The Best Quarterback in the League Weighs in on Brees, Rice Deals
By Jake Griffin, Baltimore Bugle
Following several massive deals awarded to marquis NFL players, disgruntled Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco has sounded off about his own unresolved contract situation. Flacco, who legally changed his name last month to The Best Quarterback in the League, still has one year left on his rookie deal. The Ravens apparently feel there is no rush to extend the quarterback, and instead decided to work out a new deal with star runningback Ray Rice prior to Monday's franchise tag deadline.
The Best Quarterback told the Baltimore Bugle that he is "livid" about the Ravens not bothering to work out a new deal for him that, at the very least, is up to par with that of Drew Brees' five-year, $100 million contract. He also threw out some interesting speculation about the New Orleans star QB. "Can you believe that?" Mr. Quarterback exclaimed. "Yeah, he's a great QB, but let's be realistic here. He lost a playoff game to a losing team. He lost another one to Alex 'The Weakest Link' Smith. And he put bounties out on players; everyone knows that. Gregg Williams was just a f***ing scapegoat. Everyone knows Brees runs that team like he's John Gotti. I even heard he killed a couple of guys when he was in San Diego, but the league just sweeps that kind of stuff under the rug if you’re one of their golden boys."
Still, a Super Bowl win and breaking Dan Marino's passing record has to count for something right? "I don't give two sh**ts about style points," The Best Quarterback said. "The only reason he won that Super Bowl is because Peyton Manning chokes in big games that don't involve Rex Grossman. And Marino's record? Pfft. Let's see Brees win a playoff game when he completes four passes for 34 yards. That sh** ain't easy, and I would know! And then let's see how Brees handles it when... a couple seasons later... he outplays the overrated Tom Brady for an entire game, only to have his piece of sh** receiver drop a surefire touchdown pass, and then watch his inbred a**hole kicker miss a 10-yard chip shot! If Brees was surrounded by these kinds of incompetent morons, I guarantee you; he wouldn't have a Super Bowl ring!"
The Best Quarterback was equally hard on teammate Ray Rice. "Yeah, people love to say Ray is the real star of our team," he said. "But who do you think is handing the ball to him on every other play, huh? Who do you think is the one making all of those three-yard checkdown passes to him? THIS guy. And you know what else? I led our team to the AFC Championship Game when I was a rookie! Ray was on our team back then, but he was warming the f***ing bench. I had to make do with scrubs like Willis McGahee and L'Ronald McDonald. I was so good in that game that the Steeler defense had to focus ENTIRELY on me! They had to intercept me three times and stuff me on the goal line on a fourth down just to beat us! If they had been focusing on other players like they were supposed to, I'd SO be wearing a ring right now. F***ing Pittsburgh."
But despite his misgivings, the most that The Best Quarterback in the League can do right now is play his best in the 2012-2013 season and hope for an extension. But he is confident that good things are just around the corner. "I'm going to win the Lombardi this year for Baltimore," said Mr. Quarterback. "It WILL happen. Then, they'll have to sign me to a huge deal. Seriously, what a team wouldn’t renew their quarterback's contract after he wins a Super Bowl?”
I forgot half of the league's QB. 
