I would consider myself that as well.
I definitely believe in God. Maybe not in the traditional sense, of a bearded, robed man in the clouds living in a kingdom surrounded by gold and pearl gates who watches over his kingdom and damns gays and non-believers to hell.
I believe there has to be something that created everything. To me, there has to be a reason for why everything exists. I don't believe that it just happened.
Now, I do believe in the Big Bang, I do believe in evolution, but in my mind, I do not see why science and God have to be exclusive.
In my opinion, I don't see any reason why evolution can't be even further evidence of God's greatness, that he has the ability to create something that will change and become BETTER over the course of time.
I don't know what I believe about Heaven and Hell. The realist part of me says there is nothing after this life. We die, and we're done. The faith part of me values visiting the graves of loved ones who have passed on (particularly my grandmother) because she knows that I am there visiting her. I do pray to God to watch over her, and take care of her.
I just don't know, when it comes down to it, and it's been a part of some torment (for lack of a better term) that I have been dealing with as of late. I have had an incredibly hard time dealing with the fact that I am mortal lately. I am only 25 years old, and if I'm lucky, I might have around 60 years left (more than double the amount of time I have spent on this Earth to this point), but the realization that 60 years will pass, and I won't be here - it's something that's been incredibly hard for me to deal with.
I don't have the same faith that many do that there is a Heaven and a Hell and that there is an afterlife waiting for me where I will be reunited with my dead loved ones and we will exist together for all eternity.
At the same time, a soul is something that science can't explain to me. Science can explain living creatures, how a living body works and such, but it can't explain to me a soul - hopes, dreams, passions, emotions. The love that I feel for my mother, for my father, for my brother, my sister-in-law, my nephews, my friends. Science can't explain those for me. In my opinion there is something else at work there.
What I do know about religion is this - I have my personal beliefs. When it comes down to it, I do believe in God. I am agnostic, but I don't know what the truth is. I may be more along the lines of Christian values, but I don't view myself as a Christian.
I believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, I don't necessarily believe in the miracles that he supposedly performed. However, I believe that the teachings that Jesus Christ spoke are a truly rich way to live one's life. More valuable than anything to me is the relationships that I share with my family and friends. To me, a successful life is finding love. As a man, that is finding a wonderful woman that I can spend the rest of my life with, and have children with, and raise a family with. That is my idea of ultimate success.
And in my opinion, that lifestyle, a lifestyle of love and respect, going to work and being a productive member of my society, showing love and respect for my fellow man and helping out when I can, to me those are the types of things that God and Jesus would smile upon.
That is why I don't follow a Christian doctrine. Since I've moved here to the south, my brother and his wife have tried to bring me into their church. I have been to their church a couple times, and I do admit, I like a lot of the things their pastor has to say. When he is just speaking about life, and how we should conduct ourselves, I believe in what he has to say. But when he brings it all back around to religion, I don't agree with the things that he has to say. When he speaks on the sanctity of marriage, and the political issue of abortion, and putting your belief in God above even your family, I can't get behind that kind of stuff.
I cannot get behind a belief system that looks upon homosexuals as "evil" and damned, because of who they have sex with. Look, I don't agree with the act of homosexuality either, but that does not make these people horrible, evil abominations. It does not make them bad parents incapable of instilling stong family morals and values in their children.
Abortion is not murder. How far are we going to take this "right to life" stuff? If you want to really look at it, everytime a woman has her period, or a man ejaculates (and doesn't fertalize a seed, through whatever means), those are lives that never had a chance to live their life. Does that count as murder? Are menstration and *********ion murder?
I cannot get behind a belief system that preaches "Thou shalt not kill", but throughout history has gone to war and slaughtered in the name of God. Even the Bible has stories of God himself slaying those who did not obey him. Yet "Thou shalt not kill"?
I cannot get behind a belief system that preaches "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone", "love thy neighbor", and other messages of tolerance, yet show nothing but intolerance towards those who believe differently than them - just listen to right wing christian conservatives like Michael Savage and Ann Coulter talk about how evil Liberals are because they don't live their lives (stereotypically) to Christian fundamentals.
Am I going to hell because I look at pr0n, despite the fact that in actuality I truly respect women as my equal, and that is truly what is in my heart is treating women with respect and dignity?
Am I going to hell because I watch television like Family Guy, South Park, and American Dad, even though I don't in my heart have the racist and derogotory views that these shows focus on (for entertainment purposes)?
Am I going to hell because I listen to music like Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, who have many references to demons, murder, drugs, etc... even though in my heart I reject Satan, demons, don't do drugs, and can't even stomp on a cockroach, let alone actually harm another human being?
It's those reasons that I can't get behind Christianity. All of those things that religion say I'm going to hell for that aren't even in my heart. All of the hypocracies in their teachings and their practices.
I don't feel that Christianity values the person who you truly are in your heart, and your soul, but rather who you are on the surface. If God does exist, and he is going to damn me to hell and enact his wrath and vengeance on me for these superficial things, then I am not sure that is a God I want to worship anyways.
I have been given an amazing life. I have an amazing family, and amazing friends. I have seen things, like the way my grandmother died (completely on her own terms, in complete dignity, and surviving for one day longer than she wanted to, but a day that allowed her family to be there with her to say their goodbyes) that seem too great to be just coincidence. The fact that everything we go through, even the bad (sometimes especially the bad) really do happen "for a reason", as those things make us stronger than we were before. Are these things the work of God? Are these things just coincidence? Fate? I don't know.
I'd like to believe that there is something, even if it's not the majestic bearded man in the clouds, but I just don't know.
The only thing that I do know is that eventually I am going to die, and I won't be on this Earth anymore. That is a thought that, to this point in my life I have never been able to come to grips with. Lately has been even worse, as it's been emotionally crippling me. The thought that eventually the time will come that my mother is gone, and I can't call her anymore and talk to her, or that my father will be gone and I can't see him and watch a football game with him? Those are thoughts that I can't deal with. The fact that a time will eventually come when I am gone, and don't exist anymore? It's a thought that has been crippling to me.
I don't have the religious beliefs (or even the self confidence, really), to come to grips with that, accept it, and even be okay with it.
The religious beliefs I do have haven't helped me to cope with mortality.
What they have done, however, is give me a set of values that I believe I should live my life by, that I believe will give me the richest existence possible on this Earth. To value the PEOPLE in my life, not the things.