying out for a book that seeks to tell yet more retconned adventures of the original 5 X-Men during their teen years. HIDDEN YEARS basically did this, trying to fill in 40+ year old plotholes. Parker & Cruz just want to tell old school superhero stories, and rather than attempt to "insert" darkness, they keep the tone of those lighter 60's stories. After an X-Box gaffe in issue #1 (these stories are supposed to be set a decade ago, right? No X-Box then!), Parker has gotten things more in gear, with #2 fitting in seemlessly after Lizard's ASM #6 apparence and so on. This story essentially is a sequal to UNCANNY X-MEN #32-33, circa 1967 (which really should have been mentioned somewhere) in which a demon followed Cyke & Jean out of the mystical dimension where they trapped Juggernaut, and only Scott can see him via his visor (making a mess of a Sentinal fight). The gang seeks out the help of Dr. Strange, and Cruz keeps his civilian gear looking like a "freak hippy" like he did back then (c'mon, like the Ditko trippiness back in the psychadelic 60's wasn't intentional), and they go into another world where their powers work differently to put an end to the demon. It turns out the demon wanted to return home and manipulated them to do so, unable of "communicating like a human". See, the same sort of explainations typical of the 60's, so they fit. The dialogue's fun, the art is spiffy and Parker is coming off as a writer who just seems to love old school comics, and isn't afraid of hammy stereotypes, either here or in AGENTS OF ATLAS. Maybe by next year he could become the next Kirkman at Marvel. If you craze Silver Age X-Men stories only done with more modern art and storytelling techniques (or just tired of X-Men stories being all dark, doar and cynical), this is for you.

 

[CaptainCanada]

Even Hell only had 7 circles.

Yeah, but each circle had about fourteen pouches and sub-pouches.

 

[Dread]

Yeah, but each circle had about fourteen pouches and sub-pouches.

Every issue has 22 pages (or more) and about 8 or so ads.

 

[deemar325]

Damn Dread that review of USM was harsh, I like it.

 

[Dread]

Damn Dread that review of USM was harsh, I like it.

Glad. After over 100 issues and after Bendis chooses to evoke that dreaded storyline and mangle it in half the time, it deserves no mercy. Poor Bagley may be having nightmares though.

 

[Brainiac 8]

I would like to hear some of the conversations that Bagley has with Bendis.

Bendis: "Ok, what we are going to do is try and remake the Clone Saga, only this time in my image, and it won't suck."

Bagley: "But, Brian, anything that has the name Clone Saga sucks."

Bendis: "Mine won't. Do you see how much USM I sell each month?"

Bagley: "But...you did see Spider Man in the 90's didn't you?"

Bendis: "Yea, but those writers and artists were not that great."

Bagley: "But...I was one of those artists. "

Bendis: "Sucks to be you then."

Bagley: "That's it! I quit after the Knights story! You suck Brian!"

 

[WOLVERINE25TH]

As a fan of the original Clone Saga, I'd just like to say Bendis completely and totally sucks. Thank you.

 

[Brainiac 8]

The Clone Saga had fans.

Truth be told, I didn't hate it, it was just much of it didn't make sense, but I did like the Scarlet Spider.

 

[Kevin]

Ben was kool.

 

[Kool-Aid]

Amazingly, NO ONE ELSE BUT CLINT has the brains to try looking at Wundagore Mountain, where he literally bumps into her after walking on the street for 5 seconds.

How come you can get to critical about this, but not IRON MAN/CAPTAIN AMERICA: CASUALTIES OF WAR? Or get mad about how this story happend to late where again you didn't with IRON MAN/CAPTAIN AMERICA: CASUALTIES OF WAR?