The "World's Finest" DC RPG

[wiegeabo]

"Well, the best thing about politics is that another election's never more than a few years away. Or is that the worst thing? I can never tell..."

Bruce and Lex share a laugh, as Bruce leads them towards a pair of plush leather sofas set around a coffee table. They sit down across from each other.

"So, what's this I hear about you trolling the superhero community again? You're using lawsuits this time?"

"Well, I must admit, things are progressing faster than I expected." Bruce offers me a seat. I unbutton my jacket as I sit down and casually cross my legs. "I didn't think companies outside of Metropolis would start jumping onto the suit after only three days. I guess that says something about those superheroes, doesn't it?"

"By the way...I assume that little Batman venture of yours has its premiums all paid up?"

 

[MST3K 4ever]

The Joker maneuvers through the back-stage area until he gets to a clear vantage point. He spots his objective Miss Emily Britton standing off to the side in a swim-suit.

Yeow! Most impressive! Just the kind of thing to get the blood pumping for sure!

He makes his way behind her and sticks a syringe in her left arm. The Joker quickly pulls her off to the side.

She is slowly fading out of consciousness as she says, "You're....you're the...the...."

The Joker says, "The grinch who stole Christmas? Nope but I am the Clown who stole the babe from the pageant, but don't worry you'll have other joining you."

He slings her over his shoulder and begins to make his way out. Just then there are several screams as the other 4 come charging out with 4 other contestants over their shoulders...and the police in hot pursuit.

The Joker says, "Let me guess you tired to the direct approach and that got some undue attention?"

They all look at one another and The Joker says, "Well at least the ride home won't be boring! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Time to go boys!"

They all pile in the van and speed away.

 

[sumowrestler]

I am Admiral Courteon and this is my daughter Landra


Stewart, Admiral Courteon, Lt. Landra plus the security forces all land in a shuttle in an open field not too far from the main courtyard of the palace. The group strode out of the craft and up to the gate of the palace which opens up for them. They are met by Arisia, High King Shirton, and High Prince Felios. Arisia notices the slight reaction when she saw the prince and could tell there is something there that the prince probably left out. The group walks through the palace until they arrive at a large banquet hall. On the table is a setting for twenty people. King Shirton and Prince Felios take their seats indicating to the rest to follow suit.

“Come and sit to enjoy the meal, admiral. It would be rude of me to not at least offer you refreshments. This is my way of showing hospitality with hopes that we can come to an understanding. My son here has admitted to me what went on.”

Arisia and John both sent down while the admiral hesitates. His daughter, Landra, walks over and sits next to Prince Felios to the dismay and surprise of both King Shirton and Admiral Courteon. She then lays her head on his shoulder and he lays his head on top of hers then pulls up as she lifts her head off his shoulder. Arisia and John both smile at the young couple. The admiral is so shocked that he stands behind his chair dumbfounded.

“Admiral, I would suggest you follow the king’s request. It would be rude to refuse the free meal.”

“Lantern Stewart, I don’t need to be told what to do. This isn’t what I expected. My guards will stand at attention so we won’t be caught off guard. Now, what did your son exactly admit to, king?”

“If you sit down and relax a little, I can tell you. You seem so tense that you might break if you fell over. I don’t know what you eat on those ships of yours but maybe a home cooked meal would be a nice change of pace.”

“The only thing I’m interested in getting my daughter away from your son. By the looks of it, I probably should have left her on the ship. Guards, go over and bring my daughter over here by me where she belongs.”

“Dad, I’m not going anywhere. You need to cool down and accept that Felios and I get along great and enjoy each other’s company.”

“Son, how come I have a feeling you left a few things out?”

“Well, Dad, you see I did insult Landra here but it was more of a miscommunication then anything else. Some of our culture is different but once we got past the differences and the slap to my face, then we actually got along quite well.”

“Yeah, they got along so well that my daughter said they co-mingled. From the descriptions of the guards standing here, it was very much mingling of their body parts that they had to force them apart. You are lucky that they didn’t arrest your son on the spot but had orders to get my daughter and return ASAP. I’m here now to correct that and to see him punished.”

“How much co-mingling did you two do, Felios? The way you two are acting now it almost looks like you two are a romantic couple.”

“Well, Dad, things went so well that sparks started flying and we got closer physically. What shocked me most of all is how similar we are in our anatomy. We wondered why we were when none of the races she has encountered on her travels and none of what we have recorded in our annuals. I’ve never felt or been attracted to a woman like her ever and you been telling me to find someone. I believe I have in Landra even if she is from another planet far away from here.”

“I see, Felios, so you don’t deny the physical mixing you two done that the admiral here is accusing you?”

“We did co-mingle on several levels, your Majesty. The admiral has been pressuring me to rise through the ranks in the fleet and think I’m slouching on the job. In all honesty, I don’t nor did I ever want to be in the Fleet Navy but was expected of me because of my stuck up father. With all due respect, Admiral, I here by resign my commission from the Fleet Navy. You never let me have time for my own desire or goals or life while Felios didn’t care that I was in the Fleet Navy or who my dad was once we got past the communicator barrier. If you want to blame anyone for the co-mingling, blame me. It was I who started the physical contact between us. I was the one who suggested finding somewhere private. It was I who put the squeeze on him. All he done was returning the interaction which we both enjoyed. If you want to throw someone in the brig, then toss me.”

Arisia and Stewart quit eating and looked at each other. In Stewart’s mind, this sounded like a young couple dating from opposite side of the tracks. The biggest thing now is to see how the admiral will react to his daughter’s outrage. The admiral shook his head at the outburst of his daughter. He then signaled his guards to grab both his daughter and the prince. As the guards walked towards the couple, a green box encased both of them.

“Admiral, why are you trying to arrest them? By the accounts, she slapped him and then made the moves on him initially. Unless there is some sort of law you have where the parents can choose who their kids can date and remove anyone they don’t like, there is no reason for the guards to do anything to them. From what I can tell, your daughter is a grown woman and has the right to choose who she wants and what she can do.”

“With all due respect, Lantern Stewart, my daughter co-mingled with the ancient enemy and both will be punished especially since she despised me and her position in the fleet.”

“What you mean by ancient enemy? Are you telling me you’ve conquered or attacked this planet in the past or they have attacked your? Such old grudges should be dropped especially since there been peace for your planet for years.”

“What the admiral is pointing at, Lanterns Stewart and Arisia, is that back several hundred years, this planet’s population was much higher. It almost came down to a civil war where one side favored magic and the other side favored technology. One of the early members of your Corps ran across the planet on the eve of the war. The Lantern was able to buy a few more days of talks. Neither side wanted to back down so to avoid blood shed, it was agreed that the ones who followed technology would leave while the magic users stayed. That wasn’t easy to come to but this planet’s nature energies lie more with the magical usage then anything that technology could use. So the race that is on those ships and the admiral plus his daughter are the decedents of that group. That is why we are still genetically compatible with each other assuming that neither group had modified itself to the extreme or the natural habitat mutated their genome. You see, those of us of the magical side still understand the sciences that the technology race uses because if we didn’t, how else would we properly do our spells. The knowledge is basically the same but the usage is different as much as it was those many years ago. It looks like my son and the admiral’s daughter been able to look past that ideological difference.”

 

[Keyser Soze]

"Well, I must admit, things are progressing faster than I expected." Bruce offers me a seat. I unbutton my jacket as I sit down and casually cross my legs. "I didn't think companies outside of Metropolis would start jumping onto the suit after only three days. I guess that says something about those superheroes, doesn't it?"

"By the way...I assume that little Batman venture of yours has its premiums all paid up?"

Bruce smiled. Of course Luthor would bring up Batman Incorporated. If Luthor was going after superheroes, Bruce Wayne - billionaire figurehead of a global superhero franchise - would have a massive target on his back. Bruce was also well aware of Luthor's various criminal dealings over the years, ranging from petty corruption to attempted world domination. Not that he could prove any of it. So, he just smiled.

"I'll tell you what says something about superheroes, Lex. The fact that they're willing to risk their lives to protect the rest of us from threats on a scale that the police or even the armed forces are unequipped to handle. Going out there and facing death, night after night? I couldn't do that. But they can, and they do, using the powers or gifts they've been blessed with in the aid of others. They don't demand any money from us for doing this. Why should we demand it from them?"

Appealing to Luthor's reason was futile, Bruce was aware of that. Luthor was not the kind to be swayed from something once he believes in it. Not that Luthor even truly believes the crap he's spouting. Evidently this is all part of some larger agenda. Bruce had no idea what, yet.

"As for Batman Inc, you'll find that the vast majority of the repairs to property damage caused by vigilante activity in Gotham City is paid for Wayne Enterprises. And I already have numerous urban regeneration schemes set in place in cities around America and the world, some even with local Batmen spearheading community service efforts and charity fundraising events. The idea of our super community giving back to the city in more ways than just punching bad guys in the face is a noble one, Lex. But there are other ways to strive for it than lawsuits."

 

[wiegeabo]

Bruce smiled. Of course Luthor would bring up Batman Incorporated. If Luthor was going after superheroes, Bruce Wayne - billionaire figurehead of a global superhero franchise - would have a massive target on his back. Bruce was also well aware of Luthor's various criminal dealings over the years, ranging from petty corruption to attempted world domination. Not that he could prove any of it. So, he just smiled.

"I'll tell you what says something about superheroes, Lex. The fact that they're willing to risk their lives to protect the rest of us from threats on a scale that the police or even the armed forces are unequipped to handle. Going out there and facing death, night after night? I couldn't do that. But they can, and they do, using the powers or gifts they've been blessed with in the aid of others. They don't demand any money from us for doing this. Why should we demand it from them?"

Appealing to Luthor's reason was futile, Bruce was aware of that. Luthor was not the kind to be swayed from something once he believes in it. Not that Luthor even truly believes the crap he's spouting. Evidently this is all part of some larger agenda. Bruce had no idea what, yet.

"As for Batman Inc, you'll find that the vast majority of the repairs to property damage caused by vigilante activity in Gotham City is paid for Wayne Enterprises. And I already have numerous urban regeneration schemes set in place in cities around America and the world, some even with local Batmen spearheading community service efforts and charity fundraising events. The idea of our super community giving back to the city in more ways than just punching bad guys in the face is a noble one, Lex. But there are other ways to strive for it than lawsuits."

"Bruce, I admire your conviction. I really do. And those heroes, I can't deny they do a lot of good. But you can't deny they've made a mess of things in their fights. And when they do...who gets held accountable? Even your...employees have been known to cause some serious property damage. But, as you say, at least you're there to clean up their mess."

"But what about when Superman brings down a building in Metropolis fighting some random monster of the week? Who pay for that? Or when the speedy fellow in Central gets up to something? And that rumored archer out on the West Coast? What rich billionaire picks up his tab? Are you planning on paying for all their damages? Admirable to try, but you'll put yourself out of business in a year trying to do that."

I stand up and walk over to the office bar. "May I?" Bruce gives me a nod. I lift up two glasses, but he waves me off. I pour myself two fingers of scotch.

"Listen, Bruce. I'm not saying the supers don't do a lot for the community." I take a sip. "The good stuff. Single malt. Nice." I walk over and take my chair again.

"You know who else does good? Those very police and service personnel you just mentioned. They protect people and serve the public interest too. And you know what else? They have oversight and accountability. They have rules to follow. When they do something wrong, their department, their branch, takes responsibility."

"I just don't see that with these supers. And who has to clean up their mess? Who has to pay? Who gets put out of business? We mere mortals. Well, I don't think that's fair. The local governments seem to feel otherwise. So what other choice do we have but the courts?"

I finish my drink.

"Well, listen to me ramble on..."

 

[MST3K 4ever]

Miss Emily Britton slowly begins to stir awake. She realizes that she is tied to a chair and gagged. She looks up and is now stairing into the face madness.

The Joker says, "Well hello Sunshine!"

Emily tries to scream but can't and The Joker says, "Oh yeah the gag. Well this is a quiet neighborhood and I don't want to attract too much attention if you know what I mean."

She recoils in horror as she hears the screams of other kidnapped contestants.

The Joker says, "Excuse me my dear."

He opens a door and yells, "HEY KEEP IT DOWN OUT THERE! OTHERWISE I'M COMING IN THERE AND THE LIGHTS ARE REALLY GONNA GO OUT!"

There is now silence in the hideout and The Joker walks back to Emily.

He says, "Ahh now where was I? Oh yes quiet neighborhood. Well to be honest it's actually deserted but you know don't wanna attract the police over here or certain winged rodents. Anyway I'll be taking the gag off in a few moments..." he pulls out a camera and says, "Need to collect some new ones for the scrap book! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

 

[Keyser Soze]

"Bruce, I admire your conviction. I really do. And those heroes, I can't deny they do a lot of good. But you can't deny they've made a mess of things in their fights. And when they do...who gets held accountable? Even your...employees have been known to cause some serious property damage. But, as you say, at least you're there to clean up their mess."

"But what about when Superman brings down a building in Metropolis fighting some random monster of the week? Who pay for that? Or when the speedy fellow in Central gets up to something? And that rumored archer out on the West Coast? What rich billionaire picks up his tab? Are you planning on paying for all their damages? Admirable to try, but you'll put yourself out of business in a year trying to do that."

I stand up and walk over to the office bar. "May I?" Bruce gives me a nod. I lift up two glasses, but he waves me off. I pour myself two fingers of scotch.

"Listen, Bruce. I'm not saying the supers don't do a lot for the community." I take a sip. "The good stuff. Single malt. Nice." I walk over and take my chair again.

"You know who else does good? Those very police and service personnel you just mentioned. They protect people and serve the public interest too. And you know what else? They have oversight and accountability. They have rules to follow. When they do something wrong, their department, their branch, takes responsibility."

"I just don't see that with these supers. And who has to clean up their mess? Who has to pay? Who gets put out of business? We mere mortals. Well, I don't think that's fair. The local governments seem to feel otherwise. So what other choice do we have but the courts?"

I finish my drink.

"Well, listen to me ramble on..."

"Look, obviously I'm not going to change your mind... there's a lot you're right about. These superheroes, they don't have accountability. Franchising Batman Inc was an attempt to impose some kind of order, but it's still like the Wild West out there. You want to take this to court, you might have a case. But we can argue all we want about whether or not it's right... ultimately, it's not going to achieve anything."

Bruce leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his own glass. No alcohol in his, though.

"In the early days, these people were wanted fugitives, spending as much time evading SWAT teams and the military as they did fighting crime. They knew going in that they were stepping outside our legal system, and they were willing to take the consequences. Do you think a lawsuit is going to make them stop? At worst, it's going to be an annoyance that some will experience difficulty trying to deal with, while others just ignore it. The problem is you're applying old rules to a new world, Lex, and for such a forward thinker, that surprises me."

Bruce had two dialogues going on in his head right now. One was the argument Bruce was having, what he would say to try to dissuade Luthor. The other was going on in his head, thinking of what Batman might be able to do to stop him.

"The world has changed. In our lifetime, we've discovered sentient life on other planets, both friendly beings who seek to help us and invaders we've successfully fought off. We live in an age of the impossible, where people that are more than human walk among us. We can either change with the world, or be left behind. I didn't like a masked vigilante prowling my city at first, but I realised I had to adapt. History is full of periods of change. The history books tell the story of those who were part of that change. And in the footnotes, you'll always find the stories of the impotent souls who liked things the way they used to be, who tried and failed to hold back the tide of progress using the old rules. I know you, Lex. I know there's nothing you'd hate to be more than irrelevant."

Bruce finished his drink, and smiled at Luthor.

"But philosophy aside, I guess what I should be asking is... am I being served?"

 

[wiegeabo]

"Look, obviously I'm not going to change your mind... there's a lot you're right about. These superheroes, they don't have accountability. Franchising Batman Inc was an attempt to impose some kind of order, but it's still like the Wild West out there. You want to take this to court, you might have a case. But we can argue all we want about whether or not it's right... ultimately, it's not going to achieve anything."

Bruce leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of his own glass. No alcohol in his, though.

"In the early days, these people were wanted fugitives, spending as much time evading SWAT teams and the military as they did fighting crime. They knew going in that they were stepping outside our legal system, and they were willing to take the consequences. Do you think a lawsuit is going to make them stop? At worst, it's going to be an annoyance that some will experience difficulty trying to deal with, while others just ignore it. The problem is you're applying old rules to a new world, Lex, and for such a forward thinker, that surprises me."

Bruce had two dialogues going on in his head right now. One was the argument Bruce was having, what he would say to try to dissuade Luthor. The other was going on in his head, thinking of what Batman might be able to do to stop him.

"The world has changed. In our lifetime, we've discovered sentient life on other planets, both friendly beings who seek to help us and invaders we've successfully fought off. We live in an age of the impossible, where people that are more than human walk among us. We can either change with the world, or be left behind. I didn't like a masked vigilante prowling my city at first, but I realised I had to adapt. History is full of periods of change. The history books tell the story of those who were part of that change. And in the footnotes, you'll always find the stories of the impotent souls who liked things the way they used to be, who tried and failed to hold back the tide of progress using the old rules. I know you, Lex. I know there's nothing you'd hate to be more than irrelevant."

Bruce finished his drink, and smiled at Luthor.

"But philosophy aside, I guess what I should be asking is... am I being served?"

"The Wild West." I roll the idea around in my mind. "That's an apt description. That's exactly what it's like out there. And you know what happened to the wild west? It was tamed. Law and order prevailed."

"The difference, though? Then, it was all about bullets and bank robbers. Only a few people would get hurt at a time, and they could defend themselves. And the sheriffs and marshals were there if that wasn't enough. Now? Mutant and alien menaces that can kill thousands of people in a second and do millions in property damage, putting companies out of business left and right."

"And then there's what the villains can do."

"Bruce, we're talking about people with city leveling abilities fighting other people with city leveling abilities. We don't have time to wait around for these heroes and government officials to get around to figuring out how to deal with this. We need to start acting now, and bringing attention to this."

I set down my empty glass on the table. "No, Bruce. I'm not going to serve you papers. You're actually trying, taking responsibility. So you're safe, for now." I make sure to say the last part with a joking smile.

 

[MST3K 4ever]

The Joker has his camera out and says to Emily, "All-right baby! Gimme all you got show me happy!"

He snaps a picture but Emily is terrified and The Joker says, "Okay let's try that again show me deeply pensive!"

He snaps another picture and Emily's expression hasn't changed.

The Joker makes somewhat of a frown and says, "I don't get it you're a beauty queen you should love getting your picture taken."

He sets the camera down and begins pacing back and forth saying, "I just don't get it. What else could it be? I try to help out by telling her what I want I haven't threatened her I just don't get it! I hey wait a minute you need to relax a bit don't you? I got the perfect idea don't go anywhere."

The Joker comes back in with a bouquet of flowers and puts them on her lap and says, "Flowers are a way to a woman's heart I've heard, but I prefer going through the throat to get to her heart, but I digress now take a good whiff!"

Emily sniffs somewhat and The Joker says shoving them in her face, "Come on you can do better!"

Emily takes a deep breath and within seconds she starts giggling and then going into full blown hysterical laughter.

The Joker says, "PERFECTION! I didn't give you enough to kill you just enough to get you to lighten up and have fun."

He begins clicking the camera as fast as he can. He says, "I do so much in terms of death and destruction it's time to have some fun! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

 

[Keyser Soze]

"The Wild West." I roll the idea around in my mind. "That's an apt description. That's exactly what it's like out there. And you know what happened to the wild west? It was tamed. Law and order prevailed."

"The difference, though? Then, it was all about bullets and bank robbers. Only a few people would get hurt at a time, and they could defend themselves. And the sheriffs and marshals were there if that wasn't enough. Now? Mutant and alien menaces that can kill thousands of people in a second and do millions in property damage, putting companies out of business left and right."

"And then there's what the villains can do."

"Bruce, we're talking about people with city leveling abilities fighting other people with city leveling abilities. We don't have time to wait around for these heroes and government officials to get around to figuring out how to deal with this. We need to start acting now, and bringing attention to this."

I set down my empty glass on the table. "No, Bruce. I'm not going to serve you papers. You're actually trying, taking responsibility. So you're safe, for now." I make sure to say the last part with a joking smile.

"Of course, this could all be an elaborate diversion to hide your true nature," Bruce said, pausing to let the implication hang in the air. "#LuthorIsBatman was trending on Twitter this morning. Trying to throw us off the scent?"

Bruce let out a laugh, standing up and patting Luthor on the shoulder.

"Okay, if I try and talk about grown-up stuff for any longer I think I might burst a blood vessel in my head. I took the liberty of making reservations at a new sushi bar that's just opened up, which I hear is to die for. Literally. The blowfish there's apparently lethal if they cut it up wrong or something..."

 

[wiegeabo]

"Of course, this could all be an elaborate diversion to hide your true nature," Bruce said, pausing to let the implication hang in the air. "#LuthorIsBatman was trending on Twitter this morning. Trying to throw us off the scent?"

Bruce let out a laugh, standing up and patting Luthor on the shoulder.

"Okay, if I try and talk about grown-up stuff for any longer I think I might burst a blood vessel in my head. I took the liberty of making reservations at a new sushi bar that's just opened up, which I hear is to die for. Literally. The blowfish there's apparently lethal if they cut it up wrong or something..."

"Blowfish, eh? You know how much I like to live on the edge. Wish I had some more employees like your Mr. Fox. I'd be able to take off as much time as you do."

"By the way...how much are you paying him?"