The Official Chuck Norris Thread

[The_Raven]

If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.

 

[PuMpKiN EsCoBaR]

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

 

[The Comedian]

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

[PuMpKiN EsCoBaR]

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

[The Comedian]

Did you know that Mr. T and Chuck Norris are invulnerable to each other? The red beard of Chuck Norris deflects pity, while Mr. T's mohawk allows him to avoid the roundhouse kick.

 

[PuMpKiN EsCoBaR]

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

 

[The_Raven]

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

 

[PuMpKiN EsCoBaR]

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

[C.F. Kane]

Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks create major air currents that send the global norms out of whack. These currents are commonly called El Nino.

 

[The_Raven]

Filming on location for Walker:Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a still-born baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

 

[captainrogers]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

 

[The_Raven]

Chuck Norris once wanted to see what he would look like without a beard. He then split himself into two Chucks. He shaved the new Chuck Norris and called it Vin Diesel.

 

[hippie_hunter]

Anyone want to join the Church of Chuck Norris?

 

[The Question]

Once, Chuck Norris round house kicked a man so hard, his foot accelerated past the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Airheart as she crossed the Pacific.

 

[The_Raven]

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

 

[Capt Throbberson]

Suprising

 

[GoldenAgeHero]

Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.

*tastes the dirt*

Norris:"a plane crashed here"

 

[hippie_hunter]

Suprising

Interesting

 

[The_Raven]

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

 

[Batman]

Chuck Norris once shot himself,to see if he would die.Instead,the pistol of which he used turned to dust on the impact of Norris putting it to his head.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

bow to chuck norris

 

[The_Raven]

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the Earth down.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

Chuck Norris once owned Batman with his own prep time

 

[Batman]

Chuck Norris invented prep-time.And Batman.

 

[ElectroFlare]

Chuck Norris fought Bruce Lee and survived