The Dirty Joke Thread

[TheSumOfGod]

I think SOMEONE likes to waste other people's time...

 

[C.F. Kane]

I have one that will seem a little racist towards black people, but if you read it all the way to the end, you'll realize that it was a little racist towards WHITE people instead (Mods, if you don't like it, just delete it and send me a message, PLEASE don't ban me, I REALLY don't think this is offensive):


Two black guys are walking down the street, and suddenly they see a medical clinic with a sign saying: "Become WHITE in ONE HOUR for only 99 CENTS!".

The first black guy turns to his friend and says: "Wow! Finally, the solution to all our problems, and only for 99 cents! I've got one dollar, how much do you have?"

"Dammit! I've got only 98 cents!"

"I tell you what: I'll go in first, give them my dollar, and get a penny back! That way, when I come out an hour later, I'll give you the penny, so you'll be able to become white too!"

They agree, and the black guy with a dollar goes in first, and his friend waits outside. An hour later, he comes out with pale skin, blond hair and blue eyes! His friend can't believe it! He's really become a white man!

He says: "Wow, that's amazing! Now give me the penny!", to which his now white friend replies: "F*** you, n*****, get a job!"

That's pretty good!

I heard a variant of that. It was two Jews, the operation was free and there was a $200 dollar reward for getting the operation. The punchline was "Did you get the $200?" "Jesus, it's all about money with you Jews, isn't it?"

 

[Golgo-13]

Please guys, don't cause this thread to get closed with the racial jokes and whatnot....

 

[TheSumOfGod]

Please guys, don't cause this thread to get closed with the racial jokes and whatnot....

My joke wasn't racist. But THIS ONE is:

These two ******* are walking down the street, and one says: "Hey ******, did you ever **** that ***** who lives next door?"

And the other ****** says: "Sure, Tina? I **** that ***** every night this week!"

And then the first ****** says: "But, wait a minute, I ****** that ***** every night this week! And I didn't see you there, ******!"

To which the other ****** answers: "Listen, you ****** ******* ******, if I ****** **** that ***** Tina, you **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ****!"

LOL!

 

[unknownuser]

My joke wasn't racist. But THIS ONE is:

These two ******* are walking down the street, and one says: "Hey ******, did you ever **** that ***** who lives next door?"

And the other ****** says: "Sure, Tina? I **** that ***** every night this week!"

And then the first ****** says: "But, wait a minute, I ****** that ***** every night this week! And I didn't see you there, ******!"

To which the other ****** answers: "Listen, you ****** ******* ******, if I ****** **** that ***** Tina, you **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ****!"

LOL!

that's ****** *****

 

[AmonRa]

What's the meaning of this...?

Thats funny HAHAHAHA

YUMMY YUMMY

 

[Assassin]

why dont u guys just post in my joke thread why did u have to go and make another

 

[Golgo-13]

^Merge! Merge! Merge!

 

[Golgo-13]

My joke wasn't racist. But THIS ONE is:

These two ******* are walking down the street, and one says: "Hey ******, did you ever **** that ***** who lives next door?"

And the other ****** says: "Sure, Tina? I **** that ***** every night this week!"

And then the first ****** says: "But, wait a minute, I ****** that ***** every night this week! And I didn't see you there, ******!"

To which the other ****** answers: "Listen, you ****** ******* ******, if I ****** **** that ***** Tina, you **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ****!"

LOL!

Idiocy at it's best.

 

[Golgo-13]

Another:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."......

 

[JokerFish]

More jokes please...

 

[rodhulk]

why dont u guys just post in my joke thread why did u have to go and make another

Actually, this is my second joke thread. the other one got merged and it died. This one, however, should not get merged for 2 reasons:

1) It will probably get deleted from the Hype one day when some REAL DIRTY jokes get said. This way the other merged joke threads won't get deleted off the Hype forever (in case they get resurrected again).

2) This joke thread is specific to 'dirty jokes' and not 'all' types of jokes, so it should be on it's own.

 

[rodhulk]

^Merge! Merge! Merge!

NO NO NO!!!!!!!!

 

[rodhulk]

More jokes please...

Pretty soon......

 

[rodhulk]

OK, let me check to find a couple of dirty jokes for some of you sickos out there. I'll be back.

 

[Kritish]

What does micheal jackson have in common with santa ?

he always leaves the kids room with an empty sack

 

[Golgo-13]

Another:

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"
_____________________________________________________________________
Another:

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes on. He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!”

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk looks down and see's the guy's shoe over the girls snatch and replies, "I’m sorry, I think he's too far in."

 

[Spider-Nerd]

Another:

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off." Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?" Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."......

hehe., that one's good.

 

[unknownuser]

A girl to a priest: please explain devil, hell and heaven

Priest: the thing betweeen both my legs is called a DEVIL, the thing between both ur legs is called hell...capture devil inside hell and youll see heaven

 

[rodhulk]

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.

As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today."

 

[psychocheeseman]

this might be going a little too far but......






Q: When do u know its time to stop going down on your 8 year old girlfriend?











A: When her dad pulls you away from the coffin!!!!!




sorry thats sick and wrong....dirtiest joke i have ever heard....

 

[The Chairman]

A man works at a pickle factory. He comes home from work one day and says to his wife, "You know, honey, I really want to put my penis in the pickle cutter. "No,", the wife responds. The next day he comes from work and says to his wife again, "Honey, I really wanna put my penis in the pickle cutter". Once again, the wife responds, "No". The next day he comes home from work feeling down. "What's wrong?" the wife asks. "I got fired, he responds. "Why?", asks the wife. The man responds, I put my penis in the pickle cutter. The wife is now angry. "Oh," she says. "What happened the pickle cutter?" He responds, "She got fired too".

 

[rodhulk]

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber sticky thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."

The old man snaps back, "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today."

 

[psychocheeseman]

Q:what noise does a baby make in the microwave?





















A: i don't know either, i was too busy *********ing............

 

[The Chairman]

Q: What does Michael Jackson call a school bus?























A: Meals On Wheels