Hype High

[Swordmaster]

It was MB's idea

 

[JLBats]

thats probably the queerest thing ive heard all day.

That was sort of the intent, but then subtle irony was never your forte.

 

[Holly Goodhead]

That was sort of the intent, but then subtle irony was never your forte.

eat my ass with a spoon.

 

[JLBats]

eat my ass with a spoon.

Dance a little so I don't feel like I'm dining on dead rat.

 

[Pussy Galore]

that doesnt even make sense.

 

[JLBats]

that doesnt even make sense.

It was refering to your magnificently odorous and meat filled ass. Happy now? You keep meat in your ass. If I had some bread I could make an ass-meat sandwhich, but since I'm aware of your sexual history, that might be a term so familiar that it makes you nervous.

 

[Roller Girl]

im a lesbian, i dont leat "meat" near my ass.

 

[JLBats]

im a lesbian, i dont leat "meat" near my ass.

I'm a lesbian too, let's make a music video together, woooo...

 

[Elvira Hancock]

id rather stick lit cigarettes into my eyes.

 

[JLBats]

id rather stick lit cigarettes into my eyes.

I guess having phallic objects in your face is a familiar sensation, huh?

 

[Kimber Henry]

i guess if your penis is the size of a cigarette.

 

[JLBats]

i guess if your penis is the size of a cigarette.

What if the cigarette were enormous?

 

[JLBats]

What if the cigarette were enormous?

Then it would dwarf you, stupid!

 

[Baby Firefly]

dude youre nuts.

 

[JLBats]

dude youre nuts.

...are in your mouth?

 

[rigel7soldiers]

...are in your mouth?

And you think I'm crazy... seriously, what's gotten into you?

Besides that gerbil, I mean.

 

[JLBats]

And you think I'm crazy... seriously, what's gotten into you?

Besides that gerbil, I mean.

I'm just bantering with Holly.

And don't say anything that could be construed as an insult. I know things about you that I don't think you want getting out.

 

[rigel7soldiers]

Uh-huh...

Oh, wait, no... that's... okay. I believe you.

Or do I...?
Yes. Or do I...?

Wait.. I forgot what we were talking about... oh right, you sticking gerbils up your ass.

 

[Swordmaster]

Please don't

 

[Lord Valumart]

next part damnit

 

[JLBats]

Uh-huh...

Oh, wait, no... that's... okay. I believe you.

Or do I...?
Yes. Or do I...?

Wait.. I forgot what we were talking about... oh right, you sticking gerbils up your ass.

I sure like pie.

That's right. I went there.

 

[Swordmaster]

next part damnit

I'm working

 

[rigel7soldiers]

Okay, dammit, I'm sorry. We cool?

 

[Swordmaster]

Chapter 5: Assembly Part Dew



Dante, MB, Flexo, Meatbag, and DL walk into the auditorium. Blood stains the walls.

DL: …Ew.

MB: You love it.

DL: You’re right.

MB:

Dante: Why are you here anyway? You’re not even in our grade.

DL: I am here because I am meant to be here.

Dante: …Ooooookay…

The five go to sit down. Suddenly, a girl with long black hair and wearing a black tank top, webbed arm and stockings, walks in. Bon Jovi’s “Bad Medicine” starts to play on the loudspeaker. Students look around, confused. Dante gets a vision of him and the girl making out sexually, his hand going up her shirt, her pushing his hand away. In reality, Dante is humping the air, mouthing Bad Medicine. MB notices he has a large erection, so he kicks it. The music abruptly stops.

Dante: What…the…f**k…?

Dante falls to the ground.

The girl notices him on the ground, clutching his balls.

Girl: What the f**k happened to the little bastard?

MB: He was being an ass, so I kicked him.

Girl: Ah. I’m Alexia.

Dante shoots up.

Dante: I’m Dante.

Alexia: And…I don’t care.

Alexia walks away.

Dante:

MB kicks him in the balls again. Dante falls…again.

Dante: Damn you…

Suddenly, the room goes pitch black. Then, a large glowing head appears in the middle of the stage.

Large Glowing Head: I…AM…MIRKO!

Everyone screams, except Snipershot. Who still holds his salami.

Snipershot: yous loks like wizard from oz!

Mirko: Rent-a-Cop bored, remove this idiot from my sight!

bored: Yes sir!

bored runs in, tackles Snipershot (and his salami), and starts beating the crap out of him. Blood flies everywhere.

Mirko: Erm…bored…I said REMOVE the idiot, not KILL the idiot.

bored: My mistake sir!

bored stops beating Snipershot with the salami and takes him out of the room. LV walks in and cleans up the blood, hitting MB with the mop.

MB: Ow.

Mirko: Where was I? Ah yes…I AM MIRKO! DEAN OF HYPE HIGH! BESIDES MY LARGE HEAD IS PRINCIPAL MALICE…

The head turns slightly towards a bald man dressed in a clearly tailored suit.

Mirko: AS WELL AS ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL DEW K. MOSI, WHO WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

A woman, mid-40’s, wearing a green dress, inclines her head slightly before standing up. She has a somewhat European accent on her.

Dew: I am the Empress Von Dew’m!-

Flexo[aside to Meatbag]: Empress of the Loony Bin.

Dew, unfortunately, hears his words.

Dew: How dare you disrespect me!?

Lightning flows from Dew’s fingers and strikes at, not Flexo, but Symbiotica, school b***h, effectively incinerating her.

Flexo:…Cool.

Malice[aside to Dew]: You promised you wouldn’t do that.

Dew[aside to Malice]: Sorry…

Dew sits down and Malice moves to the podium.

Malice: Welcome freshman. I am Principal Malice. Before you get your school schedules, I am going to inform you of the year’s events. Friday after next, we have a pep rally.

Dante: Dumb!

Malice: And in the middle of the year, we have an election for Freshman Class President.

Dante: Also dumb!

MB[aside to Dante]: I was gonna enter that.

Dante[aside to MB]: Sorry.[louder]Dumber!

Malice: So, now that that’s out of the way, please head to your classes. bored has your schedules waiting for you. Somehow. Now, I hope to see you soon. If you survive today. Bwhahahahahaha!

 

[JLBats]

Okay, dammit, I'm sorry. We cool?

We're cool, I'll edit.