The Official Chuck Norris Thread

[chesslover]

We have nothing to Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris himself.

 

[ShadowBoxing]

As part of immigration policy they originally had planned to have Chuck Norris beat the foreign out of immigratants....the process was cancelled after several subjects died

 

[The_Raven]

There is no such thing as evolution, only a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

 

[Ocelot]

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his grandmother in the mouth on Christmans morning. Socks again.

The song, "I Can See Clearly Now," was created after Chuck Norris slaughtered 203,945 people in midair. The rain of blood lasted days. Jesus was pissed.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the Down Sindrome out of a 13 year old boy.

If Chuck Norris looks at you and even THINKS about Jesus, you are immediately converted to Christianity.

Christopher Reeve actually was superman until he met Chuck Norris and challenged him to a staring contest. The result was explained as a "horse riding accident".

Everytime Chuck Norris eats a crippled or ******ed child here in the U.S., a baby is born in China. That explains China's extremely large population.

One time a woman asked Chuck Norris, "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?" Chuck Norris then bellowed "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN MY PRESCENCE!" and ripped her head out, spinal cord and all. Holding her head by the hair he shouted "Don't **** with Chuck!"

2 years later he realized the irony of this and let out a laugh so hard that anyone within a 20 mile radius was instantly deaf and impregnated, no matter male or female.

 

[chesslover]

I call temporary time out. Please Please Please try to come up with your own Norrisisms. Thank you.

 

[Silvers24]

I i guess this is the "Lets bash the **** out of chuck, or make fun of him" thread? I so, sorry for stumblin on to this thread.

 

[Spider-X]

 

[American Male]

My favorite (not mine): Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.

Mine (and quite lame): In the Bible, the story of David and Goliath has not been properly translated into English. "David" should actually be "Chuck Norris," Goliath was actually 90 feet tall, and "Five smooth stones" should be "five roundhouse kicks," only one of which (of course) was necessary to bring down Goliath of Gath.

 

[Spider-X]

 

[Spider-X]

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norric can kill him and take it.

 

[Spider-X]

There are two kinds of peole in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.

 

[American Male]

I i guess this is the "Lets bash the **** out of chuck, or make fun of him" thread? I so, sorry for stumblin on to this thread.

I'm neither bashing nor making fun of Chuck Norris. I actually admire and respect the guy more than any other person in "Hollywood." He's the only living actor I would actually like to meet if given the chance.

 

[Batty for Bats!]

Did anyone get to see the Conan O'Brien week? It was during last summer. So yeah, its old. But he had a Chuck Norris lever. And whenever he pulled it, it showed a kick ass clip of Chuck doing something kick ass. Awesome to the Max.

Chuck Norris' illegitimate son is Joe Rogan. Believe it.

 

[Spider-X]

Did anyone get to see the Conan O'Brien week? It was during last summer. So yeah, its old. But he had a Chuck Norris lever. And whenever he pulled it, it showed a kick ass clip of Chuck doing something kick ass. Awesome to the Max.

Chuck Norris' illegitimate son is Joe Rogan. Believe it.

yeah...i caught that on Conan...it was friggen hilarious.

Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.

 

[The Comedian]

WARNING: Site Contains NSFW ads

Here's a link to all the Conan Walker clips

 

[Spider-X]

Clip #5 is sweet.

and...Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.

 

[The Comedian]

and for a break from chuck norris,

Gravity does not exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the **** down. Birds and planes are exempt cause they're shaped like T's

 

[Batty for Bats!]

WARNING: Site Contains NSFW ads

Here's a link to all the Conan Walker clips

You rule.

And might I add; Your avatar rules too.

 

[Spider-X]

to continue that break:

Mr. T isn't really black, the sun is just afraid to shine on him for fear of an ass-woopin.

 

[The Comedian]

You rule.

And might I add; Your avatar rules too.

Your Welcome

 

[Ocelot]

I call temporary time out. Please Please Please try to come up with your own Norrisisms. Thank you.

I dont think any of them are original. The only one I had that was partly original was the christoper reeve one, I added in it was explained as a horse riding accident. Reeve was an ass.

 

[Capt Throbberson]

http://www.chucknorris.com/html/events.aspx

IN RESPONSE TO THE "RANDOM FACTS" THAT ARE BEING GENERATED ON THE INTERNET

I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
~ Chuck Norris

CHUCK KNOWS OMFGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!

 

[Silvers24]

I'm neither bashing nor making fun of Chuck Norris. I actually admire and respect the guy more than any other person in "Hollywood." He's the only living actor I would actually like to meet if given the chance.

Same here. If I could, I would like to meet him aswell.
But then, I watched his Walker Texas Ranger in my young ages (Well, as we all know the 90's). And so far that is one of my to be chilhood shows.

 

[Ocelot]

Yeah he sure is different than all the other "hollywood" stars that plug their bull****, oh wait a second....^^^^^^

 

[The_Raven]

CHUCK KNOWS OMFGWTFBBQ!!!!!!!

We're doomed!

I didn't know he had an autobiography out. I wouldn't mind reading that actually.