The Ian McLounge

[Iceman]

@Morg Heaters can swing the more susceptible raccoons over to your side. These defections lower morale in the remaining raccoon troops.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Those are Lemurs Bobby... Do we need to involve yet another faction?

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Is this where Hobbit Superman goes to change into his costume? :

Spoiler

 

[flickchick85]

Is this where Hobbit Superman goes to change into his costume? :

Spoiler

No, I'm pretty sure that's where E.L. Fudge cookies are made.

 

[Iceman]

Those are Lemurs Bobby... Do we need to involve yet another faction?

Yes! Things will get stale otherwise.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

No, I'm pretty sure that's where E.L. Fudge cookies are made.

Jeff Session's outhouse?

 

[Pink Ranger]

@Pink Ranger,

I'm gonna need three alternative titles for the Netflix series treatment of this gif:

Big Black Stallion Tires Out Blonde (not the Pornhub version)
Wheelblaze: The Horse Who Could Play Rollerhockey
Hallmark Presents: White-Girl-Hometown-Sunset-Horses-Inspiration, The Movie

 

[Schlosser85]

Jeff Session's outhouse?

Well jeeeee-hosaphat!

 

[Mandon Knight]

Happy Star Trek Day everyone, Live Long and Prosper

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Big Black Stallion Tires Out Blonde (not the Pornhub version)
Wheelblaze: The Horse Who Could Play Rollerhockey
Hallmark Presents: White-Girl-Hometown-Sunset-Horses-Inspiration, The Movie

I'm gonna need a pilot treatment and series bible on "Wheelblaze" by monday.

The merch alone will make us richer than God, or at least one of the Olsen twins.

 

[Pink Ranger]

I'm gonna need a pilot treatment and series bible on "Wheelblaze" by monday.

The merch alone will make us richer than God, or at least one of the Olsen twins.

Now I actually want someone to put a horse on four rollerblades just to see the horrifying chaos that would happen.

 

[squeekness]

Now I actually want someone to put a horse on four rollerblades just to see the horrifying chaos that would happen.

Four broken legs no doubt.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Now I actually want someone to put a horse on four rollerblades just to see the horrifying chaos that would happen.

(Scene: interior of barn. A young girl and her mother stand outside a stall with Wheelblaze inside.)
Jenny: Oh Wheelblaze! They say if the chairman of the Central Ontario Amateur Athletic League approves we'll be able to actually enter the tournament! Isn't that wonderful?!

Wheelblaze: (ADR of happy horse noises.)

(Both Jenny and Mom laugh in unison.)

Mom: Now Jenny... Don't get your hopes up. A horse playing goalie for a teen rollerhockey league is unusual. There is no guarantee the chairman will even...

(VO from off camera)

Oh... I've seen stranger stuff in my day.

(Mom and Jenny turn in unison to barn door. Both react with huge surprising smiles.)

(At the same time.)

Mom: Hockey Legend Wayne Gretsky!!

Jenny: Hockey Legend Wayne Gretsky!!

WG: Hi Jenny. Hi Mom.

Jenny: You're the chairman?

WG: Yes. Have been for the last ten years. I've always felt that hockey's future in a world of global climate change lay not on the ice, but on the wooden rink. Made of sustainably harvested lumber though, eh?

Mom: So Wheelblaze can enter the tournament?

WG: I see no reason why a horse shouldn't be able to play goalie?

(In unison.)

Mom: Yay!

Jenny: Yay!

(Quick cut to local news broadcast.)

Female anchor: Chaos, death and heartbreak tonight from the roller rink. Our own Jim Thompson has the story at the scene. Jim?

(Cut to Jim outside roller rink surrounded by ambulances, police cars and a mix of civilians and first responders.)

Jim: Thank you Christine. Yes, today we saw a tragic turn of events when, against all logic and reason, a full grown stallion was allowed onto the premises, then equipped for and then employed as the goalie for a teen female league game. As you can see from the footage here things started off okay as play started. The horse was infact putting up a stunning defensive game as you can see by the shots blocked here... Here... And here.

(Footage plays showing horse on inline skates with stick in mouth easily stopping each incoming shot.)

Jim: Indeed it was during the celebration of that last maneuver by the horse that precipitated the carnage to follow. It seems a combination of flash photography, airhorn discharge and the general cacophony of sounds from the crowd spooked the horse, outfitted mind you as can be seen in this footage, in a custom goalie uniform, fully armored and padded, along with incredibly heavy custom made, titanium steel reinforced inline skates or "roller blades". The combination of this and the sheer weight of the full grown animal made any approach to try and calm the animal down a fool's errand. You can see here what happened when a referee and some other officials try just that. This is... Quite graphic.

(Footage of horse kicking in head of ref slowly coming at it from behind. Then horse' with stick in mouth starts swinging head wildly, bashing security left and right, spays of blood and the sound of bones crunching fill the screen.)

Jim: As shocking as this all is, it begs a host of questions, not least of which is how this was authorized in the first place? A contrite chairman of the league, hockey great Wayne Gretsky, seemed to take a lion's share of the blame.

(Footage of Gretsky, looking visibly shaken, tie undone, at podium making a statement to the press.)

WG: So as it turns out... There were actually many, many good and completely justifiable reasons why a horse should not be allowed to play the position of goalie, or in fact any position on a female junior rollerhockey team. I mean... Weight alone... At minimum that thing must weigh... (WG. turns his head as if speaking to someone just off camera.) What would you say Steve? The equivalent of four or five full grown men? (From off camera.)

Steve: Yeah... In that ballpark.

 

[Schlosser85]

(Scene: interior of barn. A young girl and her mother stand outside a stall with Wheelblaze inside.)
Jenny: Oh Wheelblaze! They say if the chairman of the Central Ontario Amateur Athletic League approves we'll be able to actually enter the tournament! Isn't that wonderful?!

Wheelblaze: (ADR of happy horse noises.)

(Both Jenny and Mom laugh in unison.)

Mom: Now Jenny... Don't get your hopes up. A horse playing goalie for a teen rollerhockey league is unusual. There is no guarantee the chairman will even...

(VO from off camera)

Oh... I've seen stranger stuff in my day.

(Mom and Jenny turn in unison to barn door. Both react with huge surprising smiles.)

(At the same time.)

Mom: Hockey Legend Wayne Gretsky!!

Jenny: Hockey Legend Wayne Gretsky!!

WG: Hi Jenny. Hi Mom.

Jenny: You're the chairman?

WG: Yes. Have been for the last ten years. I've always felt that hockey's future in a world of global climate change lay not on the ice, but on the wooden rink. Made of sustainably harvested lumber though, eh?

Mom: So Wheelblaze can enter the tournament?

WG: I see no reason why a horse shouldn't be able to play goalie?

(In unison.)

Mom: Yay!

Jenny: Yay!

(Quick cut to local news broadcast.)

Female anchor: Chaos, death and heartbreak tonight from the roller rink. Our own Jim Thompson has the story at the scene. Jim?

(Cut to Jim outside roller rink surrounded by ambulances, police cars and a mix of civilians and first responders.)

Jim: Thank you Christine. Yes, today we saw a tragic turn of events when, against all logic and reason, a full grown stallion was allowed onto the premises, then equipped for and then employed as the goalie for a teen female league game. As you can see from the footage here things started off okay as play started. The horse was infact putting up a stunning defensive game as you can see by the shots blocked here... Here... And here.

(Footage plays showing horse on inline skates with stick in mouth easily stopping each incoming shot.)

Jim: Indeed it was during the celebration of that last maneuver by the horse that precipitated the carnage to follow. It seems a combination of flash photography, airhorn discharge and the general cacophony of sounds from the crowd spooked the horse, outfitted mind you as can be seen in this footage, in a custom goalie uniform, fully armored and padded, along with incredibly heavy custom made, titanium steel reinforced inline skates or "roller blades". The combination of this and the sheer weight of the full grown animal made any approach to try and calm the animal down a fool's errand. You can see here what happened when a referee and some other officials try just that. This is... Quite graphic.

(Footage of horse kicking in head of ref slowly coming at it from behind. Then horse' with stick in mouth starts swinging head wildly, bashing security left and right, spays of blood and the sound of bones crunching fill the screen.)

Jim: As shocking as this all is, it begs a host of questions, not least of which is how this was authorized in the first place? A contrite chairman of the league, hockey great Wayne Gretsky, seemed to take a lion's share of the blame.

(Footage of Gretsky, looking visibly shaken, tie undone, at podium making a statement to the press.)

WG: So as it turns out... There were actually many, many good and completely justifiable reasons why a horse should not be allowed to play the position of goalie, or in fact any position on a female junior rollerhockey team. I mean... Weight alone... At minimum that thing must weigh... (WG. turns his head as if speaking to someone just off camera.) What would you say Steve? The equivalent of four or five full grown men? (From off camera.)

Steve: Yeah... In that ballpark.

......we are gonna film this, and we are gonna sell this

 

[Morg]

@Morg Heaters can swing the more susceptible raccoons over to your side. These defections lower morale in the remaining raccoon troops.

Consider the rain here, that's a good way to get them electrocute

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Consider the rain here, that's a good way to get them electrocute

You want super fast raccoons? Cuz that's how you get super fast raccoons.

 

[Morg]

You want super fast raccoons? Cuz that's how you get super fast raccoons.

That only works for Barry Allen

 

[Kane52630]

 

[Lily Adler]

Did not know Bea Arthur was in Futurama.

 

[KRYPTON INC.]

Did not know Bea Arthur was in Futurama.

Femputer.

 

[Guts]

I signed up for this subscription box called bespoke. One of the boxes is more for the outdoors camping type of person, but one of the items included in that box seems more like something a person would use to kill someone with. I'm mainly thinking about the hitman games.
Backcountry | Bespoke Post

 

[Iceman]

I signed up for this subscription box called bespoke. One of the boxes is more for the outdoors camping type of person, but one of the items included in that box seems more like something a person would use to kill someone with. I'm mainly thinking about the hitman games.
Backcountry | Bespoke Post

Like garrote wire? Were there any other assassination items in your box?

 

[Guts]

Like garrote wire? Were there any other assassination items in your box?

The box I went with is called Over Easy. There's just a cast-iron skillet, bloody mary mix, vermont maple syrup, and a fancy pancake mix. I guess you could use a cast-iron skillet as an assassination item.

 

[Iceman]

The box I went with is called Over Easy. There's just a cast-iron skillet, bloody mary mix, vermont maple syrup, and a fancy pancake mix. I guess you could use a cast-iron skillet as an assassination item.

That would work for me. Good kit this, I need to get involved.

Some virtual assassination items would be good for future boxes too, to take out internet debaters who might be getting the upper hand. Always be prepared, as they say.

 

[Micromind]

Those are Lemurs Bobby... Do we need to involve yet another faction?

Everyone knows it's impossible to control Lemurs.