Rules of Thumb

[knowsbleed]

Post here some rules of thumb that you may (or may not have) found useful in the past. Remember... these rules are not necessarily truth... but merely principles that apply to whatever subject you are speaking about.

In posting rules... here are some rules:

• They have to be funny or...
• Useful or...
• Funny and useful or...
• downright strange but they make sense at the same time...

That being said... here's some:

-A person who wears a fanny pack loves science fiction, and vice versa.
-A person who wears a belt with shorts is probably religious.
-If a person says he enjoys the opera, that person is a liar.
-If the outside of the CD has the word "Zappa" on it, you're going to be disappointed by the music inside.
-If the video box shows a beautiful woman pointing a gun, the movie is crap.
-If the flyer shows the band standing on the railroad tracks, the band is crap.
-If a guy has cords on his sunglasses, he's a jerk. If the sunglasses are mirrored, he's probably dangerous.
-All golfers like women.
-If she smokes, she ****s.

Please contribute

 

[knowsbleed]

Nobody has any rules of thumb eh? Nothing that you live by or rules that you follow day to day?

Here's some movie rules of thumb:

-Never waste your money on any movie that has a simian for a co-star.
-Never waste your money on any movie that is called "zany" or a "laff riot."
-If a TV movie starts out badly and has not improved by the first commercial, it won't.
-No good action movie has ever included a hot air balloon.
-The more you liked the novel, the less you will like the movie that is made from it.

 

[Halloween]

Never watch a movie with Whoopi Goldberg in it.

 

[knowsbleed]

Never watch a movie with Whoopi Goldberg in it.

-When watching a Whoopi Goldberg movie, do not imagine her naked.
-When watching a Whoopi Goldberg movie, do not imagine her naked with Ted Danson doing it
-When watching a Whoopi Goldberg movie, do not imagine her naked with Ted Danson doing it while the ghost of Patrick Swayze sings Henry the 8th, I am.

 

[Halloween]

Never reply to a thread created by knowsbleed. ha!



j/k

 

[knowsbleed]

Never reply to a thread created by knowsbleed. ha!



j/k

-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO try and be funny.
-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO NOT walk on the carpet with your shoes on.
-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO bring porn.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

Never reply to a thread created by knowsbleed. ha!



j/k

Subtract the "ha!" and the "j/k" and that'd be a post I wish I'd have made.

 

[Halloween]

Subtract the "ha!" and the "j/k" and that'd be a post I wish I'd have made.

eh, its the internet. most people dont know who is joking so I always, well, usually make sure its known I am joking.

 

[knowsbleed]

Subtract the "ha!" and the "j/k" and that'd be a post I wish I'd have made.

-Hype mods think they are funny, but as a rule, they aren't.
-As a rule, mods are not worthy of posting in my thread




Edit!

 

[Halloween]

-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO try and be funny.


I did.
-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO NOT walk on the carpet with your shoes on.


Can I glide?
-When replying to a thread created by knowsbleed, DO bring porn.


I invented porn.

 

[knowsbleed]

eh, its the internet. most people dont know who is joking so I always, well, usually make sure its known I am joking.

-On the internet, as in most times in real life, jokes aren't really jokes but truths masked in humor.






j/k

 

[Halloween]

-On the internet, as in most times in real life, jokes aren't really jokes but truths masked in humor.






j/k

Thanks Socrates.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

-Hype mods are funny, but as a rule they have to be.

So true.

 

[SuperMonkey]

Don't Insult Dew.

-- FunBob

 

[knowsbleed]

Thanks Socrates.

-Be excellent to each other.

 

[SuperMonkey]

- He who smelt it dealt it.
- Don't Offend a Wookie

 

[SuperFerret]

-When working in retail, the customer is almost always wrong, but you need to correct them while allowing them to think that they are right all along.

 

[Halloween]

-Be excellent to each other.

Party on, dude.

 

[knowsbleed]

Don't Insult Dew.

-- FunBob

-After coming back from a banning, kiss as much ass as possible to prevent further bannings.

 

[Halloween]

- He who smelt it dealt it.
- Don't Offend a Wookie

Never upset a Wookie.

 

[Halloween]

-After coming back from a banning, kiss as much ass as possible to prevent further bannings.

Wipe the brown off your nose.

 

[knowsbleed]

-If having a baby girl, the perfect baby present to get yourself is a brand new shiny shotgun.

 

[SuperMonkey]

- Never insult a mother-to-be. Especially one with a temper.

 

[Why Are You Crouching Spock?]

Never watch a movie with Whoopi Goldberg in it.

True That

Spoiler

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NO IT'S NOT SISTER ACT 1 AND 2 ROCK!!!!!!

 

[Halloween]

-If having a baby girl, the perfect baby present to get yourself is a brand new shiny shotgun.

Suicide is never the answer.