Shameful
Egged on by their slimy uncle Nizam (Ben Kingsley), they lead a raid on the city of Alamut to find hidden weapons of mass destruction - yes, I'm afraid the writers DID go there - and get involved in a plot to steal a magic dagger that can rewind time.
Jake realises it could be used for evil - probably by his uncle, who's a cackling, bald maniac. So he and Princess Tamina (Gemma Arterton) smuggle it out of the city.
This opening sets the scene nicely for what is to follow - ie just shy of two hours of corny old nonsense - with its fake-looking sets, slack action and head-hangingly shameful dialogue.
Wait until you hear how they get Prince Dustbin to subtly explain how the dagger works in a totally natural and non-staged conversation with Tamina. "Releasing the sand turns back time! So I can change the past to my own advantage! And only the holder of the dagger is aware of what's happened!"
Nice work, Dustbin.
Dustbin's free-running acrobatic antics have been given the hard sell in the trailers - yet they're a fat disappointment.
There's only one sequence where he shows off his skills, and it's so clumsily shot and edited that you never believe for a second it's Jake on screen.
Most of the time, the camera's on his feet or the back of his head. But there's one point, after Dustbin slides down a roof, that you get to see his face. Only problem is, it's the face of a hairy stuntman.
Where the hell did the special effects money go? It's possible they blew it all on Fake Bake - cos snakes alive, I've not seen mugs this orange outside of the TV Quick Awards. And surprisingly, it's Sir Ben who's the main offender. The man looks like a satsuma with a comedy nose stuck on the front.
Alfred Molina, another decent actor, turns up as Sheik Amar, a cheap comedy character.
He would have filled the funny sidekick role, if he'd been given anything funny to say. Instead, he just cracks the same "joke" about dodging taxes all the time.
In fact, the only impressive thing about Prince Of Persia is how director Mike Newell has managed to squander so much talent. Jake could easily be replaced by any hunky F-list dimwit, and the strong supporting cast are smothered by the appalling script.
The only person who can come out of this with their head held high is Gemma Arterton.
Since arriving on the scene with St Trinian's in 2007, she's been in a range of films - not all of them great - but she's always acquitted herself nicely. She gives Tamina backbone, personality and a whole host of other good things nowhere to be found in the rest of the movie.
Will P.O.P be Disney's new swashbuckling franchise? Fat chance. On the strength of this, even a sequel looks unlikely.
Still. The whole time-bending dagger concept makes you think. I mean, have you ever wished you could turn time back just a couple of hours?
One thing's for sure. You will after watching this.
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