Stupid questions you hear at work.

[antsman41]

Customer: I'll have a cold beer?
Me: Sounds good... [No, I'm going to give you a warm beer.]

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Customer: I'll have a cold beer?
Me: Sounds good... [No, I'm going to give you a warm beer.]

Well, if you worked in an English pub, it'd be reasonable to emphasize the temperature.

 

[Llama_Shepherd]

"Does the lift go up as well as down?"



"How do you think it got here?"

"Yes, then?"

"Yes."

 

[mrvlknight21]

Because I work in law enforcement, there is no end to the dumb things I hear. Questions and comments.


A few examples:
"Marijuana is illegal?"
( said by a man who had previously been arrested several times for marijuana poss).


"You're treating me like I am a criminal."
(said by a man with multiple felony convictions).


"What can I say, I'm guilty."
(said by a man confronted with child molestation allegations).


"I heard ya'll get a bonus everytime you lock someone up."
(said by a person being interviewed during a neighborhood canvas).

 

[Hobgoblin]

A guy came in last night looking for a pound of chicken breast patties. I started out with two cutlets, which came out to a half pound. He says "Ok, so a pound would be 5 or 6 breasts, right?" I told him it would be four. Math fail.

 

[Aesop Rocks]

"Lovely weather, huh?"
YEAH SURE IT'S GREAT, I ENJOY 2 FEET OF SNOW.

 

[PyroChamber]

While wearing my uniform and my name tag...

"Excuse me, do you work here?"

 

[Kane52630]

"Is this the library?"

No we just keep the books here because we felt like it.

 

[Angry Monkey]

I work at the Dollar Tree and I have costumers come up to me and as "how much is this?"

 

[Aesop Rocks]

"Is this the library?"

No we just keep the books here because we felt like it.

"No, we're actually an elite group of thieves that specialize in stealing books. You've found our stash!".

 

[Chris Wallace]

"Do you work here?"

 

[SoulManX]

Sometimes I want to go Pulp Fiction Jules on people

 

[Angry Monkey]

"No, we're actually an elite group of thieves that specialize in stealing books. You've found our stash!".

This

 

[Hobgoblin]

I gave a customer a pre made sandwich one day. He came back in a few minutes, threw the sandwich at me and said "I dont like the sauce on this. You can make it again." So I went to the deli and got new meat and cheese and started making a new one.

Co Worker: "What's his problem?"
Me: "The guy didnt like the garlic sauce."
Co Worker: "It comes with the garlic sauce."
Me: "I know."

I go back to the customer and give him the new sandwich.
Customer: "Why did you make a new one? There are pre made one's right there."
Me: "They all have the garlic sauce, Sir. It comes with the sandwich."
Customer: "Oh."

 

[socool]

I gave a customer a pre made sandwich one day. He came back in a few minutes, threw the sandwich at me and said "I dont like the sauce on this. You can make it again." So I went to the deli and got new meat and cheese and started making a new one.

Co Worker: "What's his problem?"
Me: "The guy didnt like the garlic sauce."
Co Worker: "It comes with the garlic sauce."
Me: "I know."

I go back to the customer and give him the new sandwich.
Customer: "Why did you make a new one? There are pre made one's right there."
Me: "They all have the garlic sauce, Sir. It comes with the sandwich."
Customer: "Oh."

I like this one because he specifically says "Make it again." and then wonders why you made it again.

 

[Hobgoblin]

People are morons.

 

[Kane52630]

At my old job as a cashier for a grocery story:

"This candy bar says 52% more free, does that mean I get it half off?"

No, it means your fatass wont get any fatter.

 

[Chris Wallace]

"do you have (insert item that the customer had to walk directly past to get to me in order to ask where it is)?"

 

[Chris Wallace]

Sometimes I want to go Pulp Fiction Jules on people

Everybody has those moments.

 

[terry78]

Haha, that "do you work here?" one is something that needs to just become a staple of customers. I remember working as bagger at the grocery store and some lady asked me that. When she left I said to one of the cashiers, "no, I just like wearing this filthy smock because it makes me feel like a big man."

 

[Schlosser85]

I had a woman stop me and ask me that the other day while I was pushing a load of carts up to the door.

It's like "No, I just put on a nametag and bring K-Mart's carts in for them for hours in 98 degree weather because I need the exercise".

 

[sandmjuggalos]

I work at a trophy shop that recently bought a rubber stamp business.

All the time I answer the phone, "Hello, A-1 Rubber Stamp, this is Michael.."

And then it comes.... "Do you make rubber stamps?".

Or "Do you make custom rubber stamps?"

Me: Yes we do, all of our stamps are custom".

Them: "Good. Do you have any in stock that say "<blank>" i can buy?".

Or "Can you make me a stamp that says whatever I want?"

I have more but there's one of these people at my counter right now. t:

 

[twylight]

A day after an office meeting addressing equipment needs -

Boss: Can you scan these into the computer and email them out today?
Me: We don't have a scanner, it broke last month.
Boss: Well, can you?
Me:We don't have a scanner, it's on the 'equipment needs' list I gave you.
Boss: OH... don't you have one at home?
Me:....

 

[SWAT]

This is from a few years ago when I was in the military. I was standing guard outside the royal palace in Oslo and this guy comes up and asks.
"Can I use the toilet?"
"Here?"
"Yes"
"No"
"Where do you guys go then"
I point over to the builing we're in, when we're not "on duty".
"Can I use the toilet there?"
"No"
Then the idiot finally walks away. There were a little more to the convo, but that's the gist of it.

 

[enterthemadness]

A guy came in wanting to send off a box full of adult toys, porn mags, jellies and such. We have to check every box. The only people working that day were women. Talk about awkward for that guy.

I bet he was all ..whoops, founded me out.