*Official* Relationship Advice Thread Strikes Back

[terry78]

Ahhh, this place.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Ahhh, this place.

Isn't it great?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Ok...well I won't be asking women out for long time. I shouldn't anyway. Need to fix my life and stuff.

Weren't you posting about this a month or two ago? How are things going with that, what progress have you made?

 

[Anubis]

Maybe you should ask out dudes dressed like women. Works for me.

 

[Hound55]

Well, I could see how that could cut down on some of the stress if you have trouble talking to women...

 

[Lord Valumart]

So there's this lass at work. We get on well and have a bit of a laugh and what not. Yesterday I come in and usually she's all "hi!" and I'm like "hey..." cause it's early in the morning at no one sould be that chirpy in the morning. But anyhow, she wasn't like that yesterday, she was rather sad looking.

So the day goes on and about lunch time I ask her if she's ok cause she hasn't perked up any. If anything she's gotten more sad. Turns out her boyfriend dumped her the previous night. I tell her I'm sorry and all that and leave for lunch cause, well I needed to pee and I had food to get.

Later on I go down for my break and she arrives in the room just after me. I ask how she is, she says she's ok, I drop it cause I know that asking all kinds of crap about this is only going to end badly. She turns round to me and asks for my opinion on the whole thing. She then tells me the story. Last weekend they went christmas shopping together and everything was fine as far as she knew. Then when they got back he's barely been talking to her at all the entire week until Friday, where they met up in town at lunch and hung out. She tought everything was fine but that night he dumped her and she was all crying and stuff after he left.

Now I told her to just stop trying to text him and that he's not worth it. My reasoning was that he's done this now, chances are if they got back together he'd do something similar again cause he'll think he can get away with it. So if thats going to be the case why bother trying to get someone back who'll just hurt you again?

Just wondering if I told her the right thing or if I made a bit of a faux par...?

 

[Eggyman]

It's hard to say, Scotty.

We don't know the reason he finished it. It's fair advice though, and she's her own person so she doesn't have to take it if she believes the circumstances excuse this guy's behaviour to some extent.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So, as I had mentioned there was this girl who has been hanging out at my place and chilling with me a good bit. We've known each other for a while. Last night she came over unannounced, crying, because her boyfriend (whom I've never met, nor do I know anything about because she never mentions him) got a little physical with her. I let her stay the night...needless to say it's all a little weird right now. There is some tension between us. I'm kind of taking a hands off approach right now. Lord, this is going to turn ugly.

 

[mrvlknight21]

So, as I had mentioned there was this girl who has been hanging out at my place and chilling with me a good bit. We've known each other for a while. Last night she came over unannounced, crying, because her boyfriend (whom I've never met, nor do I know anything about because she never mentions him) got a little physical with her. I let her stay the night...needless to say it's all a little weird right now. There is some tension between us. I'm kind of taking a hands off approach right now. Lord, this is going to turn ugly.

Hmm. She has been hanging with you and not mentioning much about him? And you were the person she ran to when this happened?
Sounds like she was in the market for an upgrade or a way out anyways. If he did get physical, then she definitely needs to leave him, regardless of you.

Let us know what happens.

 

[Erzengel]

If you're in your early 20s OP, part of me is like, enjoy the ride and just watch your back in terms of the ex bf.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

If you're in your early 20s OP, part of me is like, enjoy the ride and just watch your back in terms of the ex bf.

Yeah, I'm loading the gun tonight just in case I get anymore unannounced guests. I didn't try anything last night though - not a good time.

Hmm. She has been hanging with you and not mentioning much about him? And you were the person she ran to when this happened?
Sounds like she was in the market for an upgrade or a way out anyways. If he did get physical, then she definitely needs to leave him, regardless of you.

Let us know what happens.

Will do lol.

 

[LOBO3315a]

So after you say no, he comes back to me, moaning about the lack of talent, then he gets drunk, then he goes home and watches some porn and possibly cries when he ejaculates.

Quit describing my Saturday nights.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Ugh. Just.....ugh. I have not one, not two, but three "suitors" flirting with me right now and have been for weeks. I admit I've been flirting back a little, but ****'s getting real and feelings are being caught. This wouldn't be that frustrating if all 3 of them lived here.

One lives in North Dakota and swears up and down he will move here ASAP. Promises not to hurt me like my previous 2 boyfriends have (he knows how bad they messed me up. And no I didn't make him promise. He did it on his own. But I'm leery because I've heard it before from Ex#2). Double Trouble: he's one of my closest friends' exs. She says she's fine with it if he and I started a relationship, but I'm hesitant. But I really care about him a lot. I don't know if it's "L'Amour", but. And he used The Word recently. I wasn't sure how to respond. He didn't say "ILY" but he did use it.

One lives in Utah. We were friends in Elementary School. 4th grade, specifically. We were "boyfriend/girlfriend", too. We didn't kiss or anything. We just held hands and spent every second at school together with our other friends. Then he moved away at the end of that school year. Recently I found him on Facebook. After exchanging numbers, he and I have been texting daily with mild flirting here and there. I don't know what his feelings are, but to be honest I've had some feelings since 4th grade. Yes, I liked boys at 9. Sue me. He's coming to town this weekend for 2 days.

Third one lives in Canada. We've known one another since I was 15. So about 4-5 years. We met through Star Wars Galaxies and played together almost daily. After a year or two I started getting a crush. I told him my feelings and he got nervous. No girl had told him she liked him before. So I shut my trap and kept my feelings to myself. We stayed friends and still talk daily. The thing is, 1-2 years after I confess my feelings, he gets some for me. After I had accepted he didn't like me like that and moved on. So it was a mess. Anyway, we send the occasional flirty IM and he says he's gonna visit this summer or next (heard that before from other internet friends, so my hopes aren't high).

So what do I do? And why do all these guys that don't live anywhere near me start liking me? Why don't guys that live in close proximity like me? Am I hideously disgusting or something? (don't answer that, Bamf...)

 

[Erzengel]

Long Distance Relationships - Rarely Work

Someone inevitably has to move and you have to ask yourself, are you or someone else willing to abandon their lives for someone.

Not only that, you have to deal with the fact that most young people aren't well established in the work place. Guy A isn't going to move to where you are and instantly be making $60k a year.

It would be a lot different if you went to school with someone, etc. But honestly, you have to think about the reality of the situation. You're 20 and about to start or started vet school? Are these guys that financially secure that they will just move?

I know how easy it is to start developing feelings for someone who shows you some attention, but I think you are setting yourself up for heartache if none of these guys are in a position to pick up their lives and move closer to you.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I know. Which is why I'm so frustrated. I don't want an LDR. But all I keep getting is LDR material. I may as well be either invisible or have tentacles and a face covered with zits with how much attention I get from the opposite sex at school or anywhere else in this city. It's driving me crazy. I'm 20 and have never even been kissed or gone on a date. And yet 5-6 of my friends have gotten married and are having/have had babies! Friends younger than me, even! I don't want babies or a husband right now, but it's making me feel like there must be something wrong with me.

 

[Erzengel]

Not that this is going to make you feel better, but I didn't have my first serious relationship until I was in college. And it was tough trying to keep up with the Joneses, when my friends were banging people 2 at a time.

It happens when it happens.

I knew someone who for years would tell me the same thing you are saying and she found someone in her early twenties.

My point is not to force it and just be patient and stop using people around you as a barometer of what you should be doing.

 

[lixdexia]

I know. Which is why I'm so frustrated. I don't want an LDR. But all I keep getting is LDR material. I may as well be either invisible or have tentacles and a face covered with zits with how much attention I get from the opposite sex at school or anywhere else in this city. It's driving me crazy. I'm 20 and have never even been kissed or gone on a date. And yet 5-6 of my friends have gotten married and are having/have had babies! Friends younger than me, even! I don't want babies or a husband right now, but it's making me feel like there must be something wrong with me.

where are you at? maybe you're just looking in the wrong places for guys

 

[Angel_Faerie]

where are you at? maybe you're just looking in the wrong places for guys

Idaho Falls, Idaho

 

[lixdexia]

well there's your problem right there...

but seriously, don't stress it, but if you're looking for a guy just go out and do the things you enjoy in public and stuff. join a book club or anything social. you'll run into someone eventually

 

[Hound55]

well there's your problem right there...

but seriously, don't stress it, but if you're looking for a guy just go out and do the things you enjoy in public and stuff. join a book club or anything social. you'll run into someone eventually

Or start offering free hugs...

 

[Angel_Faerie]

With my luck people would pay me not to hug them.

 

[lixdexia]

Or start offering free hugs...

i'm not gonna lie, that is a terrible way to get a date.

 

[Hound55]

:Some preachy nonsense from an Australian jackass sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong:

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Everyone's dumped on me since I was about 5. My first memory of school is being pushed down by a boy on the first day of Kindergarten. I've just always wanted people to like me. I like making people happy. I've always put others before myself.

So I started using self-deprecating humor as a defense. "Maybe if I make fun of myself too it'd stop." It's become a habit by now.

 

[NotAHenchwench]

Everyone's dumped on me since I was about 5. My first memory of school is being pushed down by a boy on the first day of Kindergarten. I've just always wanted people to like me. I like making people happy. I've always put others before myself.

So I started using self-deprecating humor as a defense. "Maybe if I make fun of myself too it'd stop." It's become a habit by now.

I think it's time you put yourself before everyone else for a while.