Nice guys DO finish last

[Castlewood]

farmerfran... it's nothing against you... but I'm not going to participate in this thread if there's going to be stupid and immature people on here with ignorant comments. I want nothing to do with them. It's ridiculous...

Just, please get rid of this thread. It's really really unbelievably ridiculous now.

I thought there were mature people on these boards... but I guess that is a laughable assumption.... kind of like assuming that I'm a potential rapist.

F***ing idiots.

 

[Harlekin]

Yeah, for every immature comment there's like 2 posts giving you advice. Suck it up.

 

[Erzengel]

If I had a GIRLFRIEND, yes. No problem at all.

I think you would even before she was a girlfriend. Nothing against you, but that's just how guys are.

 

[Fran]

Probably.

 

[Castlewood]

First give me validation that I'm right.

You're not right.


When the hell did I mention ANYTHING about shopping? Not once. I don't even go shopping... and I certainly wouldn't go shopping with her.

I don't even put on a face to "win her over"... I freakin' burp on the phone when I talk to her. It's not like I'm "acting" like a nice guy, just to get in her pants.

I don't even WANT to get in her pants. Unlike most guys, I **shockingly** have morals and values... and the only reason why I WON'T say anything to her is because I don't want to hurt her feelings.

I could never "rape" her like one jackass said. That's the most disgusting thing ever, and I'm offended by it.

I really, truly care about her.... and I would never "pretend" to be a nice guy, just to get her. I feel bad as it is NOT telling her how I feel. I could NEVER try to 'play cool' just to have sex with her. I don't even THINK about that. It's because she's my best friend in the whole world, and I care about her alot.


So no... I'm not pretending to be the nice guy who secretly wants to trick her into loving me.... She means the world to me, and we've been friends for 8 years... so it's not just some "fling" to get in her pants.

christ.

 

[Erzengel]

Dude, read the other post.

That "nice guy finish last" speal wasn't necessarily a dig against you but to a lot of guys out there who cry "I'm a nice guy why doesn't she like me".

And honestly, if you get this worked up on a messageboard based on the words on a screen maybe you are doing her a favor by keeping your feelings to yourself.

 

[Castlewood]

I just love being around her... and enjoying the pleasure of her company.... and hanging out and talking about stupid sh**.

We haven't done anything sexually... and we've hung out for 8 years. If I wanted to get in her pants... why would I waste my time for 8 years when I could've had an easy ****?

It's because that doesn't matter to me. I really love being with her.... just to BE WITH HER.... not something sexual, for god's sakes.

 

[Erzengel]

Like I said read my other post.

Do you really think you would be friends with her if you met someone new? It's very possible that your friendship with her would drift because that's just how things happen.

Secondly are you settling for being her friend? Never settle.

Like I said before, it's all about risk and choices. What are you willing to risk? Can you live with the "what if's"?

 

[Castlewood]

Dude, read the other post.

That "nice guy finish last" speal wasn't necessarily a dig against you but to a lot of guys out there who cry "I'm a nice guy why doesn't she like me".

And honestly, if you get this worked up on a messageboard based on the words on a screen maybe you are doing her a favor by keeping your feelings to yourself.

Okay, I apologize.

I'm not getting worked up... I'm just saying.

Besides, she wouldn't say the cruel things I'm hearing from some people that would MAKE me lose my cool. Some of these people are just being ignorant.

We're cool.

 

[Castlewood]

Like I said read my other post.

Do you really think you would be friends with her if you met someone new? It's very possible that your friendship with her would drift because that's just how things happen.

Secondly are you settling for being her friend? Never settle.

Like I said before, it's all about risk and choices. What are you willing to risk? Can you live with the "what if's"?

I was actually in a 2 year relationship (a serious one), and I was still friends with her... and we still hung out, and it wasn't weird at all.

But I know what you're saying.... I don't like the "what if" at all, to be honest.

 

[Babs Gordon]

Yeah, but that's probably because they're hot, though... and that's all that matters in our society.

Actually the three 'nice guys' I dated were a little above average at best. 6/10ish. It was their winning personalities that won me over, not the way they looked. When I met them I wasn't like "damn!"... they were funny and friendly and charming and I fall for that stuff. If their personalities lacked I would never have been with them. Another point-- none of them were boring. I can't lie though, if you're unfortunate-looking that definitely counts against you. Why beat around the bush?

Women like exciting men. We don't like boring ones. I think people often replace 'boring' with 'nice-guy'. Sometimes the bad guy is exciting, sometimes there are really nice guys that are exciting too. The same goes for men looking for women. I know lots of guys that fear boring chicks.

 

[Erzengel]

It's sticky since you mentioned you have been friends for 8 years especially since you haven't mentioned she has expressed any romantic interest which usually means she doesn't see you that way.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Some of these people are just being ignorant.

Do you have any experience with internet messageboards?
Were you expecting a lot of sympathetic ears and heartfelt, tactful advice?
My god.

Also, It's not "nice guys" that finish last. Let's cut the bologna. It's "unattractive guys" that finish last.

I've been with scores of chicks and they all got with me because I'm smart, funny and NICE...and attractive.
I'm friends with guys who are either married, have been with the same girl for years or are "players".
They all attracted women by being nice..........and attractive.

Proof that this is all about how attractive you are is found in the very false paradigm of which we're speaking.

Some females will stay with an ass****....mainly because they are so very attracted to him.
It's not his ass***ishness that keeps them enthralled. It's how attracted they are DESPITE that ass***ishness.
But give them an attractive guy who's NICE, and that's their dream guy.

Let's be real.

 

[November Rain]

you're not funny scream, at least not to an international audience...you're like an liberian 1940s version of family guy...watched in rewind

 

[Erzengel]

I just finally read the whole thing.

No offense to this girl but she's got issues. Major ones.

And you just can't be the white knight that comes in to rescue her.

I'd really recommend therapy for her just before she can really date anyone.

 

[Erzengel]

English like Mr. Bean and that Absolutely Fabulous.

French like Jerry Lewis.

Germans like David Hasselhoff.

I think what Odin said was a compliment.

 

[blink182]

sorry to intrude i was talking to to my girlfriend about this stuff she says she agrees that nice guys finish last she also says they always have the best happen to them even tho they might get hert alot they will find their true love soon.

 

[Castlewood]

Well, it's weird because I am attractive. Her boyfriend is not.

I think maybe... she just WANTS to be treated like crap. It all goes back to the first post.

But there are plenty of guys out there (like me) who would treat her like GOLD... and genuinely mean it... instead of being nice simply to get something in return (like a piece of ass ).

This wouldn't be an issue if she had a GOOD guy. I wish her nothing but happiness because she deserves happiness. It would be cool if was ME that could be her guy.... but at the end of the day, I wish she would be treated right, by ANY good guy out there (not necessarily me).

But for the record.... I wish I were that guy.

 

[Babs Gordon]

Do you have any experience with internet messageboards?
Were you expecting a lot of sympathetic ears and heartfelt, tactful advice?
My god.

Also, It's not "nice guys" that finish last. Let's cut the bologna. It's "unattractive guys" that finish last.

I've been with scores of chicks and they all got with me because I'm smart, funny and NICE...and attractive.
I'm friends with guys who are either married, have been with the same girl for years or are "players".
They all attracted women by being nice..........and attractive.

Proof that this is all about how attractive you are is found in the very false paradigm of which we're speaking.

Some females will stay with an ass****....mainly because they are so very attracted to him.
It's not his ass***ishness that keeps them enthralled. It's how attracted they are DESPITE that ass***ishness.
But give them an attractive guy who's NICE, and that's their dream guy.

Let's be real.

Exactly

Truth can't be nice to hear, but it's...true.

 

[Babs Gordon]

Well, it's weird because I am attractive. Her boyfriend is not.

I think maybe... she just WANTS to be treated like crap. It all goes back to the first post.

But there are plenty of guys out there (like me) who would treat her like GOLD... and genuinely mean it... instead of being nice simply to get something in return (like a piece of ass ).

This wouldn't be an issue if she had a GOOD guy. I wish her nothing but happiness because she deserves happiness. It would be cool if was ME that could be her guy.... but at the end of the day, I wish she would be treated right, by ANY good guy out there (not necessarily me).

But for the record.... I wish I were that guy.

Are you boring?

Also, remember that attraction is a matter of opinion. My taste in men and my best friends' tastes are totally completely different.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

Exactly

Truth can't be nice to hear, but it's...true.

And by way of softening the blow/being nice...I want to make clear that I'm not even using "unattractive" to mean "ugly, creepy, fat, zit-ridden, foul-smelling, etc."
Attraction is subjective.
For instance, inexplicably, lots of people think Uma Thurman is hot.
I think she's a freak and if I were single and she asked me out (and wasn't a celebrity), I'd decline. Gr0ss!

But tons of people would jump at the chance and she's not really "ugly". I'm just not "attracted" to her.
It can very well be that the threadmaker is a generally attractive dude, but just nowhere near the girl's type physically speaking or as far as demeanor, etc.
*shrug*

 

[ck51100]

I need to vent a little, and this is the first place I thought of.

Here’s my situation.

I’m 20 years old, and I am in deeply love with a girl. She’s beautiful, like… AMAZINGLY gorgeous… and she’s also my best friend in the whole world. I’ve loved her since 6th grade… back before I even knew what love was. She doesn’t know how I feel about her.

The problem is, she has a boyfriend, and he is also my friend.

He treats her like absolute garbage.
He calls her “trash”.
He won’t return her calls.
He’s always too busy to be with her.
He never makes time for her.
He has cheated on her numerous times (and we know this).
He has been demanding her to have sex with him since the first month they were dating, and she’s been saying no ever since (which is why he cheats).

They’ve been together for 3 ½ years.

She won’t dump him. She’s afraid of being alone. She was abused as a child, so the abuse from her boyfriend makes her feel “normal”, because being treated like garbage is the only thing she’s ever known since childhood. If she were to be treated like gold... it would be a very different experience for her, and it would almost feel strange, since it’s against everything she was treated like when she was little.

The three of us go to separate colleges… but she is transferring to my college next year.

That makes me happy, but at the same time, it makes me nervous that I won’t be able to hide my feelings for her any more.

She calls me every day, and every night… and we talk for roughly 3 hours a day. She talks to her boyfriend for about 10 minutes everyday (or some days not at all, because he doesn’t “feel like it&#8221.

She and I have a strong connection. She means the world to me (although I’m not sure the feeling is mutual). I’ve spent the night at her house numerous times (without her boyfriend knowing), and I am always there for her when she is down (and just there, period).

Honestly, I love her.

I’d do anything for her. I wish she could know that I would treat her way better than this guy ever would. I would hold her, cherish her, kiss her, cuddle with her when she’s having a bad day… I would freakin’ love her until it made her sick. I would love her TOO MUCH... lol.

I wish she could know that she doesn’t have to be treated like garbage. I wish she could know that there is a guy right here who is head over heels for her.


She doesn’t know I feel this way. She doesn’t know that she would be treated like the queen she is if I was with her… and that I would put her high on her pedestal, and show off to the world that I’m the luckiest man in the universe for having such a gift from God.

But you see, the thing is… I can’t tell her these things.

She’s my best friend.

Two things could happen if I told her:

1.) She feels the same way, she dumps her boyfriend, and her and I live happily ever after.
2.) She DOESN’T feel the same way, and our friendship is strange forever, and possibly destroyed... because she now knows how I feel about her.

So, because I can’t tell her how I feel, she will remain to be treated like crap, and I will remain to have a heart that aches because I can’t be with her. Every time she calls me, and I see her name on my phone, my heart just ACHES at the fact that I have to listen to how this queen is being treated like garbage… and I can’t do a damn thing about it.

Nice guys finish last… and my life is a living hell because of it.


My question is… what would you do? Would you risk 8 years of friendship to tell her how you feel? Or would you keep it a secret forever and always be her best friend, without any consequences?

Help me.





EDIT: So I had to edit some stuff because some people aren't mature enough to read it seriously. They'd rather call me a creepy stalker, as opposed to just a normal guy who has feelings for a girl. For christ's sakes.

Yeah. I had the same thing too. I felt that way. I told her. She disagreed. It was weird for a while. I moved on. I haven't talked to her in years.
In retrospect telling her was such a dumb idea. I mean okay granted, it did make me realize that I wasn't going to be with her and it forced me to move on. But looking back I think I was just being naive and selfish for doing so. Maybe I have grown cynical (a cynical hype poster....imagine that) but those little fairy tale things don't happen very often. We sometimes look at people and think "If only she knew the real me" or "If only she knew how I really felt" or "if she would only consider the possibillity" that she'd fall for you, but honestly if she was as interested in you as you are in her things would happen naturally. Listen I know I have cracked a few jokes in the posts that I have left earlier in this thread, but honestly I have been there. I know it sucks. It hurts a lot. I was 20 years old when I went through this. I understand. I was there. You can't make someone fall in love with you. It has to happen naturally. I just think the whole tell her how I feel and let her make up her mind is just a bad idea. More than likely she isn't going to go "Oh wow I didn't realize Ted loved me. How stupid I have been for not seeing it." She is going to say "Gee thanks, I'm flattered but I don't feel the same way." If you get that response more than likely that friendship that you have will eventually erode away. I understand how you feel. When I was 20 I told Annie exactly how I felt. My logic was that "if she knows how I feel she can make and informed decision" and "even if it goes bad at least I can move on". Well I look back on that years later and I wish that I had kept my mouth shut. It was a whole lot of pain for something that really wasn't meant to be. In the years since that happened I have only seen her on four occassions. It completely changed everything. I truly believe that you can't make someone love you. That has to come naturally. I am sorry and I feel for you but I think you really need to move on. I know that some will cite examples of how their Uncle Bob met their Aunt Peggy or stuff like that, but I just don't think fairytales happen in real life. I think if she was truly interested in you something would have happened already. I just caution you...are you really willing to take the risk. I wish I hadn't.

 

[Castlewood]

Are you boring?

Also, remember that attraction is a matter of opinion. My taste in men and my best friends' tastes are totally completely different.

No, I'm not boring. I was known for being crazy and funny. I was the most popular guy in school actually.... I was the prom king... and I use to do stand-up. I've had MANY girlfriends... but she was always the one "that got away", that I actually *truly* cared about.

 

[Wilhelm-Scream]

you're not funny scream, at least not to an international audience...you're like an liberian 1940s version of family guy...watched in rewind

If you're addressing me, you are ***ing insane.
Not once, not at one single point in this thread did I say anything that was intended to be funny. In fact it's way more sincere than I usually am on the Hype. So why on Earth, especially after the myriad "lol"z I've harvested from you in the past, would you say this now?

 

[Castlewood]

Yeah. I had the same thing too. I felt that way. I told her. She disagreed. It was weird for a while. I moved on. I haven't talked to her in years.
In retrospect telling her was such a dumb idea. I mean okay granted, it did make me realize that I wasn't going to be with her and it forced me to move on. But looking back I think I was just being naive and selfish for doing so. Maybe I have grown cynical (a cynical hype poster....imagine that) but those little fairy tale things don't happen very often. We sometimes look at people and think "If only she knew the real me" or "If only she knew how I really felt" or "if she would only consider the possibillity" that she'd fall for you, but honestly if she was as interested in you and you are in her things would happen naturally. Listen I know I have cracked a few jokes in the posts that I have left earlier in this thread, but honestly I have been there. I know it sucks. It hurts a lot. I was 20 years old when I went through this. I understand. I was there. You can't make someone fall in love with you. It has to happen naturally. I just think the whole tell her how I feel and let her make up her mind is just a bad idea. More than likely she isn't going to go "Oh wow I didn't realize Ted loved me. How stupid I have been for not seeing it." She is going to say "Gee thanks, I'm flattered but I don't feel the same way." If you get that response more than likely that friendship that you have will eventually erode away. I understand how you feel. When I was 20 I told Annie exactly how I felt. My logic was that "if she knows how I feel she can make and informed decision" and "even if it goes bad at least I can move on". Well I look back on that years later and I wish that I had kept my mouth shut. It was a whole lot of pain for something that really wasn't meant to be. In the years since that happened I have only seen her on four occassions. It completely changed everything. I truly believe that you can't make someone love you. That has to come naturally. I am sorry and I feel for you but I think you really need to move on. I know that some will cite examples of how their Uncle Bob met their Aunt Peggy or stuff like that. I just caution you...are you really willing to take the risk. I wish I hadn't.

Wow dude... thanks for that. Seriously.