*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[Hound55]

Wait hold up why do you want an American accent? Chicks dig dudes with foreign accents, man.

Anita speaks truth.

 

[Hound55]

In fact I'll expand on that:

Confidence in foreign sounding voice > Exotic nature of the voice itself.

Essentially, if you can be comfortable with yourself and how you talk and your voice sounds foreign... the fairer sex will frequently find that ridiculously sexy.

Exhibit A is a mate of mine over here who's Welsh...

Wales is about the least "exotic" place on the face of the Earth, but his Welsh twang has girls falling over themselves for him over here...

 

[Erzengel]

Plus people from Wales bed sheep.

 

[Hound55]

Everywhere has their group of people who bed sheep in jokes...

It's like how here and in the UK we tell Irish jokes but you guys in the US tell them as Polish jokes.

Wales is the UK's bunch of sheepshaggers, whilst in Australia New Zealand bears the brunt of those jokes.


...and rightly so.

 

[enterthemadness]

So then why do you have an accent?

Because God thought giving me a speech problem would be hilarious. Although I'm not as angry anymore as just plain old tired. I just don't feel confident when I talk.

 

[Anita18]

Because God thought giving me a speech problem would be hilarious. Although I'm not as angry anymore as just plain old tired. I just don't feel confident when I talk.

Oh please I've got a speech problem and badly stuttered my way through my first few dates and my bf didn't care a whit.

When my stutter was REALLY bad, I went to a program for stutterers to learn how to get a hold of the problem, and the first guy in our group who volunteered to be taped introducing himself, had a stutter that was even worse than mine. His very pretty fiancee was there, supporting him all the way. This guy frankly was no looker either, but he was earnest as all get out and a very nice, genuine guy. Confidence and a nice personality trump stuff like looks and speech every time.

 

[enterthemadness]

I don't stutter as much as the voice inside my head is American...but when I talk a English or European accent comes out. Now granted it is nice messing with people when I say I was born in Hawaii, but grew up in North Carolina, and yet I sound so European. I can only recall one friend who right off bat knew I had speech problem and not accent.

One time I told teacher I had speech problem...she then lies to class that my mom is from netherlands. The woman next a few seats away from me was like 'Yeah, I hear the accent mixed with Southern.'

It's all my fault...I never took speech class seriously in school from 5-17. In fact the only thing that happened was I dropped my stutter for most part and seemed to have ease into some European accent.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Appreciate the advice, but my statement was merely commenting on someone else's comment on the "friend zone". This particular girl that may have "friend zone'd" me, it's really not a big deal to me, nor is any other girl at the moment. Because I'm doing all those things that you stated in your post, I'm building myself as a person, and thus I am building my confidence.

I'm not saying I'm the ****, cuz I'm not where I need to be quite yet, I'm still definitely a work in progress, but my mindset is in the process of switching from "what can I do to impress that girl" to "what has this girl done to earn my attention?"

Okay, yeah, don't do that. You shouldn't think "what has so-and-so done to earn my attention", you should conduct yourself in a manner that warrants good attention (emphasis on "good"). Be assertive with people, and remember that it's okay to put yourself out there to a lot of people (i.e. keep your options open).

Thinking of yourself as the "Sh**" is more of the daily affirmation side of things. You probably aren't actually the sh**, but when in doubt it's a good confidence booster and a better attitude than thinking you are sh**. More focus should be put on not being afraid of people, specifically of speaking your mind.

Small problems (like not being able to find a girl) are usually indicative of large problems (like being an a**hole - not saying you are).

A couple of questions to ask yourself.

Am I combative?

A lot of people feel like they need to argue/complain about any and all things, or be right on a consistent basis. It's a sign of insecurity to argue with people and it doesn't bridge much common ground.

Am I boring/painful to be around?

This is another killer. In addition to not arguing or complaining too much, you should focus on being positive. People love happiness, it's infectious. Smiling is a huge part of this. It goes a long way, and honestly is just as effective as being funny...but being funny helps too.

Am I only intimidated by women?

When I was younger I was intimidated by both men and women. If you have trouble approaching girls, or talking to them, you probably have trouble with dudes too.

Am I sociable?

I'm gonna get skewered by this here. This year I stopped collecting comics and it was the best decision I ever made. I really sat down, refocused and tried to find some more mainstream interests. Then, once I did, comics just didn't matter to me anymore. Comics are a very poor way to meet people, so you should find things you like that promote socialability and focus on making them a priority. My thing was Football, roadtrips and exercise. Your things might be completely different.

Whatever girls do or don't want to go out with me really doesn't bother me at the moment, because I have way too many other things going on in my life right now that are where my focus is, and those things are going to happen with or without them.

This is all very good actually. The focus shouldn't be find a girl, it should be to stabilize yourself so you become more attractive to women. If you find a girl before you get your affairs in order she won't solve your problems, she'll probably make them worse.

 

[BlackLantern]

well said Optimus....

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Okay, yeah, don't do that. You shouldn't think "what has so-and-so done to earn my attention", you should conduct yourself in a manner that warrants good attention (emphasis on "good"). Be assertive with people, and remember that it's okay to put yourself out there to a lot of people (i.e. keep your options open).

What I mean by that is, I know who I am and what I have to offer. And on my end, it's going to take more to impress me than just being cute and flirty. Lots of girls are cute and flirty, and that doesn't mean anything. I don't recall if it was this forum, or another, but I recall seeing someone make a real nice post about "not settling". That you shouldn't accept someone of the opposite sex "just because" if they don't live up to your standards. And it's not about having standards that are too high, and shooting "out of your league", it's just about knowing who you are and what you want, and aiming for it.

Thinking of yourself as the "Sh**" is more of the daily affirmation side of things. You probably aren't actually the sh**, but when in doubt it's a good confidence booster and a better attitude than thinking you are sh**. More focus should be put on not being afraid of people, specifically of speaking your mind.

Things the past few months to a year have finally gone in a way where I am able to start thinking very positively about myself, instead of thinking that I'm just ****. I'm finally beginning to establish my path in life, who I am going to be, what I am going to accomplish, and my sense of self worth has never been as high as it is right now, and it's going up day after day. So now it's not a matter of "telling" myself, it's a matter of simply knowing that I'm worth a ****, and anyone who doesn't think so quite frankly doesn't matter. I don't need the acceptance of girls (or anyone else, for that matter) to validate me. I validate myself. Again part of the whole "what has she done to earn my attention" - I.E. if I don't capture HER attention, then my world will keep spinning.

Small problems (like not being able to find a girl) are usually indicative of large problems (like being an a**hole - not saying you are).

A couple of questions to ask yourself.

Am I combative?

A lot of people feel like they need to argue/complain about any and all things, or be right on a consistent basis. It's a sign of insecurity to argue with people and it doesn't bridge much common ground.

I am "combative" and "argumentative" in the fact that I know what I believe in my heart to be right, I know what I believe in, and I am willing to stand up for those beliefs and defend them.

Am I boring/painful to be around?

This is another killer. In addition to not arguing or complaining too much, you should focus on being positive. People love happiness, it's infectious. Smiling is a huge part of this. It goes a long way, and honestly is just as effective as being funny...but being funny helps too.

I don't think I'm "boring", but I can't tell you what other people think of me. I have plenty of people who want to be around me, and I'm sure there are those who can't stand me.

Am I only intimidated by women?

When I was younger I was intimidated by both men and women. If you have trouble approaching girls, or talking to them, you probably have trouble with dudes too.

I am less and less intimidated by anyone everyday.

Am I sociable?

I'm gonna get skewered by this here. This year I stopped collecting comics and it was the best decision I ever made. I really sat down, refocused and tried to find some more mainstream interests. Then, once I did, comics just didn't matter to me anymore. Comics are a very poor way to meet people, so you should find things you like that promote socialability and focus on making them a priority. My thing was Football, roadtrips and exercise. Your things might be completely different.

I am active if that's what you mean. I'm involved in school, being part of the theatre department since last semester. I've met a lot of people through it, gone to a lot of different parties and gatherings through the department. I'm out any Sunday that I don't have off to get together with as many friends as I can to watch football. This past Sunday I took a road trip with a buddy down to Atlanta to go to the Falcons v. 49ers game.

This is all very good actually. The focus shouldn't be find a girl, it should be to stabilize yourself so you become more attractive to women. If you find a girl before you get your affairs in order she won't solve your problems, she'll probably make them worse.

Fact is, like I said in my last post, I've still not arrived to where I need to be mentally and emotionally, I am finally on the right path, and I am a much better person today than I was a year ago, or hell even 6-7 months ago. I am happier with myself as a person today than I ever have been, and yea I still have a bit of "I wanna find a girlfriend" mode going, the importance of accomplishing that is a lower priority in my mind than it ever has been. Simply because, for the first time in my life, I am doing stuff to validate myself in my own mind that finally, I don't feel the need to be validated by others.

 

[Hound55]

I must say the tone of Nell's posts has improved a lot in recent times...

 

[terry78]

This last page has gotten more abstract than the Bruck-Ryser theorem.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I must say the tone of Nell's posts has improved a lot in recent times...

I think so too now that you mention it.

 

[Colossal Spoons]

I'm gonna get skewered by this here. This year I stopped collecting comics and it was the best decision I ever made. I really sat down, refocused and tried to find some more mainstream interests. Then, once I did, comics just didn't matter to me anymore. Comics are a very poor way to meet people, so you should find things you like that promote socialability and focus on making them a priority. My thing was Football, roadtrips and exercise. Your things might be completely different.

Come back to us!

 

[Hound55]

One of us... One of us... One of us...

 

[AndThePickles]

Hey, he says he's happier now

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Come back to us!

One of us... One of us... One of us...

Well, to be fair to nerds I still own all of my comics, and don't have any immediate intention of selling them. There were also a few other motivating factors like "why the f*** do y'all insist on killing characters every two issues" and "you want me to pay how much for a single issue?!?".

 

[Erzengel]

I don't see the correlation of giving up comics = getting the women nor do I see where comics = meeting people.

I don't care to bond with someone at the comic book store, just give me my copy of Batman and let me leave.

 

[BlackLantern]

I don't see the correlation of giving up comics = getting the women nor do I see where comics = meeting people.

his meaning was that if you want to be more social and meet people, comics are probably not the most ideal way to do that

I don't care to bond with someone at the comic book store, just give me my copy of Batman and let me leave.

same here

 

[Erzengel]

I understand where he's coming from but I don't see how buying comics would hinder one's social calender.

Comics come out once a week on Wednesday. If you are blowing $100 a week on comics and spending hours and hours on reading them, that's one thing. I read about a half a dozen different comics a month? How much time was he spending on comics?

I actually think I spend more time playing video games then I do reading comics.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

his meaning was that if you want to be more social and meet people, comics are probably not the most ideal way to do that

Bingo. Also, Erzengel has the order backwards. With me, as I became more social I had less inclined to go buy comics. There were a number of reasons for this. Part of it was time. The more time I spend doing other things the less time I could devote to reading comics, meaning buying them was a waste of money. Which brought me to the second reason. The more money I spent elsewhere, the less I had to spend on comics. It's really a social-economic kind of decision. It's not some "comics are for nerds, nerds are unpopular, therefore I mustn't read them".

I suppose if I was a millionaire, and had way more disposeable time, comics would/could still be a hobby of mine.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Comics come out once a week on Wednesday. If you are blowing $100 a week on comics and spending hours and hours on reading them, that's one thing. I read about a half a dozen different comics a month? How much time was he spending on comics?

Sadly, it's not hard to blow a ton of money on comics now. I've been frusterated with the price-gouging for a while now.

 

[The Squirrel]

Sadly, it's not hard to blow a ton of money on comics now. I've been frusterated with the price-gouging for a while now.

Trade paper backs off of e-bay.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Trade paper backs off of e-bay.

You're damn right. I suspect if I get the itch to buy any comics now, that'll be my route. I've done it before, bought some Star Wars trades for next to nothing.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I don't see the correlation of giving up comics = getting the women nor do I see where comics = meeting people.

I don't care to bond with someone at the comic book store, just give me my copy of Batman and let me leave.

I agree with this.

Plus, you -can- bond and form connections via comic books. It's just a particular group of people you are bonding with.

I met a group of pretty cool people at the local comic book shop through Warhammer. Yea, they are uber nerds or whatever, but they were cool people, and we'd go out and grab lunch after a game or whatever.

I haven't gone there in awhile simply because my schedule doesn't leave much time for things like Warhammer, but you can be social through comics.