What if...

Discussion in 'SHH Community Forum' started by papa, Jan 12, 2006.

  1. CConn

    CConn Fountainhead of culture.

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    Chuck would viscously Roundhouse kick his way out of the T-Rex's small intestines. After kicking clear out of the stomach of the dinosaur, Norris would turn, see the now dying T-Rex's freakishly small arms, call it a "pansy" then proceed to swallow the T-Rex whole.
    Malice would have nothing to do in his spare time, so he'd take up golf, which he wouldn't be very good at, but would enjoy it anyway.

    What if Jean Claude Van Damm could fly, but Chuck Norris could not?
     
  2. Mentok

    Mentok Registered

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    Chuck Norris would have Lazer eye beams installed.


    What if Chuck Norris was Alec Guinness?
     
  3. BAH HUMBBUG!

    BAH HUMBBUG! There's an invisible man

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    Chuck Norris would see this and say to himself "there's no damn way some pansy ass canadian Chuck Norris wannabe is going to fly and I'm not!" Then Chuck Norris would make a mental phone call to God, tell him to change the evolution of the human species or else he would Rounshouse kick his way up to heaven then give God a few good licks. Since God doesn't want this he quickly agrees, changes the evolution of man so all Canadians officially called pansies, and even look like pansies, then Chuck would fly over to Pansy land formerly known as Canada, roundhouse kick and throat choke his way through all the pansies until he found Jean Claude Van Damm and stick Jean Claude's head up his ass and fart.

    After farting Jean Claude'd head and entire body would disinigrate from the impact of Chuck's powerful fart. Then he would become King of pansy land and teach them roundhouses, make the Walker TExas Ranger music the nation's theme song and teach them how not to be pansies.

    What if you could come up with a better Chuck Norris roundhouse story than I just did?
     
  4. CConn

    CConn Fountainhead of culture.

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    He would roundhouse kick the webmaster of NNDB.com to death because he put down "Bisexual" as his orientation rather than Chuck's trade-marked status; Chuck-sexual.

    What if Gunsmoke was still on the air?
     
  5. BAH HUMBBUG!

    BAH HUMBBUG! There's an invisible man

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    Chuck Norris would have all episodes re-filmed and he would star in all the roles.

    What if I went to sleep right now?
     
  6. Mentok

    Mentok Registered

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    Chuck norris would protect you from the flying Van Damme while he sang "We are the world" softly into your ear to make sure your dreams were sweet. In the morning he would wake you with a gentle kiss and roundhouse kick to the groin.

    What if they cancelled "60 Minutes"?
     
  7. logansoldcigar

    logansoldcigar Registered

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    an hour would be 59 minutes long.


    what if nellie the elephant never packed her trunk and said goodbye to the circus?
     
  8. The Lizard

    The Lizard Didn't eat Billy

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    Then most Americans still wouldn't know what the hell you were talking about.



    What if Spider-Man discovered Mary Jane was a lesbian?
     
  9. Arcturus

    Arcturus Registered

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    He'd web her up, teabag her and drink a barq's root beer.

    What would happen if you stuck your finger down your throat?
     
  10. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    Last night's dinner would magically reappear.:confused:


    What would happen if this country legalized automatic firearms?
     
  11. ironmaidenrules

    ironmaidenrules Registered

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    the war would end faster

    what if batman and superman switched bodies?
     
  12. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    They already did that when they punk'd Lois.:) They even videotaped it.

    What if Jerry Seinfield decides to make another comedy?
     
  13. ironmaidenrules

    ironmaidenrules Registered

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    critics would say its either too seinfield or not seinfield enough

    what if god was one of us?
     
  14. JewishHobbit

    JewishHobbit Registered

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    He'd be a slob like one of us
    (heh, don't really think that, but I like the song :))

    What if you got a personal visit by Richard Simmons?
     
  15. Superman79

    Superman79 Superman79 Returns

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    I would hit him with a baseball bat and run for my life!!:eek:

    What if the moon were made of baby-back ribs??
     
  16. JewishHobbit

    JewishHobbit Registered

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    I'd look at the window and the streets would be full of people jumping with their mouths upward,... like fish eating the food at the top of the fish tank,.. except that the people won't be able to reach the moon and will just look silly.

    What if you woke up and realized it was all a dream?
     
  17. Superman79

    Superman79 Superman79 Returns

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    I would smile and go back to sleep

    What if you really had Superman's abilities??
     
  18. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    If I had Superman's abilities, I would leave this rock and vacation throughout the Universe. Then I would return and conceal my ability, so I would not end up in a lab as a failed experimental test subject.

    What if Technology disappeared, and we were thrust back to the Dark Ages?
     
  19. JewishHobbit

    JewishHobbit Registered

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    Oh,.. and funny story. Richard Simmons came to the mall I use to work at one time for one of his work outs. A guy got on stage and started dancing (like they always do), except that this guy was good and Richard couldn't out do him. SO then Richard decides to just drop his drawers (revealing his granny panties). The bad part was that I was standing right behind him when it happened. My friend, Fred, and I cringed and ran back to our work with our eyes closed and crying. :(
     
  20. JewishHobbit

    JewishHobbit Registered

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    I'd invest in candles

    I'd probably do nothing and keep them a secret. I'd rather not be famous.

    What if the publisher's clearing stakes people came to your door!
     
  21. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    I take the money and change my name and phone number.

    What if you rose from you sleep, you stared in the mirror, and you realized that you were Frank Sinatra?
     
  22. JewishHobbit

    JewishHobbit Registered

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    I'd role over and look at my wife and go "boo!" and laugh when she starts to scream in horror at this stranger in her bed.

    What if you were running down the street and a bunny suddenly asked you for a smoke.
     
  23. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    I would frame him, and marry Jessica.

    What if you walked outside, and you realized that you were naked?
     
  24. Superman79

    Superman79 Superman79 Returns

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    I woould be a very Happy man...Sinatra rules!! and he had a great life.

    what if you woke up to a hand growing out your arse...?
     
  25. Alpha and Omega

    Alpha and Omega Registered

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    Surgery.

    What if could travel back in time? Where would go, and who would you see?
     

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