BvS Jason Momoa is Aquaman!

[Lencho01]

Make fun of Aquaman now

...

Aquaman, King of the Seven Seas, Has ****ing Had It With You, Man.


BY Glen Weldon

- - - -

First off, I don’t talk to them. OK?

That’s, like, the first thing. Let’s start there.

It’s not like I’m all, Hey, Peter Pufferfish, what’s up? and he’s all, Yo, nothing much, brah.

It doesn’t work like that, all right? I mean, most of them don’t even have brains, for one thing. They have maybe a bump at one end of their spinal cord, a pimply little swelling of ganglia, if they’re lucky.

Language is not a looming issue, is what I’m saying.

No, how it works is: I command them. Period, the end. Command, as in bend them to, you know, my will and whatnot. ****in’ A.

Even the ones with actual for-real brains, the cetaceans. If I want, you know, a pod of Burmeister’s porpoise to ram the hell out of Black Manta’s Manta Sub, that **** gets done. If I totally want, like, a southern minke whale to go hump a giant squid (its most hated enemy, by the way), I just go doodoodoodoodoodoo and it’s like Show World down there. Not that I would, because, you know, gross, but I’m just saying: I don’t ask. I’m not going to be all, If you wouldn’t mind terribly much, please, Mr. Southern Minke Whale, go get your nasty freak on with that giant squid.

Just, you know, FYI.

And it’s not training. I read that on some blog: “He just trains them to do all that.”

Dude, I can get 6 million krill to gunk up the engine of a getaway ship by having them hurl themselves up the intake jets. Mass sea-monkey suicide. OK? Try that **** with operant conditioning, with some big-titted blondie waggling a smelt, see what you get. Think they’re meting out kick-ass sea justice over at EPCOT? Shyeah.

But everyone takes their shot. ****ing YouTube and ****. Cartoon Network. Suddenly every hacky comic’s got a tight five-minute chunk on lame old Aquaman. “Haw haw haw, he’s so laaaaame, hee hee hee, go talk to a guppy!”

It’s all good. Somehow I manage to suffer through it. I soldier bravely the **** on, comforted only by the small but telling fact that I’m absolute goddamn ruler of—what was it again?—oh, yeah: the EARTH.
The PLANET.

And you, you’re, like, star of open-mike night at the Mirth Shack in Jacksonville. And your MySpace blog? OMG! ROTFLMAO!

You used to be cool, man.

When you were a kid, you’d sit at the bottom of the Stupaks’ pool, remember? Used to sit there and pretend the kickboard between your knees was Storm the Giant Seahorse, and you’d stay under for as long as you could, going doodoodoodoodoodoo.

Remember there was that orange T-shirt you had? Remember that? That was cool.

You sure seemed like a happy little kid.

But, you know, I get it. Whatever, that was a long time ago. Now you’re all, Wonder Woman never even let him fly her plaaaane, and whatnot. And that’s, you know, fine.

I could command you. You, those Robot Chicken *******s, alla y’all. Command you all to, you know, quit it.

I don’t make, like, a big deal about that, but I could. You’re just a fish at heart, dude. Down deep in your forebrain. I ****in’ could.

But I won’t. That’s not how I roll. I’m a hero. Plus, I’m King of the Seven Seas, so, you know, I got **** to do, right?

No, it’s fine. You rock on with your bad self, dude. Mazel tov.

Seriously, though, leave my lady out of it. That’s not cool, man. Mera, she doesn’t get it like I do. She’s sensitive. I start hearing you talking **** about her, or her hard-water powers, or that time she turned evil, and I will **** your **** up. Count on it.

 

[Iceman]

Cool, really cool, but couldn't it wait till the real Justice League movie?

EDIT: I guess this doesn't automatically mean Aquaman will play any significant role in BvS, but it just feels like WB is showing all their cards on the table and saying, "Wait till our next turn!"

I think it pretty much still will. Can't see any of these being more than short cameos apart from WW. Otherwise the Batman Vs Superman title won't even make sense.

Reply to edit: That strategy might work as it's certainly building hype.

 

[roach]

I think it pretty much still will. Can't see any of these being more than short cameos apart from WW. Otherwise the Batman Vs Superman title won't even make sense.

Reply to edit: That strategy might work as it's certainly building hype.

The Hollywood Reporter article also said that BvS would film back to back with Justice League

 

[Boy Scout]

Yeah I think you're going to be disappointed.

I'll get over it.

This casting is a pretty decent indicator of what direction they'll take Aquaman.

I agree, which is why I expressed that specific concern.

I'm thinking he's going to be similar to his Timmverse counterpart.

I could live with that, I think.

...

That was hilarious.

 

[Iceman]

The Hollywood Reporter article also said that BvS would film back to back with Justice League

Good. It needed to if it was going to release so soon after. I still expect a Batman Superman story from BVS, even if splattered all over with JL, otherwise it should just be called Dawn of Justice.

 

[Kal-El.9859]

The Hollywood Reporter article also said that BvS would film back to back with Justice League

Weren't they the ones to initially confirm Momoa?? I'm sure that's going to eventually be confirmed by WB/DC so I'm willing to believe that Batman v Superman and Justice League will indeed film back to back as I had thought

 

[Broseph44]

Ugh I can't believe they are even putting Aquaman in this movie....or any movie!

aww boohoo

 

[roach]

Weren't they the ones to initially confirm Momoa?? I'm sure that's going to eventually be confirmed by WB/DC so I'm willing to believe that Batman v Superman and Justice League will indeed film back to back as I had thought

they may have...THR's scoops on this movie have been spot on

 

[Blitzkrieg Bop]

Well, with this, we've got our full Justice League roster now. Sorry, J'onn, maybe the sequel. I hope for a GL recast, either actor (more likely) or character. Can't say anything about the Flash for now.

 

[roach]

Well, with this, we've got our full Justice League roster now. Sorry, J'onn, maybe the sequel. I hope for a GL recast, either actor (more likely) or character. Can't say anything about the Flash for now.

There's supposed to be a Flash scene...we'll see.

 

[Kal-El.9859]

they may have...THR's scoops on this movie have been spot on

Sounds good to me then

 

[Blitzkrieg Bop]

There's supposed to be a Flash scene...we'll see.

After credits.

 

[Lily Adler]

I can see it now, The Flash will be Wally West to avoid confusion with the television series. The brains of our viewers are so fragile that their psyche's cannot comprehend there being two Barry Allen's even though they handled two different Clark Kent's just fine with Smallville and SR.

 

[Rorschach2012]

Well, with this, we've got our full Justice League roster now. Sorry, J'onn, maybe the sequel. I hope for a GL recast, either actor (more likely) or character. Can't say anything about the Flash for now.

How closely have you been following this film? From pretty much the beginning, The Flash has been heavily rumored to be in the film (from reputable sources, IIRC, the same sources that first broke Momoa's involvement with the film)

I'd be surprised if The Flash isn't in this movie in some capacity.

 

[Blitzkrieg Bop]

How closely have you been following this film?

Not a whole lot.

What I meant is that I'm not sure on how WB will handle the Flash, TV actor or new guy, but I wholeheartedly believe he will be there, as he should.

 

[roach]

How closely have you been following this film? From pretty much the beginning, The Flash has been heavily rumored to be in the film (from reputable sources, IIRC, the same sources that first broke Momoa's involvement with the film)

I'd be surprised if The Flash isn't in this movie in some capacity.

Flash was rumored to be in this movie back when it was announced

 

[Sawyer]

Ugh I can't believe they are even putting Aquaman in this movie....or any movie!

 

[Lencho01]

I'm kind of worried that they're going to portray Aquaman as a savage. I don't imagine that they'll go too far off the deep end (because he still has to appear heroic), but I've never cared much for the interpretations of the character where he's a harsh warrior/king.

For me, it comes off too hard when trying to make him seem cool. It's why I really liked the Brave & the Bold toon version. Just a guy who loved his life and saw each adventure as another awesome to tell later. Of course, we won't get something like (though the thought of it would be hilarious). If he were more upbeat, I'd imagine he would be like the one in the Crisis DTV, which I think would be fine to see.

[YT]KK6ls__DY9I[/YT]

Or just only have him act "badass" when it comes to his family.

 

[HighFivingMF]

Ugh I can't believe they are even putting Aquaman in this movie....or any movie!

Isn't there a Family Guy rerun you should be watching?

 

[Lily Adler]

For me, it comes off too hard when trying to make him seem cool. It's why I really liked the Brave & the Bold toon version. Just a guy who loved his life and saw each adventure as another awesome to tell later. Of course, we won't get something like (though the thought of it would be hilarious). If he were more upbeat, I'd imagine he would be like the one in the Crisis DTV, which I think would be fine to see.

[YT]KK6ls__DY9I[/YT]

Or just only have him act "badass" when it comes to his family.

Will Mimosa have a cleavage window, too.

 

[Blitzkrieg Bop]

Will he speak Spanish?!!?11?

 

[Lencho01]

Will Mimosa have a cleavage window, too.

Only if they announce Brainiac's up in this film too!

 

[Sawyer]

Will Mimosa have a cleavage window, too.

 

[Lencho01]

Will he speak Spanish?!!?11?

Nah, Japanese. Everything sounds cooler in Japanese, especially when angry.

 

[Wheels]

I'm hoping this film will be great but the casting hasn't done anything for me on paper. It could be brilliant once I see the film though. It's pretty great that we're going to see a DCU on film nonetheless.