Nice guys finish last

[Figs]

I've had female friends confide in me that they're afraid to out-and-out tell a guy friend they're off-limits because they know that the guy will dump them as a friend in a hot second once he knows he won't get into their pants.

I know it's not the case everywhere but geez guys, way to be a good person.

I've never been the kind of guy to comfort women after they get screwed over by a guy who was clearly an ******* to begin with, I'm not a chump. I do have to say that being shy and introverted, I haven't had the best luck with women most of my life. There have been times where I got to know a girl and really liked her, and when she said she just wants to be friends I told her in a nice manner(not that it matters to the girl I guess)that I have enough friends and that's not what I'm looking for.

I don't see that as being a dick move at all. I can understand if this is a long time friend you grew up with and you finally had the balls to tell her how you feel after so many years, but when it comes to someone you haven't known that long, I don't think it's a bad thing. Just being friends with her after that won't be easy when you have stronger feelings for her. It would just be awkward from that point on.

I don't agree with amazingfantasy15 that the friend is the *******. It's too simple minded and wrong to say that the "friend" just wants to get in her pants, most times the nice guys actually want, you know...a relationship. So it's not necessarily bad that they want to get close to get the girl to see that they might be better for her everytime they get thrown to the curb by some other guy. At the same time, most of those guys are chumps because a numer of girls, not ALL mind you, aren't that bright(putting it as nice as I can)and get with guys they know will treat them like ****. C'mon it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who's a jerk and who's nice.

Overall, although the nice guys who become that shoulder to lean on mean well, they still need to wake up and stop doing that **** because it doesn't tend to work out.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If someone comes to me directly for help, or shows up at my house (happened a few times) looking for comforting words, I will be there for them. I think that's only fair. If I truly have nothing to offer them, I'll say so. Although I won't go looking for it either. If a girl is going through relationship issues, and starts crying, I will quietly exit stage left. I've gotten myself into messes in the past inserting myself into other girls' relationships that have nothing to do with me.

 

[Anubis]

I like to take the Quagmire approach and ask them if they would like me to slide my sack across their face.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I've never been the kind of guy to comfort women after they get screwed over by a guy who was clearly an ******* to begin with, I'm not a chump. I do have to say that being shy and introverted, I haven't had the best luck with women most of my life. There have been times where I got to know a girl and really liked her, and when she said she just wants to be friends I told her in a nice manner(not that it matters to the girl I guess)that I have enough friends and that's not what I'm looking for.

I don't see that as being a dick move at all. I can understand if this is a long time friend you grew up with and you finally had the balls to tell her how you feel after so many years, but when it comes to someone you haven't known that long, I don't think it's a bad thing. Just being friends with her after that won't be easy when you have stronger feelings for her. It would just be awkward from that point on.

I don't agree with amazingfantasy15 that the friend is the *******. It's too simple minded and wrong to say that the "friend" just wants to get in her pants, most times the nice guys actually want, you know...a relationship. So it's not necessarily bad that they want to get close to get the girl to see that they might be better for her everytime they get thrown to the curb by some other guy. At the same time, most of those guys are chumps because a numer of girls, not ALL mind you, aren't that bright(putting it as nice as I can)and get with guys they know will treat them like ****. C'mon it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who's a jerk and who's nice.

Overall, although the nice guys who become that shoulder to lean on mean well, they still need to wake up and stop doing that **** because it doesn't tend to work out.

It doesn't matter if it's just to get in the girl's pants or to have a relationship with the girl, "Dave" is still lying to his friend. He's mainly just staying a friend in the hope that "Lisa" will one day see him for the nice guy he is. Relationships are built on trust and when one person is basically lying the entire time where's the trust come from.

 

[Figs]

It doesn't matter if it's just to get in the girl's pants or to have a relationship with the girl, "Dave" is still lying to his friend. He's mainly just staying a friend in the hope that "Lisa" will one day see him for the nice guy he is. Relationships are built on trust and when one person is basically lying the entire time where's the trust come from.

That's an assumption though. If they've been friends for a long time and he happends to like her more than that, just because he is afraid or nervous to tell her doesn't mean he's only being her friend to get in her pants. He could still very well want to keep the friendship and not bring up his feelings due to the awkwardness it might bring about and potential ruining of the friendship. Just because he's a guy doesn't instantly mean he's a *****e bag.

Not to mention that's really what it can come down to. He's nervous or afraid to tell her he likes her more than a friend, but that is in no way lying to her. Lying to her would be if she asked him outright if he's only being her friend to get in her pants and he says no when that might not be true.

I'm sure there are some out there that are doing that with friends, but I refuse to believe that all nice guys are liars with longtime friends that they want to date or have sex with.

 

[SpideyVille]

If someone comes to me directly for help, or shows up at my house (happened a few times) looking for comforting words, I will be there for them. I think that's only fair. If I truly have nothing to offer them, I'll say so. Although I won't go looking for it either. If a girl is going through relationship issues, and starts crying, I will quietly exit stage left. I've gotten myself into messes in the past inserting myself into other girls' relationships that have nothing to do with me.

This reminds me of what happened with a girl I liked on two separate occasions. The first time around, I told her I liked her and she told me she just got out of a bad relationship that lasted 4 years. I met her ex and he was one of those typical suck-up types that tries to impress many people to make them think he's nice and generous. She got together with him for a while after that, but then she broke it off for good and while we weren't as close as before, she told me she didn't like him and that he spreads lies to everyone about her.

A year later, after we parted ways, we started to get close again and I started t like her again, but I decided to not let her know this time because I knew she didn't feel the same way, but I was hoping that things would change with time. But during the next 3-4 months, I started to find out more about her relationship life from her, and even though I knew about her ex, I didn't know that he was her ex because she left him for some other guy who she got engaged to a couple of months later. She had just broken it off with him right before we met. She left him because he got mixed into drugs and stuff and wouldn't quit for her. She always came to me saying how she hated him too now and that she knew she would be vulnerable if he came back for her. So I took it upon myself to "protect" her from these two guys who also knew and hated each other.

The sad thing is she told me one day that there were like 7-8 guys who were after her, trying to go out with her and she didn't want to with any of them, including this one guy who threw so much BS to her that she fell for so fast. I tried to help but she stopped talking to me after she found out I liked her and then started seeing this guy. She had a kid with him less than a year later and he left her before the baby was born. We haven't spoken since and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.

 

[SpideyVille]

I'm sure there are some out there that are doing that with friends, but I refuse to believe that all nice guys are liars with longtime friends that they want to date or have sex with.

yeah, like the story I posted in my post above, I actually liked another girl and went to this girl for advice, and after talking to her and finally getting closer to her the second time around than I did when we first met, I started to realize how much I really liked her, but I didn't want to jeopardize the friendship again, especially since I knew she didn't feel the same way. People said it was obvious that I liked her, but she never knew, nor did she ever ask me if I did. it wasn't until after she found that i finally came clean and told her how I felt, only to have her tell me that we shouldn't be spending as much time together anymore.

Sometimes, guys are just waiting for the right time and truly do enjoy the friendship enough not to mess it up.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

yeah, like the story I posted in my post above, I actually liked another girl and went to this girl for advice, and after talking to her and finally getting closer to her the second time around than I did when we first met, I started to realize how much I really liked her, but I didn't want to jeopardize the friendship again, especially since I knew she didn't feel the same way. People said it was obvious that I liked her, but she never knew, nor did she ever ask me if I did. it wasn't until after she found that i finally came clean and told her how I felt, only to have her tell me that we shouldn't be spending as much time together anymore.

Sometimes, guys are just waiting for the right time and truly do enjoy the friendship enough not to mess it up.

I don't buy any of this, sorry. There are a few girls I'm friends with, just a few really, like my friends' wife, and I'm not waiting for any right time. In fact if they ever came onto me in a sexual manner, or looking for me to be romantic I'd find the whole scene very awkward because I simply don't see them that way. If you're "just waiting" you've probably already f***ed up. Moreover, just because a girl claims she never knew doesn't mean anything. If other people knew, chances are she did too, but because you were unable or unwilling to voice this it was a non issue. I know this because I've certainly friend zoned a few girls I knew, but the minute things got complicated I did the same thing and cut them off for a while. People will not usually cut someone off if they are "nice" to them.

 

[RockSP]

I don't buy any of this, sorry. There are a few girls I'm friends with, just a few really, like my friends' wife, and I'm not waiting for any right time.

If it's your friend's wife, then there isn't ever a right time.

 

[Secret Fawful]

I made it six pages into this topic, saw a bunch of easily-offended morons witch hunting for misogynists, something I see too often around here, and I have come to the conclusion there are a lot of morons here. This thread is stupid, it is filled with a lot of stupid posts, and I think most of the people who previously posted in this topic should be ashamed of themselves for their behavior.

And I said this in a nice way. You don't want to know what I thought in my head. I haven't read a topic like this that made me so teeth-gnashingly angry in a long time.

 

[Paradoxium]

You mean white knighting. This isn't close to amusing. Ever get cheeky and playfully neg a girl, then some dude white knights for her.... only to have her bash the white knighter and stick by you. Now that is funny ****.

But look at it this way, let them white knight, hell encourage them.. makes it all the more easier t:

 

[MessiahDecoy123]

"white knighting"?

Is that like "captain save-a-ho"?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If it's your friend's wife, then there isn't ever a right time.

That's kind of the point of what I just said. If you're friends with someone there really isn't ever a right time. I'm not openning up the Friends with Benefits can of worms.

 

[SpideyVille]

So you can't ask out someone who you are friends with?

 

[SentinelMind]

I don't agree with amazingfantasy15 that the friend is the *******. It's too simple minded and wrong to say that the "friend" just wants to get in her pants, most times the nice guys actually want, you know...a relationship.

The 'nice guy' may not have any malicious intentions to the girl of his interest, but he's still trying to manipulate the girl in some way...and there is some level of deception involved in doing so. If you're friends with a girl and you're interested in her, but don't make any moves...you're signaling to her that your relationship to her is just platonic and she should have no reason to suspect otherwise. You're using your platonic relationship to exploit a potential romantic one. Imagine if a doctor, teacher, or pastor tried to use their professional or mentor relationship to exploit a romantic one. There's little difference.

The point is..you should ask her out..or if you feel its a waste of time anyway (you may decide its not worth pursuing someone even if you find them attractive)...then fill your time with something else and someone else. There's no point in hanging out with this person who you're not moving to next level with. That doesn't mean hating the woman, disrespecting her, holding a grudge, etc....just don't preoccupy yourself with her, and spend significantly less to almost no time with her.


I agree with Steve Harvey though who said he had no female friends and it made no sense to have any. Many guys won't hang out with a woman exclusively who they're not related to, not co-workers or have some other formal relationship with if they're not interested in them some way. Many guys try use friendship to get to next level. Don't bother with that deceptive foolishness. Make a move or be gone.

 

[SentinelMind]

While I agree with your second paragraph, I believe that your first is a very idealized way of looking at things... especially the bolded part.

You gotta keep the faith man. I believe it, they will win in the end. It depends upon whether the good guy has truly good goals to begin with. If a "good guy" is trying to become CEO and won't be content with anything less to point of corrupting co-workers...see the contradiction. If he wants a happy, peaceful, prosperous life, you can be a good guy and obtain that.

 

[SentinelMind]

So you can't ask out someone who you are friends with?

You can...but if you're already close platonic friends with someone...I think it is a bad idea to now introduce romance. You're changing the dynamic of the relationship. IF you met someone and had 3 lunches with the person at a social party...and you're interested in learning more about each other, that's another thing. But you pretty much know whether you're interested in someone after meeting them for a little while...or that's how its been for me. Being friends with someone for along while and then trying to convert it into romance doesn't bode well.

 

[E-Man]

You mean white knighting. This isn't close to amusing. Ever get cheeky and playfully neg a girl, then some dude white knights for her.... only to have her bash the white knighter and stick by you. Now that is funny ****.

But look at it this way, let them white knight, hell encourage them.. makes it all the more easier t:

Not that this applies to anyone in this thread, at least for this thread anyway. But hell it's a perfect time for it:

 

[Paradoxium]

wahahahhaahahahah

 

[Colossal Spoons]

Did someone say "oh heavenly blessed beauty"?

 

[SpideyVille]

I agree with Steve Harvey though who said he had no female friends and it made no sense to have any. Many guys won't hang out with a woman exclusively who they're not related to, not co-workers or have some other formal relationship with if they're not interested in them some way. Many guys try use friendship to get to next level. Don't bother with that deceptive foolishness. Make a move or be gone.

This reminds me of something that someone told me a long time ago, in that a guy and a girl cannot be friends without there being some kind of attraction from one of them. In some way, I agree with it, though I wouldn't say that every girl that I'm friends with or talk to is because I'm attracted to them.

You can...but if you're already close platonic friends with someone...I think it is a bad idea to now introduce romance. You're changing the dynamic of the relationship. IF you met someone and had 3 lunches with the person at a social party...and you're interested in learning more about each other, that's another thing. But you pretty much know whether you're interested in someone after meeting them for a little while...or that's how its been for me. Being friends with someone for along while and then trying to convert it into romance doesn't bode well.

See, I agree with this, but I feel like people, not just women, either use the word "friend" too loosely, or truly feel like someone is their friend, hence why they would put them in the friend zone right away. I mean, I've seen people get "friend zoned" early on in the "friendship". Either that, or it's just an excuse similar to "it's not you, it's me."

 

[terry78]

Like looking into a mirror, ain't it?

[YT]Hco2O_Vvt-c&[/YT]

 

[E-Man]

I miss watching Duckman and The Critic on Sunday nights.

 

[RockSP]

That's kind of the point of what I just said. If you're friends with someone there really isn't ever a right time. I'm not openning up the Friends with Benefits can of worms.

In the case of what you said it would never be a right time because it's your friend's wife. The female is married. To your friend. Hell, it would never be the right time if it was a stranger's wife. I doubt anyone in this thread has been encouraging adultery.

 

[Danalys]

This reminds me of something that someone told me a long time ago, in that a guy and a girl cannot be friends without there being some kind of attraction from one of them. In some way, I agree with it, though I wouldn't say that every girl that I'm friends with or talk to is because I'm attracted to them.

If you become close friends with someone and it's not from putting on airs, then you obviously have a compatibility close to that of a romance, hence why we have the idea of a bromance now. they are so close that if they were the sex the other was interested in they'd make a good couple. this closeness isn't necessarily immediate, and that complicates things.