Out of all the Chuck Norris facts in the universe...

[Ring Deacon]

James Cameron wanted Ring Deacon to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Ring Deacon can slam a revolving door.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Ring Deacon. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Ring Deacon.

Ring Deacon has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Ring Deacon invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

[Ring Deacon]

Ring Deacon was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Ring Deacon's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious injuries.

Ring Deacon once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Ring Deacon sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled hockey ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Ring Deacon power-checked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Ring Deacon orders Big Mac's at Burger King and gets one.

 

[SpideyVille]

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for SpideyVille.

SpideyVille doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

[darkseid26]

When Darkseid26 sleeps with men it's not cause he's gay it's because he's ran out of woman.

 

[Jalphak]

Jalphak isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like Jalphak.

 

[Honey Vibe]

The closed thread asked for new Chuck Norris jokes, while rating the joke above. This is a thread that got derailed into members making CN jokes about themselves.

The other thread should not have been closed.

 

[The Spawn]

Agreed.

 

[DDS]

When Mr. Todd pees, he clogs the toliet.

 

[darkseid26]

Darkseid26 doesn't speak english or spanish, the only language he speaks is awesome!

 

[JayCaz]

JayCaz once punched a man so hard, his legs turned into trombones.

 

[Asteroid-Man]

The only known substance to have the capability of curing cancer, aids, HIV, arthritis, Parkinson's and Lou Guerett's disease is Asteroid-Man's tears... to bad he never cries.

 

[The Chairman]

The Chairman drives Optimus Prime to work.
There was no tsunami. The Chairman decided to go swimming in the Pacific Ocean.
The Chairman once played Jenga. The result was The Empire State Building.
The Chairman can touch MC Hammer.