Stupid People Doing Stupid Things Thread - Part 1

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Man Caught With 51 Turtles Stuffed Down His Pants at Canadian Border

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Canadian Kai Xu was caught at the Detroit border crossing with 51 live turtles taped to his legs and his groin. His smuggling attempt was botched by both his bulging sweatpants and an extensive surveillance operation by U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service agents, according to The Guardian:

On 5 August, two fish and wildlife agents say they watched Xu disappear behind two semi-trailers in a Detroit parking lot for about 10 minutes before reappearing with, "irregularly shaped bulges under Xu's sweatpants on both legs".

Both Xu, and another man, Lihua Lin, were allegedly attempting to remove the North American pond turtles from the U.S. and into Canada, where they could then go on to fetch as much as $1,300 to $1,500 per turtle on the Asian food and collector markets.

Lin had attempted to fly out of the Detroit Metropolitan Airport on Tuesday to Shanghai with two checked bags full of more than 200 live turtles. Xu was then stopped by the Canadian border patrol when he was driving through to Windsor, Ontario. The Guardian also reported the source of the agents' initial suspicion.

Agents said they were tipped off by a Detroit UPS employee identified only as "Dave", who alerted agents to a seven pound box labeled "live fish keep cool".

Nice work, "Dave." Thanks to you, I won't be able to get the image of a tiny turtle taped to some guy's junk out of my mind tonight.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/25/canada-man-smuggle-turtles-groin-us-border

Apparently there is a black market for just about everything
 
And people with dumb ideas on how to get in on them.
 
Man Too Busy Messing About on His iPad Causes Airport Security Scare

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A traveler at the Sydney Airport in Australia caused a security scare that resulted in the evacuation of an entire terminal because he was too busy looking at his iPad to notice he'd walked into the terminal without passing through the appropriate security screening.

The man had reportedly been glued to his iPad screen (Candy Crush? Twitter? porn?) to realize what he'd done. He'd entered the terminal through a passage marked "EXIT" because man, iPads are captivating, have you seen the new operating system? His image was picked up on security cameras, which caused staff to go on the alert.

The terminal that the man entered was then evacuated, causing an hour delay and forcing other passengers to be rescreened before boarding their flights.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/wor...rport-security-focused-ipad-article-1.1954856

Walking dead haha
 
Driver Accused of Abandoning 37,000 Pounds of Rotting Chicken Arrested

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After a three-day search, authorities have arrested an Idaho man accused of a crime most fowl: ransoming a trailer carrying 37,000 pounds of frozen chicken and then leaving it to rot at a Montana truck stop.

According to the AP, truck driver Christopher Hall, 42, was picked up Friday afternoon by the Greater Idaho Fugitive Task Force on a parole violation apparently unrelated to the abandoned chicken, originally valued at $80,000.

The semi-trailer, described as dripping "rancid juices" and attracting flies, was discovered at Missoula's Flying J truck stop on Tuesday but may have been there for more than a month before that, The Seattle Times reports. Dixie River Freight Inc. first reported Hall's truck as missing on August 27th, after the driver sent his employer texts demanding money for the return of the semi and its carrion cargo.

On Friday, the trailer was towed to a nearby landfill and dumped into a freshly dug pit after having its leaks properly plugged. "People don't want rotting chicken juice all over their cars," a health department official told KECI-TV, a truth if there ever was one.

http://www.seattlepi.com/news/article/Driver-demanded-money-to-deliver-chicken-truck-5782055.php

I bet that stunk to high heaven
 
Desperate Stoner Trades Stolen $160,000 Diamond for $20 Bag of Weed

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Not much to this story, but it's Saturday afternoon, so enjoy: Walter Earl Morrison, 20, allegedly stole a $160,000 diamond from a UPS cargo plane in Phoenix, Ariz., then traded it for a $20 bag of weed.

That's it, pretty much! What a dummy! Morrisson, a former UPS employee, was working on the tarmac at Sky Harbor Airport when he swiped the jewel. He was arrested and fired from his job, and the diamond was returned to its intended recipient.

The local ABC outlet, in an effort to pad out the story, interviewed a local diamond-seller about the stone. His analysis: "Any single stone over $100,000 is an expensive stone," and trading one such stone for a gram or two of pot is "not a good deal." Hmm.

http://www.abc15.com/news/region-ph...-diamond-trading-it-for-20-worth-of-marijuana

Idiocy at it's finest
 
The level of stupidity in the last few news posts has hit critical levels.
 
Donald Trump Retweets Heartwarming Photo of Serial Killer Couple

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Gaping mouth with hairpiece Donald Trump spends most of his time on Twitter railing against those he perceives as "losers," but he'll occasionally take a break to give his own ego a nice rubdown. A prankster exploited that vanity Monday, tricking Trump into retweeting a photo of a sweet married couple who also happen to be convicted serial killers.

"My parents who passed away always said you were big inspiration. Can you pls RT for their memory?" asked Phil Bradbury, who goes by Feckhead on Twitter. Trump fell for the flattery and granted Feckhead's request, but the photo he retweeted actually showed Fred and Rosemary West, convicted of torturing, raping and killing 10 girls during the mid-'70s.

Fred hanged himself before he could be sentenced, and Rosemary is currently incarcerated for life.

Trump, whose screw-up was retweeted thousands of times before he deleted it, continues to serve out his own sentence of life as Donald Trump. And he's threatening to sue, of course.

https://***********/feckhead/status/516548260794998784

Trump is such a moron
 
Trump can't stay out of the spotlight and he manages to find a way to stay in it for all the wrong reasons.
 
Man receives 4.5 months of jail time for Twitter rape threats

Justice prevails here although 4.5 months seems like it isn't enough. Maybe it will serve as a warning in the future to others although the "gamergate" controversy clearly points out that, no, they won't learn.

The threatening tweets of a British man have earned him 18 weeks of jail time, according to a report in The Guardian on Monday. Peter Nunn, 33, will serve time for directing menacing messages at member of Parliament Stella Creasy, who supported a campaign to put an image of Jane Austen on the £10 note. Nunn's sentence comes under section 127 of the Communications Act, which prohibits electronic messages that are "grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene, or menacing character."

Nunn began his Twitter attacks around July 29, 2013, five days after the Bank of England announced that the Austen campaign was successful. "Hi, it took Twitter 30 minutes to ban me before. I'm here again to tell you that I'll rape you tomorrow at 6pm" is one of a handful of tweets Nunn directed at Creasy. The message did indeed originate after the suspension of another of his accounts from which he was tweeting threats. Nunn also used a number of tweets to brand Creasy and Caroline Criado-Perez, the activist who spearheaded the Austen campaign, as witches. Another of Nunn's works: "Best way to rape a witch, try and drown her first, then just as she is gagging for air, that is when you enter."

Nunn contended during the trial that he is a feminist, and he denied "using Twitter to advocate violence or rape," according to The Guardian. But that argument was undercut by his own actions—according to an alleged since-deleted blog post and screenshot posted by Nunn himself, he also tweeted on July 28: "Caroline Criado Perez you're hot, can you blame a man for wanting to #rape you #shoutingback #shoutback take it as a compliment not abuse."

District judge Elizabeth Roscoe said she found Nunn "evasive" and "egocentric" and told him in his sentencing, "It was really all about you and your opinions and what you wanted to do. Although we’re only talking about six tweets, it was persistent."
Ars Technica
 
Serves him right. What a blithering idiot in dire need of a life.
 
Good, this crap shouldn't be tolerated just because it's online.
 
Global Hegemony Threatened as Tens of People Hold "Chemtrail" Protests

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Suppose you gave a global march and nobody came? Last Saturday's worldwide marches against the weather-slash-population control conspiracy theory known as "chemtrails" were sure to shake The Man's global power structure to the core...until nobody showed up.

The groups that sprang up on Facebook promised thousands upon thousands of attendees to these protests, but as it turns out, clicking a "join" button on social media is easier than actually leaving your home to put your money where your mouth is.

If you're not in-tune with the conspiracy, 1) lucky you, and 2) it's a growing movement that falsely believes that the trails of condensed water vapor (called contrails) that follow behind high-flying aircraft are really toxic chemicals being sprayed into the atmosphere to control the weather and make us sick.

After hoisting their cardboard freedom high in town squares the world over, a handful of distraught activists took to Facebook begging people to explain to them why the truthy keyboard commandos didn't follow through with their online bluster.

A gentleman named Bob asked a popular conspiracy page a pressing question:

why was i the only one to show up at todays protest in rhode island?

The protest in Louisville, Kentucky, got a comparatively earthshattering attendance:

There were 4 of us in Louisville. We got mostly positive responses and beeps and felt good about spreading awareness. :)

The lackluster performance of the chemtrail protests brings up a good point about how the internet works. The internet makes it easy for you to take up causes without actually having to put forth the effort to make a difference. How many of your friends and relatives fall for that "one like = one pray" junk on social media? Changing your profile picture to combat disease is like retweeting a picture of spaghetti to combat child hunger. Similarly, six thousand people virtually agreeing that they'll join a protest to scare The Man into caving in to your demands sounds great, but when those thousands of people materialize in real life as just a few dozen, your cause looks more comical than serious.

Of course, it is comical, because there is no "there" there. Chemtrails don't exist. It's a conspiracy theory born in the 1990s and continues to grow today because people enjoy creating science fiction more than they care to understand science itself. The reason scientists and science writers have to keep addressing the issue is because they have a ton of sway with people. While nobody may turn out to protest these conspiracy theories in person, if tens of thousands of people keep repeating a lie, that lie will start to sound like truth to thousands (and possibly even millions) more.

I made an argument a few months back about why I write about the chemtrail conspiracy theory on this blog so often. People enjoy telling writers to stop writing about these conspiracy theorists because they're just like children; if you ignore a child throwing a temper tantrum, he'll eventually give up. Conspiracy theorists thrive when nobody pays attention to them. Their whole shtick is that nobody with an audience will give them the time of day, so they have to scream louder and get more people to join in their cultish worldview to force The Man to listen. When we write about (and make fun of) these conspiracy theorists, it takes away their motive. We're listening! And we think you're crazy.

In addition to shining light on the conspiracy, people don't realize how dangerous some of these folks can be. Every other week, I'll run across a particularly impassioned conspiracy theorist who advocates shooting down airplanes that are creating condensation trails. Think about that: they're so deep into the conspiracy that they're advocating mass murder over something that doesn't exist! These conspiracies are not just some harmless internet fan fiction. Some people are dead serious about this stuff.

It's a never-ending battle because it's easier for people to accept a conspiracy theory than it is for them to accept reality. They don't want to accept that we landed on the moon. They don't want to think that one person can kill the president. They don't want to accept the terrifying reality that nineteen misled extremists can carry out a world-changing terrorist attack. They don't want to accept that tornadoes and hurricanes and volcanic eruptions just happen.

Conspiracy theorists want to believe that there is something more sinister and complicated behind major world events because, quite frankly, it's scary that bad things can just happen. Taking the time and effort to understand science takes the mystical nature out of many unexplained events, but fiction plays better than education.

Maybe this past weekend's dud-of-a-protest will give these slacktivists some pause about their faulty understanding of how the world works, but it's doubtful.

I'm surprised that many idiots showed up. But there are some wise words in this post
 
Diaper-Changing Dad Mad at Chipotle for Saying No to Poop on Tables

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A family dining at a Midwest Chipotle location discovered that the restaurant's bathrooms didn't come equipped with baby-changing tables, so they decided to swap out their 1-year-old's soiled diaper right there on the dining room table. After a manager asked them to take it to their car instead, the father sent the restaurant a letter of complaint.

Chad, the dad in this incident, admitted in his letter that changing a diaper in a place where people eat is "unsavory," but he still feels the Chipotle staff showed an "inability/unwillingness to empathize with parents who find [the car] a less convenient alternative even on a beautiful day like yesterday, much less a subfreezing day as we undoubtedly will have in [this region] this winter."

Typical Chad.

He went on to say that the employees' horrified reaction toward a dirty diaper on a table—where, again, human beings typically consume food—tipped him off that they must not have kids of their own. If they don't install changing tables, he says, he'll be taking his business (and his baby's business, obviously) to Qdoba. Hard to say which fast-food Mexican chain he's actually threatening with that one.

While we can probably agree as a society that we shouldn't use the same tables for urine and feces that we use for half-chicken-half-pork burrito bowls with guac (it's extra, is that okay?), Chad does have a point about the importance of changing tables in family-friendly restaurants.

Chipotle told Consumerist it typically doesn't have the tables in its restrooms, but is currently installing them in locations that see significant family traffic.

Meanwhile, a rep for the company sent this rather reasonable response to the complaining father:

I can completely understand that it's a hassle to find a way to change your daughter, and agree, that there are simply no alternatives as convenient as an actual changing table. We are currently in the process of retrofitting locations with changing tables, but I understand that this is not a very timely solution. ... As you can understand it might be disconcerting for other customers to see a child getting changed directly on the tables, and we want to provide all of our customers with an exceptional experience.

According to Consumerist, Chad responded by asking for a specific date when tables would reach the location where DiaperGate took place. The company couldn't give him an answer.

So congratulations/condolences to Qdoba on gaining a loyal new customer.

http://www.eater.com/2014/9/29/6865481/chipotle-caught-in-the-middle-of-a-diaper-changing-debacle

It's idiot parents like this that make people hate new parents
 
My wife and I changed our daughter's diapers in the car many times because there wasn't the proper place in some restrooms to do it. You don't have to be a genius about some things...but you don't have to be an idiot either.
 
If there were no idiots on the planet...

Then I'm pretty sure it would be as barren as Mars.
 
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Global Hegemony Threatened as Tens of People Hold "Chemtrail" Protests

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I'm surprised that many idiots showed up. But there are some wise words in this post
I think this could qualify as a "good things in the world" post too seeing as only tens of people showed up to protest clouds. It shows there is hope yet that people won't fall for the dumbest conspiracy crap the internet can spew.
 
I wonder how many did it to try to be funny and/or to try to pick up the idiots who actually believe it.
 
I wish someone would have pranked them by having a bunch of guys in suits watch them and follow them. That would have been hilarious
 
I don't know, with them nut jobs, there's a good chance there might be shots fired.
 
Diaper-Changing Dad Mad at Chipotle for Saying No to Poop on Tables

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http://www.eater.com/2014/9/29/6865481/chipotle-caught-in-the-middle-of-a-diaper-changing-debacle

It's idiot parents like this that make people hate new parents

Fecal matter on a table where people eat...can't imagine why anyone would be horrified by that.:o

Parents have to deal with nasty bodily fluids and my hats off to em, but the rest of us didn't carry or birth the kid and we don't want to see or smell it's poop especially in a dining room. Changing a diaper isn't rocket science and if they can't do it in a car then they have bigger problems than Chipotle not having diaper changing stations in the bathrooms.
 
In a situation like this sanitation and health concerns trump a dirty diaper.
 
Bill O'Reilly Is So Mad That Stephen Colbert Mocked His Dumb ISIS Plan

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Bill O'Reilly is extremely unhappy that Stephen Colbert crapped all over his terrible plan to defeat ISIS with "an anti-terror mercenary force paid for by coalition nations." The conservative host responded to the conservative host parody on Monday in a segment he called "How to Deal With Dumb People."

In NOT A SCIENTIFIC POLL, O'Reilly reported that 70% of his fans agree with him that assembling a 25,000-member team of mercenary killers under the supervision of the U.S. Congress is definitely the right way to deal with ISIS and not a recipe for a smoldering heap of disaster.

"You know these mercenaries will be good guys, because only the best people kill whoever you want for cash," Colbert quipped last week.

Colbert "and his ilk," O'Reilly shot back on the Factor, mock great plans like his that are definitely not impractical and doomed to fail because "they don't know anything."

"In the world of the ideologue," he continued, without a trace of irony, "solutions don't really matter. It's how you feel about things."

Bill. Billy. Billiam. Papa Bear. Did you forget that the guy who invented "truthiness" was created as a parody of conservative talking heads in general, and you in particular? You understood the joke at some point, but it seems you lost sight of it when you let a comedian's criticism of your military fantasies get under your skin.

Or, hell, maybe you just know what your audience—or 70% of it, unscientifically—wants to see. You keep doing you, I guess.

http://www.billoreilly.com/show?action=viewTVShow&showID=3769#8

Step away from Colbert, Bill; you are way out of your league
 
Is the Secret Service Trying To Kill Obama?

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News just broke that the Secret Service may have tried to to assassinate President Obama for the third time—according to reports, agents allowed a guy with a gun to get in an elevator with the president earlier this month and had no idea he was armed until someone else pointed it out.

According to the Washington Post, the president was in Atlanta at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Sept. 16 when the Secret Service broke protocol (once again), allowing an armed CDC security guard to board the elevator with them.

Agents became suspicious when the man refused to stop filming Obama during the elevator ride and ran a background check on him, revealing three prior assault and battery convictions.

The Washington Examiner reports the guard's supervisor declared his behavior to be "highly irresponsible"—and then demanded the man turn over his gun.

Secret Service agents were reportedly "shocked" to learn he was armed.

Per the Examiner:

Before the president travels anywhere, Secret Service agents make it their job to know who will have access to the president and anyone with a gun needs special clearance and may not be allowed to carry it when the president is onsite.

In addition to the Secret Service, only sworn law enforcement officers are allowed to be armed at a location where the president is visiting, the source said. Contract security officers are not allowed to be armed.

http://washingtonexaminer.com/exclu...th-gun-in-elevator-with-obama/article/2554185

It's getting a wee bit ridiculous now, can anyone remember the Secret Service screwing up this much for any other President?
 
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