Were you the bully or the...."bullee" in school?

[Star]

I was a bully until everyone kind of realized what a horrible person I was and then I was bullied... there should be a choice for that too....

 

[Enriquespy]

Bullee... until bad people got thrown out of school gradually and I matured a bit.

 

[MattBearPig]

I was a bully until everyone kind of realized what a horrible person I was and then I was bullied... there should be a choice for that too....

Any girl fight videos on Youtube?

 

[Star]

You wish

 

[Harlekin]

In the early grades of elementary school I was picked on by some of the bigger guys in the school, but stopped pretty quickly as far as I can recall. Most of the 'bullying' around that time occurred outside of school for me, with guys that lived nearby and were just generally *******s. It was a situation quite easily avoidable, so it didn't really matter much. Had more to do with my brother than me anyway.

As elementary school progressed our class eventually got a bit of a *****ing pole, one person that receives most of the nagging and teasing. Nine times out of ten, it was this girl. Occasionally, it would be me, as I was easily riled. Still, I was pretty much in the safe zone for most of the time and I tended to treat the girl nicely, although I have to admit to joining on some peer pressure activities at certain points. Not exactly something I'm proud of.

Being as easily riled as I was, that trend kind of continued into the early years of secondary school, where I was an easy target, but by that time I'd also learned to defend myself in some manner. 'Bullying', if you could call it that, it was more of an advanced teasing, was a lot more psychological at our school. It rarely if ever got to fights. As it stands, a lot of mind games were played. We didn't exactly have bullies, just people you didn't like and people you did, and that occasionally lead to some verbal confrontations. Nothing too out of the ordinary for most secondary school kids, I believe.

Later on, it became more of a game and most of it just became rivalries, which only came close to a physical confrontation once, at the 'prom'. Occasionally I wish it had gone to that stage and I still have somewhat of a hate in me for some people. People I'd gladly give a good kicking if I got the chance and I'm not ever sorry to hear bad news about.

So, yeah, I was definitely a middle of the road kid in this one.

 

[DBella]

For those of you who were bullied, how did you handle it? At my place of work, elementary school, the children were taught that "there's no such thing as self-defense", that if they're being bullied/harassed, they should go to an adult and tell them about it.

I dunno about that, maybe I'm old school, but I was taught that if someone picks on you, fight back and don't let them push you around.

 

[Immortalfire]

For those of you who were bullied, how did you handle it? At my place of work, elementary school, the children were taught that "there's no such thing as self-defense", that if they're being bullied/harassed, they should go to an adult and tell them about it.

I dunno about that, maybe I'm old school, but I was taught that if someone picks on you, fight back and don't let them push you around.

I foresee two possibilities for bullied kids

1. They become filthy stinking rich and successful, while the bully is fat, bald, and in prison.

2. They become a psycho bent on revenge.

 

[DBella]

I foresee two possibilities for bullied kids

1. They become filthy stinking rich and successful, while the bully is fat, bald, and in prison.

2. They become a psycho bent on revenge.

#1 is the best and sweetest revenge, ever. But it takes too long and it may never happen. If I was bullied, I'd want a quick solution so I'll most likely whack the bully with my thick Shakespeare or Physics textbook.

If you know someone who's being bullied, what would you tell that person?

 

[kainedamo]

In a few years it will be an old memory.

 

[DBella]

In a few years it will be an old memory.

So until then, take the harrassment and bullying like a man?

 

[Sensi]

I was always treated sweetly and I have always tried to treat people like I would like to be treated.

 

[DBella]

I was always treated sweetly and I have always tried to treat people like I would like to be treated.

I have not been bullied either but I can't stand seeing others being bullied or seeing the bullee not fighting back. However, I've never been in the position of the bullee so I don't know the reason why they won't fight back. I think the bullies are looking for easy targets and by not fighting back, the bullee is just letting them have what they want and making it easy for them.

 

[Sensi]

Perhaps or maybe they don't think the bully is worth the bother. More often than not, bullies are so beneath the others that they have to be seen somehow even if it is in the worst light. At times the bullee will think what and ignorant fool but doesn't feel the need to strike out. Other bullees might have possibly had such a life where beating down is all they know, hence they continue to take it from the bully. It's just the classic situation of the predator looking for the perfect prey. I think that might be the same reason for the bullies too. It's what they have grown up with and they want to vent their anger in the only way they know how.

 

[kainedamo]

So until then, take the harrassment and bullying like a man?

No.

Sometimes it's hard to fight back.

As a child I was very timid and shy. Mentally I would want to fight back but couldn't make myself do it. There were occasions though where I lost my temper completely. Those were cool times. I rammed a kid's head into a wall.

 

[DBella]

Perhaps or maybe they don't think the bully is worth the bother. More often than not, bullies are so beneath the others that they have to be seen somehow even if it is in the worst light. At times the bullee will think what and ignorant fool but doesn't feel the need to strike out. Other bullees might have possibly had such a life where beating down is all they know, hence they continue to take it from the bully. It's just the classic situation of the predator looking for the perfect prey. I think that might be the same reason for the bullies too. It's what they have grown up with and they want to vent their anger in the only way they know how.

Whatever reason the bullies may have for doing what they do, it still doesn't excuse their bad behavior.

For the bullee who may think that the bully is not worth the bother, does being passive make the bully stop. Unlikely, I think.

No.

Sometimes it's hard to fight back.

As a child I was very timid and shy. Mentally I would want to fight back but couldn't make myself do it. There were occasions though where I lost my temper completely. Those were cool times. I rammed a kid's head into a wall.

I understand what you're saying. Bullies are usually intimidating and for a little kid, especially those who are like you were, fighting back is easier said than done.

 

[jaguarr]

For those of you who were bullied, how did you handle it? At my place of work, elementary school, the children were taught that "there's no such thing as self-defense", that if they're being bullied/harassed, they should go to an adult and tell them about it.

I dunno about that, maybe I'm old school, but I was taught that if someone picks on you, fight back and don't let them push you around.

The problem is that this approach does not teach kids valuable coping mechanisms that they will need later in life. Bullies exist even into adulthood and in the workplace and you can't always go to an authority figure to have it handled FOR you. While I agree that certain kids need to be taught that it is NOT okay to bully your way through life and the only way to do that is, at least in part, identifying who those kids with bullying tendencies are, it should not be at the expense of letting a kid figure out how to handle a bully for themselves once in awhile. People are soooooo afraid to let kids make mistakes for themselves in this day and age, always wanting them to do it "right" the first time to save them the trauma and frustration, but it also prevents them from learning the valuable lessons they are going to need later in life. There's a fine line and you have to figure out what each kid's limit is and help them when they need you and let them work it out on their own at other times.

jag

 

[Sensi]

Whatever reason the bullies may have for doing what they do, it still doesn't excuse their bad behavior.

For the bullee who may think that the bully is not worth the bother, does being passive make the bully stop. Unlikely, I think.

It may not excuse their behavior but the bully is an attention seeker. Not every bully is the same and it would be hard to get into the mind of them in that way. However, most of them will do it to provoke a reaction. Whether they want their victim to retaliate with violence or just to instill fear, it makes more sense for the bullee to just ignore them. The more the bully is ignored or passed off the better chance that they will leave the bullee alone. Like I said, most bullies are just looking for attention and if they can't get it they just give up.

 

[Immortalfire]

http://www.friendheads.com/Media/News/Suck_My_News/Archived_News/Special_Reports/Bully_For_America/

 

[jaguarr]

It may not excuse their behavior but the bully is an attention seeker. Not every bully is the same and it would be hard to get into the mind of them in that way. However, most of them will do it to provoke a reaction. Whether they want their victim to retaliate with violence or just to instill fear, it makes more sense for the bullee to just ignore them. The more the bully is ignored or passed off the better chance that they will leave the bullee alone. Like I said, most bullies are just looking for attention and if they can't get it they just give up.

When your bullies are beating the crap out of you every single day, as happened to me in grade school, it's sort of hard to ignore them. Sometimes you have to deal with a problem one way or another, not ignore it.

jag

 

[DBella]

The problem is that this approach does not teach kids valuable coping mechanisms that they will need later in life. Bullies exist even into adulthood and in the workplace and you can't always go to an authority figure to have it handled FOR you. While I agree that certain kids need to be taught that it is NOT okay to bully your way through life and the only way to do that is, at least in part, identifying who those kids with bullying tendencies are, it should not be at the expense of letting a kid figure out how to handle a bully for themselves once in awhile. People are soooooo afraid to let kids make mistakes for themselves in this day and age, always wanting them to do it "right" the first time to save them the trauma and frustration, but it also prevents them from learning the valuable lessons they are going to need later in life. There's a fine line and you have to figure out what each kid's limit is and help them when they need you and let them work it out on their own at other times.

jag

That is my believe too but I can't tell that to the kids as I'm not sure if it's my place to do that. I asked the kids to tell their parents about that 'policy' and let them advice their children on how to deal with bullies. Most of the kids came back to me saying their parents thought that's a 'dumb rule' and that they should not let anyone pick on them and that they should fight back.

When your bullies are beating the crap out of you every single day, as happened to me in grade school, it's sort of hard to ignore them. Sometimes you have to deal with a problem one way or another, not ignore it.

jag

Exactly. Ignoring a problem doesn't necessarily make them go away. In fact, most of the time, it doesn't. Dealing with it is better than ignoring.

 

[jaguarr]

That is my believe too but I can't tell that to the kids as I'm not sure if it's my place to do that. I asked the kids to tell their parents about that 'policy' and let them advice their children on how to deal with bullies. Most of the kids came back to me saying their parents thought that's a 'dumb rule' and that they should not let anyone pick on them and that they should fight back.

Exactly. Ignoring a problem doesn't necessarily make them go away. In fact, most of the time, it doesn't. Dealing with it is better than ignoring.

My son will be learning jiu-jitsu and/or Krav Maga starting at around age 5. I'm going to make sure he doesn't start fights, but knows for damn sure how to end them.

jag

 

[kainedamo]

My son will be learning jiu-jitsu and/or Krav Maga starting at around age 5. I'm going to make sure he doesn't start fights, but knows for damn sure how to end them.

jag

Don't make him bodybuild at 5

 

[jaguarr]

Don't make him bodybuild at 5

Nahh. That's too hard on a kid's developing body. I may let him play around if he wants to mimic daddy and all, but no serious lifting until he's at least 14.

jag

 

[Sensi]

When your bullies are beating the crap out of you every single day, as happened to me in grade school, it's sort of hard to ignore them. Sometimes you have to deal with a problem one way or another, not ignore it.

jag

Ignoring it is actually one way to handle it. I understand that some bullies must be dealt with in order to stop it. Usually, if you stand up to a bully they will shy away and perhaps this method is best used by those who feel the need . There are many ways to handle a problem and a situation. Which way is best? We can't say unless we are the ones in it.

 

[DBella]

My son will be learning jiu-jitsu and/or Krav Maga starting at around age 5. I'm going to make sure he doesn't start fights, but knows for damn sure how to end them.

jag

So will mine, daughter/son, when I have one. I think that learning martial arts is good for children. It teaches them discipline and how to use what they've learned to protect themselves.