The Official Chuck Norris Thread

[BAH HUMBBUG!]

It has recently been confrimed by scientists that the Big Bang was in fact a result of Chuck Norris farting.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

http://www.youtube.com/w/Young-Chuck-Norris---SNL?v=NBSpNPzVsMM&search=young%20chuck%20norris

the young chuck norris sketch from last nights snl

quiet funny actually

 

[Spidey-Bat]

http://www.youtube.com/w/Young-Chuck-Norris---SNL?v=NBSpNPzVsMM&search=young chuck norris

the young chuck norris sketch from last nights snl

Chuck Norris without his mighty beard? Blasphemy!!!

 

[BAH HUMBBUG!]

Chuck Norris was the first person to ever dunk a basketball, he used his penis.

 

[wiegeabo]

Chuck Norris invented the round-house kick because the square-house kick took far too long to execute.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

The most valuable comic ever appraised is Chuck Norris: Karate Commandos #1....It is often speculated as to why such a purely awesome comic only lasted 4 issues. The truth is in fact that the writers, overcame by Chuck Norris awesomeness heads exploded before they could write anymore issues

 

[KingOfDreams]

^
If you go to www.collegehumor.com and search for Chuck Norris you should find a great promo for the Karate Kommandos cartoon.

 

[screech_turbo]

OH HELL YEAH!!!

http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris/chuckcor1c.jpg
http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris/chuckcorbc.jpg
http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris/karatecorvettel1c.jpg
http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris/karatecorvettel2c.jpg
http://www.virtualtoychest.com/chucknorris/karatecorvettel3c.jpg

 

[wiegeabo]

The most valuable comic ever appraised is Chuck Norris: Karate Commandos #1....It is often speculated as to why such a purely awesome comic only lasted 4 issues. The truth is in fact that the writers, overcame by Chuck Norris awesomeness heads exploded before they could write anymore issues

Imagine if it had had his beard in the issues. The heads of everyone who read it would have exploded as well.

 

[Superman79]

^^Hence the reason they spared us the beard...as per Chuck's orders

Who says Chuck Norris doesn't care about us mortals??

 

[wiegeabo]

^^Hence the reason they spared us the beard...as per Chuck's orders

Who says Chuck Norris doesn't care about us mortals??

It's all so clear now.

He's wisdom truly is infinite.

 

[BAH HUMBBUG!]

The most valuable comic ever appraised is Chuck Norris: Karate Commandos #1....It is often speculated as to why such a purely awesome comic only lasted 4 issues. The truth is in fact that the writers, overcame by Chuck Norris awesomeness heads exploded before they could write anymore issues

Hey I actually used to own that issue , I don't know what happend to it though

 

[Immortalfire]

Let's campaign Chuck Norris for president! Just the mere thought of being roundhouse kicked in the head would make all terrorists cower in their caves and never come out.

 

[Game Player]

Chuck Norris has filed a lawsuit against NBC, for taking the names of his left and right leg, Law and Order

sorry if this is old

 

[DOG LIPS]

I want to find some of those old Chuck Norris toon episodes. The full episodes, not those awesome intro clips all over the place.

 

[Iceman]

What about Bruce?

 

[Amalgamax]

Superman lives on Earth because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the planet Krypton.

Someone once asked Chuck Norris how high he could kick. A few seconds later NASA received the famous radio transmission "Houston, we have a problem".

Orville and Wilbur Wright's invention was actually a failure. But Chuck Norris happened to be walking along the beach and said "Get out of my way" - and the airplane took off.

 

[BRUTAL]

huck Norris went back in time and roundhouse kicked every Dinosaur in existence... it took him three and a half seconds.

 

[Iceman]

Chuck Norris round house kicked Bruce

Bruce knocked him the ---- out

 

[lochneffmonster]

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

A movie scene depicting Chuck Norris losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.



Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's ****ing head off.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ that funny ****!!!

 

[Immortalfire]

We need a pic similar to the others... "Everytime you spam, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a kitten. Please; think of the kittens."

 

[Dark Carnage]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIIh7_akf30

 

[Iceman]

Who taught Chuck the roundhouse kick?

 

[DOG LIPS]

Who taught Chuck the roundhouse kick?

Noone, he was born with the knowledge, like animal instincts.

 

[Iceman]

Of all the times that Chuck has practised his roundhouse kick, has he ever failed to devastate a solar system in the process?