Does it matter how many sexual partners your girlfriend/boyfriend has had before you?

[AndThePickles]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.

This is absurd to me. Why would something she did with a past boyfriend hurt YOU? She didn't let this guy touch her breasts while you were dating her.

Another question - how old are you? It is very easy to think that you and your gf will get married eventually, but what if you don't? You didn't truly "save" yourself, because you aren't married, yet. So, by your thinking, if you two break up, you didn't save yourself for your eventual wife, and you're damaged goods, as well.

 

[B.A. Baracus]

I personally think it's really sweet when a couple save themselves for each other.

But that's what Jessica Simpson did for Nick Lachey, Saved herself for her husband she would be with forever and look how that turned out, shame really.

 

[B.A. Baracus]

Edit, i'm clicking 'post' once yet double posting.

 

[AndThePickles]

It's all good if a couple is saving themselves for marriage. However, unless Dark Guardian chose his wording incorrectly, he said they WERE both virgins when they met. I'm assuming that means they've slept together already, and aren't married yet.

 

[B.A. Baracus]

Well spotted, I wonder if he's doing it for religious reasons, From my experience thats the usual reason for saving yourself.

 

[katie_girl09]

Why? As long as they're not unfaithful, why would that matter?

That would vary according to who you're asking. Some people would just feel strange or "not special" being with a person who's had that many sexual partners. And some people - as I said before - take multiple sexual partners as a sign of promiscuity. So that might mean an increased risk of infidelity.
People have their reasons for caring. Just like people have their reasons for not caring. But what I don't understand is how people act like the people that do care are wrong somehow.

Well, I don't entirely understand. I understand that this line of thinking is common, but I don't completely understand why it's so common and why an individual would perscribe to it. I would think a certain amount of prudishness is involved, as a result from western society's somewhat puritanical views on sex, but everyone's motivations are different and I can't be sure until I ask, especially over the internet.

Prudishness? Not wanting to be with someone who sleeps around is prudish? In a case such as that, I would think you're being prudent.

 

[Yurka]

You people who say it matters... why exactly does it matter to you?

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

 

[AndThePickles]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

I definitely agree with that.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I would not want to be with a man who has no sexual experience.

 

[Yurka]

I definitely agree with that.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I would not want to be with a man who has no sexual experience.

Well of course not, I wouldnt want to be with an inexperienced girl either.

I guess the happy medium is between virgin and pornstar.

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah, but this is stuff you don't usually find out on the 1st date. What happens if you find out after you were already emotionally involved? If someone was say promiscuous in college, and grew out of that, would you fault them for that later?

One of the first people I was with gave me protection from an open box of contraceptives. Kinda knew I wasn't the first one but in the end I had general feelings for them.

 

[katie_girl09]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

True.

 

[Ponyboy]

In all seriousness, in my opinion, it matters a lot. I'm an extremely protective boyfriend. My girlfriend and I were both virgins when we met and we plan on getting married, that's how good our relationship is. However, she had a boyfriend before me and she let him touch her breasts. Something like that, which to most people, would be relatively small, really hurts me. I'm definitely the kind of guy who saves himself for his girl, and I expected her to do the same. The fact that she didn't even really like the guy, and wasn't thinking when she let him, makes me even more upset.

She did save herself for you. Touching breasts does not equal sex. And if the two of you weren't dating at the time... The fact that some other guy touched her boobs has nothing to do with you. You had better get over it, because if you hold that against her in any way, you might possibly end up subconsciously driving her away for something you have no right to be upset about. We're human beings... we make bad choices sometimes. She probably regrets that guy touching her boobicles. Don't make her feel worse about it.

 

[AndThePickles]

Yeah, but this is stuff you don't usually find out on the 1st date. What happens if you find out after you were already emotionally involved? If someone was say promiscuous in college, and grew out of that, would you fault them for that later?

One of the first people I was with gave me protection from an open box of contraceptives. Kinda knew I wasn't the first one but in the end I had general feelings for them.

That is a difficult question While people can't change the past, I also think that there is a huge difference between a promiscuous "have fun" stage and sleeping around with a new person every night for a decade.

 

[The Question]

If I know a girl who has slept with 30 guys is interested in me, regardless of whether shes attractive or not, Im immediately turned off not only by the number of partners but of the seemingly lack of meaningful relationships. Im not a one night stand type of guy, some are and I get that. But I would much rather have a connection with someone than the, pardon the innuendo, in and out relationship. With an obnoxious amount of partners, it doesnt really imply serious relationships.

Some people like casual sex, it doesn't mean they're not looking for love.

 

[Erzengel]

I'll be honest when I was 20, I'd be turned off if a girl I was dating who was around the same age and she told me she was with 10-12 people.

But if you're 30, 10-12 can be a reasonable number.

 

[AndThePickles]

I'll be honest when I was 20, I'd be turned off if a girl I was dating who was around the same age and she told me she was with 10-12 people.

But if you're 30, 10-12 can be a reasonable number.

Well yeah, I would hope that people's expectations of partner averages goes up as they age.

 

[terry78]

A lot of dudes' mindset is, you sleep with the chick that's had a lot of experience, but you marry the one that's had only a little.

 

[Ponyboy]

I never cared about how many people a girl slept with... What's past is past. The only thing that mattered to me was that we were mutually exclusive to one another while dating. Oh, and as long as she didn't have any below-the-belt nasties. I was always fortunate in that arena.

 

[The Question]

A lot of dudes' mindset is, you sleep with the chick that's had a lot of experience, but you marry the one that's had only a little.

That strikes me as a bit sexist.

 

[Erzengel]

I know we have some teens and 20 something year olds who posted in here who said they'd be turned off by more than single digit numbers. I'd be interested in their opinion in a few years.

 

[Yurka]

That is a difficult question While people can't change the past, I also think that there is a huge difference between a promiscuous "have fun" stage and sleeping around with a new person every night for a decade.

Yea. Being fresh out of school I may be biased, but I'd say it depends on how promiscuous the person was, if theyre honest and open enough to tell you. I dont think you can really "fault" anyone for trying to enjoy college.
If youre getting attached to someone youve been seeing who has told you they had fooled around quite a bit in college, say 15 or more people, but has seemed to slow down and that doesnt effect you, great. I guess thats kindof the point of this thread.

Some people like casual sex, it doesn't mean they're not looking for love.

Of course everyone wants to find love, Im just saying that thats not the way I'd go about "meeting" people, and it might turn others off.

 

[katie_girl09]

That strikes me as a bit terry-ish.

Fixed it for ya.

 

[Anubis]

Hell, by the time you're my age, you'd be hard pressed to find a chick that doesn't already have kids.

 

[terry78]

Fixed it for ya.

Har har.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

What was done in the past is done. It's not like my reputation is flawless. As long as they've got a clean bill of health, and they stay mutual at that point, who cares?